[PP-F4/9] Hellfire and a Shattered Soul <Domarus and Hestia>

[Domarus 0]

Domarus grit his teeth and stood up, his visor lighting up bright yet dark, a menacing field of hatred suddenly shrouding him.
     "Is that so?!  My mother DIED before I was old enough to remember her!  Cardinal showed her for a few seconds.  Long enough for me to register her voice but not long enough to memorize it!!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS?!  TO HAVE JUST HEARD A VOICE YOU'VE ONLY IMAGINED?!  A VOICE YOU'VE LONGED FOR?!  ONLY TO FORGET IT AGAINST YOUR WILL ONLY MINUTES AFTER HEARING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME?!  KAYABA TAUNTED ME!  AND HE WILL PAY FOR IT WITH HIS LIFE!!!"  He breathed heavily for a moment or two before he had calmed down for his initial outbreak.
     "In my entire life.  I've only ever known the worst of mankind.  My father included.  My only friend?  Someone who is forever scarred by her own mental issues.  I tried to make friends at a young age, before I accepted what I was.  Needless to say it ended badly.  The only person I could ever feel love for was my mother, and that was only after I had investigated her.  My father would say nothing of her, even fight me when I brought it up.  So.  I only knew she was a kind woman.  And now cardinal brings a memory I could never access, has me hear her, and then forget her voice only minutes afterward?  Why shouldn't I hate Kayaba and his creation?  Do you not feel hatred for him?  For creating this world that forces players to face powerful demons who seek to slaughter everyone at every corner?"  Domarus pulled the picture from his inventory again and sat down, staring at it.  He was silent for the longest time as he stared at it.  After a while he spoke up, at his most vulnerable.
     "I hate you all.  I hate you because I envy you.  The ignorance of the world and the bliss nature of it.  The state of weakness and having others to carry you through it.  The naive and innocent mindset, allowing you to just carry on no matter what.  I never had that.  Not even once.  And I hate you all for it.  Now I'm stuck here.  Forced to accept the world as it is ever second.  Forced to accept that kindness doesn't work.  Forced to find some way to at least contain and control the evil of the world."

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

Well obviously no to some extent, but yes to other matters really. I'm not in the same boat as you obviously, but i did lose my father when i was younger to. I've forgotten what his voice has sounded like totally. I don't know what it sounds like at all except when Cardinal provided me that memory of me having a nice time spent with him when i was younger. When he first taught me how to fight for myself in a physical sense. I learned how to fight others in a verbal and mental match later on in time. Again i know its different, but the similarities are there. I'm not mad though i am happy to have had just the small moment once more even if i don't remember his voice either. I still have the things he taught me, and the knowledge of knowing he wouldn't want me to be angry at some program that is doing its job. When asked about my feelings of Kayaba and the game i just shrug my shoulders. I was angry, i use to be pissed at being trapped in here. Now i just accept it is my world, and the only thing i can do that is actually productive is remain calm and collected and protect as many as i can. Since anger provides you no benefits within this game. There is no adrenaline or mental boosts from being angry only flawed and terrible logic that comes from a person being angry within here. I say towards Domarus as i look towards him able to tell he is angry beyond every belief and saddened about what happened.

Domarus, kindness does work for changing the people of the world. Haven't you ever heard the stories of how someone can be saved from suicide by just a single kind act? That person who could've committed suicide can then go on in life to possibly change the world itself through a invention or beautiful piece of music that can save others from just the tone and the words within it. Simple acts of kindness can allow people to live through the hell of this world by being there for one another. I'm certain that if i didn't meet anyone during my first days i could've been dead or gone insane from the crippling depression and loneliness that could've happened. I say as i look towards him and just pats his shoulder ever so slightly. So go on and hate me all you want for being envious. Since that won't benefit you in the end by holding onto hatred. it is like holding a hot coal. You burn yourself in the end only. Or you can learn to let go and try to accept that you don't need to hate everybody for something you don't have. That will allow you to grow closer, and open up more.

