[PP-F4] Light and Darkness <Itzal and Aereth>>

[Aereth 1]

After their fist training session went terribly wrong, with Aereth's mental breakdown, the three scouts of the Celestial Ascendants decided to call it a day, and left for their individual homes. As Aereth entered his shop and closed the door, he sank to the ground while leaning against the door. He lied to him. Aereth lied to the person that offered him to teach him how to get stronger to accomplish his goals. But more importantly, he lied to his only real  friend.

Telling Itzal the truth felt really good. It felt like a big weight was lifted from his shoulder. Itzal did his best to comfort Aereth as the two of them were alone in the forest. But they weren't able to talk about everything in detail since they couldn't let Birdie run around alone for the rest of the day.

They didn't get to talk about the future of Aereth and the guild. So with a small gesture of his hand, Aereth opened his player menu and started to write a message to Itzal.

Quote

To: @Itzal

Subject: Talking about the future

Hey Itzal.
Thanks again for listening and comforting me today on our first training trip. I'm also sorry that I ruined the day for all of us, but more importantly, I'm really really sorry that I lied to you the whole time. And if you and the other paladins want me to leave the guild, so be it. But I'd like to talk with you once again about the whole matter. So if you want you can visit me in my shop on the fourth floor, or I could visit you somewhere else.

Best Regards
Aereth

Aereth pressed the send button and closed his eyes. He didn't want to loose his only friend and teacher. Itzal was the one and only person in Aincrad, he trusted the most. He picked him up form the first floor and taught him everything he knew right now. Aereth just hoped, Itzal would accept his invitation and come over for a talk. And if today was the last day of their friendship, Aereth couldn't do anything about it.... He knew, he f*cked up big time...

Edited December 2, 2016 by Aereth

[Itzal 0]

Itzal had received Aereth's message and was wondering why his friend was still beat up about not telling him.  Itzal had said that wasn't an issue didn't he?  Nonetheless he was here for his friend.  On the fourth floor.  That was colder than usual due to it being December.....  If he hadn't been training himself to resist the cold he'd be a frozen icicle right now.  WHY DID EVERYONE LOVE THIS FLOOR SO FREAKING MUCH?!  Mystery to me.  he thought.  Still, if everyone likes it then there must be a reason right?  he questioned.  Or they're all just insane. he mentally replied.  He detected movement and saw a wolf staring at him, with no sign of being cold.  "Yeah, well you're a wolf.  You were born for this sort of weather."  He ignored the mob and moved on, seeing Aereth by a tree he called out.  "You couldn't have picked a warmer floor to chat on?  I can't feel my face!!!"  He tried to smile to show he was joking.

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Aereth didn't think that Itzal would be so fast to to find him, since he didn't even made it back to his shop and home. "Huh." Aereth said as he turned around and faced Itzal who was seemingly not pleased with the low temperatures of this particular floor. At first he thought that Itzal was a little bit upset, but the smile on his face indicated that he was just joking. "Glad you decided to come over. There are still some things that I'd like to talk about with you." 

"But first, let's get to my shop. It's warm, and I have some warm drinks there." He gestured in the general direction of Frostbite Lake, where his shop was located. Aereth needed to tell Itzal about his plans for his build, as well as a possible hideout where red players were walking in and out, on the third floor that he found some days ago while questing.

@Itzal

Edited December 11, 2016 by Aereth

[Itzal 0]

Itzal nodded thankfully.  "Warm food and drinks would be very nice thank you."  Suddenly he heard something familiar.  He turned around a little too late as Velnia, his purple familiar just a little under the size of a large dog and blue horns and spikes, flew directly into his face, knocking him to the ground.  He didn't move as she gave him the mooching face.  They stared at each other for a moment.  "You were hunting bunnies somewhere weren't you?"  Velnia's tail began twitching and curling.  He began to get up and thus she flew and hovered in the air, blinking when she saw Aereth.  She gave Itzal a look as if to ask 'who's this guy?'  "Aereth this is Velnia, my familiar, Velnia, this is Aereth, my apprentice."  Velnia flew up to Aereth and stared into his eyes for a moment.  Really deep.  After a moment or two she decided she liked him...  And proceeded to land on his chest and crawl all over his body at lightning speed, ending at his left shoulder and giving him a lick on the cheek.  Itzal chuckled.  "I think it's best to keep her away from coffee or anything with sugar."

