[PP-F12] Sinking, To Their Level (Zelrius)

[Kiru 0]

I opened my eyes with a groan. Yesterday was certainly not my best day in a sense, but it wasn't the worst one. I had not only gone to the Spring Festival alone but I ended up seeing Zelrius. Normally this was a good thing, Zelrius was my friend after all. Something about last night was different though; he was uncharacteristically formal and ignorant to my feelings at the time. It was probably because Manta was beside him but other than that he once again left me alone. Only, this time in the middle of an empty street; and unlike the other times, someone was watching. Thankfully, it was Oikawa. If it were anyone else I would have been embarrassed beyond the point of return. Oikawa didn't want to ridicule me or laugh and tell me to move on, he was honest and talked to me through some of it. After talking me through it we actually enjoyed the rest of the Spring Festival together.  After that I felt a lot better, but like most times, the negative parts weighed out the positive. The one question remaining on my mind from that night was why. Why could Zelrius not realize that he couldn't just pretend to be great friends with me then treat me like a new recruit the next. To be quite frank I was tired of it even if it was my own fault. 

The sun began slipping in through the space in between my two curtains. I squinted my eyes and yawned, rolling over and out of bed. When I stood up I stretched my arms towards the ceiling, releasing any pressure from myself. My HUD was brought to my attention as I was reminded of what time it was. I quickly changed into my normal outfit and equipped my dagger to the back of my skirt so it was hidden from view. Before I left I checked for all of my gear one more time, making absolutely sure that I left nothing important behind. Last night I received a PM from a player by the name of "Dai" to help him out with a quest. I usually would stray away from these types of meetings but I was once again reminded by the fact that I was really low in level and needed the extra outside time. The details of the message were kept to the bare minimum, only introducing himself slightly and giving a location to meet at on the Twelfth Floor. At first I was hesitant to accept; the floor was completely a river town. But in the end of course, I agreed to this and set out. 

"Teleport: Floor 12." I said quietly, but just loud enough for it to register in the system. The crystal in my hand smashed to pieces and I was sent to the desired floor, just outside the town. I blinked a couple of times to regain my vision and got off of the teleport gate. I was pleasantly surprised to see that today it was not raining, just cloudy. For reasons I would not disclose at this time I was not too fond of water in general other than to drink. Even so, I still stood in front of the gate to wait for Dai. Not even ten minutes later, he appeared. 

The first thing that struck me was his cursor; he was a PK. I knew two sides of PKing, none of them were acceptable but the reasons were understandable. He traced my eyes and tilted his head with a smirk. He rubbed the back of his neck and look apologetically at me. "Sorry, I forgot to mention the crystal, if it's an issue then I totally understand." He said placing his hands in his pockets. Dai didn't look very dangerous. He was about my height and had black hair. His gear was a little below mine and from the looks of it wasn't very harmful. After an evaluation I shook my head. "No, Dai it's alright. I'm Kiru by the way." I extended my hand out to his, thus marking the beginning of our quest. 

He shook my hand right back with a quirky smile. "Thanks, I uh, no one really trusts me because of my cursor. I'm actually a hunter if you might call it. I go after the real Player Killers, though that doesn't justify my own killings." He said, and I immediately thought of Keith. Dai was in the exact same situation. "I don't enjoy it though, and I've only done it maybe five times max." Dai quickly reassured me, as if I was still weary of him. At this point based on his speech it was clear to me that it wasn't correct of me to judge him merely based off of the color of his crystal. Even though it was a subconscious feeling it still wasn't right for me to be so quick to judge. And now that I knew a little more about him, and how much he reminded me of my blue haired friend, my guard was let down. It was let down in a good way however, I trusted him. "I'm also a Maverick Hunter, I just don't really do it anymore. So I guess we're the same huh?" I laughed slightly whilst thinking how crazy this entire meeting was. After all, I hadn't seen anyone else with a job like Keith and I before. I guess it was a freshened feeling? 

[OOC- Zelrius you're free to write anything he does as long as it stays from the eyes of Kiru.]

Edited March 18, 2016 by Kiru

[Zelrius 0]

(Here's an attempt for you)

Zelrius got back from the Inn her stayed at in Taft the night before. Normally, the Golden haired boy would have simply meandered home to the Guild hall and slept in his own bed. However, the issue with that was there was a risk to doing so. You would think that one's home would be the most risk free out of all places in the world, however, the night and day before had conjured not so much physical risk, but the risk of Emotional and Social Confrontation. Taft's Spring Festival had gone on and the air was heavy with high hopes and lifted spirits. On this day, Zelrius decided to check if he had an actual fondness for Brigadier Manta, whom he had gone and done many adventures and grinding expeditions with as of lately. He had hoped that he'd go there, ask her out, and leave before anyone saw him. Alas, life is not that easy and the one person Zelrius did not want seeing him with another girl was there. Honestly, if the golden haired boy could have personally picked one person to not go to that Festival, it would have been Kiru. The reasons behind this thinking were complicated and certainly wouldn't be very easy to explain in a few words. Regardless, He had saw her there, and Kiru had saw him with Manta, not that Zel and Kiru had anything going, just that it was quite awkward. Rather than handling it like he should have, Zelrius panicked, and quickly took the hasty-formal route, rushing Manta off as soon as he could. And while Zel didn't stick around to see what came after, he could only imagine Kiru quite honestly didn't care. Though that was not a bet The Golden haired Commandant was willing to take, and after his disaster of a date with Manta, he slept in an Inn the following night.

Though the date with Manta wasn't terrible, something was brought to light to Zelrius. In the last few months he had been distracting himself with other girls, though never really grew attached to any of them with the exception of Erin, whom left him alone and helpless in the middle of the night. Since then, he had bounced between dates, really only using those he took out as a sort of get away from reality. Without regard for how they felt or thought, Zelrius simply used them for a short bout of happiness until they bored him, and he would bounce to the next one. Manta either knew he did this, or caught on quick, simply because she insisted that she wasn't going to be another 'Fling' for the Commandant. And with that, Zelrius quite honestly tried to develop some feelings for Manta on his date with her, and came up short. The Commandant began to worry that he had lost the absolute ability to really grow attached to people anymore, especially after enduring so many losses and the now distancing of his own Commandants from himself.

How ever hard Zelrius tried to not make Manta another Fling (I personally hate that terminology, but whateves) he still thought back to Kiru. He didn't know how he felt about Kiru. One moment she was like a Sister, the other she was like a distant Friend, and it just made things more and more complicated. With a sigh as he returned to the Guild hall the first thing he did was call out "Hey! Anyone home?" Though he knew full well that no one was. He had cleared most if not all of the Members, Oikawa had stepped down, Dom was more than likely grinding, Manta doesn't live in the Guild hall as far as he knows, Kiru was probably out drinking hot cocoa and if Tristan was home, he was with Flints, and the last thing he'd want to do is leave that bedroom to come say Hi. All that aside, if Rebekah was home, Zelrius was pretty sure she was nocturnal, or just never came out of the room, so he wouldn't even bother with her.

With a quick scan of the Guild hall it was obvious no one had done anything but maybe go to their rooms and sleep. Which, Zelrius expected nothing less. Since Oikawa had left, it seemed the Golden Haired boy was the only one to call meetings and public events within the hall, and while he didn't mind, the Commandant fekt as though Azure has lost its touch. He sighed, "Speaking of losing touch..." He whispered to himself quietly, opening his menu and turning on his Tracking skill. He decided he'd fine Kiru and maybe give her a hug and treat her to dinner or something, trying to make up for how much of an asshole he was at the Festival.

