<PP-01> Shattered mind

[Jinx 0]

The girl look another sip of water as she took a deep breath in. Her mind still trying to remember how she got to where she was. She was certain she hadn't walked here, even thought the past months had been notihng more than a blur, she still have some memories. She thought back to last night, the storm. She looked at her clothes. Dry. Had she done, this, had someone else, or...the game. Of course, it would be the game. Normally, systems like that would have brought her comfort. Then again, normally she wasn't trapped within the game alon....

A voice interupted the girl and her crimson-red eyes shot up towards it. Unlike last night, where they were absent, these seemed sharper, but even Hydra would see the girl still was far from all there. She looked at the berries, and slowly ate them. The void that was her body sowly perked up. She couldn't not frown "That...doesn't make...food does't make sense..." she muttered. In her head, she always figured food was simply to look pretty and did nothing. So she hadn't eaten since logging into the game. 

Hydra...That was his name? The girl frowned, before remembering that here, the name you made for yourself was all you had. But she hesitated. She didn't want people who knew her, her reputation, to see her like this. So she opted to simply forgoe saying her name, out of shame. "W-what...things? W-wait....didn't i ask you..to killl...?" 

[Hydra 0]

Hydra fell to the ground, slumping himself next to the nearby pool where silver shimmers reflected some sunlight. Then redirecting his attention towards the girl he nodded slowly, his eyes now wide awake for whatever might happen. "You did, and I did not obey..." He blinked. Straining his thoughts to think of what words should come next. "You were distraught and lost, I believe you still are. Hence why I could not leave you, otherwise you might have killed yourself... Well that and I think you need." He paused, the word 'friend' might be a bit of a risk to use here. Still at some point the player would need to face what happened again. "Someone to be by your side." The spearman continued in his usual tone of voice a light smile spread across his face. It was unclear how much she could remember, or how long it would take before she zoned again. At the same time he didn't know much about her normal persona and needed to be careful in not coming across as a personal bodyguard or some weird stalker. He scratched his cheek. 

[Jinx 0]

The girl blinked once, then twice. So...that wasn't a dream? She didn't dream about asking a PLAYER Killer to Kill her, only for them to refuse. The girl spotted his symbol, and couldn't help but wonder what he had done, in order to get that. She listened to him, he didn't say why. It was always the why why why! Why!! It screamed inside her mind, yet not a sound, nor question, came out of her as she sat there, weakly, and listened. 

"I...i know. I can't remember, much, of anything. It's all....all...blurry" It felt odd speaking, while she did think and she spoke, but to someone else. The right words just, didn't exist for her "I...Why, how..How did you...find me?" It seemed impossible, how, of all people, did she find the one player killer, who wouldn't kill her? Within her mind, she was still, partly, hoping, he would. If it wouldn't send her back home, it would ease the pain she felt in her chest. Why...Why did her chest hurt like it had wood, shattered, within? It didn't make sense, so much didn't make sense. 

[Hydra 0]

Hydra wasn't sure if he was deceiving her or not. What was the best route to take, the path of truth? the path of lies? What he seemed to be doing right now was a go-between. The spearman had always been a fence-sitter so this was a more than troubling problem for him to deal with by himself. "Perhaps someone else could help?" He mumbled to himself, still scratching his cheek. Of course that would still leave the question of who... he himself hadn't been in contact with anyone for a few months. It was no good. Hydra managed to stop a growl of frustration coming out, instead remaining calm. Then looked back towards Jinx, at least there were some of her questions he could answer. "I was out wandering last night, I happened to find you crying against a tree and then a storm hit... I suppose it was completely down to fate but I can't say I recognise who you are, I think this is the first time we have met." 

[Jinx 0]

She looked up at the other player, but what was his name? It had already vanished from her mind. The girl gently bit her lower lip as she watched him. What was he thinking, was he gunna kill her and this was all just, his version of a cute game? Some stupid hunt he enjoyed on victims? Would she even care if it was? 

She listened to him speak, or at least, what words she could hear. Some words blurred together, as did her vision. She rubbed her eyes slightly and tilted her head to the side "Found me...in the storm..." She echoed him as she rummaged around her brain, and remembered the wet, the cold. "You....don't recognize me...?" That sentence gave her so much comfort, and stung just a little. She didn't want anyone who knew her, from the real world, to see her like this. But had she been forgotten so easily? One of the best First Person Shooter players? "I...i didn't ask. You have a name...Hydon...?"

