(F6-PP) The Puzzle (Eatos, Atzo)

[Atzo 0]

Atzo didn't break his gaze. “I never would… thank you Eatos, thank you for having faith in me” He could feel his heart as it began to race, threatening to burst out of him. He was sure she could feel it with how powerful it felt. Thoughts raced through his mind. He felt strength return to him as he sat there in her arms. His mind raced though he didn’t know what was going through it. He saw the rest of the world slip away, it seemed like they were there in a void. Nothing there but the two of them. He felt as though his heart was going to explode or that he was going to have a heart attack. But then something else happened he could never have thought would. No amount of planning or analysis could have predicted it. His eyes quivered slightly, suddenly his body moved without his mind telling it to. His arms tensed pulling her closer, as he moved in for a kiss.

@Eatos

[Eatos 0]

Unlike her guild leader, Eatos's pulse was the same as it had been since the start. A calm, steady beat in her chest, like a drum beat. She felt, a proudness within herself at what she was doing. She was saving someone, and that was what was important. She was proud that, it may be smell, but it was something. 

The girl let out a soft smile, unaware of her guild leaders intentions. She continued to hold him, to comfort him for as long as she was needed. She was caught off by the feeling of Atzo pulling her in, and had assumed it was for another hug So when she saw his face, and his true intentions, she panicked! It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss him, it was rather, the message itself. She wasn't sure if she had romantic feelings for him, she honestly had no idea. She lacked the butterflies that everyone told her meant 'he's the one'. He calmed her down, but was that love? She told herself to figure it out later. 

"Atzo wait..." she said quickly as she raised a hand to 'protect' herself against the kiss. But, she didn't move, didn't let ihm leave her grasp "Listen, i'm not sure this is, well...right. Everyone says your heart is meant to leap and butterflies are in your stomach, but i don't feel that...A-and, i won't lead you on. I care about you Atzo, and i want nothing more than to help you. B-but, i have no idea if i feel, romantically drawn..."

[Atzo 0]

By the time Atzo realized what was going on Eatos had blocked a kiss from him. He swiftly let go of her, horribly confused and embarrassed both at what had happened and the fact that she hadn’t let go. He was also angry at himself. He heard what she said, his expression becoming calm but there was a sense of anger behind it, though it was not toward her in any way. “No, I appreciate it. I really do.” He said before muttering to himself “For [censored] sake, now I have to spend the next five days trying to figure out what the hell that was.” the mutterings we much more angry then the words he spoke to her. Almost as if he was scolding himself. He began rambling through psychology textbook titles, trying to think of the right one to start with. Soon he snapped back into reality, his voice calmer “I am sorry about that, I wish there was more to say then that but I don’t think there is. That was… out of character for me.”  

@Eatos

[Eatos 0]

Eatos was worried he'd react, well, like most boys do when you deny them a kiss. Thankfully, Atzo was different enough that he seemed only angry at himself, and not her. She released her grip of him, only because as he did it, he didn't want to be touched anymore, so she give him the space she thought he was asking for. Indeed, as she heard him under his breath, he seemed to be angry at himself more than her for what had occured. And truth be told, it was on him. He had been the one to initiate the kiss, or try to at least. 

"Its ok Atzo, you were overcome with emotion, it's to be expected. I'm not going to hold it against you, and besides, to the rest of the guild..." she hesitated, and opted to change her original sentence "...i don't think they need to know about today" She didn't move from her place on the sandy beach, instead, simply looking over at Atzo with her eyes and a gentle, caring, smile. 

[Atzo 0]

Atzo shook his head “No, it would be best they didn’t. And I appreciate you not holding it against me, I really do. But I will hold this against myself regardless.” Emotion flashed behind Atzo’s eyes as if it were a light flashing every colour of the rainbow before his gaze became cold. Realizing this he looked away from her and crossed his legs as if he were about to meditate. “I need to think and process what has happened.” His voice was completely emotionless though it was clear it was not by his choice, nor was it her fault. “I would need to process this even if you hadn’t stopped me. I should not have done that, it should not have been so instinctual.” he held out a hand to help her up. “Please do not blame yourself for my sudden lack of emotion. My mind can’t seem to choose one so I elected to shut that part of my brain down for a little bit. Once I am completely sure of an emotion I will start to feel it again but for now I can’t.” He took a deep breath, attempting to let himself calm down. It was suddenly so hard to do.

