3ulogy

At the end of the speech, 3ulogy did his best to act interested. He had not heard a single thing the god had said. But Hermes still smiled. “Oh, you’re still here? I’ve found that tends to knock at least a few hopeful appraisers out of the running.” “Excuse me?” Hermes chuckled. “It was just a little joke. I give a painfully long speech, and I see how many people listen, how many people tune me out, and how many people leave. Was this part of the quest? 3ulogy’s interest shifted from feigned to real. “And yes, I can tell. The way your eyes moved around the room, never stayed foc

“Our profession is a noble one. Appraisers hail from a long lineage of the diviners of old: those that could process the will of the gods and place a measure of that will into a bespoke object. These items, devoid of substance and perception, are clay in the appraisers hand, eager for shape and purpose. Thus, these weapons reflect the men and women who mold them into their will. You, too, are clay to be shaped and formed, and the tribulations you face outside of the workshop will reflect those that you face inside of it as well. Though you may find the dangers less lethal, you will find them n

“Alright, Hermes, I guess I’ll see what you’re cooking today.” He tapped the doors; just as expected, they gave way under the slightest touch. He walked through the doors without further thought. “Ah, a guest.” Hermes smiled down at 3ulogy from his throne. He was adorned in traditional grecian splendor: a white robe and laurel crown, with his signature winged sandals tucked to the side of his throne. Probably for quick getaways. Hermes was the coolest of the gods, at least. Better this quest than, like, Demeter. I bet her quest sucks ass. “It is a pleasure to meet new appraisers that

The massive gates lay before him. Always the overly grand, way too large doors. The gods here had a flair for the ostentatious. “Here it is, bud.” He paused before touching the doors. It would likely trigger the next phase of the quest. “You don’t have to be here, anyways. Not like Acanthus has a gun to my head over this. And I’m really missing like a, what, an eight percent increase in efficiency? In a trade I don’t really even like that much. I could just go home, tell her I failed it—if she even asks, because she doesn’t know I’m here right now. Yea, that’s what I’ll do. I’m tired anyw

“I’ll wait outside anyways.” There was Elpis, acting weird again. As petulant as she had been right at the start of the quest, she remained helpful. Just like her programming allowed. “Yea, yea, sure. Wait here. I’ll be back. Soon, hopefully.” Without waiting for a response, Eulogy wandered into the cheery halls of Olympus. He detested the brightness and white marble halls. Something about it seemed so plain and out of place all at once. Everywhere else in Aincrad seemed to focus on the medieval vibe, with a lean on fantasy. This setting was fantastic alright, but it was grounde

“Ok, hard like ‘kill strong things?’ or ‘demands a lot a skill?’ Or some secret, mysterious third thing?” Elpis smiled mysteriously. “I don’t know. His quests tend to be very playful. For some reason, that infuriates a lot of the appraisers that come to him. They are often very down-to-earth types.” “I’m not really much of an appraiser. I got bullied into it.” “That’s interesting.” Her eyes flashed. “You don’t seem like the type to get bullied.” Before Eulogy could ask what the hell that meant, a booming sound redirected his attention. They had arrived at the gates of Olymp

The strangeness of Elpis’s remark reminded him. It was all just a game. He breathed a little easier. “Sorry Elpis,” Eulogy chirped. “Lost in my thoughts, I guess.” Elpis gave a non-committal grunt. “Suit yourself. We’re almost to Olympus anyways.” The mountain loomed over the seventeenth Floor with a sense of ominous dominion. Despite only being a part of crafting and gathering quests, it displayed itself with such a prominence that 3uolgy couldn’t help but feel like the place was the center of the floor’s story, if not all of Aincrad’s. Probably some floor designer that loved G

“You’ve got a strange look in your eye,” Elpis said warily. “Everything alright?” “Hm?” Eulogy blinked. NPCs could respond to facial expressions as well? That was a cause for concern. He had hoped that being in the game, he wouldn’t have to mask around NPCs. But if NPCs could recognize minute facial expressions, would they retain those thoughts? Would they talk to other NPCs… or even other players? It was probably just something about quest NPCs. Cardinal wouldn’t have given that level of discernment to every single nobody that it spit out to fill backdrops. “Aincrad to three-ulogy!

