F1 PP: "Re: Start!"

[Esther 0]

Esther sat at a wooden table. Long fingers tapping against its surface, she wore a small smile on her lips, and every so often she'd make a sound to affirm that she was 'listening' It was clear she was uninterested in the youth who chose to sit across from her. How did the young woman find herself in this position? All she wanted to do was enjoy a quiet meal. Next thing she knew, she was approached by a red-headed boy who struck up conversation with a very poor attempt at a pick up line. His voice was high, young. Esther had to wonder how old he was....13...? 14...? Surely no older. xXxMiamxXx....or was it Xavier? She couldn't recall his name, other than the fact it seemed to be plucked straight from one of those Japanese animations. He was going on about how he had slayed a boar. The story he told had changed, from one boar, to three, to twenty. He'd been at it for half an hour now and had blatantly ignored anything Esther had to say.

"It's been...lovely...really...but I must be going now." Esther said, as she stood to depart.

"NO! WAIT!" The red-headed boy shouted, as he lunged over the table grabbing her arm. "I haven't finished yet! Why aren't you listening to me? What is WRONG with you?" He shrieked, voice breaking. Esther was startled by the action, as anyone would be. It was unexpected. She blinked a few times, and tried to pull her arm away from the boy. "Please. Let go. You're being a little irrational -don't you think?" She asked, carefully placing her hand over his, as she tried to pry his fingers off her arm. "If you let go, I'll listen a little longer- but we have been talking for half an hour now. I'm sure you have many more adventures to have. Talking to me mustn't be that entertaining."

[Ashrah 0]

It wasn't often he sat in an inn long enough for other players to gather, and when he did Arc tended to linger near the shadows at the fringes of society. He held the saucer gently between three fingers and sipped leisurely at his sake, which was a departure from his preferred ale but suited his purposes just fine. The liquid was a different hue from the gentle amber he grew accustomed to back home, but the warmth of rice wine going down was enough to bring a smile to his face.

Until someone called out, and his buzz was rudely disrupted. He glanced toward the two, a young boy and a woman who looked almost like candy given human form with the sweetness she attempted to offer the boy despite his horrible attitude. Tobias really hated kids like that. Entitled little runts with no sense of propriety had no business sharing them same table with their elders, let alone forcing their desires on them. It was enough to make him place the drink on the counter and stand abruptly.

"She doesn't want to talk to you anymore," he said as he grabbed the youth by the wrist forcefully, though the act was hardly malicious. Since he lacked the sufficient skill to do unarmed damage, Cardinal didn't recognize the act as an attack, so it saw no need to protect the child from harm. There was no pain, nor would any pain incur. It was a terrifying experience, being attacked by someone in the town, but you only risked death in a proper duel.Arc knew well enough how to intimidate within the rules. It kept people honest. "You should apologize to the lady."

The mercenary held tightly to the wrist and locked eyes with the youth, who glared back up at him in contempt. "Gonna do something about it?" he asked, eyes narrowed nearly to slits. "Or are you going to say you're sorry and bugger off like a good little kid?"

Arc didn't even bother to glance at the woman, despite coming to her aid. It was obvious that she was only going to search for a diplomatic solution with someone who was unreasonable. The protective urge in the mercenary's consciousness made it his duty to act, in spite of his own qualms with the idea of social interaction.

[Esther 0]

It happened so quickly Esther was unable to react appropriately. One moment she was trying to pry shaking fingers from her arm. The next; calloused hands brushed her own soft ones aside and her vision was obstructed with shades of black. The woman blinked, trying to quickly asses what happened. Esthers nose prickled with the scent of grass and faint hints of alcohol...Sake? She wasn't sure. Green eyes glanced up at a man, almost two heads taller than her. She couldn't see his face, nor his eyes. But the tone of his voice was threatening, almost demanding as he, in a much less kind way than her - told the kid to leave. She had to feel somewhat relieved at the sudden interference, but his way of handling things made her nervous.  Esther didn't exactly do well with conflict, and tried to avoid it where possible. 

Still...the act wasn't entirely unwelcome. For the moment, Esther watched in silence - assessing the unfolding commotion. 

The kid stared up at Arc, eyes wild. "WHO are YOU?" He sneered before grinning - offering an insult that only further showed the immaturity of him, and his age. "her boyfriend? I bet she doesn't even like you that much! Why do you think she spent all that time with me?"

Esther tilted her head at the accusation, was that an insult? Green eyes studied the red headed boy. No...it wasn't directed at her. Still, the situation seemed to be escalating. Esther glanced around to see other patrons taking notice of their presence. If this continued. It wouldn't end well for at least one of them, and she placed her bets on the youngest of the three. Despite his outburst and bothersome demeanour, the woman didn't wish any ill will toward him. Esther raised a hand, placing it atop the dark clad strangers. "I think that's enough now." She added in a calm yet stern voice. Turning to the youngest she spoke, "Chatting to you was....interesting..." Esther mused. "But I think you're a little young for me." She stepped closer to the red headed boy. Leaning in to speak to him. Raising a hand to cover her mouth, as though she were whispering. Despite the fact that she failed to lower her voice. "I'm 23 you know...that's a little perverse don't you think?" Esther asked in a playful manner, standing. She couldn't help but give an amused laugh at the shocked look on the redheaded boys face. 

"EEW! You're as old as my sister and she's OLD!" He muttered as he stepped back from the table. "I got better things to do!" He quickly retorted, as he made a brisk exit. Esther simply waved him off, wishing him goodbye with another soft laugh. "I would have told him how old I was earlier, if I knew it'd get rid of him that quickly." Esther mused. Shooting the man a cheeky grin. "Thank you-" Esther paused, she wasn't sure what to call him, and she dare not ask anothers name without first offering her own.

"I'm Esther. Despite the circumstances, It's nice to meet you." She pointed to his face. "I hope I'm not being rude, but I could smell some sort of alcohol on your breath, Sake? Wine? To thank you - would you like me to buy you a drink, it's price - your name."

[Ashrah 0]

He almost slapped the kid across the face when he got snottier than before. Arc quelled his temper only because it was a child, but the grip intensified. Were it not for the pain limiters, the youth would have cried out in pain when the mercenary's fingernails dug into flesh. Since there was no proper animation for blood and they were well within the city walls, nothing of his effort to cause the boy discomfort came of the wasted motion. "Disrespectful little whelp," he started in a grim voice that belied his half-eroded reason. "I have half a mind to drag you out and feed you to the boars-"

The woman's hand rested on his, and Arc glanced up. It was the first time he'd even taken proper notice of her, so it caught him off guard that she pried his hand away from her former antagonist. He allowed his grip to be loosened, then relieved of duty. She wasn't an unkind woman, which he suddenly understood from her actions and speech, but she was one who had allowed her kindness to be mistaken for weakness. She's got it in her, just needed someone else to speak up, I suppose.

His arm fell limp to his side as he watched the back and forth for a moment before it reached its anticlimax- the boy hurried away, talking about how gross it was that she was of an age with his sister. Old at twenty three? Hells, that makes me a fossil, I reckon.

