[PP-NK-F1] The Cyclical Nature of Life (Lessa)

[Creius 0]

Nathan was sitting alone at a table in a pub, a full glass of water in front of him. This was not particularly abnormal but it was more so the choice of location that perturbed him today. Not that there was any issue with the tavern. The pub itself was rather nice and not terribly loud, a quaint establishment. The barkeeper sat behind the bar, minding her own business, which suited Nathan rather well. It had been a long struggle uphill in this game and he needed time to relax. Nathan sighed softly and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and reflecting.

He had not changed at all over all this time. The number next to his name had grown and so had the numbers under that number, but in all reality he had not changed at all. Nathan was still alone and still preferred it that way. Nathan still did not trust others and still had not been able to be a reliable party member since he usually cut out shortly after it was no longer worth it to him. There was no one he truly cared about in this world, sometimes not even himself. He was still reckless and headstrong, pushing himself into scenarios that most others would not have survived.

A soft laugh escaped his lips. It was a mirthless laugh, nothing really behind it.

He had come so close to dying so many times. He should be dead but he was not. Thousands of others were but he was not. Was that not what mattered at the end of the day? That he had survived. He had survived since the day that he had started on this adventure in this death game.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

The tavern was called the Tired Warrior Resthouse and was the location where Nathan had met his first acquaintance in this game, Jonathan. Jonathan, known by Morgenstern, had been another low level player. They had quested together for a bit, but like always a rift came and the two had separated, leaving Nathan alone in the world once more. And that was how he enjoyed it. The day they had met had been interesting. He had almost gotten into a fight that day with that woman. Nathan could see the entire scene play out in his mind, history so fresh it could have been yesterday. He had just met Jonathan and was making plans to venture out into the field when the blonde had come into the pub. He had later learned her name to be Lessa from his encounters with others. She had been sporting that massive claymore and she had intimidated Nathan. She was obviously overwhelmingly stronger than he was and that scared Nathan. He had rejected her kind offer to help and gone out into the field, risking his and Jonathan's life. That was still a decision he was questionable on and his mind constantly played tug-of-war with itself as it tried to open up and accept more help from others.

A sigh.

He was alive and that was all that mattered. He could not help but laugh to himself softly. He wondered what that woman would think to see him still alive. She had seemed so certain that he would get himself killed by going out on his own and here he was, alive and well with quite a few quests completed, on his own too. He had fought his way to where he was now and would continue fighting until he reached the frontline.

Edited November 23, 2016 by Creius
Added Lessa to the title cuz I'm an idiot and forgot

[Lessa 1]

There were many unpleasant things within Aincrad. The reality of being trapped. The bosses. The boars. The player killers. The whole "death in-game means death out-of-game" bit. And that list seemed to grow the longer that the game went on. But there were also the less-severe problems, many of which were not unique to the virtual reality world. Exhaustion, especially after a grueling workout, to note one. And hunger. The hunger was real, especially when a player forwent a meal or two for an exceptionally successful material gathering trip. Like a gambler at a hot table, unable to walk away, Lessa had spent a full ten hours chasing down pieces for her shop. In the end, she had a full inventory, and an empty stomach.

As if to emphasize the point, an ugly gurgling twisted the blonde's gut. Her hand pressed to her midsection, and she gave a pained groan. "Food," she muttered plainly, gaze sweeping the nearest buildings for a place to find some. A shop, a tavern, a New York-style hot-dog stand - in that moment, she would take anything. Mentally kicking herself for not buying more supplies for times like this, the girl hurried toward the nearest inn.

The door opened and closed with the typical creak and thud. After only a moment of glancing around, Lessa located the bar, and wasted no time approaching. In her haste, she did not recognize the common room. She had visited, only once, and it had been over a year ago. However, even if she had paused to inspect the establishment better, it is unlikely she would have remembered; she had spent many hours in many taverns over the years.

Crawling atop a bar stool, Lessa flashed the barkeep a smile. "Hi," she greeted simply. "Can I have a bowl of whatever it is that you're cooking?"

[Creius 0]

There was a loud creaking from the main entrance, causing Nathan's eyes to flicker up from the water glass. It shook slightly as the door slam closed behind the woman that entered. He paid no mind to her initially, in all reality the clanking of her heavy armor just proving to annoy the thin duelist. Nathan closed his eyes trying to ignore the sudden intrusion on the quiet bar. He heard the warm voice of the woman as she addressed the barkeep, asking for a bowl of food. Something resonated within him as the voice reached his ears. The memories fluttered around, cast onto his closed eyelids. He opened his eyes and cast them towards the bar where he saw a blonde woman in massive armor waiting for the food she had ordered. Nathan brought his hands above the table and circled a finger around the top of the glass as he examined the newcomer, curious if it was really her. The resemblance was striking and something in his gut told him that it was definitely that warrior from so long ago. With the thought that this might actually be her, his eyes narrowed. It seemed too coincidental that he would be thinking about her and she would appear, almost supernatural. Maybe this was meant to be a time to make amends. His mind rose in uproar over this thought, violently dissenting at the fact that he was wrong. He was the evidence that she was wrong. He was alive and still fighting and getting stronger. He had survived all the evils of this world when she had thought he would die. Nathan sighed softly as the internal struggle gave him a headache and took a sip of the water then held the glass lightly in his hands, contemplating what he should do. Nathan set the glass down and stood up slowly, quietly moving the chair back and wrapping his dark leather coat around himself. Before leaving the table he grabbed his glass then Nathan quietly stepped forward, his feet silently falling upon the smooth wood.

