[PP-F4] Who.. Who am I?

[Clarence 0]

The soft crunching of snow was the only sound that went through the open winter field of the floor, the landing of the snow from the sky so soft that it was silent and calming, the look of everything in front of him was tranquil, but there was one oddity, the man standing on the snow. Clarence sighed, his breath flowing out in front for a moment, the glow from the sunset lighting up the breath into a soft grey, before it slowly faded from sight. Clarence reach forward and slowly lowered his cloak from his head, looking at the trees as he did, it had been so long since he had been out into the world around him, he almost felt as though it was a dream. No, a nightmare. The snow continued to fall and he reached  his arm to catch one of the snowflakes, it slowly melting and fading away when it landed. Heh, This is where I got - He was shaken from his thoughts with Noot made a noise next to him, looking up at Clarence. Ever since he had went away, Noot had be silent, never making a noise, and just staying by his side.

Clarence's eyes filled with tears and he hugged the small penguin, silently crying. "I-I'm so sorry." He muttered to Noot, but also to himself, as he knelt on the snow, his tears falling down to the forest floor, almost making no imprint on the snow under him. He stayed like that for longer than he expected, the sun setting more and the soft purples of the sky made his own purple eyes twinkle in the light, it had been long, long time since he came out of his own room, and the changing of light filled his heart with something, something he had longed for, for a very long time.

Clarence slowly stood up, wiping the snow away from his legs, and slowly set Noot down, his heart filling up for a moment. "Oh Noot, what am I going to do?" He asked the penguin. It had been long, almost too long since he had been in the city, or anywhere else. "I... I don't have anyone here." He froze, the comment filling his soul for a moment, and his sudden want to flee back to his room started to fill him more than he expected.

@Ryo

[Ryo 0]

Ryo adjusted his scarf as he made his way into the woods on the fourth floor. He looked at his list of people that he was looking for, the small gusts of wind obscuring most of hit. "It says around here, but-" Ryo looked up again his eyes squinting into the snow filled forest. "Who would ever choose to live here?" He spoke to himself, his boots crunching back into the snow as he made his way deeper into the fields of snow and ice.

After a few hours of searching, Ryo finally spotted a figure in the distance. It looked about the right height, and fit the description of what he was able to get. Making his way to the shape, shoveling the snow with his legs to get in deeper. "Hey, are you-" The sentence was cut off quickly as Ryo tripped and nearly fell face first into the snow. Catching himself, and standing upright again, though with a much redder face. "Ahem. Sorry. But are you Clarence?" Ryo asked, wanting to confirm.

[Clarence 0]

Clarence's eyes darted back to where he was staying, and he was drawn closer. "I-I don't know why I even came out here, there's no reason for me to go anywhere. Huh, no one even realized I've been holed up in my room for a very, very long time." He shook his head with a saddened chuckle, he knew that none of his old friends were coming to find him, he knew that almost no one even remembered his name anymore. "Time to go home Noot." He muttered, and the penguin almost started to cry, desperately trying to make sure the man stayed in place. Clarence's heart broke for a moment and he slowly bent down and picked him up. "Please, please don't cry, I can't handle it-" 

He froze, a name, his name, was called out to him. No one, except two people, were alive that knew him enough to know his name, how did this name know his name. His hand quickly darted to his dagger and he twisted around, pointing it at the man. "H-How do you know my name, who the hell are you and how do you know my name?!" He took a step forward and gripped the dagger. I don't know him, he doesn't look like anyone I've ever met, I haven't met anyone with purple hair. How does he know my name. Does he know Jomei? Calrex? "A-are you friends with Jomei? Calrex? Those are the only two people I know." He called out. That are still alive. He had as an afterthought.

[Ryo 0]

Ryo raised his hands defensively instinctively. "My name is Ryo. I came here looking specifically for you Clarence." Ryo said, keeping himself as still as possible as to not make himself perceive any more as a threat. "I know a lot of things. First loves, last loves, regrets, methods of attacks, your penguin even." Ryo said, his hands still up in the air the scarf around his face catching his breath and warming his face. "There's a lot in this world though, that I don't know. Some of it, I'm hoping you can help me understand." Ryo said allowed as he reached up and removed the scarf from his face, revealing it to the man in front of him. "I need to talk about to you, about Lowenthal." Ryo said, letting the words hang in the air.

