[NLY-PP-F11] You're not alone

[Mari 1]

Taft lay below Mari, who sat high on a crumbling wall atop a grassy hill that overlooked the European inspired village. Here - she could see everything. The cathedral which broke the dulled hues of the sky. The maze of cobblestone streets, a place bustling with players and NPCs alike - a place where she could no longer tread without being slain on sight. Lightly glossed lips parted and a steamed breathe escaped from her lips, as though wisps of her soul were being drawn out of her small frame.  Small legs kicked to and fro as they hung over the wall. Mari wore a long fluffy cloak over her usual dark sweater and boots. It helped stave off the chill in the air. The festival was nice, but this...was peaceful.

I wonder how Alkor is right now?

Mari had spent some time with him at the event, but… with the festivities off in the distance Mari found herself nothing more than a solitary figure once again. Now that she was alone with her thoughts Father Wuotan's words echoed in her head. I know many have suffered too much already. But not only today shall I give and take, but also grant a wish for anyone who seeks my help for a new hope."

New hope?

That...applied to Mari in a way, right? She was seeking her hope - seeking redemption. If the woman could wish for anything in the world - it'd be to have her daughter returned to her - but people didn't just come back from the dead. Wishing for happiness for another... didn't exactly work either. "I'd... probably wish for my orange cursor to go away..." Mari whispered softly to herself. Was that selfish of her? Maybe. But lately, she really had found small sparks of hope. In friendship with Macradon, and with Alkors painful return.

The woman was ok with it. She'd spent most of her time here alone, the season was no different. Still… she had someone she held very close to her heart now. He was alive. Would it be so bad to reach out to him?

To: Alkor From: Mari Subject: Murry Christmas Hey, if you're busy or don't want to that's fine. I was wondering if you wanted to watch the sunset together tonight? If not then Merry Christmas. I'll be on the 11th floor just outside the safe zone sitting along the wall. xx Mari

With that sent a soft sigh escaped her lips. Her fingers shook, be it from the cold or nerves she could not tell. Mari knew most her messages to Alkor would go unanswered - not because he was a bad person but simply because he struggled with responding, with reaching out and composing a reply. The orange haired woman was okay with that. What she wasn't ok with… was the thought that he may shut himself away and spend Christmas alone.

"No one deserves to be alone right now." Mari mused to herself as her sapphire haze to the horizon. The sky was painted a brilliant amber, with warm tones of coral and peach peeking up over the edge of the city.

The air held a bite of cold, as snow fell around her- but Mari didn't mind. She hadn't experienced a white Christmas before, so it was calming.

Her eyes closed, and she inhaled deeply began to sing. Her lilting tune echoing in the hills around. 

@Alkor

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

He got her message, just like all the others.

It was a pain, not because he wanted to avoid her, but because he never knew how to respond. He struggled with face to face conversation, but even more with not having those cues at all. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he finished the last few words. All it took was "okay" or "I'll be there," but for some reason, it weighed on him like a massive burden. She wanted to spend the holidays with him. From experience, he knew that meant she felt close to him, or wanted to be close to him. He never had that type of closeness with anyone in his family other than his grandmother, and even she had allotted him a healthy amount of distance because she understood that he wasn't quite like other people.

Mari had already crowded him to the point where he unintentionally stayed a bit further from her than normal. It was his fault and he knew it. He had held so tightly to that façade back then, before he fully grasped that he was the same in the game as he was in reality. It wasn't just an escape anymore. The swordsman exhaled loudly as he stepped through the teleporter and into Taft, where she waited just beyond the threshold. He owed it to her to be honest, and not to push her away. She was a friend.

His steps wore heavy on the cobbles as he approached, eyes cast on the ground. He had held her. He had said words he never fully grasped the meaning of, and he had promised her protection. How much of those things could he truly offer? How many of those promises could he make good on? Only time would tell, and only honesty would make any amends. The city restricted him like hands on his throat as he walked through, as if Aincrad were ridiculing him for his foolishness. The sky, tainted grey and white by the winter season, blasted him with brisk gusts of wind and powder. His hands trembled from the cold.

When he stepped out of the safe zone, the chill felt even colder down his spine.

"Mari," he greeted gently, his voice carried on frigid fingers to the woman. His gilded gaze moved to find her, and he managed a soft smile. "I'm here."