He followed the Trail to the Teleportation gate, off to Floor 12, and out to find out where she was, wondering what in the hell she was doing out so far. Once he caught up, he slowed down, seeing her with someone and calling out "Hey there, Little girl. Did your parents ever tell you it was dangerous to talk to strangers?" Of course, he had no clue whether or not Kiru knew this person, it was more of a joke than anything serious.

[Kiru 0]

"Really, that's amazing! I mean, what are the odds of that happening?" Dai laughed and swiftly brushed his midnight black hair from his eyes in a nervous sort of gesture. He proceeded to shove his hands in his pockets and tilt his head towards the ground. "I guess we should get going then if we want to make back before dark right?" He asked rhetorically and put a hand out, gesturing for me to walk first even though he was supposed to be leading the way. 

I nodded to his speech and began to walk away from the spawn towards the small river on the right. The initial quest was strange, as we were going to be looking for a monster to spawn from a shallow river. I had never heard of such a quest but apparently it was an automatic one, meaning once you were in the correct area it would simply pop up as a message from a random NPC. Dai was very thorough with his explanation and description of the creature so I thought nothing of the unusual circumstances. To me, he seemed a little impatient, sporadic, and nervous. His movements were also not very smooth. From this I concluded that he wouldn't be very much help in this quest, even if it was to just kill a small river dweller with a bad attitude. Though it wasn't fair for me to judge I knew that just by his fist impression he was not the type to take initiative and lead a strategy. Knowing this, I sighed slightly and walked about five inches away from the river, looking in the water bout every minute or so. "So, Dai. Why did you ask for my help? Was it because of my guild or was it something else? Also, do you have a plan?" I asked, hoping he would have an answer for at least the latter question. 

The young man tapped his chin for a moment before turning to face me with a slight smile. "Well, Kiru. I've heard your name a couple times and from what I've gathered you're in The Azure Brigade, you were once fairly active with quests, and you have a high damage output. Correct me if I'm wrong; I've only heard the rumors from people." Dai said, bringing his finger up to about eye level and dug through his inventory. He clicked hard on a button after scrolling through countless pages. A spear began to form in his hand. "I've got a plan, sure." He smirked and "sheathed" his spear by holding it in his opposite hand. "But for this quest? No." 

His answer struck a chord in me, why would anyone be talking about me? I haven't even set foot outside the guild for a couple months, there was no possible way he could've learned that from a mere passerby. I furrowed by eyebrows in confusion, suspicion formed as well. "Who did you hear that from?" Was the only possible response I could utter out in my state of a non-lucid head. Another thing that wasn't normal was his answer to my question of his plan. He said he had a plan, but not for this quest- which was highly alarming. 

"Oh nothing, I'm confusing myself- I apologize for confusing you too Kiru." Dai completely averted the question and instead went on to talk about his battle strategy. "I think once the quest appears we should each get on one side of the river just keep an eye out. Once we see it we'll attack using a switch system, getting out when our health is low and healing, then going back in. In worst case scenario we retreat but that's very unlikely to happen since you're strong." 

"That's not what I asked, Dai." I stopped right where I was, something was really fishy about this, and it wasn't just because we were by a river. This player was acting odd- like he was hiding something. "Who told you information about me?" I stated in a more threatening manner this time. This kid needed to know that I was not joking around here. He stopped as well when I did and faced me. "If you must know, he was a cute lil' guy. Blue hair, just a little above your height. He had this purple cat thingy jumping around on his shoulders. The young guy had a lot of charisma and spunk to him. I knew he was high in level- he was so cool!" Dai's face then darkened. By this point I had thrown the entire image I had of him out the window and was now focused on him. He was talking about Keith, but this wasn't in a good way- he sounded kind of sarcastic and his face wasn't very sincere. 

From behind me I heard a familiar voice. Though I knew who it was I couldn't bring myself to look behind myself and retaliate. Now, of all times, he decided to show up; his timing couldn't have been worse. Zelrius was once again acting as though nothing happened the night before, like we were still the bestest friends in Aincrad. That along with the situation I had right now I couldn't have him here. The last thing I wanted was for this to take a turn for the worst and have him intervene. I frowned with many weighted decisions I could make. but settled on one that couldn't really hurt him, nor make him want to join us. "Weren't you ever taught not to poke your nose where it doesn't belong? Go away please, the grown ups are having a nice discussion " I half yelled through gritted teeth as I glared at the person before me. Dai paid Zelrius no mind at all. Dai certainly was who he said he was and I knew it. "Continue." I said to Dai, slowly reaching for my dagger.

Dai's smirk twisted into a full fledged smile, a creepy one. "If you insist, princess. Didn't he used to call you that?" His face contorted with malice, lust growing. "Hm, what was his name? It's on the tip of my tongue I swear." Dai motioned to his mouth and stuck his tongue out. He pretended to think for a moment before gripping his spear and laughing. "Let's see, Kiru and...Keith! Ah yes! Who could possibly forget the duo? Travelling through Aincrad killing my comrades. Yes, young love- how sweet! It's sad...the incident that happened. It's a shame really, not for me of course. Boy was he annoying! He only said three words the entire time; and I think you can guess what they were."

I bit into the side of my cheeks, I wasn't  going to wait for him to finish. I held onto every word he said, getting angrier with each passing moment until he finished. My cheeks were flushed with anger and my eyes began to well with tears that wouldn't spill. I pulled my dagger from my case and pointed it directly at his face. "What did you do." I hissed, stepping closer to his face, about ready to tear his face open. "WHAT DID YOU DO!" I screamed, not being able to control my anger anymore, and pulled the dagger above my head.  I began to thrust it down, only, I stopped halfway through. A yelp escaped my lips. I felt something slowly sliding through my stomach; his spear. In shock, I looked down at the weapon being lodged inside me with wide eyes. I then brought my head up to look into his excited brown eyes. "What did you d-" I began, raising my weapon with murderous once more but more movements were made by the even quicker Dai. "I'm," he yanked the spear from me and kicked his boot into my wound, sending me backwards and into the shallow river. "Sorry, Kiru. That's all he said."

My head and body was submerged upon the embrace of the water. It was just deep enough for a person to lay in it, but too shallow to swim. I quickly sat up but was once again sent backwards.      

Edited March 20, 2016 by Kiru

[Zelrius 0]

Zelrius eyed the person Kiru was with and grew tense, just as he had when Kiru showed up. The boy gave a breath and attempted to keep his voice calm. "No, seriously Kiru. Don't talk to Strangers." Of course saying this yielded nothing, they ignored him and kept talking. Inside, Zelrius wanted to grab Kiru's arm and yank her away from Dai. The many things that raged in his mind stopped him from doing so, the main of which being that he knew full well she'd rip her arm away from his grip and only want to listen and walk with the man more. So the Golden Haired Commandant eyed more, trying his best to take the words of wisdom Tristan had given him and stay as calm as possible.

Resisting the temptation to grab his swords and dice Dai up into a thousand pieces at that exact moment, Zelrius simply spoke up, though his voice more serious than friendly. "I am afraid that is my Princess there, not yours. In the words of an old video game 'Your Princess is in another castle.' One that you won't be making it to. Ever." Only half the conversation was caught and Zelrius grew even more frustrated with the entire situation. The boy hated himself for his own lust and his greed. Had he not even gone to the Festival the day before. Had he not tried to get to know Manta in the previous weeks, had Zelrius not given a single [censored] about his Brigadiers like usual, none of this would be happening right now. Or at the very least, that's how he reasoned it. Since, in his mind, the only reason Kiru was talking to the man and completely ignoring Zelrius, which had the events aforementioned not taken place, maybe Kiru would be willing to hear atleast every third word Zelrius was dropping.