As Clarence absorbed his words, Ryo began talking again. "I met him once before. And before his murder he sent me onto the path that I travel now." Ryo said, his eyes growing somber. "I want to know more about him. And for that, I need your help." Ryo finished. 

[Spencer 0]

Clarence gripped the dagger and took another step. This man, Ryo, knew way too much about him. He stood his ground and Noot slowly watched was happening, seemingly calm in this entire situation, which was odd for him. Clarence looked down at Noot, but quickly shot his eyes back up when... his name was mention. He almost opened his mouth to say something, his eyes wide and in pain, but the ending part of it caused him to fall to his knees. "D-did you say.. murdered?" He muttered softly, almost inaudible. H-he was killed? Who would... How would they... No.. He felt his recently dried eyes begin to fill back up with tears, he didn't even notice as they started to pour faster and faster. "Lowenthal he... he was killed." He muttered to himself, holding a hand over his heart.

Get yourself together! He screamed in his head, cutting through the racking feelings of sadness around him. He breathed in shakily and stood back up, looking at the man with a pained expression. "Y-you want to know more about this man? You came to the wrong place. That man, that wonderful man would never want me to talk about him, I'm sorry." He quickly wiped his eyes with tears and held Noot, who broke from his arms and ran over to Ryo. "Noot! What the hell." He grumbled and ran after him, quickly scooping him up, now closer to the man. "S-sorry but I can't help you, I regret everything with him, and it seems like you already know so much." He longed to talk to anyone else who knew Lowenthal, to hear about him again, but he knew Lowenthal hated him, even wanted him dead, how could he go around talking about this man.

[Ryo 0]

Ryo's face twisted into a form of confusion. Did he really not know that Lowenthal was murdered?  Ryo assumed it to be general knowledge at this point. But perhaps, he could use this new information to his advantage somehow. "Before we parted ways, Lowenthal spoke about you." Ryo said, his hand falling to his sides. "He told me that his last words to you, were his biggest mistake." Ryo said. "He was angry that you had left, and only returned after he had accepted that you were gone forever." Ryo said, flavoring the words a bit. It had been so long since he had actually had the interaction with Lowenthal that he couldn't possible remember the entire conversation.

The small penguin ran up to Ryo, and instinctively Ryo knelt down to pet the beast. "Noot huh?" Ryo said, smiling. "I have a friend with someone like you." Ryo said, smiling at the penguin and standing back up. "Jomei only gave me so much, and he was his best friend. I need to speak with his first love. I need to know what Lowe thought, how he thought, how he became a hero in so many others eyes." Ryo explained.

[Clarence 0]

"H-He said that?" He muttered and stopped moving. He let Noot go down, and he ran over to Ryo, rubbing against his leg and nooting happily, running around the man, happy to see new people. "Well, if we are going to talk about him, I guess we should get out of the snow." He muttered and threw his hood back on his head. "Follow me, I'll tell you as much as I remember." He smiled a tiny bit, the act of conversation was healthy for him, but the smile quickly faded away after a moment. "So you know Jomei too? How is he doing? I haven't talked to him, well, since I went away." He muttered a little softer at the end of the statement.

The two entered into a seemingly empty café in the middle of the floor, but no one seemed to be in it. The sign read. Will be Back soon. Feel free to sit and escape the cold, Out gathering supplies to Cook. Clarence opened the door and held it open for Noot and Ryo. "I come here around this time, the owner is never here. If I ever need  a change of scenery I pop in and sit by the fire." He motioned towards it and sat at a chair next to it, and motioned for the man to sit as well. "So Lowenthal, you want to know what inspired him to be a hero?" He asked Ryo before thinking for a moment, remembering the times they had together. "He, He had always wanted to be one. There wasn't an ounce of doubt in his body that he wasn't going to be there for someone."

[Ryo 0]

Ryo shoved hands back into his pocket, a desperate attempt to keep them warm as they walked and talked. Clarence then raised a question about Jomei. "Jomei? I believe he's engaged now." Ryo said, recalling information. Ryo said, trying to keep himself warm from the biting chill of the wind. Clarence then wanted to be silent for the walk to, wherever. It didn't matter, wherever he went it was bound to be much more comfortable than here.

An empty cafe was his choice. Seemed reasonable. Entering the establishment, Ryo immediately bolted for a spot next to the fireplace. "Jeez this floor is something." He muttered to himself, not happy with the cold. Spencer took his seat, and began to explain Lowenthal's motivations.