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

After Itzal said how he would appreciate some warm food and drinks, Aereth gestured to follow him in the direction of his home. Suddenly Itzal's familiar Velina, joined the two friends. She was a majestic purple dragon, and it seemed she was hunting virtual rabbits. As Velina looked curiously at Aereth, Itzal introduced them to each other. She then flew over to Aereth and looked deep into his eyes. "Hello there, nice to meet you, you purple, little wonder." Aereth said to the dragon with a smile. She then started to crawl all over Aereth's body with some serious high speed, and ended her little stunt on Aereth's shoulder, giving him a lick on his cheek. Aereth couldn't help but also to chuckle at Itzal's comment about the sugar and coffee. "I'll do my best when we finally reached my shop." he said and continued his walk with Itzal to his shop, Velina still sitting on his left shoulder.

Some minutes had passed, as Itzal and Aereth finally reached his shop. Aereth quickly changed the privacy settings, so that Itzal and Velina also were able to enter his shop. Aereth always changed them, so that only he could enter when he left the shop. Opening the door to the shop Aereth said. "Welcome to The Wolfs Cloak, my shop. But we'll head upstairs since here on the first floor is my shop. On the second, are my crafting table, as well as my storage, and on the third floor are my living quarters." They made their way upstairs, and Aereth gestured them to take a seat on a table, in the kitchen. Aereth living quarters consisted of a small kitchen, a bathroom, a small guest room, and Aereth's room. "So first things first. Do you still want me as your apprentice, with the goals I'm pursuing, or do you want me to leave the guild? But please let me explain everything to you before you make a final decision." He said to Itzal very nervously, and cursed inwardly for how awkward that must have sounded... And then cursed again inwardly for being so impolite... "I'm sorry for being so rude. Do you two want anything special to drink or eat?"

@Itzal

[Itzal 0]

Itzal was speechless when they came to his shop.  After he told Itzal how many floors there were he stopped in the center of the shop while Aereth continued up the stairs.  "I didn't realize shops could have multiple floors..."  After muttering this to himself he hurried up to catch up.  When they finally reached the top Aereth's words surprised him.  Then again he didn't know Itzal very well.  When he mentioned food and drink Velnia got excited but Itzal held her and petted her while looking at Aereth.  "Let's get one thing straight first.  As for your position in the guild...  No way in hell I'm kicking you out.  Again you remind me of another player and she's a good friend of mine.  However unlike her you wish to find the truth behind player killer's actions rather than just casting judgement on them.  I personally don't think killing solves anything, nor is justified unless in self defense or in the defense of others, but that is tied to both my own view on morals as well as my on religion.  I will not judge you as it is not my place and I will not hate you for this road.  You are my apprentice and I intend on teaching you how to fight while refraining yourself from killing until absolutely necessary, but afterwards I cannot keep you from fighting in any other manner.  While you are my apprentice though, please try to master the techniques I bring forth to you and the more...  Aggressive ones to yourself until your training is complete.  If it's your wish to leave the guild once all your training is complete that is your wish, however I will always welcome you as both friend and ally.  As for the food yes I'd love some.  However I'd suggest something without sugar or caffeine.  Velnia could make a hurricane in this room with that amount of hyper energy."

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Aereth caught up what Itzal was muttering while they were walking up the stairs, and decided to answer him. “It took me pretty long to find this one to be honest. Inside the cities, were only shop houses available with one, sometimes two floors, but I wanted to have separate floors for my shop, the storage and crafting table and my own living quarters. And after some looking I found this house. It’s outside of the main settlement, but still in a monster free zone, and it has three floors.”