Dai went on to spout that he knew quite the considerable bit of information of both Zelrius and Kiru, though Zelrius already nailed down exactly who the man was just with the Princess line. Once more, Zelrius fought the urge to draw his weapons and slice the man like fabric, only because now it would be a lesson to Kiru. He went on to insult and belittle Keith, putting on quite the theatrics to do so. The boy hated himself even more for the reason he agreed with Dai, in that he shared the sentiment that Keith was annoying and waste of space, but the golden haired Commandant would never voice this opinion, especially not in the presence of Kiru.

It was when the man shoved Kiru into the water that Zelrius now had to actually debate with himself whether to let it continue as a sort of vengeance on her for all the Emotional and Mental hardache Zelrius went through in order to keep their little friendship barely floating. That went out in an instant however, simply because of how he knew that wasn't right and the two-toned haired girl wasn't the one in the wrong, The Commandant was. He quickly drew his sword, Dai in anticipation of this drew his own spear now holding it against Kiru and words directed at the Hero.

"Thought it was going to be that easy, Blackfyre?" Zelrius simply smirked, unreplying. He decided to let Dai have his moment of glory, clearly unaware that Zelrius could close the distance between the two of them in the blink of an eye and snap him in two. "Another step and she's dead. And you don't want your dear Princess to die do you?" Still no response from Zelrius only the activation of his Commandant's Pendant to boost his Speed and Accuracy above their respective caps.

After the Pendant was securely activated and both blades of Michael and Lucifer were emanating their beautiful Auras of power, Zelrius spoke, his voice slow and calm, as if talking to someone mentally handicapped, with a hint of joking mockery "You're holding a sharp blade there boyo. There's a reason your mommy told you not to touch them, you could hurt yourself." The man's face instantly contorted shoving the spear further into Kiru's direction, yet Zelrius still didn't move. "Make fun of me again and I WILL stab her." I win. Zelrius thought to himself silently with that remark. Zelrius sheathed his weapons, and casually started randomly going through his inventory. "Go for it," He stated non-chalantly, almost daring the man to do it. Within a few moments, Zelrius had sent the Unique Morphing weapon 'DESPAIR' to Kiru and looked back up to Dai. Now all Kiru had to do was draw the weapon and stab him. It was that instant that Dai took the challenge the Golden haired Commandant ushered him, and Zelrius charged forth in a blaze of fury, kicking the spear out of his hand and far into this distance, hoping Kiru would react to the situation fast enough.

[Kiru 0]

Once submerged under shallow water I felt a strained sensation on my stomach again. Desperately I grabbed the dagger that fell from my hand and began to hack away at the spear. It didn't do much, really, all it did was scratch it a little. Knowing that certainly wasn't going to work, I ruled out the option or destroying his spear pretty quickly and decided to think for a moment. I could hear voices above me but couldn't quite manage to figure out what they were saying; I was way too focused on the weapon lodged very painfully in my stomach. I bit my lip and turned my head to see what was going on. I frowned when I saw his pendant activating and his swords at his sides glowing. "No, absolutely not." I thought, conflicted with my only four options. One was to simply add more damage to myself and die before anything else could happen. This option could lead into Dai going after Zelrius next so that one was also ruled out. Two, I could taunt Dai to the point where he'd only pay attention to me. But, seeing how low my health already was I knew I wouldn't last for more than four more minutes max. The third was to just allow Zelrius to damage Dai, and probably kill him. Upon thinking this I became terrified and extremely against this particular one. If I allowed him to do such a thing then he would be orange again, secluded from everyone again. Not only would he not be able to take the redemption quest to be green again but his entire image would be repainted, stained, with red and orange. This simply could not even happen, there was no way I was going to allow Zelrius to go through that all over again. And the last was for me to kill Dai. This seemed like the best option for Zelrius' health, seeing as though he wouldn't even have time to stop me or talk me out of it. Settled on the last option, I called to Zelrius and interrupted the two of them. "Do me a favor-," Dai pushed the weapon deeper. I glared at the Player Killer but returned my eyes to the blonde, "and try not to fall for me." I half winked with a slight smile. 

Dai instinctively raised the spear at Zelrius, threatening to stab me once more to fully end my life. I winced at the though of another stabbing from that spear. Not only would it hurt even worse going in the third time today but I wouldn't have any time to react to Dai. I would just become a floating pile of pixels, floating in the sky away from the two of them. I thought back to myself at the beginning of the game. I used to think that there was no way you could die in real life if you died in the game. Obviously I didn't think that way anymore, but still, it was hilarious to think about how much I've changed since the beginning. Zelrius had changed too. He didn't have time to go run around and steal kills from me anymore, he barely had the time of day to hold a simple conversation with me. So, why? Why did I care so much about putting him over me? I didn't even know the answer myself but I had guessed it was because we were similar in more ways than one. It hurt to see someone I loved internally dying day after day. 

Zelrius proceeded to state that he didn't care, that Dai should go for it and just end me. At first I was hurt by this statement, confused that he would try to protect my life then throw it away, and angry that he once again switched his personality on me. Most of all I was angry that he thought I would just let Dai kill me. However, everything from my mind was repealed when I suddenly received an item from Zelrius. "Despair?" I whispered to myself and read the description. I glanced at the young man and smirked- he knew what I was going to do full and well. 

Suddenly the Hero sprinted forward and kicked the pointed weapon from Dai. I drew the weapon from my inventory immediately and sprung from the water, ignoring the searing pain caused from the stomach. I held the sword in front of me and stabbed through the front of the killer. "Oh my, what a sad incident." A smirked formed on my lips as Dai began to move his hands towards the handle of the blade. I kicked his knee, causing him to fall and retracted the blade. I gripped the handle tighter and slashed diagonally across his stomach. "Unlike Keith," I slashed again, "I'm not going to send you to prison or just let you run." I pulled my arms back and stabbed directly into his abdomen where he'd poked me several times. "No, I am not one to show mercy." I then knelt down next to his ear so only Dai could hear my distressed voice. "Dai, I'm sorry." I meant those words too.

His body exploded into blue triangular pieces of data and floated towards the sky. I felt a pang of guilt forming in my almost nonexistent stomach. My hands were now stained with murder. I looked up at my crystal but nothing happened. I knit my eyebrows together for a moment. "Oh." Was all I said, you didn't turn orange if you kill a player killer. My eyes shifted from my crystal, to my health bar. For the very first time in the game it was in the red section. I turned to Zelrius, almost afraid of what he would say after such a cruel scene. If anything Zelrius had every right to be angry with me. After all, I could recall a discussion between the two of us about player killing. But, I ignored all of this and attracted attention to my stomach. My black and white clothes were completely soaked with a mix of water and pixelated blood. "Hey...you want this back...your swo...." I couldn't finish. My eyes closed slowly and I stumbled forward. I caught myself and leaned on the sword. I stuck a hand out in caution to Zelrius. "I"m fine, let me get a...a...crystal out." 

Edited March 29, 2016 by Kiru

[Zelrius 0]

The events following his kicking of the spear were what brought a smile back the boy's face. Zelrius was glad Kiru had the piece of mind to atleast settle down and think for a second, even under pressure. It was this ability that reminded Zelrius why she and all the others were Commandants. Not simply because of their levels (Or Kiru's lack there of) but because of their substantial mindsets which easily set them apart from everyone else in all of Aincrad. Though her words before attacking Dai were slightly unsettling and made him frown. "Should've warned me years ago..." He remarked more quietly to himself more so neither of them would hear it. There was another reason he went for Manta, it was obvious that Kiru didn't want anything more than the two had between eachother, and Zelrius was more than okay leaving it that way so long as it caused no emotional damage to either.