"Always going to be there for someone." Ryo repeated to himself. "But he wasn't always there." Ryo said, recalling conflicting moments. "He abandoned his guild, Velvet Room behind. He left his friends behind to go join up arms with Zelrius guild." Ryo said. He was a bit confused. I he was there for everyone, and never abandoned anyone. Why did he leave Clarence behind? Why did he leave Jomei, his best friend behind? Ryo's brows furrowed. "But, what else was there? A goodwill alone doesn't make a hero." Ryo said, still conversing with Clarence.

@Clarence

Edited December 3, 2018 by Ryo

[Clarence 0]

Clarence thought for a moment on the words Ryo spoke. It was true the whole Velvet Room debacle caused a strain on Lowenthal's life, but he didn't always feel that way about everything. "That is true, goodwill alone doesn't make a man. But he made himself. When I first met him, he was getting over someone, and not knowing where to go in life, and I was in the same boat. We helped build each other up from where we were into a better version of our selves. His friends, they helped a lot. Like Zelrius, Ssendom, Jomei, and countless others. Lowenthal became who he was by the company he had. He always had dreams of helping others no matter what, and people really helped him get there." He mentioned and smiled at the names, happy to know that Jomei was engaged. Is it to Zandra? I heard that they were a thing, not sure if that lasted. I hope it did, or at least he met someone of good quality for him. "And he, he never really abandoned them. I wasn't in Velvet Room for the end, espically because of our..... breakup." Clarence bit his lip at the comment. "But he cared, and the people in the guild cared for him. Even though he left, and the guild was later disbanded, he still made sure they were okay, he never left anyone behind that didn't deserve to be left behind."

@Ryo

[Ryo 0]

Ryo nodded as he leaned back into the chair, it creaking slightly as he did. His eyes were fixated on the ground more than anything else as he absorbed the information. The man mad mention that He and Lowenthal built him into what he was, and vice versa. How they built off each other. But the part where Clarence made mention that it was the people surrounding him that shaped him into the man he was. Thought over ran Ryo's mind. The people that Lowenthal surrounded himself in were front liners. Jomei, Hikoru, Zandra, Ssendom, Zelrius. Most of them were all on the front lines. Ryo looked back up the man across from him. "That makes sense. But may I ask," He began. "What kind of man are you?" Ryo asked.

Ryo wanted to tell him the truth. About Clarence's cowardice, that he ran away from every problem that had arised. That if he really did care about Lowe, he wouldn't have ran away abandoning everything that he knew or cared about in the process. But a realization kicked in before he could speak. Ryo did exactly that. When Kayaba flipped the kill switch and locked everyone into the game, the first thing that Ryo did was throw his concious to the curb and began to kidnap, extort, lie, and sell people.

"Example." Ryo said, instead coming up with a different test. "Say that I has his killer with me. That I have them tied up and restrained. They would walk free, should I let them go. Nor would they give anyone the decency of an answer when asked a question." Ryo said, continuing. "What would you do then, if violence was proposed?" Ryo asked, crossing his fingers and leaning his elbows onto his knees.

@Clarence

[Clarence 0]

Clarence's eyes went wide in surprise as the questions got turned towards him. And when the killer that he learned of a little while ago was mentioned, his jaw clenched and his hands gripped the arm rests. "If I had any say or ability to change him being in the common areas?" He leaned forward, a dark glint in his eyes, but it quickly went away, his body relaxing a bit as he thought a bit. "I... I don't know. Well, that's a lie. I know what I would do, but my heart wants me to do something else." He mentioned and for a moment, didn't say anything. "They.... They shouldn't die. No matter what they did, no matter the wonderful man they killed.... Let them live. Let them deal with the actions they caused, I've grown to accept death, having only two living friends out there, one of which I don't think remembers me. So in total, life isn't something I'm okay with throwing away. Everyone has their demons, it's their punishment to fight them off, not to drop their baggage on everyone else when they leave. The killer should live to see another day, a day that Lowenthal should have seen." He looked at the fire, a determined look in his eyes. He blinked for a moment and turned to Ryo. "Anything else? I have some dumb stories of him as well. I think anyways, he was good at not acting like a dork all the time."

@Ryo

[Ryo 0]

The grip on Ryo's gloved hands grew tighter as Clarence said that he would spare the person who killed Lowenthal. "Let them, live?" Ryo said, unable to look at the man. He was right, Clarence was a coward. Unable to do the right thing. Not man enough to call upon a greater need. "And just let them go unpunished? Let them go free?" Ryo said, not quite yelling but still his voice raising. "Lowenthal was a good man, better than both of us. His killer, should die." Ryo said, his voice calming.