In the end, Eulogy settled on a brisk walk. They had started at a clipped jog, but Eulogy loathed the thought of too much effort on his part. He wanted the quest done quickly, but not if it winded him. Elpis filled the silence as they traveled. She rambled on about the flowers and grass of floor seventeen. She talked about the animals and monsters and— “Hang on. There’s monsters on this floor, right?” Eulogy looked around with an air of suspicion. “How come I haven’t seen any monsters?” “Oh, well that part is simple. I’m a good guide.” Elips grinned. “Whenever you’re with me, th

“Such a helpful guide,” Eulogy growled. “Do you treat all your players like this?” Elpis smiled again. “Just the rude ones.” Eulogy took a moment to assess the situation. He normally did not feel the need to mask around NPCs because it didn’t matter what they saw, or thought, or perceived. It wasn’t any different than being mean to a tree, or choosing the evil path in a video game. Being rude in games rarely had any consequence. But that was not the case here. “I apologize.” Eulogy stood up and bowed deeply. “If I caused any offense, I hope you will forgive me. I am eager to arrive q

Eulogy did his best to keep the satyr in his field of vision. But the damn thing was too fast, and had near limitless energy. Out of breath, Eulogy found a rock to stop on. His guide disappeared off in the distance. “Must be a glitch,” Eulogy grumbled. “Stupid thing is gonna run all the way to Olympus. How far is it, anyways?” With a slow glance up, Eulogy’s stomach sank. It was far. Very far. How far had they come?? Eulogy thought he had been running for hours, but the main settlement was still visible on the horizon. Olympus was also visible, but only barely. It had to be at least twenty kil

I’m not here to think about some stupid players that want to leave. I’m here to speedrun this quest so I can go back home and do whatever I want. Probably not appraisals. Eulogy scanned the crowd, looking for NPCs that seemed quest relevant. His map told him that his contact would be nearby. A tall, female satyr stood casually near the gate. His HUD pointed her out as his next step. “Alright, let’s get this quest going,” Eulogy said, walking up to the satyr. She smiled broadly. “Greetings, traveler, my name is Elpis, and I’ll be your guide today.” “Don’t really care, Elpis. Just

Floor Seventeen was particularly busy today. Eulogy had only been here a few times, and never for long. The first time was running an errand for Kohitsuji. The second was to scout the place out and see whether it would hold up as a good floor for experimentation. Eulogy had determined with some reluctance that the place would not be good. Too many NPCs, too many sightlines, and those NPCs all had strange, hard to pin down schedules. Getting discovered here would be far too easy. All the weird Greek history and stuff never appealed to him. In a videogame where a person could go anywhere an

Eulogy’s hand hovered over the delete button. It sounded like a nonsense busy quest. But he had promised… “She’s just going to come knocking down my door if I don’t do it myself. All ‘oh, how have you been,’ and ‘I noticed you’re finally level two, now go do that quest! I need those uniques!’” Eulogy rolled his eyes. “Seriously, this is already getting to be such a drag.” He stopped for a moment, as if expecting Acanthus to barge through his door that very moment. After confirming he was safe, he returned his attention to the message. His finger still stood mere centimeters away from dele

I don’t need anything, Eulogy thought angrily. I was perfectly content to enjoy the game as a no-name low leveler until she barged into my existence again. And now here I am, slaving over appraisals for her. A system message interrupted his mental tirade. Probably Acanthus, asking how things were going. But it was not Acanthus, but instead from… Zeus? Not a player by that name, but some kind of NPC. It was inviting him out to Olympus to engage in a quest to further his appraisals. Eulogy scratched his head. He didn’t remember encountering this quest before as a tailor. Maybe he had never

Eulogy labored monotonously in his little workshop. Press the button, hold the button, review the item, junk the item. Next unidentified thing. Press the button, hold the button, review the item, junk the item. “UuuuuUuUuuuuuUuuGH.” Eulogy threw the three-millionth item at the wall. The tin of red paste shattered on impact. Oh no, he thought sarcastically. 220 col down the drain. He could afford the hit after Acanthus had stopped by with Cardinal knew how many unidentified items—and a boatload of col as well. “You can spend it however you like,” Acanthus explained cheerily. “As long

A response from Acanthus was almost instant. Mari, I’m sorry about him. He’s never done that before—he usually behaves for other people. I think that means he likes you? I can’t really get a read on him. But I promise he’s harmless. 3ulogy just has a preference to end up in trouble. Don’t tell him, but he reminds me of my brother sometimes. I think that’s why I put up with him. P.S. If he does a poor job with the appraisals, let me know. I’ll send them over to Morningstar instead. And then have a talk with 3ulogy. He owes me enough col t