Itzal then told Aereth while he prepared some hot chocolate for Itzal and him and a bowl of warm milk for Velina, that he would never kick him out of the guild because of this reason, and that he personally didn’t think that killing would solve anything, but won’t judge him for his chosen path. Itzal also demanded that Aereth would have to refrain from hunting red players until he had finished his complete training with Itzal.
The last part of what Itzal told him, brought a faint smile on his face. “An ally and friend….” He muttered. “Thank you Itzal. You were the man who pulled me out of my dark hole. I trust you more than anyone else in here, and I consider you and the whole Celestial Ascendants as family. And I’ll do anything to protect my family.”

“Like I said, my friend got killed by two players and I was forced to watch them while doing so. Powerless… I couldn’t do anything. And this eats me up on the inside for over two years now. The hate, the grief… I managed to suppress these feelings for so long now, that I can use them as a drive, as motivation….” Aereth said with a weak voice. He was still blaming himself for the death of his friend. Had he been stronger, more powerful…. Then Adrian would maybe sit here with them… “I don’t want to let this happen to anybody else… The clearers, are all awesome people, and we all should be more grateful than anything else that they are risking their lives for the sake of clearing this goddamned game, but we need also some people that keep the players safe, that can’t defend themselves… This is what I want to do. Hunt down this human scum that tortures and kills innocent players just for their own entertainment. And I might even have found a kind of hideout for such players on the third floor…”

@Itzal

Edited December 16, 2016 by Aereth

[Itzal 0]

Itzal gave out a sigh as Aereth finished and took a sip of his chocolate milk while Velnia drank hers rather fast.  He set his glass down and gave Aereth a steady gaze.  "Aereth.  I know what your thinking as it's pretty clear and I'm one of those people who put two and two together.  If there wasn't anything you could have done then you can't keep beating yourself up about it.  If you had the power to stop them but chose to let it happen anyways then the guilt is just, and even if that was what happened and you're tearing yourself up about it, you need to move on.  The past is in the past and while you can continue this path in order to protect other players, you will destroy yourself if you let this guilt continue to thrive.  Grief and pain push us yes, but they must be let go at some point.  Think of them as a jumpstarter.  Once the car is running there's no need for the cords.  At that point you need to find a different emotion to drive you."  He took another sip of his glass before staring out the window.  "The way you fought in our sparring lesson Aereth...  You choose to use aggression and anger in combat regardless of whom you're fighting correct?  If that's so then unless you want to scare everyone you duel, or unless you want your life revolving around anger you're going about it wrong.  Anger is only needed temporarily, and only if it's just.  If you see someone getting attacked you should feel angry and use that emotion to defend the person being attacked.  However in any other situation I challenge you to use different emotions.  Excitement, enjoyment, is something I feel when sparring.  Don't spend every waking moment training till you fall apart.  Learn to enjoy yourself just as much as you train, and if you say you enjoy training then where does that come from?"  He took another sip and chuckled, turning to face Aereth again.  "For a short amount of time I had a...  Well it's complicated but the simple way to put it was that I had an AI acting as a split personality in this world.  He died at some point but he was based on my raw emotions, mainly anger.  I learned a lot from him..."

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Aereth listened very attentive at everything Itzal told him, and let it sink in very deep before giving an answer. “Could I really have done anything to save him, but refrained from it out of fear?” He thought. No. Definitely not. It was like, when he went down to floor one and slayed the new players. They would stand no chance.

The only thing he could have done was train harder before that happened, in order to protect Adrian and himself…

Aereth didn’t know what to say to his friend, so he decided to stay silent for now.