"She should die." Ryo said again. He ignored Clarence's offer of tales of Lowenthal. He offered nothing he already didn't learn from the man himself nor anything new. But, something clicked inside of his head, a feeling. Anger, the lust for revenge, a need to just hit something came from nowhere. Perhaps it was Clarence's choice of words, or perhaps it was something else. "One more question." Ryo said, relaxing his body. "Before Velvet Room there was another guild. Absolute Pin. It's records are lost to me, but you're smart." He said, wanting answers. "Tell me, who was its leader? Where can I find them?" Ryo asked multiple questions, a fisherman casting many lines hoping one was to be caught.

@Clarence

[Clarence 0]

Clarence sat there, not expecting the onslaught or words and hateful comments that were thrown on to him. He gritted his teeth, the pang to his heart was a bit more than he expected, probably because he was the only man he opened up to since everything with Lowenthal. The affect of these words, caused Clarence to bubble up with anger for a bit, his eyes narrowing. He barely recognized what Ryo said about who ran absolute Pin, the guild he was sort of in for a moment before it got disbanded. Clarence slowly stood up, looking down at the purple haired man. He could see anger coursing through the man's veins, and almost.. hatred of himself? Clarence knew what hating yourself felt like, and he could connect to that within the man, which caused another pin prick of anger. "Listen. Ryo." He glared at the man, taking a step forward. "You come to me to talk about Lowenthal, come to me to discuss this man who you idolized, and who I loved." He knocks the chair he was sitting down with a loud CLANG. After he knocked the chair down, he drew his dagger, pointing it at the man. "Listen to these words. Do you honestly believe someone who kills, does horrible things should die? Do you, with every ounce of your being, believe that redemption is not possible? For this woman, I hate her with my being, but I also hated someone close to me for a very, very long time. Let people learn to live with themselves, and atone for their actions. Killing this woman stops nothing, and Lowenthal would not want more people dying because of him. He wanted people to LIVE. So, How DARE YOU say these types of things. ESPICALLY in relation to HIM!" He glared at the man with intense anger, and slowly sheathed his dagger. "Now, you can either A: Leave, go find this woman and kill her, which solves nothing, and Lowenthal will not see you again. Or B: Stay here, talk to me, understand this loveable man just a bit more, and heal." He picked up and sat down at his seat.

@Ryo

[Ryo 0]

As Clarence threw himself from the chair Ryo acted, his hands moving in third own. As a dagger was pointed at him, the edge of a katana was now placed at Clarences neck. "You know NOTHING!" Ryo shouted back at the man. "You think you're the only one who's experienced loss? Experienced this hurt, this pain? You were at least a nice person." Ryo said, keeping his katana pressed against Clarence. "Lowenthal was a great man!" Ryo said. "But I'm not him." Ryo said, his hands shaking. "Lowe never lied. He never won the trust of people to turn it against them. He never killed innocents, he's not guilty for the things I've done." Ryo said, finally removing his katana from Spencer.

"You asked if I believe that those kind of people deserve death. They do." Ryo said. "Ariel is guilty of one murder. And I'm guilty of many." Ryo said, stowing his blade. "Killing her solves nothing. Wrong. It takes a murderer off the streets of aincrad. It doesn't bring him back, nothing will. Nor will it bring me peace of mind. Nothing will." Ryo said walking over and picking up the chair and setting back upright.

[Clarence 0]

"Killing a murder only makes another murder. Fighting fire with fire only makes the blaze bigger." Clarence sat there for a moment as Ryo broke down in what he was saying, referring to himself in his own anguish and hatred. "So, what you're telling me is that you used to do bad things? Now you are atoning for what you did and trying to be better?" He cocked his head at Ryo and gave a small smile. "You're better than the rest of the world Ryo, you are growing." He sits up and stokes the fire more. "I used to think that bad people deserved to die, but bad doesn't breed bad, it just is. You can't eradicate the evil when the evil isn't something that can be controlled. Bad things happen to good people just because they happen, it is your choice on how to come back from that." He looked at Ryo. "I wanted to die for such a long time, I lost sight of how dying would affect everything I used to think was good. You're here because you want to right wrongs, even if your end result would be bad, your intentions are good. You are getting better, that is no easy feat. So take a breath, think of your actions, and worry about the consequences, because you're telling me that you murdering another human being will be fine by every single person in your life you care about?"