Nathan approached the bar from behind the blonde, stopping a few metres back as he simply examined her. He swirled the water around in its glass as he thought deeply. He yearned for a answers, for what he did not know but it mattered little since he still held himself back. After a few moments of silent studying, Nathan took the bar stool to the left of the blonde, settling into the seat with only the slightest of creaks. The water glass was set on the counter and Nathan looked up at the barkeep. "I will have whatever you have ready, please." Nathan looked over to the woman next to him and studied her face briefly, capturing as much detail as he could. She was definitely the woman that he had met a year ago, looking at her only affirmed the fact. He took a sip from his glass and looked beyond the counter, waiting for the food they had ordered while he tried to figure out what his goal had been in sitting next to her. Surely she would not remember him, she was bound to have seen dozens more faces since they had last seen each other. He was insignificant. It was just so easy for him to recall a face since there were so few faces to recall. That was all. That and the regret. He could not ignore the regret. He let loose an audible sigh, the headache returning as his mind quarreled with itself, one of his most unhealthy habits. Another sip of water to attempt to assuage the headache that he was and another attempt at sorting the mess that was his thoughts at that moment.

[Lessa 1]

The barkeep, a middle-aged brunette with funky bleached bangs, flashed Lessa a winning smile. "You got it," she said, moving to her feet, and taking a couple of steps toward the kitchen. Then, as an afterthought, she turned back to the swordswoman. "Soup's pepperjack crab. Is that alright?"

Lessa's expression mirrored the barkeep's. "Honestly," she confessed, "I'm to the point where I'd eat anything. And I mean anything. But pepperjack crab is one of my favorites, so of course it's alright."

"Groovy," the woman answered, giving a quick nod. During the exchange, Lessa had hardly noticed the movement behind her. In her peripheral vision, she watched another player crawl atop a nearby barstool. When he placed his order, the barkeep nodded. "You got it, hun." A moment later, the pair were alone at the bar. Truthfully, Lessa would have been content to pay the player no mind. Her fingertips traced a small crack in the wooden bar, a futile attempt at distracting her from her hunger. But when the stranger heaved a heavy sigh, she could not keep her gaze from wandering his direction. Though she knew better than to stare, even a quick once-over revealed that the boy was unhappy. His eyes were clouded, and lines criss-crossed his forehead. Whether it was an expression of pain or mere discomfort, it was difficult to determine. But her face hardened with concern, and for the moment, thoughts of hunger were put aside.

"Hey," she started, "are you okay?"

Edited November 24, 2016 by Lessa

[Creius 0]

His mind had become a warzone and neither side was willing to budge at all. It came as a shock when something brought him out of the destructive zone that his mind was at the moment. His sharp blue eyes opened as he realized that a question had been asked of him and, after a quick consideration, Nathan turned towards the blonde and looked into her eyes, immediately noting the concern that was present in her eyes. That look really threw him off because never in his life had he seen such compassion, especially from a stranger. Especially in this game. However, he did not see any recognition in her eyes so he presumed this was as new of a start as any.

Very calmly and quietly, Nathan replied, "Are any of us okay? We're stuck in a death game, simply counting the days until the roll generator for some boss' attack decides to kill us." This was your typical pessimistic statement, of course, but there was no resignation in it. In fact, there was no emotion in his voice, no inflection at all, as though this were merely a fact to him and that his death, or the death of another, was merely an unavoidable eventuality and that it really was not his concern. Nathan turned in his stool and rest his arms on the bar, looking towards the door that the barkeep had disappeared into to go grab their food. "But to answer your question, I was simply thinking about regret. Something I did a long time ago." His mind quickly calmed itself as he began fabricating a vague version of the truth to tell her. Maybe he could use her lack of remembrance to his advantage and find out what she thought. "I ignored some advice that someone much more knowledgeable than me had given, risking mine and another's life. I really irritated the person at that time and they left in anger, assuming I would die soon for my recklessness. Well, that leads to where I am now. Was I right in doing that? One part of me says no, I should have accepted her help and not risked both mine and the other's life. The other side says no, I have done just fine. I am still alive and most of my time here has been spent alone. You see, this is not really the trouble of another but," Nathan cast a glance at the blonde, watching her eyes for any change in emotion. "You asked a question so I felt obligated to answer it." With that he remained silent, watching her face and eyes with his blank stare. The bar was quiet for a brief moment when he finished speaking, not that it had been made loud by his soft voice. Then the barkeep burst back into the room with two bowls of the warm soup and a slice of bread for each bowl. The food was set in front of the two patrons and the boisterous barkeep turned to go tend another patron at the other end of the bar, calling back to them as she walked. "Hang loose and enjoy." The minor disruption took Nathan's eyes off of the blonde for a brief moment but he quickly brought them back to her eyes as the barkeep walked off. His food sat there, ignored and cooling as he looked over at the blonde.