Arc was only twenty six, but that made him substantially older than a good deal of Sword Art Online's userbase. Not that he minded in the least. For him, the game had been something else entirely. It wasn't meant to be a social thing, but more of a fun time and a chance to get into a different kind of character in a new setting. They were all sort of stuck there now, but that didn't mean they had to be awful. Like that bloody brat, he added mentally.

When the girl said she smelled alcohol on his breath, Arc quirked a thoughtful brow and considered this woman's social skills. They were on par for as woeful as his own, albeit in another way entirely. He was rude, willfully so, but she seemed to point out things that were better left unsaid. She didn't seem to mean any harm by it, though. He let it slide without mention. "Sake," he confirmed, "though admittedly, I'm far less inebriated than I like."

It was reasonable to consider the offer of a drink as a form of payment, and for a mercenary that was the logical discourse. "I'll take you up on that, I think. My name is Arc. I'm a Mercenary." It occurred to him that it might sound odd, or like he was a roleplayer taking the fact that quests had rewards far too seriously. It was more than that. Arc used the opportunity to group with players weaker than himself to garner col, which in turn supported his lifestyle. It gave him an excuse to interact with people he normally wouldn't. For Arc, the mercenary lifestyle was about as good as it got.

"You seem a nice girl, Miss Esther," he said, "it's a crying shame for people to abuse your kindness, but I'll abide my own indiscretion when there's drink involved." He gave her a sly wink, then headed back for his sake and motioned for her to join him in the shadier part of the room, where the undesirables clung desperately to their social disparity.

[Esther 0]

Esther noticed the man quirk a brow and she held up her arms in a defensive position as she quickly waved them to and fro. "Ah, no -no! I did not mean to offend." She muttered, embarrassed. He didn't need to mention her social faux paux, his actions alone were easily read by Esther. She took a small breath, lowering her hands and closing her eyes. Calming herself. If he had an issue with it, he would have mentioned. Esther, in Esther fashion was worrying over nothing. She opened her eyes. Now calm. The man, whom had introduced himself as Arc confirmed that he was drinking Sake. Esther couldn't help but feel a little proud at his comment. She wasn't the most attentive. The scent was just familiar. Every so often she would spend a late night with her father over a bottle of the stuff, catching up on each others lives. Esther smiled softly at the fond memory. 

Arc also mentioned that he was far less drunk than he would have preferred, she wondered if he was an alcoholic. Or Did he have a hard day and wanted to forget? Was drinking his way of relaxing? Esther opened her mouth to question it, but couldn't think of any nice way to address it. So she held her tongue. His reasons were his own. Despite how curious she was. 

Arc motioned for her to join him to where Esther could easily assume he sat earlier. In a dark corner away from the hustle and bustle of the main area. Esther didn't follow him straight away, she went to the bar to procure more Sake. As she joined him at his little dark corner she gave a frown. It was difficult to make out his face. She glanced around, the gas lamps above them had been dimmed. Without a thought to her present company and his preference Esther set the drink down, before reaching up and turning the lamps up till it was bright enough for them to clearly see each other. "That's better." She exclaimed, "sitting in the dark can't exactly do much for your mood. Surely." She mused as she sat down.

Esther poured a drink, first for him then for herself. "A Mercenary. So you do things in exchange for Col, or favours right?" Esther asked. "Isn't that lonely?" Esther couldn't imagine that it was  a very friendly profession. She assumed that a Mercenary would have to keep business contacts at arms length - that a reputation would precede him, and he'd be hard to approach. Esther picked up the small porcelain cup and let it rest in her lap, carefully tracing it with her index finger. Esther spoke in a low, thoughtful tone, "I can kind of admire that. I couldn't do it. Pushing others away doesn't come naturally to me. I'd find the loneliness crushing. Sometimes, I lie in bed and wonder - just how many players are in this world...that have used it as an escape from a harsh reality, only to come face to face with a harsher one still. How lonely that must be..."

Arc made a comment about how she seemed like a nice person. Esther raised her eyes to meet his. His eyes were similar to hers in colour, although several shades darker. It was difficult to read him. Not that Esther was good at reading people in the first place. This man was a mercenary, so Esther could only assume he was many levels above her own. Higher leveled played avoided the first floor. Was he here on business? If so was she interrupting it? "You say that..." Esther said, taking a sip from her cup, "but you came to a strangers aid without hesitation. I think that was a nice thing to do. Besides..."

Esther paused, taking another long sip till she finished the cup and placed it nimbly back on the small table. "I don't mind too much if people abuse my kindness." She absently began twirling a long strand of lilac hair around her finger. "We were all thrown in such a harsh environment. It's only natural for people to handle things differently. If I can help them deal with that - then isn't it worth it? If you can make that one person smile, ease one mind...I see so much negativity. I hear so much about it...strong players going into hiding, throwing themselves off the edge of Aincrad...It's so sad, but if we let those things get to us. We've already lost. I may not ever be strong enough to join the frontlines, but if I can make a small difference here - if I bring light to one person's dark. Then I don't mind it if people abuse me for it."

[Ashrah 0]

He winced a bit as the light stole past his eyelids and stung sensitive retinas. It was the assumption of a person with good intentions who could only guess at what plagued the person she sought to assist, and it did what assumptions were wont to do. Arc turned his face away from the direct effect and scowled as he sipped at his sake sourly. His features were not so much dark as they were thoughtful, plagued by several weeks of strange things happening around him.

Arc had a face young for his age, which caused people to frequently underestimate the actual number. His green eyes were vivid despite their distance, offset by the rigid frown that seemed etched into his hardened countenance. His cloak was ratty and worn, gray and black and riddled with holes. It offered little more than the aesthetic of a wanderer, but the mercenary allowed it to make his role a bit more believable. Beneath the tertiary layer, he wore black and loose fitting clothes that allowed freedom of movement, which made him able to perform physical maneuvers more easily. It paid to be flexible and quick in the heat of battle, he figured.

The heavy blade Levantine hung over his back as he hunched over the counter and begrudgingly sipped his rice wine. Her words about loneliness and pushing away others annoyed him more because they came too close to truth than because they were unwelcome, but he let her speak her peace. "Jobs are jobs," he replied flatly, "people are people, and I'm me. It's not all that difficult."

Tobias skirted a real answer by laying out the baseline logic, but he realistically owed her no explanation of his reasons for what he did. "It's less about who I work for and more about doing the work. I'm just a guy with a sword. It makes sense that I'd turn that into a living, doesn't it?" Other people were tailors, blacksmiths, alchemists- but what was a better or noble profession for a swordsman than wielding a sword?

Arc didn't want to preoccupy himself with friends, just clientele.

He took another long sip of the ale, placed down the saucer, then glanced toward Esther. Arc gauged her final response quietly, certain that under different circumstances he might admit to the same optimistic benevolence. Alas, he did not know her well enough to admit anything like that, so he gave an indifferent grunt and looked away when she finished with her fantastic speech. "Pretty sentiment," he managed to say. It was the best he could offer.

