[SP-01] <<Training your Friend>>

[Cordelia 0]

Now that she felt what power her familiar had, it almost felt like she was addicted to it. Addicted to the thrill. The new sense. Just... everything.

"That wasn't your fault in any way," she said to Pacco wholeheartedly. "I was just out of it for a few seconds..."

"Why don't we train somewhere else? All of this forest scenery is making me a little bored," she mumbled, offering her arm to Pacco, to which he quickly flapped on to. "Alright, let's head to a lake! I want to see if I can walk on water. That would be awesome!" She squealed excitedly.

☆-☆

"Alright!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands together as she stood in front of the large lake. "There shouldn't be anything for me to be able to hop or jump on to," she muttered, scratching her chin. "I suppose I'll just wing this, then!" She chirped happily.

[Cordelia 0]

"Can we just test it out for a quick second before I throw the rocks again?" She asked. She didn't know why she asked, it was her familiar after all. She was the boss! 

Cordelia dug her feet into the grass the bordered the lake and gave Pacco a thumbs up, and then instantly, her vision grew read and a jolt of thrill went down her spine.

"This is brilliant!" She murmured under her breath. It was as if someone had placed a radar system in front of her! Her vision was just a red grid pattern, and when she look over to Pacco, he glowed with an even brighter red. She was like a living radar. Sweet!

It wasn't just the immediate identification of mobs, but she felt like she should see better. Heck, who needs glasses when you have Pacco? 

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," she breathed, a giddy grin on her face.

[Cordelia 0]

Cordelia gaped at her reflection in the lake's water. "I didn't know that my eyes turned red!" She exclaimed, turning her head to look at Pacco.

"Do you have any other neat tricks I need to know about?" She asked.

Pacco just tilted his head confusingly at her.

"No? Well, it was worth a shot. Maybe you'll develop something new later," she mumbled, crossing her arms.

She's seen some cases of familiars that do that. The more you rank up your familiar, the more it helps you, and sometimes it even develops some kind of new thing. Sometimes, they even change their appearance! Wasn't that something?

She wasn't sure if she wants Pacco to ever change how he looks. She was completely fine with the way he was looking right now! She think it would just look a little weird if he changed his appearance after she's had him for so long.

[Cordelia 0]

I would always have thought loneliness was exclusive to people living alone with no one around but sometimes loneliness is more acute when you are in a crowded place because no one knows how you feel inside and it’s amazing to see people going about their business not knowing that someone within reach is hurting so much inside.

Be kind to other human beings. No one knows what private turmoils people have and if you know you can alleviate someone’s loneliness just do so - maybe when we ask someone the overused question “how are you?” we could stop and actually listen to the answer because loneliness is a horrible, horrible feeling and I believe everyone feels it at some stage of their lives.  She laughed to himself, areal, genuine laugh.  Who knew I had all of these thoughts in my head?! I must be going crazy. I would've never thought of these things in real life!

[Cordelia 0]

Cordelia frowned. Where did all of these depressing thoughts come from? It wasn't like she had never thought about it, but that straight up came out of no where! Maybe this game was really getting to her. 

Her mood seemed to diminish after a few minutes of saying nothing. All the happiness she had felt a few minutes earlier seemed to have just... left so quickly. It hurts just thinking about all of this. Sometimes, she wished she just... forgot everything back in the real world. Live the rest of her life in here. No more burdens. No more disgusting memories and all of that. 

Just her. Where she should be. She didn't belong back in the real world. She belonged here! In Aincrad! She wasn't an outcast. No one could look down on her like her parents did anymore! In here- in here, she was free.

Free to choose.

ID: 123531

CD: 2

1/3

[Cordelia 0]

She laid back on the ground and laughed to herself again.

 I'm growing crazy. This game is making me crazy! She put her hands on her head and laughed again.  The neurons or something, whatever it is... it's making me crazy! I was never lonely back in the real world! 

She stopped laughing and just laid there. Her blank eyes traveled to the sky, and she sighed. A gut retching sigh.  Was I ever really lonely..?  She smiled to himself. Rosie was always there with me. I suppose that wasn't enough though. I guess I was always lonely. No matter how much I resisted the thought. I was always... lonely. She chuckled to himself.  I could write a whole book on the thoughts I just had. But I always wonder. Does Rosie miss me? Did they just brush me off of their shoulders since she doesn't have to take care of me anymore? After all I've done for her, she must still love me, right?

[Cordelia 0]

There has always been an aura of simplicity about my presence in character. Despite the ambitiousness and often detailed observance in my outlook around people, the  role of “happy-go-lucky Amara” was a recognized and rarely challenged fairing amongst family and friends. Bubbly, outgoing, smart and active; all resounding traits of a self-promoting bio with the mood swings, drama and bitter excerpts merely regarded as the impulses of teenage angst. I've always enjoyed company, reveling in chat and laughter. But the hidden scorn of paranoia and insecurity could easily spoil the anticipated gladness of socializing and connecting. Talkative, engaging but quietly doubtful. Apprehensive about personal viewpoints on the basis that someone might not like me because of what I thought or what I said. This silent persecution inside persisted in the former of mental torture; a daily routine of mirror goading tagged with insults and reminders that I was worthless, no one liked me and that I was better off alone.

[Cordelia 0]

You give away pieces of yourself in silent exchange for acceptance. If you can be less you and more something else, then you will be accepted and, therefore, less lonely. Until, one morning, you wake up and realize that you have given away so much that you are a shadow of the shell of the man you once were. And then you’re lonely for yourself. You want the old you back. You realize that the particular type of loneliness that blooms when you are married to someone who doesn’t love you has taken root inside you and choked you out of yourself. Every loneliness has its cure, and the only cure for this type of loneliness is to leave. The cure for this type of loneliness is to be alone. Two years ago, I made a decision to live. To break away from the chains that held me back. I don't regret logging into SAO. I don't regret anything.