The scene between Kiru and Dai reminded Zelrius was he was originally afraid of Kiru. She had been a higher level than him, that and she was nothing but cold-hearted ruthlessness. The kind Zelrius emulated while he was orange but never even came close to achieving. The Golden haired boy had always been far too soft at heart, and it was one of the many reasons he hated himself to this day for ever going Orange. But Kiru was different, she had no issue stabbing that man to death, and to Zelrius the apology sounded half fake, once again reminding Zelrius why he had always though of Kiru as a Maverick. 

Of course, even after all of that, for some reason he still loved her, even after all his fear and discontent with her coldness, he still couldn't bring himself to ever cause her harm or let someone else do so intentionally. The worst part; He didn't know why. There were no words for it, and Zelrius himself wasn't even sure when those feelings began. 

Now Dai was gone, and Zelrius quickly rushed over to where Kiru was before she started collapsing, simply sitting down and trying to hold her up, putting the sword away."Better get that weapon back in my shared Inventory with Dom before he realizes it's missing. Don't tell him you used it." That bit was more joking, knowing Dom wouldn't care, especially after the situation would be explained to him. But unless they asked, Zelrius intended to keep the events of today on the down low. He used his hand to Lower Kiru's from her inventory, merely pulling out an HP crystal and handing it to her. "Kiru, Listen to me for a second." And for the first time since he rushed getting the Skill, Zelrius turned off his search and detect, his eyes no longer glowing faintly and being their full dark blue instead of the silver-azure color that they were for the longest time. He began talking, looking up to the sky and more to himself than to her. 

"Everything over the past 6 months to a year happened for a reason. Let me break it down for you. Me going green wasn't just waking up one day and going 'I need to be green.' Being Orange didn't bother me all that much. About mid April last year, I disappeared, not because I wanted to run away or anything, but because I got a lead on something I was looking for. Then, Keith was gone, and I knew days before you saw me next and told me. The first thing I did was ask all the info brokers and shadow watchers I could if they knew anything. For a few months I came up with nothing, until one of them told me there was someone asking questions about You, Me, Tristan and Oikawa. I began looking over my shoulder and caught sight one time of a player following me through the deserts of Floor 5. That was the moment I invested in Search and Detect and began to throw all my points into it. At first, the Skill was useless, and did next to nothing."

He took a breath and looked back to her. "At that moment I needed two things; To get behind him and see if he could follow well enough, and to be able to get lost in cities while still having vision on this stranger. Along with that, I needed SP, so a Quest was in order. There was one quest that could accomplish those three things; Redemption. So, to avoid any questions or suspicions why I did it so suddenly, I just called you guys together, and told the Commandants I wanted to be Green, and that was it. I was Green and Hunting Season was in. For the next few months I studied the Stranger, followed him and even got his username. Once I got his user, This being about mid October, I turned on my tracking skill and left it on until about three seconds ago. My eyes hurt immensely, but I did it for you. A few days later, the moments leading to the Crusader on Floor 11, You said you had leads. and Rather than explain all of this then and possibly have one of his brokers hear me, I lied and told you that I didn't care anymore, and after that, you left me alone about it, just as I had wanted. I did boss fights as normal, but most if not all of my free time was spent stalking and planning. The next instance of importance was the Christmas party. I had seen a blip moving towards the Guild Hall, and while I am sure we could have slain him out there, that neither the time nor the place to kill him. So I left the Guild Hall with haste after giving you a hug, making sure the man was following me." 

Another short break and gaze away from the two-tone haired girl "I began to bait him, intentionally handing out information to anyone who asked, but on a low enough key it was suspicious. Soon enough, Dai knew who my friends were, and who weren't. Eventually it led to you, and on this day. He baited you out on a day he though I'd be far too occupied with Scouting the next floor after Rohk, but instead, I went home, leaving Takao to handle the scouting in my stead. That was unplanned, but worked in my favor. And here he was, of course, what wasn't planned and I really hate myself for was you getting hurt and having to be the one to kill him. and for that," He sniffled choking back tears and hugging her "I am extremely sorry."

[Kiru 0]

[wHOOPS]

I let my knees fall forward as I sat in front of Zelrius in the most listless manner I could to avoid pain. I handed his unique back to him, diverting my eyes from his as he made a joke. "Heh.." I let out a weak laugh in attempt to show at least some human emotion towards Zelrius. After the show I had just put on there was absolutely no way he could be thinking anything positive of me. After all, I did just make my hatred and anger very convincing while stabbing someone. And it was to the point where I wasn't quite sure if it was real or fake. Was the pain in my stomach merely from the wounds or was it from the increasing guilt of ending a precious life? There was only way I could have executed that plan, and that was through an impulsive improv of aggressive manner. If I let my emotions come into play I probably would not have had the guts to actually finish it, or to even damage Dai at all. Knowing Mavericks, I knew that they didn't screw around and had lots of tricks to pull. The moment you turned your back from them you lose and in this game, die. So my only choice was to swallow any feeling in my body of resistance and complete the task. For now, I would have to live with the consequences of murdering him. Even if I didn't have a bright orange tracker above my head I knew my actions would surely have a ripple affect to anyone else this could have possibly concerned. 

After returning the sword I looked at my HUD in search of a potion, a crystal, anything that would allow my health to regenerate. With my vision becoming blurred and my arm growing weak it was extremely hard to navigate through my inventory, especially for one specific item. Much to the point where I grew increasingly angry at myself for being so incapable at a time like this. However, seeing my struggle, Zelrius guided my hand slowly from my inventory and handed me a crystal of his. His hand was surprisingly gentle, and so was his voice. For once I didn't reject him, I simply nodded and accepted the crystal, using it as well. I watched as the red turned from yellow to green. I then looked to where Dai once was standing, his spear strewn a few feet away from that spot. I bit my lip to conceal any remorse for my actions and decided to focus on the blonde. 

He instructed me to listen to him, which I had no problem with. I was too tired to be opposed to it and way too out of it to disagree or argue with him. I had no words in this moment, what would I even say? Nothing. But obviously Zelrius had something important to speak with me about because rarely he decided to share anything with me anymore. Maybe he would attempt to console with me. Though I knew that surely wasn't anything he would do- he was once a Player Killer so I highly doubted he would simply say my action would be justified, but that's just what I liked about Zelrius. Also in Oikawa and Ssendom as well were similar traits. They didn't sugarcoat things and tell me everything would be alright because I knew, and they did too, that nothing was okay. Yes, Zelrius was a secluded and silent person when it came to everything other than battles and friends, but he was also the most trusted person you could have in tense situations. He was calm and thought things through quickly. Even knowing all of this I couldn't believe it in my own mind because he broke everything and nothing we built up in the past six months. But just this once would I allow the young teenager to attain my full attention without intrusion. 

It began with Zelrius' eyes switching color. From a glowing color to a dark blue, something I never noticed. He began by saying everything had happened for a reason and proceeded to explain literally everything I was questioning and getting conflicted about. The reason he left, the reason he stated he didn't care about Keith, why he continued to come back and suddenly disappear and refuse to hold an conversation longer than two minutes. It was all because of me. 