When Itzal mentioned their trainings fight, took a deep breath and sighed himself. “I know what you mean. Usually I am not that aggressive, not even when I’m fighting mobs, but I wanted to impress you. To show you the fruits of my hard work… And right now, I can only go to 100% if I fight aggressively… It was stupid, and I know that it was wrong. I’m sorry. I know that I need to control my emotions even better, and I'm really working on it. But as far as it goes with emotions in combat… Let me tell you the truth… I don’t feel any kind of enjoyment or excitement while fighting. To be honest, I hate fighting. The only feelings I have while fighting are emptiness, hate and the adrenaline rush… And the only reason I’m fighting, is to get out of here, to save as much players as possible, to get stronger with every day.” Aereth told his black haired friend, and then took a sip from his chocolate milk himself. The fun in fighting ended for Aereth at the moment this game turned into reality. And he ultimately started to hate it when his friend died… “And I enjoy the training with you, Birdie, Jonathan or the rest of the guild. It’s because you’re all my friends and I hold every second with all of you very dear in my heart. But when I am alone, I merely train because everything else feels wrong. Being idle kills me, from the inside just as much as my hate does…” He admitted, and took another sip from his drink.

@Itzal

[Itzal 0]

Itzal sighed before taking another sip.  "There's no reason to apologize Aereth, I was merely pointing these things out.  You've done nothing wrong, believe me.  As for your hating combat I can understand.  However do you want to hate it?  Think about it this way:  Combat can be used for three things:  To keep your mind sharp, to kill another, or to protect another.  It seems whenever you charge into a fight, regardless of whom it is your fighting, you allow the thoughts of your friend's death, and the idea of murder in general, become one of the thoughts on your mind.  In a fight you need to clear your mind to focus.  Outside of combat that kind of thinking isn't healthy on any level.  You need to think on other things the majority of the time, and whenever you do think of those thoughts, meditate on it rather than letting it consume you.  As far as being idle," Itzal chuckled and took another drink, glancing at Velnia who was wishing for something more delicious.  "I can relate.  My mind moves way too fast for me to remain idle.  If my body doesn't move my mind kicks into second gear and works harder, and it's rare for me to just kick back and relax.  Luckily Kasier helps me slow down.  You should find someone willing to do the same for you when you need it Aereth.  Not a replacement for your girlfriend, but a good friend in this world."

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Again Aereth was quiet as his teacher and friend talked. He definitely had some points, but it was so f*cking hard. “Of course I don’t want to hate it, this is also one of the reasons why I go out almost every day after training to fight with some mobs. I’m trying to gain more control over this hatred, but the more I try to control it, the more it keeps emerging. The more I try to draw some pleasure out of the fight, the more I start to hate it. I really try to let my hatred go, but…” His head sank down and his messy hair fell into his face. “But I can’t do it.”

“You know; I don’t trust people easily. So I usually stay alone… Shortly after Adrian’s death, my life consisted only of drinking until I knocked myself out, and grinding some Col for getting drunk again… Even back in the real world I didn’t have many friends. I just had Adrian and my girlfriend. Without Alice I most probably would have only stayed at home, playing video games and learning.”

He the rose his head again and looked Itzal directly in his eyes. “In here, you are the only person I really trust. You are the first and most probably also the last person I told everything about me. And I hope that I don’t annoy you too much with all this whining and talking…”

@Itzal

[Itzal 0]

"Believe it or not, it's actually not that hard to let go.  And once you do, you'd be surprised how much easier everything else becomes.  Here, look at me ok?  First of all, like I said before, there was nothing you could have done so accept that.  Secondly, you can't change the past.  Thinking about your friend and letting it affect you will get you nowhere.  Personally I believe that there is an afterlife, so once I accepted the fate of my parents I had all that weight off my shoulders.  Whether you have a faith or not you need to let this go.  And finally, don't let this memory make you angry.  Let it drive you.  Not out of anger, but out of the thought and desire to protect those you meet.  Don't train for revenge, revenge destroys you along with your targets.  Train to protect and assist.  That is my advice.  Once you follow these steps, it will help you greatly on your journey to control your emotions.  However whether you choose to follow them or not is up to you...  If you find you're still struggling with it I'd recommend taking a quest.  It's called calming the soul.  If you're determined to follow these steps and get a hold on your anger, I'd take that quest...  It was the same one that was suggested to me."