If Arc had it in him to be as heroic as she was describing, he managed not to show it. To help someone- sure, if he was able, he'd always do it. His life wasn't nearly as important as doing the right thing. He truly believed that. His best friend had died for that. The standard was set. "Doesn't matter about the front lines, or the first floor," Arc said as he poured another draught of the beverage. "Work'll always be good as long as there's people what need help."

His eyes never left the drink as he spoke.

"Doesn't mean you have to suffer so someone else can be happy."

Hypocrite. You suffer so everyone who comes into contact with you can be happy. You struggle so that others won't have to. You stake your life on the line so people weaker than you won't die. You have no right to tell anyone not to suffer. Arc poured a bit more into her saucer to distract himself from the war being waged behind his eyes. "There's people who fight," he told her, "and people who make the fighting worthwhile. You don't have to be both."

 

[Esther 0]

His replies to her prying questions were short and avoided any sort of definitive answer. Esther knew the hint, but she didn't entirely accept it. She was a curious woman, and often, that curiosity got the better of her. She gave a dismissive wave of her hand, "You're only as good as your actions, so far to me, that's a 100% goodness reading." 

Arc continued, stating that it was a living. Her smile faded and her hand lowered. It hadn't exactly bothered her lately, moreso. Her lack of anything seemed to bother other players. Esthers eyes lowered as she contemplated her predicament. Arc seemed like a nice enough person, if not a little standoffish. She felt comfortable enough around him to open up. Despite his cold demeanour his presence, it felt powerful, and calming. "A profession...huh...." Esther thought aloud, her hands shifting to grip the fluffy pale pink trim of her coat. "I've been....content here." Esther began, "I've been looking after the children - I don't see a reason to take up a sword or weapon." Esther laughed softly at herself, "I haven't picked a starter weapon. Nor a profession. Most call it weak, cowardly. Boy have I had that thrown in my face at times by stronger players! But I don't think it is - is it really that weak to wish to help others, to want to see smiles on all those kids faces? To wipe away their tears?" Esther turned her attention back to Arc.

She noticed his drink empty, and had reached out to refill it, but he beat her to it. Esther gave him a sheepish grin as if it apologize for the awkward interaction but she wasn't sure if he caught it. He seemed so focused on his own drink, and actions. Esther poured another drink for herself, and took a sip. The tingling burn touched her lips and travelled down her throat. Resting in her stomach. The sensations were nostalgic, as again, Esther reminisced about her father. Another smile touched her lips. She replied to Arcs gruff comment on how it was sentiment. "Is that a bad thing?" She asked in an airy tone, still awash with nostalgia.

"People always need help!" Esther began again, her tone sudden and at least three octaves louder than her previous statement. Esther had leaned forward, green eyes burning with intensity at his statement. "Look around you Arc!" she began, "So many people sit with downcast eyes. They are sitting right across from someone, but they don't even have the heart or will to look at them anymore." She said, her statement wasn't aimed at Arc, more so at the others around her - if she had been more attentitive to details, she'd notice that he was doing the exact same thing. "I don't see it as suffering. I see it as...." Esther paused, "Mmm...." Her brain wasn't as quick as her mouth. "You know....uhm..." She trailed off, and a few seconds passed before she exclaimed the next word with renewed energy. "CHALLENGES!" She exclaimed. "I may not be able to relate to what people have gone through here. I may never know the depths of what they have had to deal with - but I can still fight. I may not fight with a sword, but I will fight my own battles, in my own way. One weakness, is just another strength. Isn't- oh! I'm okay I-" She paused, fussing over the fact that Arc had topped up her drink. Esther hadn't planned on drinking any more. 

"Thank you." She said to him, the action seemed to have calmed her down again. As Esther realised that she was getting a little carried away. She gave an awkward laugh, "Sorry, I think I lost myself a bit there." She said lightly. Esther allowed a minute of silence to occur between the two, she took this time to silently watch Arc. He looked troubled.

"Are you ok?" She asked, genuine concern in her voice.

[Ashrah 0]

Its not weak.

Part of him wanted to tell her that. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, to tell her that she needed to stand up to those people and defend her beliefs. Tobias wanted to reassure her that the strength it took to care for someone, and to give your all to protect them was far greater than the strength it took to lift a sword. The ancient Samurai believed that it took more discipline to not use your sword than it did to swing one. They sought answers above the blade, for the man who wields the weapon is the mind and the blade is no more than an extension of the body. People who treated that sort of strength as paramount knew so little of the world,and of other people. Those people saw only themselves and their selfish interests.

You're much stronger than I am.

Arc lost his ability long ago to tell people directly how he felt. Something buried deep within him disconnected the mercenary from others, and he made no attempt to find it and fix it. Instead, he ambled across Aincrad and peddled the strength he had amassed in hopes of protecting people, all the while selfishly guarding himself from further pain. He knew it was futile, and that others would die. He hated that this world laughed at his best efforts toward self-preservation. As he sipped the sake idly, he found that the saucer ran dry again. His flushed face mirrored the dissatisfaction he felt when no more liquor wet his tongue. He stared at the container pensively.

It takes more to give of yourself than it does to seek glory. There is no shame in the path you chose for yourself.

Her energy was intoxicating. Were he anyone else, Arc might have gotten caught up in the whirlwind of emotion and awkward that was Esther. Her eyes matched his in color, but the brightness and life that shone in her gaze as she spoke of her passion outweighed his paltry notion of Mercenary work. Part of him envied her that she was unafraid of those bonds. It took far more strength to risk loss than it did to close oneself off. Arc had become a solitary soldier, but for what? To lose himself to Sword Art Online?

How much of Tobias will make it back to the real world?

Will I make it at all?

His eyes closed gently as she thanked him and he placed the spent saucer on the table between them. No matter what he did now, there was no chance that the alcohol would effect him. Not the way he wanted. She asked if he was alright, and Arc peered up at her. "I'm fine," he answered. "As fine as anyone in this world can manage to be."

The reality was that at some point, Aincrad tore at everyone's mind. Whether they staved it off for a short time, a long time, or learned to cope, the warped world offered hellish rebuke to anyone foolish enough to treat it like a carefree life. Arc had moved past the hardest part of grief and begun to accept his loss, but it had hardened him. He did not trust people easily. Though he admired this young woman for her kindness, generosity, passion, and empathy, Arc was a creature of stern logic and cold indifference. They were bound to clash in one way or another.

He just ensured that it was a tame clash, and not an argument.

Arc could see the world weighed on Esther whether or not she saw it for herself. He wanted to help her. It was in his nature to go out of his way for people. His father had taught him to be a man people could depend on. He had told him to fight for what was right, and to put himself in harm's way for someone if the situation demanded it. Even if he hid behind Col and his mask of strength, Tobias could not escape who he was.

"You don't need a sword to help people," he stated finally. His internal conflict had come to a head, and he refused to allow the hurtful words of others drag a good person down to hell. There were enough demons trapped in this world without people striving to turn others to their wretched cause. "Don't forget that."