@Eatos

[Eatos 0]

Eatos had never seen Atzo turn off his emotions, and only when he explained it out to her, did she understand his shift. Well, understand wasn't the right word perhaps, she now knew what he was doing, but the why, was still slightly beyond her. She wasn't sure what was entirely wrong with feeling many emotions at once, but, it wasn't her decision. Atzo wanted to do it, probably out of personal comfort,and she would respect his decision. It was as simple as that. 

"It would probably be instinct over logic" she stated to him as to to help him process it "You're a guy, i'm a girl, you find me at least somewhat appealing or attractive" Although why was beyond her "Its just, i don't feel like it would be smart, hell, i'm not even sure we like each other enough to start dating"

The blacksmith lied down on the sand and closed her eyes, a peaceful look crossed over her face and remained there "There will always be something you can't explain Atzo, even about yourself.."

[Atzo 0]

Atzo sat very still, though he listened to every word she said. “I cannot fall to that again.” He thought to himself. “Perhaps this is why I was trained the way I was” His eyes were closed and his head was hung. “This is why I analyze, this is why I observe and manipulate and don't feel” He said this aloud “Because even now that I do not have others oppressing me, I know I make bad decisions when I allow it to happen. I go at things without a plan, without the ability to find my way and let my emotions carry me. I wear my title proud for what it is, and what it stands for. I am to be forgotten, The Forgotten King. Though when that happens, when my name is erased from the memories of mortal men, my deeds will remain. My actions will speak throughout the ages, be them good or bad. My life will be forgotten but those that I have effected will not.” He paused before addressing the last statement Eatos made. His voice still as emotionless as before. “I do not believe that is true. With the right amount of self torture I will learn how to explain everything I feel and do. I will learn how to control my actions, control my instincts, and control my reality. I will not fail.”

@Eatos

[Eatos 0]

He was so, dead inside! She hated it. She knew it was how he prefered it, but to hear his voice so empty, his eyes empty, it hurt. Because it showed to her just how broken he was, how many pieces he was split into. She asked herself if he could be put back together, and the answer that came to mind was a simple one. No.

But, just because he was broken in a way, broken in her eyes, didn't mean that it was over. She would just have to look after him, help him where she could. Because the other option was leaving him alone again, and she knew all too well what happens when Atzo was left on his own for too long. He snapped in half. 

"S-self torture?! Y-you can't be serious!" she protested "Haven't you suffered enough Atzo? I understand that you may never be normal, but that isn't an excuse to torture youself....Can't you just be greatful you're alive? For at least a while...?" 

[Atzo 0]

Atzo listened to her concern but he just shook his head. He looked at her, dead in the eyes, his were void of emotions, void of life. “I am completely serious. I don’t want to be normal, I want to be perfect to my standards. My goal isn’t to become what everyone else is. My goal is to learn control over myself. I will achieve my goal, even if the world is falling around me. Even if that requires I torture myself when I fail to do so, engrave in my mind what I need to be, what I need to avoid. I have no reason to be grateful, Eatos. I only have reason to be punished. This is my battle, this is my curse. If you had been through what I have been through, seen what I have seen, felt what I have felt, I am sure you would be the same way to.” Three emotions began to show through the emotionless eyes; hate, anger, and fear. He then broke the gaze and looked to the water. “There is a part of me that needs to die, Eatos.”

@Eatos

[Eatos 0]

Part of her wanted nothing more than to disagree, to make him see his worth, even if she had to drag him kicking and screaming along the way. But, as much as she wanted to, se knew it was a pointless battle. Atzo was so stuck in his ways, he was impossible to change, only help what was already done. She sat there in the sand, and part of her wondered if she was looking at a corp..No! The walk in the snow, the kindness he had when she first met him today. That was Atzo....As was the corpse of a man that stood before her. She didn't know what to say, what to even do. At first, she was confident he could be helped, saved even. But now, she wasn't even sure how she could help. 

"Which part Atzo, what part of you needs to die?" It wasn't her place to tell him he couldn't so that, but rather, to support him, even if she thought it was the wrong decision to make.