[Domarus 0]

    "You at least have memories of you and your father.  I was only weeks old when mind was torn from me.  At least you had a mother who cared for you, despite not being there.  It's easy to talk about matters like this when you were never born on the bottom.  Pushed and forced into the battlefield at an age I was at.  You have memories and people you can treasure.  I have none.  Nothing but a picture, the first picture I've ever had of her.  And a voice all too soon forgotten and lost.  I have no happy memories Embers."  She then came over to him and talked to him about anger.  How there was no adrenaline boost in this world, which he could prove her wrong on.  And how all it provided was a lack of logical thinking.  She tried to convince him with stories of how people saved others from suicide through kindness.  She then placed her hand on his shoulder armor, harming her health in the process, and talked to him about how holding onto hate would only end him.  Domarus sighed and took his helmet off, placing it to his side.
     "You sound like Esther...  Tell me:  What good will one good act do when the world commits ten evil acts every second?  You think kindness is contagious, but it's nowhere near as powerful as cruelty, selfishness, pride, lust and greed.  Not as potent by itself, but they spread quicker.  A kind act to save one individual is nothing in the large scheme of things.  Your way doesn't work, and neither does mine.  Show me one that works, and I'll reconsider.  As far as hatred..  I know it destroys me.  At the same time however I've always been hatred.  This isn't something you can just change about me Embers.  Especially in this world."

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

I see my health drop only for it to go back to full from the battle healing kicking in as i look down towards you as you take off your helmet. Even if the world commits ten evil acts a day then what would happen if more people committed kind acts also? Consider this kindness can be contagious, and the world may be cruel and spread a bad mentality. If you can just smile at the evil though, and just face it without any fear at all then it loses its power. It inspires others to be willing to fight alongside these evils and soon enough you have more people doing kind then evil happening. A single act of kindness, and a act against the evil can inspire to do the same kind acts. My way just requires time, and it will be a longer lasting piece. Your way will have things crumble within years do to people finding out eventually or your death.  I say towards the red haired man as i look into his eyes with my own. One heavily armored person to another as the fires continue to rage and burn throughout the area. All it takes is a few kind acts and a brave face to look at the evil with that smile. TO not be afraid or undaunted by it so that person can go and help others who are to afraid to stand on their own. To help those people to stand and face that darkness too and eventually smile unafraid at it.

[Domarus 0]

     "There's a flaw in that philosophy of yours.  You can smile to a murderer and it won't stop him from shooting you.  You can smile to a rapist but it doesn't stop him from seeking pleasure.  You can smile to a terrorist but it doesn't stop him from bombing a block.  You can smile to a warlord but it doesn't stop him from abusing his power.  Do you see the problem?  Do you see the pattern?  The more good you are, the more well known and popular you become.  The bigger of a target you are until one day.  They make you an example and all your work has meant nothing.  That goodness you've committed turned into nothing but fear, terror and anger.  Kindness doesn't stop them Ember.  It only fuels them.  Like a raging fire, the world turns everything and everything into fuel.  If water stands in it's way the world just floods it with oil."  He looked back into the fire that continued to spread.
     "I know that you don't hate me.  I know that you believe what you do is the right way to do things.  However I've accepted this:  There is no fixing the world.  There's only containing it.  You can't stop it.  If you still think it's possible then go look talk with people about their issues.  I know a street on floor one filled with players with stories from this world, and the real world.  If you still insist I won't stop you.  But you must understand, if you cannot find an actual method to fix the world.  Then I'll continue with my own method."