He stood abruptly and turned his gaze toward the door. "I should go," he said.

[Esther 0]

Esther didn't want the next drink, she wasn't one to drink until drunk. Those moments were few and far between. Still, she politely sipped at the saucer. Eyes focused on Arc as she intently tried to listen to him. To watch him. There was more to him than he let on. Unlike her, he seemed to take a great deal of time between sentences. His words were very calculated and guarded. Many people were like this in Aincrad. They became different people. But Esther, she wanted to continue to be Esther, to be Phoebe. To be her, and not let anyone waiver her core beliefs.

There was more silence between the two, but Esther didn't mind - their conversation didn't bore her and he was a complex person. Each dark look he gave her, every half lidded gaze which drifted away, it just made her all the more curious about who he was. Between the words he spoke, it looked almost as if he was fighting with himself. Almost. Esther had no way of telling for sure. She could only make haphazard guesses.

He broke the silence, stating that he was fine. "That's a lie," Esther blurted out, as soon as the words left her lips she covered her mouth. A look of remorse fell across her features, she had thought it, but didn't intend to say it. "I mean..." She stammered, wanting to fix the situation. "You look troubled, and you say as fine as anyone in this world can be, but that's just it." Esther began, "We aren't just in this world, we exist both here - and in reality. In the real world. I'm Esther, but I'm also Phoebe. I'm fine as Esther, because I'm fine as Phoebe."

Arc closed his eyes, and Esther felt that she was fighting a loosing battle with this man. She gave her head a small shake, no. It wasn't a loosing battle. It was a challenge. He spoke, and his words made Esther smile. He reaffirmed that she did not need a sword to help people. "You don't need to use the title mercencary to help people either." Esther mused. Of course, her words were a haphazard guess. For all she knew, Arc took his job very seriously. He wasn't the first mercenary she had come across, others had offered their services to the people of the Town of Beginnings before, but were shrewd. Not offering even a second without the exchange of a plethora of Col. "I'm sorry if this is rude, but this is just me guessing, most mercenaries wouldn't help me like you did. They wouldn't sit with the company of another, or offer consoling words without some form of payment. But you have." She gestured toward the empty Sake, "You shared a drink with me - when most would claim it for themselves only."

She wasn't able to continue her conversation, as Arc abruptly stood, Esther leaned forward to steady the table which had been bumped. He said he should go, and Esther was almost going to let him do so - but, she was curious. She was bored, and she had no duties to perform today. So, she got up, offered him a smile and asked. 

"Ok, where are we going?"

[Ashrah 0]

It was absolutely unheard of to simply give someone your name. When this girl did so, Arc stared at her with a grave expression that bordered more on anger than disbelief. It was one thing to truly care for others, and another thing entirely to throw safety to the wind and unveil your true name to someone you had never met. He wanted to chastise her for it, and to tell her to be more careful with her information, but it was too late. She was Phoebe now, not just Esther. It was hard to disassociate that information when it fell so carelessly into your grasp.

He was careful to use her character name, not her real one when he spoke next. "It's very poor manners to call someone a liar," Arc spoke between gritting teeth. "I'd advise you to be more aware of your courtesies in the future, Miss Esther." The way he said her name brought attention to it, reminded her that she should use it. He did not need to fill in the blanks for this girl.

When she gave her exposition on the state of Aincrad's merchant warriors, he grunted.

"Then they're great mercenaries, but they're not much as far as people go." His response was flat and without remorse. He had no sympathy for the sort of people who would throw away general human decency in favor of making money. She kept talking about how he hid behind his Mercenary title, and it irritated him. Still, had had restraint enough to not lose his cool with this woman he barely knew. One or two quick, sharp words seeped through his well constructed barrier, but he let nothing that seemed like true caring slip past him. "Besides," he ran a finger along the rim of his saucer and traced the ceramic with a calloused finger. It made a coarse sound, subdued but audible. "You did pay me. Who was I to drink all of your sake?"

He made a quick motion with his hand and sent the saucer flipping end over end in the air. With a deft motion, he caught it between two fingers and waggled it before her pointedly. "You also shouldn't go making assumptions about who people are when you only met them five minutes ago. Someone with less patience than me would probably give you the fifth degree, but all I can manage is a stern warning." He spun the saucer with a flick of his wrist and balanced it on his index fingertip. It continued to rotate in a seemingly perfect circle. "Work on that bedside manner, or you're going to end up with a lot of people cross with you."

With a fluid motion he replaced the saucer on the table where it spun until it came to rest, perfectly flat. His jade eyes flickered away from her as she asked her final question, and he snorted. "We are not going anywhere. I am going to do some work before nightfall." He made it perfectly clear that she was dismissed, and he had no intention of allowing her to tag along.

Its too dangerous out there for someone who doesn't have any weapons, armor, or knowledge beyond their confined spaces. She'd get hurt.

[Esther 0]

Esther could tell that she was getting on Arcs nerves. His look of anger at her revealing her name stung a little. He put emphasis on her player name, hinting that she should use that instead of freely giving her real name. Esther didn't see the taboo of it. She wasn't giving her full name. It's not like he was sitting at a computer and track her IP or anything of the sort. She wasn't a gamer, so she didn't grow up with the knowledge that it was a major faux paux, and how rude it could be interpreted. No one thus far had corrected her on it. Esther shrugged, ignoring his seething comment, biting down on the unease she felt. Her words would no doubt only anger him more - but she felt they needed to be said. "I see it no different than if we were to meet in reality. I know some call it taboo, others feel that it is a safety issue. Personally...I see it as a link to who I am. An affirmation." She paused, challenging his gaze with one of her own, "I'm not going be become lost in this world. I have my own way of doing that." 

Arc spoke next through gritted teeth, and his tone didn't so much scare her as it upset her. "I'm...very sorry about that. You're right." She said, "I shouldn't have said you were a liar, I know it isn't much of an excuse, but it just sort of slipped out. Watching you... I see you contemplate every word you say, or at least seem to. I can't do that, if I did - I'd probably fight with myself far too much, and end up saying the wrong thing anyway." She gave a small bow of the head, repeating her apology in body language rather than words.

Esther watched as Arc deftly caught the saucer between his fingers, she wanted to point out that she had bought it entirely for him. That he never had to offer her any of it. That she could have bought it for him and left, and that the two never would have engaged in such discussion, that maybe, just maybe if he wasn't attempting to be kind then she wouldn't piss him off so much. Esther didn't say those things, she held her tongue. This time.

"Lots of people are already not too happy with me." Esther said with a small shrug, "People get frustrated with my demeanour. They don't like how chipper I am, they don't like my honesty, but that's ok. They don't have to like me. Not as Esther..." She paused, "Not as Phoebe." There was another pause, that was sure to rile him up, she didn't intend to do so, she just wanted to make her equally valid point made. "I'm ok with that. Again, if I can see one person smile a day. It kinda makes me feel worthwhile."