 

[Hydra 0]

Hydra tilted his head, his hair flowing with him. She seemed a little surprised at the fact he didn't recognise her, then again he barely recognised anyone. "Sorry, I can't say I do." He laughed nervously, "Oh but don't worry if that bothers you... I barely know who is who these days. Myself included." The last part was a bit of a stretch though his avatar was slightly different to his real world appearance he had grown into it by now. Sometimes he had to think to try and remember what he was like before all this happened before, similar of course, but still different in ways as well. The spearman quickly bought his attention back to Jinx, trying to avoid his bad habit of drifting. What she said next bought a smile to his face, though he had to repress a laugh. "It's okay, my name is Hydra. I'm a bit of a nobody really, I guess I am just a wanderer." After the player had asked his name he felt comfortable trying again. "Do you have a name? Or, its okay if you rather wouldn't say anything." He quickly added. The last thing he wanted was for Jinx to feel uncomfortable with his presence, he'd probably need to explain about the orange cursor at some point as well. 

[Jinx 0]

The fact he didn’t know her frim sight was a relief, but maybe…would others know her? She would hate to have others see her like this. But, it seemed that he wasn’t even entirely full. Was he, like her? Or perhaps he wasn’t even real? Just her mind, playing up, as it had before? She looked at him, he didn’t look familiar, like one of her friends. The others had all looked like them, maybe her mind was trying to find help? Maybe, he was real?

“Hydra…” she echoed the name. It was obviously his screen name, issue was, her screen name was her ‘professional’ identity. She’d worked super hard to ensure that she owned as many copies of it across different games, purely to ensure anyone pretending to be her wouldn’t have her gamer tag. However, when he asked for her name, the girl was silent “…M-my real name is Rissa…” It wasn’t a lie fully, her full name was Larissa, but he couldn’t know that. The less people know that she even existed, like this, the better. She took a deep breath, and looked around. If this 'Hydra' was just part of her imagination, why did he seem so real? So, human? Weren't fake people, mental people, meant to be...see-through?

Edited February 19, 2018 by Jinx

[Hydra 0]

Hydra was a little taken aback when she stated her real name. "Oh is that what she meant." He thought to himself a little panicked. He tried to regain his composure with his kindness, "That's a nice name..." He paused, smiling awkwardly before continuing. "My own name is Peter, although I haven't said it in a while." That was the truth, he had perhaps shared it with one or two others, though since the two years had come and gone by in this dream it certainly felt ghostly to have lost such a sense of identity. "I apologise for my naivety, I try my best to avoid thinking of home in these times." A slight sense of sadness returned to his voice with the latter part. Time had passed by so quickly and by the current rate they were getting through the bosses it could potentially be a decade before getting home. If not longer. Hydra sighed returning his gaze and focus back to Rissa, smiling once more. 

[Jinx 0]

His real name was Peter. Part of her felt…wait, why? This was fake, a vision. Why did she care? Why! She looked at her hand, and took another sip of water.

“Its….ok” she said softly as she cuddled her legs, once again before laughing, slightly madly “W-why does it matter? You’re in here” she said, tapping her head “Who cares what I say…It’s not like you don’t know the truth about me” She shook her head sadly as her mind latched onto the idea. Despite it all, that Hydra was simply an illusion in her mind.

“You know my full name is Larissa ‘Jinx’ Lagoon, that I am…was, a professional FPS player” She felt the words, they sounded wrong. Was that…really who she was? She wasn’t sure anymore, so many nights lost. Could she really have been a pro? Yet, if she wasn’t, why did the words sound so…natural.  Surely that was her? Right? Or was it someone she knew? 

[Hydra 0]

Tilting his head he continued to gaze at Larissa, she seemed to be losing it slightly. He struggled to think of how he could help, he himself had been in a constant battle with his mind after becoming a Player Killer and could emphasise with the feeling of isolation and loneliness, although not so much the pain of losing a friend. When he had had no one to turn too he would cry, sometimes for hours, until it all passed and then he would move on. He could imagine that this was far more heart-ripping however.

The player continued to speak, suddenly stating a full name and title, which took Hydra a back a little. "A professional FPS player?" It was a genre of game he himself had never played or rarely had an interest in, by her wording however she was likely someone famous. "Probably asked to playtest?" Hydra continued to reflect trying to make sense of it all. Some of the players trapped in this game were known well for there skills and had been personally invited, it was possible that was the case. He himself had gotten his through luck.