Face first on the cobblestone road, 3ulogy caught the whiff of something truly acrid. The girl had lobbed a small sphere at him, hissing and leaking a yellow gas. What a pain. Maybe it is time to level up the stealth skill. He began to plan his escape back into the city, where the Orange Player would be harassed by guards if she followed. Instead of attacking him, she tossed him a strange device. He recognized it only after picking it up. “You can’t just make these with a normal shape? Cosplay really isn’t my thing.” Despite the jab, he was quick to slide the mask over his face. Making a

The sound of his shop door opening might be Eulogy’s least favorite sound in Aincrad. So when a stranger opened the door with a thundering force, he nearly dropped dead on the spot. There was no time to slip the mask on. “ffUCK ME, WHAT on—” Orange. Not just the girl. But the marker. The mask slid into place quickly. "Arcanthus sent me, said you did fast appraisals?" “Yea. Yea, of course.” He was being rude—her eyes were down there. But he couldn’t help himself. "Hey. So there are 10 here. I'm looking for something with Flame Aura, and Mitigation. You do good with this

The closer he got, the louder the music grew. The darkness of Floor 29 lended itself to the show: lights stood out in heavy contrast with the thunderclouds, and the pop music thrummed with such intensity that 3ulogy wouldn’t be shocked if it warded off creatures by itself. 3ulogy was prepared to elbow his way to the front of the concert. But he found himself disappointed to see a bare handful of people milling around. Most of them didn’t even seem that interested. The audience energy was closer to salarymen hanging around the water cooler, dreading their inevitable return to work. Ug

3ulogy fumed as another pile of weapons dropped at the table in front of him. He hissed at the donor as they wandered out of sight, looking for more. “Come up to Floor 29, you said. There’s a STY/L concert, you said. And people might die. Fuck me.” Another pile of weapons appeared while he complained to himself. He locked eyes with his dreaded benefactor and offered a calcified smile. “Hopefully that’s the last of them.” The stranger shook his head. “It’s been hell holding the town. No casualties yet, but we’re burning through equipment pretty quickly. There won’t be another round of

3ulogy watched as the shark vanished beneath the sands one more time. He rocked back and forth on his heels, waiting for whatever his new crazy handler was going to say. “3ulogy. I think it’s going to resurface to our northwest, about 50 meters away. I want you to try and attack it.” “Just try? Wow, what a ringing endorsement. I’ve been doing better than you, thank—” His words drowned in the sound of the shark erupting from the sand, about fifty meters to the Northwest. It had been a lucky guess. “3ulogy, go!” “Uuuuuuuuugh!” He hated being bossed around, but her plan w

“Cover me. What do—hey. HEY! Acanthus! Get back here.” The dumb girl began sprinting in the wrong direction! It was charging their tank on the other side of the boss’ area. She didn’t sound like she’d lost her nerve, so what the hell was going on? “I’m really sorry! She’s kind of weird sometimes. Doesn’t know how to navigate a mall, let along a boss fight.” He shot Firefly an apologetic look, and ran off after Acanthus. She appeared to be gauging distances as 3ulogy approached. “Hey, Acanthus. Don’t know if you caught this, but the boss? Over there. Currently beating the *shit* out o

Keep two and scrap eight. 30,400 - (1900 * 8) = 15,200 + 1,000 (Reroll1) + 2,000 (Reroll2) = 18,200 col. Items Kept (or transmuted): Perfect Weapon with a guaranteed Unique | 244169 245671 | BD2 | CD4 | LD2 | Unique "Identified" | Para-V (O) or Blight 245672 | BD10 | CD3 | LD20 | | Damage or Accuracy 245673 | BD9 | CD5 | LD10 | | Bleed or Paralyze Transmute into Mystic Essence | 245674 Huginn, Blade of Thought | T4 Perfect Weapon | [236555b] | ACC 3 "...For Hugin I fear lest he come not home, But for Munin my care is more." Convert to demonic. Spending 1 demonic

Today's Appraisals T4 Perfect Weapon | [236547a][236547b][236547c][236555a][236555b][236555c][236554b][243800a][243800b] Perfect Weapon with a guaranteed Unique | 244169 (The first slot rolled that is not a BD 10 CD8+, I will treat as though I rolled those parameters, using the random LD value to determine the Unique ID) T4 Perfect Weapon | [236547a] 245644 | BD9 | CD10 | LD16 | | Damage or Accuracy 245643 | BD3 | CD4 | LD10 | | Bleed or Paralyze 245642 | BD10 | CD7 | LD18 | | Damage or Accuracy T4 Perfect Weapon | [236547b] 245647 | BD6 | CD2 | LD5 | | Taunt 2456