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

While Itzal talked Aereth again listened carefully and thought in some moments of silence about what Itzal just told him. “Afterlife huh…” he thought. Back in the real world Aereth never was a very religious person. Sure, he went to church from time to time but he never really believed in the things the priests were saying to him, but since Adrian died, he found himself talking to him from time to time, as if he could really hear what Aereth was saying… He shook his head and thought about the important things at hand again. If he wanted to protect, he probably needed to let go of his anger and hatred. If he wanted to be efficient in what he was about to do, he needed to get rid of his emotions, that much was clear. “I understand what you want to say. And I really want to let go of all the sh*t that is pulling me down. But before that can happen I need to find the scum that killed my friend, and talk to them. I want to hear why they did it. Was it just an order? Did they pick Adrian for a specific reason? Or did they just pick up someone random to kill them? And why…” his voice cracked and his face went down again. “Why didn’t they kill me as well?” Then he looked back up to Itzal with cold and empty eyes. “And depending on their answers, I shall judge them. If I see a glimmer of hope and remorse in them, then I will spare them, but if not… I’ll make them regret that they choose to spare my life back then…”

@Itzal

[Itzal 0]

Itzal listened to Aereth.  He really did sound like Opal, just much more calm and willing to listen.  He looked at him.  "That's revenge Aereth.  To kill them because they killed your brother is defined as revenge.  And revenge will, in the end, destroy you.  Perhaps not physically but it will definitely mess with your thinking.  I ask that you learn to let go of the incident as you can't change anything.  If you are able to track down killers and your drive is to make the world safer then you can do so.  However know this as well:  violence breeds violence, and death breeds death.  No matter how hard you try, there will always be death.  Whether by your hand or someone else's.  Don't try to rid the entire world of murderers as there will always be killers.  Please remember that."  Itzal stood up and smiled at his friend.  "It makes me happy that you're willing to listen to the other player's stories too.  Opal was just going to kill everyone with the orange cursor.  I'm glad you chose a more stable road."  

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Deep inside he knew that what he said was just an excuse for his personal revenge, but it was also true that he wanted to know the reasons why they did what they did. Aereth remained silent as Itzal spoke again.

And there it was again. That name that he heard several times by now, Opal. He remembered that Itzal told him way back when they first met that he didn’t quite know how dangerous this player was. “I’m not stupid. I know that it’s impossible to get rid of all the murders here alone. But it’s exactly like you said. I want to make this place safer. And by this I will also be able to track down those who killed my friend, since I know that they are part of the Laughing Coffin. Sooner or later also the higher players will have to act on them. And if I can be the one that unites the front lines to act against the biggest player killing guild in Aincrad, I will take that honour. Even if it means my death.” After a short moment of silence, he added. “And who is that Opal player you talked about earlier?”

@Itzal

 

[Itzal 0]

Itzal already knew Aereth was serious.  He also knew the thoughts on revenge.  He may not be able to quench that desire of his friend...  But...  It was possible to do the next best thing.  "First of all, she made me promise not to tell anyone who she was nor what she was doing.  In fact I've shared far too much information about her already, but I know you won't share this with anyone.  Unless she says otherwise, or unless something...  Happens to her, I can't share any more about her.  Please understand, it's what she wants.  As for your goals......  I'm not stopping you at all, and I know you're still doing this because of revenge.  This however is the wrong way to approach it.  Regardless, how you choose to kill them is up to you.  Whether you do it out of hatred and letting the anger consume you, or killing them because you believe it's the right thing to do, and to protect others around you is up to you.  I can only hope you make the right choice.  In either case I want you to make me two promises:  The first being that you will control your emotions around others, especially in combat.  I sort of...  Lost it when I had anger issues and I nearly lost a friend because of it.  I don't want that happening to you.  Secondly:  I don't care how determined you are, take every precaution.  You'll cause many players much pain if you end up dying, and as I said the cycle of death won't stop once it's started.  Thus if you die, players will continue to player kill and your death would have been for nothing.  I know your not stupid, but neither is Opal.  Yet I'm worried about her.  I'm very very worried.  And the further down this road you go, the more worried I become for you.  Please promise me those:  Control your emotions and don't accept death.