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

If i smile to a murderer i would still die, if i smile to a terrorist he could bomb a block, if i smiled to a warlord he could have me killed and abuse his power. However, if i smile on and give people the power to smile despite the pain. To look on the positive rather then the negative i can remove those peoples goals of what they wanted to accomplish. if people can look look beyond their anger and fear and focus on how they can continue to improve a gunman has filled his objective of causing chaos and destabilization. If i can smile at a terrorist as he tries to do what he wants. I've eliminated his goal of trying to inspire terror and fear into people's hearts if people can smile and move on from that by focusing on how to rebuild. I could smile at a warlord, and if he abuses his power i can try to have the people rally behind me and win through civil protests of not following his laws. For how does a warlord have a land if he doesn't have a people to govern. if it was a rapist i can fight through the pain and memorize his face and body to have him sent to jail for his crimes. I say back to you against every point as i look into your eyes. To be able to fight through anger, and fear by being able to look on the positive aspects which can cause a smile and kind acts to be done. You win the fights eventually by undermining the goals of the evildoers in the world. For eventually even a warlord can be toppled by convincing those to leave his land through kind acts. With that the warlord can't be one without a land to rule, and the neighboring lands can try to contain him through hopefully diplomatic means. That is what people do when their leader attacks them. They emigrate from their country.

[Domarus 0]

     "You die a martyr's death.  Then someone else spreads lies that causes division.  Division causes conflict.  Conflict causes battle.  And battle causes death.  Then someone else stands up to bring the peace and the cycle continues.  You stand up to a warlord and they torture you in front of everyone.  Despite your smiles, the people are terrified of what will happen to them if they do not comply.  If they stand up to the warlord, bloodshed once again.  You see the pattern here yes?  No matter what path or manner in which you attempt to handle things, it leads to lies and bloodshed.  All it takes is one sentence to start a war Ember.  In addition, there are a great many times where people can commit crimes, yet be within confines of the law and thus get away with it.  Or better yet, those who enforce the law are corrupt.  People stop trusting each other as brother betrays brother.  More conflict.  You just can't seem to grasp it can you?  There is no way to end it!  Where there is one person seeking to stop the evil, there are three others fighting for it to continue.  You aren't just fighting powerful people Ember.  You are outnumbered, outgunned."

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

Don't you know history Domarus? America was outgunned, out manned, and out planned basically every step until they found allies to stand with them. I may be seen as America back when they were a colony. A stupid and suicidal group trying to do what they believe is right, and i may lose many battles along the way. However, my france and prussia will come to aid me which will be my friends that i make along the way. These friends i make will aid me in my success against the evils of the world that would try to harm me as i fight alongside them. To keep my promise to them to aid them unlike America had done in the real world. I will stand and face evil with a smile to let others know it is okay. If i die a matyr at least i will die a matrye's death that will be meaningful. A death where others throughout history could look upon me and know that i did my best with a smile and kind hand. Not look back and see Christopher Columbus. A man they thought was kind, but in secret was a horrible and vicious person. I will be the one that will have a clean record on the slate, but would the same be said for you? Or would you be another Christopher Columbus. A kind man known to many from being taught that until years later where we find your dark deeds?  I say back with a determined and  fiery look burning within my eyes.

[Domarus 0]

     "There have been many underdog victories throughout history Ember, but name one time.  One, time.  There was global peace.  You aren't talking about conquering or saving a country Ember.  Let alone the whole world.  You are talking about changing the mindset of everyone on the planet, or at least three fourths of it.  It simply, cannot be done.  There is no method we have right now that can do it.  And what happens if your allies, the ones who back you up.  What happens when they are killed and tortured because of what you've done.  Will you smile through that as well?"  When Hestia made it personal his eyes sparked up in flames again, that burning wrath she'd seen before the quest showing once more.
     "You don't think I know what I am?  I'm a monster!  I'm a corrupted individual.  I was born this way!  Made, carved and molded in this way!  You can't just change a grown man Ember, so what will you do with me?  Send me to some psychiatrist?  Defeat me and watch me crumble under the hate and pain that consumes me every day?  Die the slow, painful and meaningless death that I KNOW awaits me?  You don't have to tell or remind me what kind of a monster I am Ember.  I know, very vividly.  You, the world, and my father have all very clearly reminded me time and time again."