[Lessa 1]

The young man's matter-of-fact answer caught the young woman by surprise. "Oh," she breathed, the deflating a bit as the wind left her sails. I had been having such a good day, too. Why it surprised her, Lessa could not say for sure. She should have expected it. Most players who sat at a bar in the middle of the day, watching their ice cubes swirl in their glass, were not in the best of moods. And the way that the boy gripped his head should have been an indication of his poor state; she recognized this as she finally took her first real look at him. 

The stranger spoke, and Lessa listened, though she chewed at the inside of her cheek uncomfortably. He was "spilling his guts," as her brother used to call it, and she had no wise words to offer in exchange. It was likely that just sharing his thoughts was therapeutic, and she was helping through listening, but that did not make the interaction any more comfortable. There was a time when Lessa would have jumped to comfort the man - throw her arms around him in a hug meant to make him feel less alone. But those days had long since passed.

When the soups arrived, Lessa was grateful for the distraction. She turned away from the man, happier to study her soup than his pained expression. "I think most of us have a lot of regrets in this game," she mused aloud. "But, if you don't mind my being blunt, I wonder if you may be overanalyzing yours. You might have died, but you didn't. And your friend too." Her spoon traced a figure eight pattern through the thick chowder. "That's a better ending than what most have had."

[Creius 0]

Nathan nodded slightly, sensing that he had probably said to much and scared her off. It had been the truth, though, and that was all that Nathan would ever give. He looked to his own bowl swirled the spoon around in the thick soup. Of course he realized his current state was much better than many others but that did not quite justify the bullheadedness he had exhibited. Be that as it may, she was most likely right in the fact that he was overanalyzing himself. That was what he did, though, and it was probably too late to change such an inbred characteristic. "Thanks for being blunt but, I must say, if that is what you believe to be a cold and blunt statement, then you must be a kind lady. I would consider that a simple nicety to state a thought such as that. I do thank you for your input, though, it is much appreciated." He took up a spoon of the chowder and blew on it gently before taking a mouthful of the warm chowder. It fell bland on his tongue, but more so out of mood than taste.  "I would understand if you would rather keep to yourself so I will leave you be if that's what you so wish." Nathan's untrained social skills were quickly reaching their max potential and his inability to conduct small talk pushed him to close the conversation. He had obtained what he had desired, a resolution of sorts, so he kept to himself and turned his attention to his soup.

[Lessa 1]

The young man's compliment twisted her lips into a wry smile. "I've been told I'm kind," she answered, pausing to spoon more soup, "and I wonder if that's half the trouble." It was a lousy thing to say, Lessa recognized, but the other player's mood was contagious; it settled over her like a dark cloud, and threatened to release more than a bit of thunder were she not to make a change. So, instead, she replaced her humorless smile with a wider, less genuine one.

"Nah," she countered simply, shoulder rising and falling in an easy shrug. She anchored her spoon on the side of the bowl, and with her freed hand, gave a quick wave of uncaring. "Doesn't matter too much to me. If you want to hang around and talk, you're welcome to. I don't really have anywhere else to be." Retrieving her spoon once more, the blonde continued. "Honestly, all that mattered to me up until a minute ago was finding food. I was crazy hungry."

As if to prove her point, she shoveled another spoonful into her mouth. Then, with a glance in the man's direction, she added, "I'm Lessa, by the way."

[Creius 0]

Kindness being a problem, that was a sentiment he had been raised with. The world he grew up in was unforgiving and cruel and kindness could get you killed. It was not something he so easily would have rejected as she did with her casual shrug.

He seemed mostly oblivious to the turbulent atmosphere that emanated from him, so accustomed to the more negative outlook on life. His food mechanically went from bowl to mouth, the spoon scrapping softly against the bowl, making no move to leave nor continue conversation after the warrior said he was welcome to stay.

Noticing the sudden movement, Nathan turned his head and was met by her glance followed with the sudden greeting. His eyes would betray the constant struggle and multitude of thoughts as Nathan struggled in the social domain. “My tag is Creius. It is a pleasure to fully make your acquaintance, Lessa. I apologize for interrupting your meal. To be honest, the person I was referring to in my story was you. We met quite a while ago, a year now I think, when I was embarking on my first adventure with Morgenstern. I doubt you would remember; you were considerably higher level than us. I was rather rude then, due to my lack of ability to trust. I meant no disrespect then, and I wanted to make amends.”