[Cordelia 0]

Cordelia chuckled bitterly to herself. What was her life coming to? She needed to push these depressing thoughts away! She couldn't think like this just yet! She had to make it to the front lines! She had to be stronger. Not like this. She had to at least act strong in front of other people. People couldn't perceive her as weak. They'd all find out. Find out.

She didn't want that.

If they found out what made her weak, then she'll never be able to show her face in public anymore.

She'll be a freak. Hopeless. Weak.

No, no, no. She couldn't have that. She'd be a laughing stalk. Two years of working up to this and she'd be a laughing stock! She didn't want to be known for that. Her reputation was worth more than her life. If she had to die to preserve it, then she would. She'd have to.

[Cordelia 0]

"Okay!" Cordelia blurted, clapping her hands together. "Let's get back to training, shall we?" She asked.

Gripping the handful of rocks in her hand, she got ready to throw them into the air. "Three. Two. One!" She called, feeling her vision sharpen just as she threw the rocks into the air. 

"Alright!" She exclaimed, getting ready to run. Just as gravity took its toll on the pebbles, she sprinted off of the grass. She propelled herself into the air, reaching for the falling rocks with a victorious grin.

Closer. Closer. There! 

The rocks-- which were surrounded with a bright red-- were only less than a meter in front of her at this point.

"And..." she murmured, her palms snatching all five of the rocks in the air in a single swoop. "Got them!" 

She yelled in triumph and pulled her fist down with a grin. "Let's go! We did it!"

ID: 123532

CD: 8

2/3

 

[Cordelia 0]

Cordelia paused when she looked down.

Water. 

"Oh, shi-" 

She screeched as gravity pulled her down. "Oh my stars!" She screamed as she felt the blue come closer and closer. 

She shut her eyes close as she plunged feet first into the water. Immediate cold enveloped her as her clothes become heavy with water. She let out a gasp, which was probably a bad idea since she was in literal water. Water immediately flooded her mouth and she almost choked on it. Nuh uh, she was not dying in a lake! 

She pushed the water out of her mouth and started to swim up.

It would probably be easier if she didn't have such a thick jacket, but no way was she ditching this jacket! She had been using it... for like, forever! Plus, she didn't really have the cash to be buying another one. Man, she really needed to go hunting soon.

[Cordelia 0]

Cordelia sputtered out a mouthful of water as she crawled back to the muddy shores of the lake. "Well," she coughed again, "that was eventful."

Her hair was heavy and soaked with water, as well as her coat. This sucked.

She sighed tiredly as she fell back on to the muddy banks. "Gosh. That was something, wasn't it, Pacco?" She laughed lowly, her arms collapsing by her side as she stared up at the sky. 

"The day is almost over already," she wheezed, looking up at the color changing sky. 

"I can't believe we spent all day catching rocks and hopping on trees," she chuckled, her eyes lidding from exhaustion.

"I wish there were more days like this," she whispered, her chest rising and falling slowly. "Where I didn't feel as lonely. Where I didn't feel as sad."

"Today was a good day, though. It falls on the good end of the spectrum, at least."

[Cordelia 0]

"I always feel sad sometimes," she whispered, her eyes glossing over as she stared blankly at the sky.

"It's not like I'm ever really thinking about being sad," she murmured to no one. She wasn't even sure if Pacco was listening to her anymore, but she kept talking anyway. 

"I just suddenly feel this huge depressing cloud surround me sometimes. Like a thick fog, and then my immediate mood just drops. I don't know if it's some kind of illness. Maybe it's just the way my brain works. . . but I don't want to be sad," she said softly. "I don't like feeling like this all the time. I hate feeling so happy one moment and then feeling like actual [doo doo] the next!," she choked, her voice cracking from all the pent up frustration that has built up in her for the past two years.

She just wanted it all to stop.

[Cordelia 0]

"I'd want to think I'm happy, sometimes. I feel happy when I'm around people I like..." she trailed off. "But even then. I just feel so empty sometimes. It might even occur when I am with people."

"Is this normal?" She said in a hushed voice. "Is it normal to feel like your heart is just. . .  missing sometimes? Like, someone just yanked it out of your chest?" She asked to no one, her eyes glazing over again as she looked at the sky slowly change into a dark purple. 

"Perhaps I don't want to be normal, anymore. Maybe I want to be different. Maybe I am different." She laughed bitterly to herself. ''Of course I'm different! I grew up in a mansion with famous parents! I had servants do everything with me! I was rich. I had everything."

"But why did I always feel like I had nothing?" She asked.

[Cordelia 0]

"Everything I could want in the world," she whispered, holding up her hands in front of her face. "Right on my finger tips," she muttered, her eyes glossy.

"But I couldn't," she paused, pressing her hand back to her side. "I couldn't feel any joy. No joy came from all the wealth, all the money," she mumbled, her hands balling into tight fists. "None of it mattered in the end."

"I'm stuck here. I like being stuck here. I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back. I don't want anyone to go back. I just want to stay here, forever. It might be a living hell for other people but I don't care," Cordelia chuckled bitterly. "I'm such a selfish person,  but it doesn't change my mind. I'm not fighting to get out of here... and... and if I'd rather die here than leave SAO."

She turned to Pacco, who was staring at her quizzically. 

"You know, you'd be a pretty good therapist."

ID: 123533

CD: 7

3/3

[Cordelia 0]

SUMMARY:

-2 SP

-400 Col

-Accuracy Familiar Mastery