Suddenly I felt like my entire world came crashing down on top of me. I was quiet for a moment, trying to organize my thoughts well enough to form coherent sentences. Slowly I opened my mouth with a pained look. "I know you said there were people listening but...why didn't you tell me? You, you could have dropped hints- small ones only I would recognize. Or you could have just told me and could have gotten this over with a long time ago!" This made no sense, there was no way he could have told me any of this sooner. I knew this, yet I was getting frustrated with the blonde. "I'm just really...why did you tell me! I spent all of this time worrying that you hated me and were avoiding me. Then you came back and I thought you were okay with me again, then you left again! You didn't even say you'd be back. Do you know how much it hurt? It felt like every single time you walked away from me or shifted your eyes away from me, the hole in my heart from literally everything else was getting bigger. The times you returned were patching things up, but made even more empty spaces once you left. I- aUGH!" I expressed more vexation near the end, growing more and more conflicted with his reasoning. I understood everything yet, nothing made sense to my very stubborn self that could not accept anything for an answer. "You could've put more faith in me, you know. I know it might' have been better to keep me in the dark in the aspect of safety but it was the dumbest thing you could have done for someone like me. I'm impulsive and I need people, Zel. I needed you. You were the closest person after Keith disappeared and you still are now but...Zelrius I know you were thinking of my health. I know that you knew that I would have marched right up to anyone conflicting with you and dealt with them. And I don't mean killing- I never intended to kill anyone really, I still feel bad about Dai. I may just be dragging on but I'm just expressing that things might have gone smoother, death could have been avoided, and our relationship could have gotten better if you at least just told me that everything you were doing was for a reason." I took a breath after talking for so long and looked through him for a second, then continued. 

 "So you're telling me that while I was making sure you weren't doing something reckless, made sure you were alright and everything, and kept an eye on your cursor, I was doing a whole lot of nothing to help you in any way, shape, or form?" I closed my eyes for a second, mostly to given myself a break from this mental headache I was giving myself. "Zelrius do you understand exactly how much I've missed because I was too busy worrying about you? I could have been leveling, and fighting, and helping you. Instead I am now not only a low enough level to be crushed in a fight, my gear is so outdated that you had to give me a weapon to kill him, and I am completely off course with anything and everything happening in the guild. I haven't seen people in months, Zel. Months. And I am not in any way blaming you for my stupidity and wasting my own fricking time, but I just wish you would have told me something. Contrary to popular belief, if you tell me that something will 'all work out,' and that 'I shouldn't worry,' I will question it a little but if it came from you I wouldn't have thought anything of it. You could have left the guild to me even instead of having a fight with Lowe about it." 

I then frowned, this was entirely my fault not his. "Zel I just- I don't know." I grew silent again. And in this time Zelrius hugged me, and was finding it hard to keep himself in check. "Oh gosh." I wrapped my arms around his neck and slowly moved my hand back and forth his shoulder in attempt to calm him and I. But it was no use. Once I saw his deep azure eyes fill with tears I couldn't help myself. Tears began to stain my face when he apologized. "Take it back. You can't be the one to apologize, Zelrius, you really can't. You just spent half a year trying to put my life back together because Keith went missing and I was lonely. It's true, I really did like Keith but I neglected you. Keith was always by my side no matter what but you were the one to invite me to boss raids and tell me to get up and pull myself together. And Dai, this entire conquest you busied yourself with? You didn't even get to finish it! I was the one who killed him even though every bone in my body was screaming for me to stop! Zelrius I was so afraid that if you killed him you'd revert back to your old self and run away again. It's not your fault." I sniffled squeezed the boy's chest.

 "Zelrius you just destroyed your reputation...your status and friends for what? What did you get from this entire experience?"

 

Edited March 31, 2016 by Kiru

[Zelrius 0]

Seeing everything in their full brightness again was foreign to him. Under tracking, the world darkened, and only small footsteps of whomever it was you were tracking and the person themselves had any luminosity to them. It was strange to Zelrius, and he had to keep blinking, hoping his eyes would adjust more quickly to the shift of lighting.  Her words only made him want to cry more, Even as much as he though he paid attention to Kiru and thought he cared, Zelrius was oblivious to her dwindling strength and wasted time. He hated himself for not telling her, Hinting at her, something so that she would atleast be out grinding and doing quests. No instead, she worried about him, while he selfishly followed his own plans.

Another sniffle, and now he tried to hide the slight shaking in his voice. "Kiru, I didn't mean- I want this to be the result. I was- I wanted to just help you. I wanted you to carry on to continue to be one of the strongest in Aincrad. I wanted you to not be so damn lonely and afraid. I took it upon myself to find and kill Dai, hoping you'd let the whole thing go, and live a normal life. I tried to stay busy and act normal the whole time, trying to get you to stop worrying about me. And yet you kept caring because I was too dumb to realize that I wasn't helping at all. I didn't want to tell you 'It will be alright' I was afraid that'd make you more suspicious, I was afraid you'd waste more of your time carrying about things I already had handled. I am so so sorry that I didn't tell you I had it handled. I should have trusted you more, but I didn't want to trust anyone. My friends drifted away from me, one by one, and it felt like you were too. And rather than try to restore any friendships or mend ours, I only wanted to get rid of this guy, find out what happened to Keith and let you live Happy." He shuddered still trying to fight back crying in front of Kiru

"And even after all that, It was for naught. Despite me spending every waking moment, cutting DAYS in between sleeping, and even then for only a handful of hours at a time. Even after all my effort, I still ended up hurting you, and I hate myself for it." He stopped for her final comments. That was even more she pointed out. He gave up everything and now felt like he put way too much of everything into it, that he ended up doing more harm than good with this whole thing. "I don't care if I didn't finish it. That wasn't my goal. My goal was to make sure that once he was dead, you could take a walk in the wilderness without having to peer over your shoulder every three seconds. My hope was that you could leave Aincrad one day, and not be completely ruined by it. That you could finish this game running, and still go on to be a completely Normal person, without any sort baggage. Y'know, Emotional Baggage. But it seems I failed at that too. I've never doubted myself in my life, but right now, I am really hating everything I am, and for that, I am so very terribly sorry."

[Kiru 0]

"Ohgodohgodohgod" I thought as Zelrius continued to speak. I knew how hard he was trying to keep his pride in check so he wouldn't cry. This was probably the worse thing; seeing Zelrius so hurt and beaten down was never something I'd imagined. For the Hero to be so open, so exposed right now was dehumanizing. It made me hurt that he was hurting, cry because he was (or at least trying not to), and overall have the feeling of guilt reside inside of me. And I knew that this was entirely my fault for making him so emotional. Zelrius was never the type of person to reflect or give off an emotional mood, but the irony in our meetings totally broke down that conclusion. Almost every occurrence between the two of us lead to some type of negative feeling, ultimately driving us further apart. Yet whilst this was happening, the both of us tried extremely hard to protect one another. All of this leading up to this one moment of social agony was a complete juxtaposition to our original intentions. 

"Zelrius," I ;chuckled slightly in attempt to lighten the mood and make my fellow Commandant laugh, "am I not the strongest? I'm pretty sure I could take you." I sniffled once more and released my arms from him to look him in the eye. My countenance slowly faded from a fake smile of reassurance to a more serious look. "I am so sorry you spent all of that precious time doing this for me. I am grateful for you to ever think of me outside of being a mere battle buddy, so I thank you for whats already been done. Zelrius I'm just- I really, really, really am," my lip began to quiver again, "really sorry. And I know I'm not as strong as you and I doubt I'll ever be able to pass you again but all I ask is that you forgive me for ever wasting any of your time. I know I keep talking about your time but it really is important, Zel, it really is. In a game like this, time is everything. You need to be constantly working in order to keep status but no one ever sees that. No one." I sucked in a sharp breath and tried to old back even more tears, "But I do. All anyone ever says about you is that you've killed someone or that you're a total narcissistic kid and that you'll just die soon enough but they never acknowledge how much time you put into everything. You spent six months for one moment. That's dedication if I've ever seen any. Your time was well spent, mine was not. And I'm sorry for ever causing you to worry. I didn't want you to worry, I just wanted you to acknowledge me or talk to me, because quite frankly you were scaring me with your frequent disappearances." 