Hydra continued to mull over some decisions before finally giving into his instincts scooping up a some water and splashing her with it before falling back on himself into the pool. "You should come and drift... It's good for calming the soul." He rested on the surface allowing the water to support his weight,. Had there been any onlookers it would have almost of looked as though he were daydreaming, of course he kept himself aware of his surroundings, for Jinx in case things were to get worse.

[Jinx 0]

The girl didn’t move from her spot, even as water was splashed onto her. Was all of this in her mind? She honestly couldn’t tell anymore. Some aspects of Peter, this, Hydra. Seemed too real to be fake, too real to be an imaged created by her mind. Yet, surely, there was no such thing as a player killer who didn’t kill. Right?

“I…I’ll be fine” she muttered as she watched him. Was he, real? She couldn’t tell anymore, where was her mind? It was once her greatest tool, she knew that much. Yet not, it was a weapon against her. There was so much, yet so little, in there. Was it purely all due to her friends? They were around, she knew that much. They were…somewhere.

“Who did you kill?” She ask suddenly “You’re a player killer…who were they? Do you remember them?” There was more than just a random question. It was about her friends, for them. After all, she had missed them, a lot. It pained her with any knowledge they were were missing, not gone..never gone. Just, not here.  

[Hydra 0]

Hydra drifted atop water's surface momentarily mulling over the question. His eyes staring directly at the forest's canopy. "Have you heard of the Arabian Nights quest?" He suddenly said, "In the quest there are two paths too take." He bit his lower lip trying to remember the specific details although they did not come to mind. "My partner and I took the path of deceit, we ended up killing the quest giver and that is what granted me an orange cursor. That is the truth and I can't forget... even though they were an NPC, the screams... they..." He allowed the silence to linger a little, a sense of grief taking over him. "It's up to you whether you believe me, some of the others didn't. I lost a lot because of that foolish mistake, I am an outcast, I am lonely and I am afraid that one day I will be the only one left." He suddenly felt the tears welling, it was the first time he had been honest to anyone about his feelings. Many of his friends had still accepted him even when he did turn, however in his naivety he isolated himself. "The soul is so fragile..." He spoke softly, ever drifting...

[Jinx 0]

The girl shook her head, why would she heard of some quest line?  But she held her tongue and listened to him explain his choices that led him to be where he was. He had picked to kill an NPC, for money. Well, that didn’t seem too bad. He seemed cut up about it, and in her head, an angry voice spoke, and she made no attempt to stop it.

“Does it matter then? It’s an NPC, a dime-a-dozen created character” She said rather harshly “It wasn’t human, it was a piece of software” As someone who had played professionally, her detactment to NPC’s was logical and real, in her mind at least “Be greatful…” She cut herself off and shuddered. Why did she care, she didn’t care!

“If you were to kill a player…would you ever forget them?” She asked as she closed her eyes, slowly drifting away “Would you ever forget the faces of those you had killed, or put into a position to be killed?”

[Hydra 0]

"You are right, still. It doesn't change the fact that it felt so real." Hydra shuddered at the imagery in his mind. The screaming, the weight of his own weapon, the look of terror as a life was snuffed out. "I suppose it s like being in a waking nightmare. Then again that is what this place is at its core." Hydra continued to listen to Jinx,  the conversation was developing into something deeper, perhaps sinister in a sense."If I were to kill someone it would taint me until my last breath... I have no doubt about that." He paused in reflection on the next question, he believed by the way she worded it she was hinting she felt some sort of guilt. Blamed herself for the death of others. Or perhaps he was just being naive, he had a tendency to create myths from reality. "I would not forget there faces, perhaps I would even blame myself in the latter case. However, if I were in the same position, if a friend made a mistake that cost me my life. I would forgive them, I would wish to laugh with them, cry with them and hope that they could find peace of mind and live a fulfilling life. The last thing I would want is to for them to suffer..."

[Jinx 0]

Jinx, in her mind, was the reason everyone else had died. She had wanted to explore the game, the others had said yes. Then, they were following another player then they vanished, then the wolves arrived. Werewolves, an entire pack of them. She ran instantly, she couldn’t explain it, even now, but she ran. She had turned around to watch her friends, one by one, by cut down. Each of them screaming for help, before exploding. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. It was an image she found herself seeing too often.

She listened to Hydra, before frowning and touching her face. She was…crying? Why? She let out a sniffle as she wiped away her tears as she felt, pain, in her chest. She looked over at him, and she found herself moving, almost leaping and grasping onto him, disrupting the before peaceful water as she held Hydra tight in her hands, crying. Was it…how her friends would be? Would they forgive her, for surviving? For being the one to watch as they all died?