Arc made it crystal clear that she were not to follow him. Esther was about to argue the point, but it wouldn't get her anywhere. Instead, a different idea flashed across her mind - she gave him the smallest of smiles, and if Arc were paying attention he may have noticed the devious glint in her eyes. "Well, you've made that obvious. For what its worth, I enjoyed my time, and conversation with you."

She stepped forward, and took his hand, giving it a warm shake. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Arc." She gave it one final squeeze before turning around, happily humming to herself. Each step she took toward the upstairs of the inn, the rooms hired out, had a spring in it.

I'll show him...

[Ashrah 0]

She saw giving her name as a means of telling herself she was real, and that something outside the game did exist. It was easy to forget. Arc did not easily forget, though. He remembered everything of his youth, both bitter and happy. The name Tobias would pass his lips only upon peril of death. He was himself, but only to himself. There was no reason for anyone on Aincrad to know who he was. They only had to know he was another player, someone else trapped in this hell. They only needed to know that he was someone else with something to go back to. They were united in that, at least.

It wasn't her business to read him like that. Thom used to do that, and it infuriated him. Their friendship had started rocky, and they only grew close because both boys were hard headed, terrible with people, and they shared a hidden kindness and thirst for life that few people rivaled. The way she spoke her mind like that was almost like the man who called himself Alkor, but totally different. The man who died to a Hydra on the Ninth Floor was totally unapologetic when he called someone out. He stared into the abyss of their soul and dragged out truths about them that they tried to hide away. He gave them pause and forced them to reflect. He was a hard pill to swallow.

She wasn't tactful, but she was at least nice enough to know that she had crossed a line. The girl apologized readily and Arc sighed. "If you want to read something, try a book," he murmured, though he had no intention of letting her hear his words as he turned away from her. She said her real name again as if testing him, and the warrior went rigid again for a moment. He stopped short and stared at the wall opposite himself. Arc knew that nothing he said would convince her. That was a battle he could not win.

When her hand touched his this time, Arc whirled around. She shook it, squeezed it. He stared down at where she touched him. His eyes did not meet hers, instead locked on the point of contact. When she pulled away, he turned for the door. "I need to get enough col to stay the night," he said when she was out of earshot, "or I'm going to end up sleeping in the street. A boar or two ought to do the trick... ah, piss, I don't have the time. Night's coming up quick..."

Arc began digging through his inventory with quick, measured swipes of his finger.

"Phoebe... huh." He paused, stared toward the ceiling. Arc let out a sigh. "What a strange girl."

[Esther 0]

I'll show him good...


The thought ran through her head as she headed down the long hall. This particular inn was the only one in the Town of Beginings. Despite that, it wasn't very big - haing only the one floor of rooms. Esther guessed that it was because not many stayed in the town for long, other than herself there was only two other carers for the children. Most others used their shops as a makeshift home, but since Esther didn't have a profession she didn't have that luxury. She headed toward the end of the hall, second from the end- she opened the door and closed it. Giving a small sigh she leaned her back against the door.

Esther wasn't going to follow him, in a sense - what he said was right. It was getting late and monster spawns always doubled, sometimes tripled in the evenings and at night. Having her tag along outside the safe zone was just stupid and irresponsible. It's why she didn't push the matter. Opening her eyes they gazed across her room. It's furnishings were simple enough; a bed, dresser, table and chair, and mirror. The same as every other room. What wasn't the same, was the amount of flowers strewn across the floor, on her bed, on her table - everywhere there was a myriad of yellow and white daisies. Some had been linked together to form crowns. She was working on them as a surprise for the children tomorrow. Now, she had a different plan. The children could wait another day for theirs.

Esther de-equipped her boots and wriggled her toes. "Much better." She stretched and plonked herself down on the floorr amidst the flowers. She started working. Threading the ends together to create more crowns. The work was time consuming, but relaxing. Esther sung a cherry tune happily to herself as she worked. Unafraid of who may hear her slightly off key voice. Before she knew it, hours had passed and night had fallen.


"Oh crap!" She shouted as she went to stand, only to stumble and fall straight back down with a loud 'thump' if the pain limiters weren't on, she would no doubt have winded herself or bruised a bone, out of sheer clumsiness, a few petals were lifted into the air, and nestled into her hair as they fell. That wasn't the case though. She brushed herself off and dusted her hands. "There." The room was now clean, aside from a few petals and stray flowers that sat on her floor. Too bad the same couldn't be said about the lilac haired girl. She gave a sniff, and wrinkled her nose. The room, and her hands were rich with the smell of flowery perfume. Esther was covered in pollen, stalks and petals stuck to her clothes and hair, but she didn't mind.

With the flower crowns safely in her inventory she left her room and started to hang a crown on each door knob. "This'll show him..." She mumbled to herself. This was Esthers great plan, to put a flower crown on every door. Why? To show Arc two things. One, that she was sorry, and two; that the world wasn't so black and white. That if people just enjoyed the smaller things, it'd make living more bearable. 

Esther did a lap of the floor, throwing petals onto the wooden floor as she ensured that every single door knob had a wreath on it. There was one floor to her plan, one that only crossed her mind as her hand rested on her own door. What if Arc didn't come back to the inn? What if he had his own place to stay on a higher floor? 

 

She heard footsteps trudging up the stairs. Esther quickly glanced around, double checking her work before opening her door an ducking in. Unsure if the person who was approaching had seen her not-so-quick retreat.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Esther

[Ashrah 0]

He hobbled up the stairwell, absolutely exhausted. It took less effort to hunt boars as he gained strength, but the number required to amass the wealth to pay for a single night increased drastically as well. The enemies on the first floor because less lucrative as a means of deterring people from attempting to remain there, requiring that they face forward and rise through the floors for advancement. To count, he must have killed at least twenty before he had the Col to pay for a single night stay. The Innkeepers on the first floor got more demanding as you got more skilled, he found. This inn was supposed to be for beginners. He was no longer among them.

The boards creaked as he stalked along them toward the room he had been assigned, but Arc almost didn't notice. He had the look of a corpse as he staggered onto the upper floor and leaned against the wall for support. It was rare when he showed any kind of weakness, but he didn't care just now. He barely noticed anything around him as he stumbled toward the door. "Almost... there," he muttered to himself as his hand found the handle, and...

"Wha... what the...?" he swayed a bit as he grabbed the strange wreath and lifted it for inspection. "Flowers..." he remembered the smell, the way it tasted bitter but seemed sweet. "F...low...ers..."

He felt his vision begin to fade, and his grip on the door wavered. Arc let out a soft sigh as he began to slip from consciousness, and his body slumped against the door. He let out a loud, abrupt snore and drooped toward the floor. "Thom's grandmom... had a garden... full of flowers..." he spoke in fragments, but his words held an obvious meaning. The mercenary let out another snore as his thoughts drifted to his fallen friend's favorite place, surrounded by flowers.

Arc held the wreath in hand as he rested, albeit not in a bed as he had hoped.