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Again, Itzal talked and Aereth listened. He sucked up every word his teacher and friend told him. And then he would answer. “I understand that and I won’t force you to give me more information than you already have.” “But that doesn’t stop me to start some researches on my own…” he thought. “And for the promises… I swear to you now that I will be starting to work on my emotions again to get them under complete control. Thanks to you I also see that this is a bigger issue than I imagined… But I also have to ask you for some help with it… Since I don’t think I can accomplish this alone… And I also promise you to take every precaution possible. I also don’t want to die after all. But one thing I can’t promise you…” he paused. “I will welcome death with open arms, if there was no other choice than to give my life in order to save another one. Don’t understand me wrong, I will fight as hard as I can, and try everything to survive, but if there is really no other choice… I will not watch somebody die ever again. Be it in here or back in the real life. I will not run...”

@Itzal

[Itzal 0]

Itzal listened to Aereth's words and was happy to hear he wouldn't pry in Opal's affairs.  Little did Itzal know of course that she'd be dead soon after this day.  He heard Aereth promise to work on his emotions, asked for Itzal's assistance in that area, promised to take extreme precaution, and then finished by saying that if he died he would accept it with open arms.  Itzal nodded.  "Of course I'll help you with handling your emotions.  The first step I think is clearing the calming the soul quest, which you should take right away.  Don't expect all your issues to vanish either.  I still struggle with my emotions from time to time.  As sinful humans that will never change, no matter what we do.  I thank you for promising to take precautions, that takes a great weight off of my shoulders.  As for your death, well.  Assuming there is no way to prevent it, how you feel when you die I cannot change.  If you thought I'd be angry at you for accepting your fate far from it.  I'd feel sad for not being able to keep Kasier's promise of course, and not seeing my family again, but other than that I'd have no regrets."

@Aereth

[Aereth 1]

Aereth didn't know how long Itzal and Kasier were together already, but he knew for a fact that the man loved his girlfriend. And this was good. "I see now why you told Birdie and me to wait until we take this quest." Aereth answered his best friend and mentor. He then shook his head and and shot a small smile over to Itzal. "I'm sorry that I'm bothering you with all these things. You have enough things to manage even without my problems. Managing the guild with the other paladins, your girlfriend, training your apprentices,  I shouldn't load all of my personal problems on you, my friend. But know that I'm very grateful for every advice, every training session you give to me. It really means a lot to me." Aereth told the man he admired for his bright personality and good heart. He wished that he could also be like him at some days, but found that he was still too weak, too much consumed by his own hatred and darkness...

@Itzal

[Itzal 0]

Itzal smiled and shook his head.  "Don't apologize to me man.  I may be busy and unfortunately can't be there to train you all the time, but you're still my apprentice.  If you have any issues, game related or not, don't hesitate to come to me.  Even after your training is over, I'm always open if you want advice."  Itzal chuckled and leaned back.  "Honestly if you had met me when I first came to sword art online?  Heh, things would be completely different.  I was still hung on the thought of my parent's death and all the people who do wrong in the earth.  I wanted to kill all the pkers, like you and Opal.  Then I met Verus.  He was the first player to have helped me out.  We adventured for a while and, while he may have been inactive for who knows how long, he was the one who started me on this path.  I'd be dead if it weren't for him.  Over time I met many friends who changed my mind...  Remember this Aereth.  You can start out one way, and end up a completely different man.  It all depends on the friends you surround yourself with.  Remember that ok?"

@Aereth