 I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, but tears continued to leak down my cheeks. "But it doesn't matter. Zelrius I never wanted you to care so much, I just wanted you to help me find Keith. Yes, you could have put just a little more trust in me but I don't blame you, Zel. As for the friend situation I think you can call us both the same. I don't know if you heard but Daeron...he uh.." I looked around, trying to avoid looking at him directly when saying this: "I watched him fall from the edge." I crossed my arms over my chest and pursed my lips. "Tristan is getting married, Keith is presumably dead, Rebekah doesn't keep in touch very well...and just a lot of players I've run into have left. They weren't interested in me anymore when I stopped attending the boss fights- when I was having fun hunting with Keith." My eyes returned to his. "Zelrius. I marked myself for everyone by joining the prestigious Azure Brigade. I painted myself in neon paint by running around with Keith, and basically just sealed the deal by actually hurting a Player Killer. I did this to myself. I have to check behind myself every three seconds because that's the life I chose. By putting myself out there I thought I could take the attention off you and Keith. But obviously not, almost got myself killed in the process too." 

The last words in Zelrius' speech saddened me. We both knew well that there was no way we weren't going to leave this game without emotional baggage. We both knew of the boss strategies and how Player Killers thought, but he still tried to keep me away from that scene. "That's impossible now, you know. Especially now knowing how much I've affected you I don't think I can leave this game saying I have no regrets. Because if I did have a top ten, letting you get so close would be pretty high up there." The words stung but in all honesty were true, but also a complete lie. Meeting Zelrius was probably one of the best things that happened to me. But Zelrius meeting me was probably the worst thing for him and I hate myself for it. "Don't. Zelrius if anything you should hate me. You've come so far from when we first met and I just...I'm really sorry for screwing everything up." 

I sat for a moment in silence, slowly growing more impatient and needing more answers. "You've managed to form this elaborate plan to help me and still struggled day after day stay on top, but why? Why did you care so much? Why did you make me care so much!?"  

[Kiru 0]

This is a collection of a thread Zelrius and I have done on a separate forum, for this thread. 

 

ZELRIUS: It seemed the word hate would resonate with Zelrius a lot in these moments, consistently coming up, unable to express how else he felt about the situations at hand. He hated how tied everything he did became to her. The boy tried his best to steel himself in the face of emotional strife, favoring for trying to keep the consistent, unwavering and unflappable, expression he usually always held. The last thing he wanted to do was break down in front of Kiru, therefore influencing her to do the same. To be honest, he was sick of doing everything for another's well being, but also couldn't help himself; feeling so compelled to do it, by thoughts and feelings he couldn't accurately define at any moment. The name, the definition, the features, of those aforementioned tumors of thought would constantly tickle his mind, and when he would metaphorically spin around to [censored] them, they'd flutter away furiously. He couldn't think of where they came from, or why so often; considering that he couldn't recall, off the top of his head, an instance between the pair that ended in relatively good feelings all around. Even the boss meeting that he invited her to a few months after their initial meeting ended not necessarily with rising tension between those two, but indirectly in anxiety, as it was Zelrius' first Command of a Boss Fight.

The silence between the two when she said his name, his face lighting up slightly in anticipation, ever anxious about her response. The chuckle made him more uneasy than any amount of mood lightening that it did, though of course he threw a witty comment back at her for the joke. "Maybe if there were ten of you. and Only because I wouldn't fight back," Though he meant it as a joke to follow-up on her own comment, his tone was still in the solemn, flat, end-all-be-all pitch that he had given his short speech in, the words wobbling in between breaths as he continued to let his eyes be vertable wells of tears, prisoners of his blue eyes as they were still being held back. Then came her apologizing, for things that were never her fault. It seemed neither of them wanted to blame the other in this situation, but both wanted entirely to blame themselves. Situations like this, at least in Zelrius's mind, is what drove them so far part; unwillingness to see fault in the other. It was the "thank you" in between "sorry's" that made him blink in confusion, causing a single tear to roll from each eye and down to the ground below. Though those two would be the only ones at the moment, as he felt dumb for crying when she already was, there was almost certainly more to come. I lied; more came immediately after her mention of time again, and how much he had spent of it. The words It was never a waste if it was for you whispered in his mind, though he didn't have the courage to say that; finding it increasingly difficult to speak to her at all. The finishing lines kind of hurt, for reasons the boy couldn't explain. He winced, speaking through an airless, barely audible, voice. "Scared you...?"

What caused another blink and then rush of tears from his eyes was her immediate follow up after wiping her own eyes. But it doesn't matter, those words and the following sentences stung him. She was still thinking about Keith, even after all this. that's what he hated more than anything; how willing she was to remain so attached to someone who wasn't around anymore. Though he also supposed he'd like it if those close to him remained attached even after his own death... On the topic of death; Kiru mentioned Daeron, causing Zelrius to tightly grit his teeth, expecting her to announce him dead, but as of the method; suicide. He leaned back from her, motionless for a moment, a bit unbelieving. And even before he could react to that, another hard, emotional punch to the stomach as she began to remind him of things he reminded himself of every morning and every night; People keep disappearing on him, they slowly drift apart. For one reason or another, this made him lean back forward toward her, poising his body in such a way that it appeared he was ready to take flight; run away at the speed that he had moved toward Dai. Though those specific motions hadn't been executed, he was ready to; the whole affair becoming more and more unbearable for him. She went back to blaming herself, something he knew he should've responded to, but between sniffles and breathlessness, he couldn't find the ability to do so.

Try as he might, Zelrius was wholly unpowerful to keep Kiru away from the horrors of SAO. Why did he care so much anyway? When it was all broken down in his mind, she was just some girl. Who a friend of his once dated. Just like Flints, or Azazel, or Maeoka are to him now. Those are all just some girls that Tristan, or Dom, or Rebekah had all once dated. And then, who were those three? They were random people, who had somewhat similar mindsets to Zelrius himself, who happened to be in the same death trap as him. So why, Why the attachment? The last thing the golden haired boy wanted to do was answer that question, having a conversation to focus on instead. He couldn't agree more with her words. In trying to selfishly protect a girl that didn't need nor want protection, they're now both hurt. Not even by this single incident, but all the ones that happened separately from each other as a result of actions that were done over a year ago. His voice cracked trying to respond "K-knowing me is a regret?" It really was becoming too much, her expressions saying that she cared, her words saying that she had nothing but contempt for him. It was her final words that made him clear his throat to speak properly, having thought about it before; "I wanted to hate you, so bad. I initially approached you, taking your little slime kill, with the intention of sowing your dissent toward me. Keith would go everywhere, do everything with you. He wouldn't spend anytime with the original Commandants, and I wanted my friend back." And now for actual crying from the boy. "I felt I had a group of, as dumb and cheesy as this sounds, family. And then, Keith ran off with you, and would abandon his guild duties, which none of us really cared for. And then, he-" Zelrius stopped short to flick tears off his cheeks and just didn't continue the sentence.

Then the question he had asked came back up, only in her voice this time. "I don't know why I care so much. You're just some person. You should've stayed just some person..." A bit of bitterness came out of his voice, "But somehow, you played your little spell, and then you became a friend. I formed the elaborate plan to save some person from another person. I could've let you die here, and I honestly, cannot explain to you, why I didn't." He let the words hang there, and immediately softened, understanding how cruel and harsh that may sound. Adding more in between sniffles and wiping his face, "But, I am so glad I didn't. You mean the world to me, you're one of the few people who I feel like I can talk to for hours, and never get enough. You're both the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me. Yet, I don't know why you care so much. I never intended for you to. Or maybe I did, but for different reasons..." He stopped there, being that was the closest had ever come to mentioning any sort of feelings toward the girl, but being wholly afraid of mentioning it directly. He took in a moment of silence, and then looked at her only for a moment. He leaned his head an inch or two toward her, stopped, closed his eyes and leaned back, leaving it at that.