[Esther 0]

Esther heard the heavy footsteps grow closer, then stop. She craned her head - pressing her ear hard against her door trying to listen for sounds of a door opening and closing, or sounds of surprise. She heard none, just silence. Esther fidgeted before cracking her door open - peering out to see if she could see anyone. There he was. Just a few doors down. Arc. She gave a mischievous grin as he looked down at the flowers in confusion. He picked it up and Esther shifted her body trying to contain her fit of excitement. Then, the unexpected happened. He swayed, then fell with a loud thud. "AH!" 

Esther swung her door open, worry and concern replacing her excitement from moments before. "Arc!" She breached the gap between them, "Are you ok? Oh my gosh that was a heavy fall." She exclaimed, but he gave no answer. Just a murmured snore. Esther sighed, it would seem that there was no way she would get a response from him. Now that she was closer, it was clear he was exhausted. He was dirtied from battle, and the bags under his eyes were dark and sullen. "Just what did you do?" Esther asked in disbelief. "Welp." She stood, and tried his door, hoping that perhaps he had at least opened it before passing out. 

Esther turned the handle but it stopped, giving a sharp clicking noise. No luck. Esther slumped down on the ground next to the unconscious man. This was a predicament. What should she do next? She couldn't leave him on his own out here. She couldn't get him into his room. She could drag him to her own room, but wasn't entirely sure he would appreciate being man handled. Arc seemed like the type of person who wasn't too fond of getting close to people. Staying overnight in someone's room? That seemed way out of the mans comfort zone. Esther had to admit she didn't like the idea of having a man stay in her room either - it seemed a little scandalous. Still. He was someone in need.

"Stay right here." Esther said as she gave him a small pat on his shoulder. Standing she went into her room. It was still littered with flowers and petals, but that wasn't important. She headed over to her mattress and dragged it onto the floor. There was no way Esther would be able to lift the man onto her bed. So this was the next best thing. 

As Esther exited her room she saw another man, dressed in black standing over Arc. He held Arcs wrist, as though he were about to use the  fact Arc was unconscious to his advantage. Esther stared down the other man, with a disapproving gaze - he seemed to hesitate, he let go before retreating back down the stairs. It wasn't common, so Esther couldn't have been sure if the man was planning to sleep PK Arc or not. Perhaps he was just going to use the exhausted Arcs hand to trade Col, something more likely. The scenario could have escalated, and Esther wasn't sure what she would have done if the man didn't back down. She held her hands over her heart and gave a deep sigh of relief. It was a bit of a scare, to first see Arc collapse and then to see that. Still, everything had worked out. "It's ok." She told herself as she approached Arc. "It's going to be ok." She said again, although the phrase was more for herself than the sleeping mercenary. 

Esther wasn't sure how she was going to shift him, first she tried pulling by his arm but ended up falling. Next, she tried to push him - but his body was heavy and unmoving. Finally, she squirmed her way behind him and looped her arms under his armpits, and locked her wrists together over his chest. With a great deal of effort she managed to drag him to her room. At this point she had to let go. "Phew...heavier than you look." She muttered as she locked the door behind her, as optimistic as Esther was - she wasn't stupid, and took night time security seriously. On more than one occasion she had woken up to someone jiggling the door handle. 

The woman rolled up her sleeves, and bent over Arc - proceeding to roll him onto the mattress on the floor. "There." She carefully wrapped him up in the blanket, and set his hands so they were resting over it. Esther tried to pry the flower crown from his hands but he didn't budge. "You're welcome," she said, exasperated from the physical exertion. At least he liked them, even if it was subconsciously. 

Esther was feeling fatigued herself, she headed to the windowed side of the room. The moon was half full, and its light poured into her room. She rested her head against the open curtain, and allowed herself to slide down to a seated position. She made herself as comfortable as she could, and simply watched the mercenary. Every so often he'd stir, and again- mention the name Thom - and flowers. Esther wanted to know who Thom was, his grandma, and why flowers had anything to do with him. Was Thom the mans friend? Lover?

"S'ok Arc. I'm sure you'll see Thom again soon." She muttered sleepily.

[Ashrah 0]

The man slept soundly through being touched by multiple people and getting dragged along the floor. He never even heard the door lock, nor did he wake when she placed him on the mattress. When he did stir, it was during the throes of sleep and nightmares that plagued him. He was so accustomed to those now that they never frightened him awake. Tobias fought in that world no different than the one outside. Things that once scared him seemed so pitiful now. There was nothing that could break through the icy defenses that had risen in response to so much pain.

Images of demonic dragons danced through his subconscious, fiery breath taunted him at every turn. Tobias fought next to Thom, both men quick and strong as they sank blades into the impossible foe and drew back only murky, Stygian mists that threatened to engulf them in greater darkness. Neither man relented, eyes affixed to their grim duty. Next to his best friend, the young Tobias felt like nothing could stop either man. There was no challenge worthy of them.

Then, the second creature snapped its jaws shut around his friend. Tobias howled out, but no sound came. Thom collapsed in a puddle of mist that scattered. The mercenary swung his blade and slashed deep into the creatures, which crumbled like the sands in an hourglass as the world seemed to ebb away around him. The alternate reality shuddered like a puddle disrupted by a pebble, then fled quickly as weak words reached his ears.

"...sure you'll see Thom again soon."

He bolted upright and his eyes darted around, seeking the speaker. How did she learn that name? How much did she know? He saw Esther seated in a sleepy state next to him and went cold. It was that girl, the one who kept talking about who he was, trying to deduce more about him. Arc found his feet quickly and backed away from her. Does that mean she intends to kill me?

It seemed odd that she was almost at peace, totally in disarray with the words as he interpreted them. He looked down to his hand, where he still held the flowers that she had braided into a crown. I must have said something about it in my sleep. Silently he cursed, then dropped the floral accessory onto the mattress where it idled. Those memories were his alone. He would have to be more careful in the future about where he slept, and who he was near. How long have I been here?

He took the girl gently in both arms, scooping her up with one hand behind her back and the other beneath her knees, then laid her softly on the mattress. This is yours, not mine. You should be sleeping here, not me. He grabbed a sheet and tossed it over here before he took up a position next to the door, leaning with his head bowed and arms crossed. Once she woke up, he would leave. It wouldn't do to walk out and leave her door unlocked. He'd stand guard, the way she had.

That made them even, right?

[Esther 0]

Esther watched through half lidded eyes - fighting sleep, watching Arc. He seemed so uneasy in his sleep. She wasn't sure how to help him. Esther guessed the only thing she could do was watch until sleep took her. Not long after her words - he seemed to startle, sitting straight up. Eyes wildly looking around the room. His eyes landed on her briefly for a moment and she wondered if he was bothered by her watching him sleep. Arc scrambled to his feet and appeared to back away. Did she do something wrong? Did he even know she was awake? The room was dark, so chances were he didn't. Unless he had some sort of skill to let him see in the dark.