“I left them…Oh divines I left them behind…How could they want me to be happy, I’m the reason…I left them” she forced the words out, forced herself to confront her own nightmare that plagued her at every waking moment.  

[Hydra 0]

Hydra was momentarily submerged under the surface of the water as Jinx leapt into the pool. Much to his suprise. The sheer act of the moment bought forth the core emotions of sorrow and regret. Still, as she grasped him he did not hesistate to respond, gently embracing her. The pair were soaked through again, that was the last thing on Hydra's mind at this point however. He listened quietly taking in each word, though through this process he remained contempt and still. Not releasing his grasp. Then finally once Jinx had managed to force the words out he spoke. "If you had stayed you would have died and you should not blame yourself for feeling fear. It's the way we are. Besides, who says you have left them?" He gazed at her and continued speaking in a soft tone, "If you had left them you would not be here right now. They live on in your heart, but remember them as your friends, win this game for them. I am sure that not just them but everyone would wish that. In fact should I fall tommorow I promise you that I would still harbour these feelings."

[Jinx 0]

He was right, the boy whose arms were around her was right in many ways. How was she so stupid, so blind? Jinx wiped her eyes as she just held onto Hydra, the truth slowly setting in to a degree. She was alone, the others…gone. Not here, but even with them gone, they would want her to finish. Want her to finish what they had all started together, want her to find some form of happiness in this world. They’d always wanted the best for her, throughout it all, they had been loyal. Unlike her, who had ran away from her problems the moment the erupted around her.

She opened her mouth, but had no idea what to say. What could she say here, were there any words that would make sense, not just for him, but for her? “T-they’re gone from here, but they’re still with me…In me, they live on…” she muttered softly before looking up at Hydra “Hy…Peter, i…I’m sorry” she said softly. She hated showing weakness, and she had done it for far too long…

[Hydra 0]

"Mmm..." Hydra mumbled in contempt, his words seemed to have reached part of her mind, for now at least. "I will need to take care in moving on my path forward... No our path" The spearman let a silence hang for a moment and then replied, "Don't worry, your safe now. In fact I will prove it." He had heard rumours recently of a quest on the first floor, ones that a player killer could attempt to take and in return would receive salvation for the crimes they have committed. "I will become green once more, then I can be there for you even in the settlements, capitals or where ever you are and you find yourself in need of someone." He tilted his head, giving Jinx, or rather Rissa a sweet and mellow smile. Although he still felt a little on the awkward side and blushed slightly. Sometimes the avatars were a little too realistic, "Oh, only if you want me there... Sorry that probably sounded a bit creepy..." He gave out a slightly nervous laugh and scratched his hair. They were of a similar height it seemed and Hydra soon found himself staring into her scarlet coloured eyes.

[Jinx 0]

In was oddly comforting, to know that he seemed to actually care about her. She wiped the tear that was in her eyes as she realized they were just sitting in a lake of water. She let out a shiver before sighing, was she normally like this? She couldn’t remember. But maybe this side wasn’t too bad, after all, she could change no? She’d spent months in a cold void, now it was time to actually feel something?

“I…I want you to help me…” she admitted “You’ve…well, helped me, you’ve showed that I’m not lost…” She stood up and smiled softly with white pearly teeth as she looked at Peter. She wasn’t sure how it all ended up like this, why had she managed to find him?

“I can’t explain this…it doesn’t make sense. I always mocked anyone who used the word destiny to explain anything, I always thought it was someone trying validite being stupid, or being too sentimental. Call it, whatever the hell you wanna. I’m just thankful, you found me at all…”

[Hydra 0]

The words meant a lot to Hydra, he who had been alone for some time felt as though he had regained some of his humanity. He found himself sniffling, a few tears welling beneath his eyes. He wasn't a man, not  in the sense he was strong, or tried to act tough, or command others around him. He was frail, but kind-hearted and understanding. Words and emotions went a long way for a dreamer. "T-thank you... it means a lot to me." He inhaled deeply, the feeling of the cool water was beginning to seep in now, though his mind was entirely focused in on the moment. "You've done a lot for me as well, your the first person to accept me with this marking I just wanted you to know that..."

When Jinx bought up the topic of destiny, Hydra understood. He was the type with his head in the clouds all the time and considered himself superstitious, he was too naive in some senses, although he was constantly hoping and dreaming for moments like this. Moments of purity which would illuminate the darkness, though he had always been in fear that nothing would also get better, and constantly cursed life for it. "It could be this was meant to be, it could be pure chance. Yet your right, all that matters is that we found each other. For that, I am grateful to life."