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KIRU: It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, all of the conversations I have deemed important with people had turned emotional rather quickly. I remembered my last talk with Tristan, the crying, and worrying. Even after his cycles of women after me, he still cared, and I guess that somehow made the scar deeper. There was a metaphorical scarification sequence that I always referred back to whenever something of slight inconvenience presented itself as a challenge. Why was there always a repelling force in talking? Speaking with other people these days was like a magnet. One way, the words tumbling from my mouth could push them away, (which happened more often than not,) but on the other hand I could also attract people. And in this moment, I realized that my situation was like a magnet. For some odd reason, he was attracted to me that day. However, I have also made him become distant of course. It was the opposite for me, I resented the arrogant prick at the time. Now, I could not stand to see him leave. Every time he turned away from me I felt something inside me shatter. If anything ever happened to him, I was afraid to admit what I would do.

After averting my eyes from his, I glanced back. In his dark set blue eyes were traces of tears. In the corners of his eyes I could see his emotions welling up. He looked as if he was doing everything he could not to cry; which of course made it worse. It made me even more impassioned than I was currently. Noticing this, I decided not to anything for the time being, as I would like to hear everything he had to say before doing anything or making myself look less than I already did.

I forced a miniscule laugh for his comment to my joke. We both knew that in no universe could I ever come close to beating Zelrius in a serious confrontation. He had the possibility to kill me in one hit if he wanted to. I was surprised that he hadn’t already, or at least hadn’t done something to physically hurt me based on the way I treated him for the past year. As horrible as it sounded, the more open I became with someone, the worse the relationship had gotten. And of course, Zelrius was no exception. He had become a major part in my time in Aincrad and there was no changing how included he was to be later on.

The tears on Zelrius’ cheeks were not invisible this time, I could visibly see the small droplets come from his eyes before he questioned me. It seemed as though he could not believe that his actions and absence frightened me. To say the least, I was terrified that he had died, glad that he was alive, “Of course you scared me. How would you feel if someone you cared about suddenly disappeared without a trace?” I asked, not expecting a response from the blonde boy. I did mean my statement, but meant not to hurt him more than he already was. From the looks of it, he was not as composed as I thought he was at all times. But of course, there’s always more than meets the eye, especially when speaking of such a complicated young man. It was unjust to think otherwise of him, which was my mistake. Because of this, Zelrius has probably bottled his emotions for a long time now; and I was forced to deal with those repercussions.

Due to my poor choice of words, Zelrius had once again completely misunderstood what I said. It was time for a change, the truth this time without too much of a filter, “Zel, by regret, I meant something different. Meeting you is regretful because I cannot bear to be responsible for wasting your life. I just cannot see myself being the reason you have decided certain things. Meeting you was one of the best things to happen to me, but the worst to happen to you. I have caused widespread destruction and chaos for you while doing nothing for you,” I paused for a moment, physically holding myself back from breaking once again, “I just, I hate that I was so blind to how I effecting you at the time. For that, I am sorry.”

A word sprung within me: jealousy; I finally figured it out. Somehow, it felt wrong for me to even use such a term to describe Zelrius, the strong one in these situations. However, based on his sudden outburst against Keith, I could strongly say that all the while I ran along with Keith, he was hurting. Even after Keith disappeared, I reminded Zelrius everyday of it. I reminded him that I chose Keith over him anyday. And that’s how it was.

“I’m such an idiot, Zelrius,” I whispered, whilst looking down.

Zelrius was actually crying now, not just trying to suppress it. His composure had officially been lost for the second time today, even in the past hour. As he spoke, I could not stand to look at him. His voice sounded more pained than I had ever heard it. He sounded as if everything he believe in as a child had been proven fake, like Santa Claus. But this was real, and the blame was on me. I had the overwhelming urge to look up at him. To wipe away his tears and smile at him. I wanted to tell him it was going to be alright and everything would turn out fine; but that would be a lie, now wouldn’t it?

Suddenly, his tone changed. He almost sounded happy.  I blinked, only now realizing that a few tears had slipped from my eyes and were now dropping to the pixelated grass. Zelrius was being sincere, and for the first time, showing a form of positive emotion towards me. This only made me cry harder, he was truly a nice person. I looked up at him just as he was leaning close to me. Something washed over me. I waited for him to lean closer, but he never did. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned back. I sniffled a little and laughed slightly at his small outburst of sudden emotion. I wiped my eyes again and leaned forward towards him. I took in the outline of his face for a moment. He looked relaxed. I stared at his chin, then his lips. I paused, then leaned in ever so slightly. I moved my body closer to his and pressed my lips slightly to the top of his forehead before wrapped my arms around his neck and hugging him.

“You’re always family, Zel.”

_____________________________________________________________________________

ZELRIUS: There was no way this was healthy, Zelrius thought, in regards to the constant shift in tone and emotion. This was a consistent thing in interactions with Kiru; The change from sadness, to happiness, back to sadness or even anger sometimes. The boy didn't know a whole lot about mental health, be he couldn't imagine a psychologist recommending this kind of mental state. That was one of the good things regarding Manta; there was very little of this constant shift. They kissed and hugged, but only because she wasn't terrible and Zelrius had a void to fill, and she just happened to be a target. A terrible behavior the Commandant had picked up from another, Tristan. A habit he'd had to get rid of soon, having become increasingly conscious of such an issue, but being too selfish to correct it immeadiately. He had wondered if Kiru, like many others, saw him in the light of selfishness. Though answered his own question with the assumption that it was probably so. Why would she have any reason to think otherwise? He hoarded Uniques and Money like they were Food in a famine.

That thought made him slightly hurt more. He couldn’t care less what others thought of him, but was wholly oblivious to what the other Commandants thought of him, especially Kiru. And while this exact conversation that he was having kind gave some implication; Zelrius never had the confidence regarding her to ever make any assumptions, which is part of the reason he is in the situation he is in now. The boy’s inability to read into her and understand anything is what also caused him to push her so far away, unwilling to do anything, thinking she’d hate or push him away for one wrong move. Then you had situations like this one, where sometimes he tried to read into the words too much, over emphasizing meaning in every sentence, trying to guage how serious or ambiguous she was being. To be quite honest, Zelrius didn’t actually know which side of the spectrum she had laid on; Was she more like Dom; Upfront, everything said to be taken at face value? Or was she more like Zelrius himself; Flowery with wording, always with a deeper intended meaning? Or the very probably answer; more like Tristan, where he actively flipflops between the two, for one reason or another.