The man glanced down at the flower crown, his hand tightened around it - almost shaking. Esther couldn't place if the feelings were positive or negative. It was as though he was hurled into a world unlike his own. Her world, filled with flowers and dancing sunbeams- and his world; filled with shadows and venomous words. She wanted to help him. She wanted to cradle his swimming head and whisper that it would all be alright. Except that wasn't right was it? That was something that one would save for lovers and Esther certainly didnt have any such feelings for Arc, and she (quite wrongfully so) assumed Arc had them feelings for this 'Thom' fellow.

As Arc approached her, dropping the crown in his wake - Esther shut her eyes tight, she felt she was intruding on a private moment. She could feel his presence above her now - then - warmth. It was unexpected, how tenderly his arms looped around her petite form. How strong and careful his grip was. How each step he took was slow, as if even the slightest sound or sudden jolt would wake her. The slow, steady beat of his heart. Thumping against a hard chest. This made Esther feel all the more guilty. He was trying so terribly hard not to wake her. Yet here she sat, nestled against his chest. Awake.

She felt him lower her onto the mattress, and Esther couldn't do it any more.

"I'm awake." She said finally. In the softest of voices. She knew he was by the door, but she stared at the empty wall in front of her. Picking up the flower crown and running her thumbs over the petals. "I'm sorry. I think I intruded on some very private moments. Without intending to."

[Ashrah 0]

He shook a bit as he heard her words, then went perfectly still. There was every reason to be angry. Not once, but for an entire segment of his most personal turmoil she had been a witness. There was only absolute disdain for that fact in him for the first few seconds after she spoke. No one had the right to see him like that, or to hear him. He could not cry to his father, nor could he listen to the wise words of the man he admired most in the world. His best friend was dead, and never again would they face down seemingly impossible challenges together as they laughed and talked about a future that would never come. All of that died with Alkor, who's name he saw clearly printed across the monument on this very floor. That was what brought him here today, in reality. Not just the possibility of work, or a break from the floors above. He needed to see it with his own eyes. Mari's words had relayed the message, but doubt and disbelief suspended him from acceptance.

The name was there. Cold sweat had beaded on his brow as the emptiness filled him again, they way it always did. It used to be Thom who told him not to be so hard on himself, and who rallied behind him when things seemed difficult. He had spoken his first words to a girl at fifteen because Thom had told him to go for it. He struck out, and they went together for dinner to celebrate his short lived heroism. It was not the end, Thom used to say, but the journey that mattered. Fear of facing forward was nothing more than an excuse not to do it.

Thom was never afraid. Even when it could have killed him. Even when it finally did kill him.

What would he have said to Tobi if he saw him right now, at his wits end and about to scream at a girl who had done nothing wrong. That's just like you, Tobes. Go off and blame someone for your problems, but never take responsibility. You keep saying you want to be more like your dad, like the person he hoped you would grow to be, but then you turn around and project your anger onto those same people you claim to care so much about. You don't protect people like that. You only hurt them more.

Fingernails dug into flesh as the mercenary recalled the wisdom of his best friend, the pain that flashed through his cheek when the other boy punched him in the face. He forced himself not to reach up and touch his face. No. I won't lose my cool like this. Not over something so ridiculous.

"Ah, you're awake," he managed to say with a clarity of voice woefully mismatched to the thoughts that spiraled through his mind. "Good. I needed to get to my own bed anyway."

He turned toward the door and took the handle. There was no need to rise to anger, or even to dignify her apology with a response. All of his reactions would have played out the same whether he knew she could see and hear or not. There were some things beyond human control, even to someone as mechanical as Arc. She doesn't deserve your apathy, Tobias. No one does. You are better than that.

No, Thom. I'm not. When there was a possibility I could go back to that world, and that we could take it on together, I had nothing weighing me down. I could go for drinks with my dad, and we could laugh for hours about nothing. Now one of those places is emptied, and it won't ever be filled again. Don't you see that? I'm not as strong as you are. I'll never be that strong.

The funny thing about that, Tobes, is that I always thought the same about you.

His eyes widened for a moment as the words echoed in his mind, and he felt his blood run cold. You're a liar. You always say what you want me to hear, but you never stop to think about what I might think about it. Sometimes it hurts more than it helps, you know. Me, stronger than you? How could you even joke about something like that? His knuckles went white around the doorknob as he twisted it violently, the lock jarring as it barred his escape. He fumbled dumbly with the mechanism. How dare you, Thom. How dare you mock my suffering.

You're the one mocking yourself. Arc felt his expression harden to stone as the fight with Thom played back through his memory. What was it about this girl- no, about this entire situation- that made him reflect so much on that time? You say you want to protect people. You want to build them up, and you want to make sure that when they fall they have someone to help them get back on their feet. I have always envied that. All I've ever had was grandmom. I don't know a world beyond that. I know what you tell me, and the little I see without ever understanding. I wish for that kind of bravery, every single day. I want to be brave for people, just like you. But I don't even know how they feel.

How they feel? It occurred to him that he was just standing there like an idiot with his back to her. Tobias didn't care. You don't need to know how they feel. You just have to do the right thing.

So do the bloody right thing, Tobias. Why can't you follow your own advice? Thom had smiled weakly that time, but it seemed even weaker now that he was gone. The memory tugged at something in his chest, and the dagger twisted deeper.

Arc let out a ragged sigh. "This world gets to people sometimes," he said, his movements betraying the false calm of his words. "Sometimes you remember what happened on the other side, and what you had before this. It makes everything seem so pointless." His eyes were dark, cloudy, and lifeless. They were almost always that way when he was alone. His gaze was dead. "Someone who fails to protect even one person they care about has no right to protect anyone."

The door creaked open. "Good-bye, Miss Esther," he said diplomatically, "Thanks for everything."

You're a coward. Thom frowned at him with that disapproval that made his skin crawl. You could have done something great. Instead, you're running away.

There's nothing great to be done here. I can't get too close to these people. They'll end up like...

Yeah? What. Say it, you gutless coward. What'll they end up like?

Like you. Arc took a step out the door and started to walk away. I don't want anyone else to get hurt.

And you think not letting them in will stop that? You're not just a coward, your ego is immense.

It's not that. If they don't get close to me, it won't hurt. I'm tired of getting hurt.

What would your dad say if you told him that?

Tobias faltered halfway through his step. What would his father say? Thom liked to hit below the belt, didn't he? "He would have told me to get my head out of my ass and be a man," he muttered aloud, beneath his breath. "This game was really a terrible decision."

Yeah, well. Sometimes in life we make those. The trick is getting back up after you fall down.

"What happens when you have no ground left to walk on?"

Start learning how to fly.

Suddenly, Arc laughed out loud. It was erratic, almost insane laughter. He doubled over. There he is. That's the Tobias we know. Laugh. Cry. Feel something. You can't be anyone's hero while you're stuck here playing your own villain.

Oh, screw you.