@Ryo

[Ryo 0]

Killing a murderer only births another murderer. Words to live by, wise ones. But they were wrong. Killing a murderer stopped more grief, it stopped other potential murder. Ryo bit his tongue, to prevent himself from misspeaking as he tried to collect words from thoughts. "I did worse things than murder." Ryo said. "I've gained trust, only to sell it to the highest bidder. You remember when Lowenthal and Jomei assaulted that slave ring to save Piera and Lee?" Ryo asked rhetorically. "Who do you think sold those two to them in the first place?" Ryo said, admitting his guilt. "The same guild of slavers as murderers that targeted Lowenthal, only Ariel beat them to it." Ryo nearly spat out.

"I don't plan on dying. At least not yet. I want to repent, and I want vengeance." Ryo said looking down at a clenched fist, trembling with untold hatred. "That guild needs to be wiped from the face of Aincrad, those players freed, Lowenthal avenged. Everyone who's ever suffered at their hands needs vengeance. And no one else is going to deliver it." Ryo said, looking back up at Clarence. "You're right. If you kill a killer, the number remains the same. But if you kill a hundred killers, it goes down by ninety-nine." Ryo said, looking determined.

[Clarence 0]

"So you're going to sacrifice your own well being and life to repay for your crimes and to help others. While to some that may seem honorable, to me that is stupid." He shook his head and made eye contact with Ryo. "The idea of wanting to help others is not lost on me. But if you're gone, how does that leave the people around you? Do you think Lowenthal would want you to do this? Piera, Lee, and Jomei. Would those three really agree with you throwing away your life for this? If you wish to kill people who kill people, your own hypocrisy will make you a target in the future, the very thing you swore you would protect from." He sat up and looked at the man. "Obviously I do not know your life, and this kidnapping and slave thing," He pauses, gritting his teeth, "Is definitely news to me. But yet, I don't see you as a bad guy. I see bad decisions, very very bad decisions, but not a bad guy. You're growing, learning, getting better." He paused, trying to think of the right words. "You see yourself as unlovable I have a feeling, but yet.... you are surrounded by people who care for you? You got my name from someone, someone close enough to you who would trust you with that info, and there is probably many more whos heart would break if you passed away."

[Ryo 0]

Ryo was taken aback slightly, as his form shifted from firm to comfortable again. What, Lowenthal would want. What would he want? Ryo couldn't even begin to possibly fathom what that would entail. But he knew one thing. Lowenthal wouldn't have wanted him to throw his life away. Ryo looked down at the floor, embarrassment covering his face. "I-" Ryo began to stutter out. "I have made mistakes. Far too many. Some I can fix, others I can't." He looked up. "But that doesn't shake my determination. This group needs to be stopped, one way or another. I won't let another innocent fall victim to them, nor will I allow them to abuse other people like me into service." Ryo said, wiping his face clean. "But I need to be stronger. I need to be better than I am now. I need to be more like-" A gasp was let loose from Ryo as a thought crept into his mind. He didn't need to be like Lowenthal. He didn't need to recreate bonds, or revive dead things. He needed to be himself. Lowenthal wouldn't want Ryo to be like him, he would want him to be better. And Ryo felt dumb for not realizing that sooner.

[Clarence 0]

Clarence smiled softly, and Noot ran over to Ryo, hugging his leg. "Noot doesn't usually like everyone. He's a lovable bird, don't get me wrong. But he is rather protective over me. He only likes good people, and I think you finally realized that title refers to you, or at least is beginning to." He stood up and stretched, yawning softly. He looked outside at the time and thought for a moment. "Not to rush you out, but this isn't my shop. The owner is very nice and lets me stay here whenever I want, however I think we should probably get going." He scooped up the penguin, who gently nuzzled into his chest. "I want to thank you for finding me. If you wouldn't have found me.... I don't think anyone else would have." His face dropped for a moment, but returned to a soft look, not as grim as it was earlier in the night. "Oh, I almost forgot." He quickly opened his HUD screen and sent Ryo a friend request. "If you ever need to talk to someone who loved him too." He gave a crocked smile and walked to the door, holding it open for the purple-haired man. "And, if you ever see Jomei again. You... you two I think have a lot to talk about." 

@Ryo