While those questions and a hundred more remained unanswered, the boy became more and more confused; the laugh that came from the joke, sounding more like a force giggle than any actual humor. Though understandably, it was difficult to find a moment of laughter in this kind of emotional environment, so he kind of just glossed over that fact. The question still resonated _Why did SHE care so much?_ A question resparked by the forced laugh. He’ll never understand these things without asking questions, a rule of life he knew, but seemed to never apply to her. He didn’t address the scared detail, he understood already, as it was obvious. Zelrius hadn’t thought about that until just now; his disappearances into the wild. The first time, he had been aggravated by not being drafted for the First Hydra fight. Taking that time to prove he was better than those who went into the fight. Of course he was right in his advisement; it was a mistake. That was proven by their loss. Then he came back to find that SAO was leaderless without Ebon, and he had decided to organize the raid himself. _Now we’re back to Square one,_ He thought, as he remembered it was Kiru he had invited to help organize and host the Second Battle for the Hydra

There were no feelings for her then. At all, he saw her as another potential ally due to strength and that was it. It was this thought that made him want to pinpoint the exact moment that changed, but was caught from this thought when she gave another lengthy explanation to his misunderstanding of her words, something he found himself doing quite often. He had no words to respond to her though. He didn’t know what to say that wasn’t already said, despite the fact that he could reassure her, Zelrius didn’t this time. She was right in that in atleast the last year, there had only been pain between the two. Still, Zelrius refused to see fault; trying his best to search for positivity. Yet there was none, not with the “searching” for Keith. He had hated how adamant she was on doing it, and he really couldn’t care less, having felt abandoned by Keith. Yet he still tried to search whenever she asked, only out of kindness for her, trying to make up for the thoughts of hate.

Her words made him want to once again try to lighten the mood. “Not much more of an idiot than the rest of us, anyway.” His way of reassuring her without sounding lame in doing it. “You think that if I thought you lacking in the brain department, that i’d have you around as a Commandant? Lost your god damn mind if you think that. Though, maybe we all have.” He stopped there, before what was meant to be a little joke evolved into a ramblingfest of the “intelligence” of the Commandants.

It was only moments after his own lean in and then retraction, that she did his own. For a moment, he backed away, feeling his heartbeat rise; the constant thumping resonating within his chest becoming louder, feeling each shudder throughout his torso. He was caught extremely off guard by it, and even more so by the forehead kiss and hug. He let out a long, relieved breath as it hadn’t turned into what he thought it was about to. The boy quickly reciprocated the hug; his arms wrapping her back and pulling in a bit tightly, never knowing how firm hugs were supposed to be; a little quirk that he never seemed to get over. “As are you,” The boy began, “And even though you don’t think so, I’ve enjoyed every moment with you up to this one.” His voice was a whisper, one with little air behind it as he was still shaken by the unexpected hug. He held the hug for a bit, and then continued with his whisper; “You said you’d never done anything for me, but I can confirm that’s wrong,” He broke the embrace, pulling back and placing his hands on the sides of her shoulders. His expression softened, his dark blue orbs meeting her icy eyes, holding that for a moment. Leaning in once again; his heartrate picking right back up to that terrifying pace as he pushed to do something that had taken him over a year to build the courage for, pulling her closer as he leaned in, placing his lips on hers for only a moment before pulling only a few inches away to meet eyes again, his face flaring up to a bright crimson in embarrassment.

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KIRU: There was a slight retraction when I leaned in. Zelrius probably was not comfortable, but that was not on my mind. I felt as though it was my job to make him feel safe. And as “motherly,” as that sounded, it was true; Zelrius was someone I watched after. Yet, he also watched over me this past year, so we were same in that mindset. It was a never ending cycle of overhead observation without communication that probably drove us apart and caused arguments like this. But like a coin, there were two sides; it’s what kept us close as well. That’s why I didn’t stop, even with the slight unnoticeable flinch.

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking everything in and allowed the my sudden burst of affection to settle in. If he did nothing, I would not really be hurt necessarily; he was not the type of person to just express such feelings. However, if he did in fact decide to suddenly mix it up, I would be surprised. The last time I ever saw Zelrius do anything in regards to caring for someone was when he was with Manta last night. I could not see anything clearly but I saw enough to know that Manta obviously liked Zelrius. And by doing this, I was not exactly trying to Zelrius that I loved him. Don’t get me wrong, I did love Zel, however it was on a deeper level than just an SAO marriage or something. I did not know precisely what I was attempting to accomplish with my gesture; I guess something along the lines of calming or consoling could have been part of it. Certainly, in my mind, I was sure that somehow it gave him reassurance that I did not hate him. He needed the moment to go on, for his life to continue without having me as a roadblock.

We stayed together; and Zelrius began to reply to my statement. It made me smile, only a just a little, that he was finally opening up a little to me, “It is impossible to enjoy every moment with another person. Take that time I fell from a chair while you watched, for example, that was not fun. Well, at least not for me. Anyways.”

After a moment, Zelrius released. I did not want him to, I loved hugs. He placed his hands on my shoulders. I could have sworn his hands were shaking just a smidge; maybe he placed them there to stable himself. It didn’t matter to me, as long he was happy for now. Zelrius looked extremely nervous. Or was it happiness? It did not matter either, suddenly he began to lean in. My heart rate rose quickly. Was he actually? Too late. I felt his lips press against mine. Something washed over me. Was it guilt? Guilt that I was kissing Zelrius when Keith could possibly be alive still? That was not very probable, but it was in the back of my mind. Was it fear? Fear he would suddenly leave right after this? Or was it simply jitters? Zelrius was always solo, and for him to come this close to me was rare. Very rare. I decided in that moment to stop thinking so much, to enjoy the moment.

Once again, too late, he pushed away from me. His face was bright red, but I could guess that mine was too. The corner of my lip raised, and I placed my hands gently behind his ears and leaned forward. I returned his kiss, not sure if it was the right thing. All I knew was that it’s what I wanted right now: Zelrius. I let go slowly and looking straight into his eyes with a very tiny smile.

“I think I’ve done something for you now.”

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ZELRIUS: In the moment he pulled away from his moment of passion, Zelrius hated himself again. He thought about Manta, the white haired woman who clearly had feelings for him, emotions the boy himself didn’t return, even though he so badly wanted to. The way she turned red when he had asked her out on a date, and they went up the way to the church; so willingly sticking close, constantly pressing against him, so willing and happy to have someone. For what reason? Zelrius himself could recall the nights drinking with Dom in which they’d throw shade at the low levels who placed too much emphasis on affection and companionship. Yet here he was, throwing an entire day away for a girl he couldn’t help feeling attached to.

That moment seemed to hold over well with her, very surprisingly. The golden haired Commandant thought back to all the times he had the chance to do something like this, pull her aside and express his feelings, and was too afraid to; terrified of the implications of her saying no, worried for Azure and the implications of her leaving it had things become awkward in spite of that.  And then he finally did it, just then, and while no response was given; she didn’t seem instantly repulsed. A good sign, I suppose was all he could muster in his mind in that second.

He had another thought come to him, one that never saw fruition. His heartrate picked back up as he felt her hands on his head and watched as she leaned in once again, returning with a moment of passion of her own, the difference being; the boy felt the heat in his cheeks fade. He didn’t feel nearly as embarrassed when she returned the gesture, but more than anything, he felt guilty. Especially about how long this took.

He returned the smile, his own being not as small, unable to control his happiness with the situation at hand. “You beat me to the punchline Princess.” The sadness of a few moments ago having completely vanished, replaced by the usual teasing he bantered her with, with a tad of something else tinted into his words. His hands idly rubbed up and down on her shoulders and then his smile dropped a bit, letts his arms fall and looking around, as if looking for someone or something. “Maybe I should turn my tracking back on to make sure no one is peeping on us.” He joked over his shoulder to her, still scanning the area.

He was worried, that somehow, someone would stumble upon them, and he was irrationally worried that that person would be Manta. The horrors that would ensue. Yet, he also reasoned, that it wouldn’t matter. Who was she? Some Brigadier who was moderately cute, and now he had Kiru. Or did he? Now Zelrius was back to the infinite questioning, one he decided to cut short by spinning back around to face Kiru, swallowing nervously and leaning in to quickly give her a peck on the cheek, raising an eyebrow once their eyes met again, as if to ask a question.