[Esther 0]

Arcs words were short, spoke with a clear, distinct shortness. It was obvious, even to Esther, that he was intending to keep the conversation short on purpose. "I'm sorry, but I don't regret it." Esther muttered. Unsure if he had heard the words. She'd honestly rather he didn't. Such words would only set off the man. She had seen a part of him he fought so hard to hide, she saw a glimmer of emotion. A brief look into the person that Arc was. Esther felt as though she intruded on an important part of him, but at the same time - because it was such an important part, she felt humbled that she bore witness to it.

As Arc turned to the door Esther swung her body toward him, legs sticking out from the sheet he had tossed over her. Esther watched as his hand gripped the door. If he were to leave then and there, in those short moments. She would have let him go. She would not have questioned his actions, she would have left him be. There was a pause, and Esther offered Arc a smile. One that he didn't see. He still seemed at war with himself. Arc struggled with the door.

"You know...my dad saw this movie once..." She said quietly, watching his white shaking knuckles clutch the doorknob tightly...struggling to click open the door. "He fell in love with a saying from it." Esther smiled softly, tilting her head to the side. "The way he went on about it, it was so amusing. Did you want to hear it?" The question was redundant, she barely gave him time to answer before continuing. "There are two wolves who are always fighting, one is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. Which one wins?" She glanced up at him. His entire head was downcast, if she didn't know better- she'd almost say he was shaking. "The one you feed." She finished. 

As Arc continued to struggle with the door Esther stood, her footsteps barely made a sound, at least not one that could be heard over his failed attempts to open the door. She paused just out of arms reach. She could see it, or imagine it. Two hurt wolves, fighting each other within the man. The wolf of light and hope was small - and the wolf of darkness and despair, it thrashed around wild, panicked. 

"I think it's a nice saying, but I can't entirely agree with it." Esther continued, being sure to use a soft voice so as not to trigger Arc any further than she may already have. "I don't think they should fight - we all have these things inside us, and that's ok."

Arc spoke, and Esther paused, allowing him to talk. As Arc spoke, Esther approached the door, and pressed her back against the wall next to it. She linked her fingers in front of her, fumbling with her hands as she looked up at the mercenary. His eyes reflected such Pandemonium. "That's a stupid thing to say." Esther mumbled, shifting her gaze away from Arc as he said how failing to protect one person voids a right to protect anyone. "If you fail to protect that one person, and give up - isn't that a bit of a kick in the teeth for that person? Isn't it an insult to them? Don't you feel that they, that you deserve better?" her words were frightfully honest. She didn't sugarcoat them like she'd normally attempt to do so. Esther couldn't find any better way to sugar coat them. There was no nice way of saying it. Would he dislike her because of them? Probably. But they needed to be said. Esther didn't want to remain silent and live with that regret. 

Her eyes snapped back to him as she heard the creak of the door open. Another cold response. Another way to push himself further into the gaping jaws of that dark, beastly wolf. Esther didn't try to stop him. She just watched him with a sympathetic gaze. Even as he faltered. As he mentioned this 'Thom' person again. It didn't click until now...but the way Arc spoke about Thom, using only past references. Did this person die? Or was he just not within Aincrad?  Arc said the game was a terrible decision, and Esther could not argue. So much had occurred in the game. It would be downright disrespectful to deny that this game, was a bad decision.

Esther went to reply to his question, "Easy, you learn how to fl-" But her words were drowned out by laughter. An insane laughter that started out as quiet giggles before rupturing through his entire body. Shaking his form from the core. Esther frowned as she pushed the door shut with one hand, clicking it locked once again so no one would intrude on this moment. 

"I don't think I can offer you any uplifting words." Esther said quietly as she knelt down in front of Arc. "This is a little scary." Esther admitted. It wasn't a lie, if she were to breath slow, her breathing was erratic, and her heart beat hard against her chest. This was all so much to process. She reached out with shaky hands. Placing one on each side of Arcs head. "But don't you think it's better this way?" She asked innocently. "Isn't this less tiring?"

She softly let her fingers dig into his hair, gently running them back and forth through his dark locks.

"This is ok."

Edited September 2, 2016 by Esther

[Ashrah 0]

None of this is okay.

His fist rocked the door behind her as Esther dropped to her knees in front of him and held his head. His eyes were averted from her as the rage wracked his entire form. He wanted to scream, but knew that it would fix nothing. He wanted to lash out, but understood that it would only cause more harm. Tobias felt powerless to act, the way he always did, but his reflection on the past only reaffirmed the pain he felt. His heart sank with every breath he took. The darkness swallowed him whole, but that was fine. That was the true form of all people, once you stripped away their delusions of light and hope. Everyone was a pathetic creature beneath the surface, and only a few of them ever fought themselves long enough to defy that nature. It was his acceptance of that darkness that made him able to harness it.

Arc trembled in entirety as he stared at the bicep of his right arm. It appeared more built in SAO than it ever had in life. He was a smaller man back then, and while he had love for learning the sword, his frailties had prohibited him from ever making a habit of it. The game was a chance to become more than that. He almost missed the weakness, because it was part of him. At the same time, he was glad to be rid of it. Perhaps if he ever made it out of this world, the chance to be greater than himself would inspire him to do it for real.

There was true conflict in his gaze, but there were no tears. Tears were for people who felt sad. All Arc felt was red, heated rage. He was too weak to act. He was far behind so many other people who wanted the same things he did, and his desire to do good was slipping at every turn. When his eyes fell to Esther's, they were unsteady and out of focus. He could have lost himself right there and fallen on her with both hands, seeking to choke the life from her. The system would protect her. It would terrify her, and it would make her leave him alone for good. It would have been so easy to act entirely on impulse like that. His mind even briefly considered it.

Instead, he tore his gaze away from those limpid pools of abject innocence and he swung again. The door trembled, groaned, and the HUD flickered to life with a red warning that read "IMMORTAL OBJECT." He did not care. He swung again. He did not feel the pain as his knuckles clashed with the wood time and again. "Rrrrrrrrragh!" he snarled, roared, and acted like a beast more than a man. "Nothing about this is easy," he spoke in a quiet voice as he slumped forward, fully aware that his actions were an exercise in futility. "Calling it easy makes a mockery of the suffering we do."

She was there below him as his eyes sank to the ground. His arms and shoulders sagged. He gripped her shoulders with both hand and pulled her aside, so that he could move past. "I'm done with this nonsense," he muttered. "I don't need people to console me, and I don't want them. Leave me the hell alone."

He ripped the door open with force that belied his aggression toward it. The meek object obeyed. It almost seemed to laugh at how easily he had managed to get it to act against the impossibility of breaking it down. It suggested that the path of least resistance was the best direction. Arc hated it for that. You're going to keep suffering.

Better that I do it alone.

Like I did? You know what happened to me. Don't follow the road to ruin, Tobias.

The door slammed shut behind him, and he ambled toward his room in defeat. "I'll die on my own damn terms," he growled. "This game ain't deciding anything for me. No matter how dark it gets, I'm going to see it through. And I'll tell grandma you loved her, you jackass. You weren't supposed to die before her."

Yeah. I know. Tell her I'm sorry.

"Tell her yourself."

I probably will.