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

I look towards Domarus and just shakes my head. World peace hasn't been achieved before. Not really many things could claim to be close to that. I say simply knowing that very easy truth as i then grit my teeth ever so slightly and shake my head. I of course would want revenge on those that had hurt my friends in some way or the other Domarus. I know my words are easier said then done type of method. If they weren't then peace would've been achieved long ago. Though that would make me all the same much more determined to try and fulfill the goal that my friends have entrusted into me. To make sure that their deaths weren't in vain. Since if i betrayed my ideologies that my friends died for because of me then i would be spitting on their name and memories that they would've died for if that was the case. I say the same determination shining through not backing down at all. I then listen once more as you rage as i look into your eyes without flinching once. You contradicted yourself. "I was born this way." "i was made this way" those are contradictory. If you were born a monster you wouldn't have had to been molded into what you are. You were born good, you were born to be happy and not a hate filled monster. We aren't defined by our pasts we are defined by how we find ourselves. About how you want to be, not how your father wanted you to be. Would you rather be your father, or your mother? A monster in human skin, or a angel in human skin. I say to him with a fierce look in my eyes as i take a step towards Domarus.

[Domarus 0]

Domarus stepped forward himself, standing over her.
     "When you craft a sword for the first time, it needs to be sharpened.  What is created must be forged from raw to pure.  You know what I mean and you know what I am."  When she mentioned being his father or his mother, his eyes filled with hatred.
     "I could never be good like my mother.  Maybe if I was guided at a younger age, but there's no hope for me now.  All I feel is seething rage.  All I see and hear is the corruption in every inch of the world.  I see your hypocritical acts.  I see murderous thoughts in others.  I see lust, greed, hatred, pride.  Any good act I see is drowned in the corrupt world around them.  You want to prove to me that the world can be saved through kindness?  Take down the laughing coffin yourself and prove it.  Or the guild ruled by psychotic assassin children.  Or Mari.  Or Teayre.  Or Ariel.  Better yet, make this world good as you want it to be, and unite the frontlines under your kindness!  Stop wasting my time with discussions that don't prove s**t and show it!"

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

I look towards him with a calm look not backing down at all even as he snaps and looks at me with nothing but utter contempt and hated.  How can i unite a frontlines through understanding when it is already united. There is inner hatred among some yes i know that, but i can't make everyone agree and be friends together since as long as you hate me that won't be possible. If you want to see the frontliens you're invited to the next meeting. The place has been found already, and Shield told me that things should be ready to go rather soon. I don't know who Teayre, or Ariel are. But i know Mari is second in the list of the most kills of Aincrad. If she is anything like Aereth then she is just ridding the game of player killers one at a time. Like he has done. Also Laughing Coffin is inactive to a degree, or at the very least being held back easily since nobody has died from them. I have looked on the monument and no new names are being added under laughing coffin names are people i don't know. Things are peaceful and they are scared since the most powerful players are under one banner of understanding and have a mutual want to stop all killers. Look what happened when that crime guild tried to be something. Hikoru showed up of all people. The frontlines are united but some hate the other that is normal. That is like any normal family. There are disputes that will eventually settle. I say calmly. Also there is no hope for you changing because you've given up hope on yourself. If you believed you could change you would be able to become a version of you who wouldn't be consumed by anger. However, since you believe yourself hopeless. You are so.

[Domarus 0]

     "You're confusing peace with the calm before the storm.  I've been keeping tabs on the dark guilds, and laughing coffin has been getting stronger.  Biding their time.  Mari killed in cold blood, she was no hero.  She didn't care about who they were.  And none of her victims were guilty.  She was the one who invented the torture potion, as well as the one that made Esther a mindless slave.  And I'm interested to see how you react when two players I know who are now working together, rip the Celestial Ascendants to shreds..  Or rather when the Celestial Ascendants rip each other apart."  When she invited him to the meeting he was a little surprised but overcame that easy.  He was going anyway.  She described them as a family as well.  Domarus didn't care.  They would let him down like every other person in this world.  Then she basically told him he wasn't worth saving because he had given in.
     "Give me three reasons.  One thing about me that seems good to you.  What could I possibly be other than the monster I am now?  Don't bother telling me what I could become, I've heard that too many times to care.  You think everyone is capable of being good?  You think I can be good?  How do you see me, as I am right now.  As good?"

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

Then Mari was no saint, and when i find her she will be sent to the prison i will be making for her to be confined in their for her crimes against people. That is simple to fix if she is just a cold blooded killer. Eliminate her ability to harm others, so we can then have time trying to help her go back to being sane. Also again they can get as strong as they want, but with all of the frontliners as we are. They couldn't kill Calrex, or Zandra if they teamed up together. Those two are strong enough on their own combine a entire frontline and LC would be no more. It is just a matter of finding them, or such that would be rather difficult especially finding them and mobilizing against them with enough time before they run for the hills. Also the Celestials are having troubles yes, but i am certain however only time will tell what happens. I say with a shrug of my shoulders knowing from Itzal things are slowly crumbling at the seams from interpersonal things occurring for the guild. Also Domarus you can be whatever you want to be if you put your mind to it. I can't tell you what you become because it is your choice on what you want to become. As i've said you forge your future since you aren't a product of your past. You can become whatever you want without it being defined as what you say your parent made you. You don't need to be a devil because your father wanted you to be one. So the answer is yes. If you tried to change yourself i do believe you could become good, however at the moment to me you aren't good. I say as blunt as a hammer. Just being honest. however, just as much as you can become whatever you want. The same is applied to me, and i simply want to be the person that protects my friends even if i need to sacrifice myself to stop someone from ruining their happiness.

[Domarus 0]

Domarus would never admit it, to anyone.  But a part of him was begging her to give him one good trait about him.  Of course when she came up empty..  There was nothing.  He truly was a devil incarnate.  When she finished he backed up.  He refused to let his pain show, but he couldn't put up a facade.  So his face was emotionless.
      "That's it then.  You have officially confirmed my suspicions.  There's nothing good about me.  No intentions, no feelings, no skills.  Nothing.  I truly am lost to the darkness aren't I?  Even now I can't see the goodness in you.  All I see is you being selfish, only caring about your family's safety and happiness.  I know you're a good person.  I just can't see it.  I wonder if this is what it feels like when someone born blind wishes to see the sky and the sun.  But isn't able to.  You say I can change Ember.  You say I just have to choose.  I ask you this:  How do you expect someone to do that, when their entire life they see, hear, feel, taste and smell nothing but evil.  Forced to absorb it.  I know nothing else.  I can see or hear nothing else.  How can I make the choice when I can't see it?"  He picked up the helmet and put it back on, the visor flashing red again.

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

I meant on a moral sense Domarus. As you are i don't see you as good. If you meant as a individual in terms of looking over yourself in your entirety. I can say things differently. You are a determined person, you are a amazing tactician i could say but you are human so you slipped up once and payed the price,  You do wish for a better world so that is good thing about you that is certain. You're just going about it in the wrong way in my opinion. You're seem to be a optimizer for your build in terms of trying to do as much damage as possible as you liked to say. I say with a nod of my head as i look towards you. As a person i can't say much beyond that since i don't know much. You do care though. You care for those close to you and they care for you. I can tell that from how my sister talked about you, i could tell from how Keres reacted to you being angry. They care, and you care for them even if you don't wish to admit it. I say towards the red haired man. You can choose to see good if you only know evil. By opening your eyes to seeing the other side of the fence. A blind man might not be able to see the beautiful world around him, but he learns to walk through the darkness and smile all the same by using his other senses to experience the beauty around him. You don't need to see to find where you're meant to go. That is why we have our other senses when one of them fails the others pick up the slack.

[Domarus 0]

He just stared at her silently when she used his own analogy against him.  He thought about what she was saying, how he was good in all but moral aspects...  Then she contradicted that statement by saying he cared about others, which would actually be considered a moral standpoint.  He didn't mention it however, remaining silent.  She heavily emphasized that Domarus did care for this world, he was just going about it the wrong way, making a major mistake.  He had been countering every point she made with the logic and truth he had encountered yet...  Something was missing.  He believed he had known back when he met Esther, but what it was he could not remember.  He needed to take some time to ponder, but for now.....
     "My words are contradicting, but.  One can  only hope..  Do me a favor Ember.  Don't tell anyone of this discussion.  Not even Keres.  This stays between us.  Fair enough?"  Once he had retrieved a solid yes from her he would nod.
     "I am unsure whether or not we'll have another discussion like this. If I'm honest I sort of doubt it.  I won't let my guard down again, literally or figuratively.  If you'll excuse me, I should be heading out now."  With that Domarus turned to leave.

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

I just no my head in understanding as i look towards Domarus. Nobody will know Domarus i won't say anything. I say towards the red haired player knowing well enough that somethings deserve to stay private. Especially if it was something as deep as what this had been. Personally i wouldn't mind another discussion of this nature Domarus, and the only thing that would determine that factor is if you would be willing to go to remote places to talk while avoiding that Keres girl from watching from the distance. I say towards you with a small chuckle as i rub the back of my head. You know since i am certain you wouldn't want her seeing a different side of you. I say towards you as i watch you turn to leave as i glance back towards the direction of the main settlement. Know this. Even though i can see you as another human being, one deserving of patience and respect. That doesn't mean i will give up on trying to stop you. I will continue to do so every step of the way. Though i do hope along the way with discussions you can mellow out and i can continue seeing a new perspective. I say with a nod of my head.

[Domarus 0]

Domarus listened as she swore never to speak a word of this discussion elsewhere.  He noted her offer to have these discussions in the future if he were willing to, but he honestly wasn't sure that would happen.  Seeing and hearing his mother had hit home in the right way that jarred loose feelings he buried deep deep within him.  He intended to try going back to his mission, but taking some time to train in order to adjust to..  Well what he heard in this conversation.  Once that happened, he doubted he would need another talk like this.
     "I will keep that in consideration Ember,"  he told her.
     "I would give you my real name, but I feel you would only seek to destroy my mission in the real world if I did so.  Therefore I'll be keeping it to myself."  When she told him that she saw him as a human, deserving patience and respect, yet she would not stop trying to defeat him, hoping to sway him to her side in the end..  He smiled under the helmet quietly, and turned to look at her.
     "...If my conquest would never have succeeded.  If it was never my destiny to conquer the world.  I think I would be content being destroyed by you Ember.  You're the second person to see me as no warlord, righteous man, shining knight.  You're the second person to see me as just human.  If we continue this path we may very well end up facing off against each other.  If we reach that point Ember.  Just know that regardless of what I say or do.  I hold nothing against you."  And with that he made his way to the town.  When he teleported onto the first floor and reached the shop.  When he opened the door he saw Keres pacing back and forth.  She saw him but before she could say anything he spoke quickly.
     "Message Raven and the others.  We have work to do."

@Hestia

[Hestia 0]

I grin a bit at the words i hear as i just nod my head as i look towards the red haired man. I would be disappointed if you tried holding back against me and not giving me your all when we face off against each other Domarus. That would be a insult to the both of us if either held back. I say in a joking tone of voice as i give a nod as he walks off towards the main town as i stay and just enjoys the display of fire gushing around the area now and then from the lava and fire that is this entire floor. I then glance back towards the settlement and nods my head going there after a half an hour wait to make sure i wouldn't run into Domarus or somebody affiliated to him. Not wishing to annoy him any further for the time being with my presence. Taking my steps forward as i put back on my vanity style of clothing as i make my way back. Not needing my armor since there is no longer a visible threat for myself to be worried about. Along with having the fact that to my knowledge no PKer is out to get me just yet.

Summary:

Both: 2 SP, 400 COL