What else could he say? She deserved more than that. "Sorry I haven't been good at responding to your messages," he told her. "I've been reading them. I uh... I like your hair."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

Mari coughed, then choked when she heard his voice - abruptly ending the song. "Ahh..." Her fingers gripped the side of the wall to stop her toppling over it and down the hill back toward Taft. His appearance was sudden, and if she were being honest with herself, unexpected. The quiet and soothing tone of his voice, like the ocean made her heart skip a beat as she turned too him.

Mari grinned. "Alkor - it's fine really. I mean..." She turned her gaze to the side. "I won't lie, sometimes I get a little bothered by it - but then I remember that it's hard." Mari's eyes shifted back to the horizon before her. "I don't really expect replies - I guess..." She paused. Would it be fair to tell him?  It wouldn't hurt, Mari had promised she'd be truthful with him. "I don't know if you ever got them - but It was...cathartic to me - I messaged you quite a lot, even when I thought you were dead. It felt like I was having conversations with you." Mari covered her mouth as she snorted. "Gosh...I kinda hope you didn't that'd be a lot of spam. Man... If I knew you were alive - I never would have... ahh.... but that's probably why my messages may be excessive - old habbits...I'll try to keep  that in mind. But it isn't your fault. Don't apologize."

Mari patted the wall next to her. "You should come up here - the view is really nice. You can see all of Taft up here, and the sun is beginning to set."

It was then that Alkor commented on her hair, two things happened. The woman stared at him in utter disbelief, eyes widening - another - unbeknowst to her, was her cheeks, brightening with the heat of his compliment. "Uh...wait...Alkor are you only just noticing?? It's been orange since before the festival."  Mari laughed as she shook her head. "Man...I was wondering why you hadn't commented on it." She lifted up a hand to tug at her hair. "It's...actually my natural colour. I wanted to be more connected to who I was. Not what rumours say about me."

@Alkor

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

"There's nothing wrong with needing to vent," he said honestly as he found a seat somewhere close by and against the wall. "We all have things we can't handle on our own. Yet, some of us still try. That's how I've always been. Try to take it all on alone."

He stared up at the snowy sky and closed his eyes. It felt like one of the few winters back home when he actually got to enjoy the snow. It wasn't harsh or world stopping like some of the storms he had experienced. It was a gentle, enjoyable experience.

"I think reaching out like you did despite not having anyone there to catch you if you fell was about the smartest decision you could have made. As for me, I think the game didn't register me as having existed, but I got at least a few of those messages."

He looked her way. "It's Christmas time, y'know?" His voice became softer. "You shouldn't worry about all that. It's in the past now. You can enjoy the festivities and move forward with your life. No more Player Killing. No more notoriety. Just a fresh chance at a... relatively normal life, I guess."

As normal as life in Aincrad could be.

"I'm really sorry I can't be more expressive or emotive," he told her finally. "For all the time I spent playing hero and trying to make sure everyone was happy around me, I couldn't actually learn how to be that person. I'm absolutely petrified of close contact, and I'm rotten at talking to people... but, I do want to help you, and I do want to see you take back your life. That's more important than anything else. Everyone deserves a full life. Even you, Amari."

His eyes swept across the snow-stained floor. "Even me," he muttered, "whatever a full life means for me."

He glanced up at her hair when she asked if he had just noticed. "Uh, well, it's not exactly the first thing I think about," he said honestly. "I sort of get focused on the task set in front of me so I can get it done. Tunnel vision. That kind of thing.

But, it looks nice. It's much more your speed."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

Alkor shifted silently and with purpose - like a shadow his dark figure clung to the wall as he lowered himself to a seated position. The man spoke words of solace - telling her it was ok to reach out to others, even if they were presumed dead. He talked about how he always took things on alone and Mari imagined him curled up on the floor in a dark room, away from his friends - solitary in his confinement. "Mmm...." She couldn't blame him for it, Mari had often done the same. Shouldered everything on her own. It wasn't till she had met people like him, Light, and others that she started to realize it was ok to rely on others. At some point, Mari needed it. She found herself drowning in a thick viscous darkness and was struggling to climb out of it. But, he was here again - and her world was opening up. Little by little.

Mari's blue eyes shifted down to Alkor as he glanced up at her. Mari dug her hands into the crumbling wall she sat upon. She couldn't keep feeling this way about him. Even so - those eyes made her heart ache. They filled her with a myriad of emotions that sent flurries of turbulence within her. "Christmas time...heh... I forget." Mari gave him a forlorn smile. "I don't really remember the last time I celebrated it but this..." Mari held out a hand and watched as snow gathered in her palm. "I really like this. A quiet Christmas, one with snow - and not with wretched searing summers. You know that old guy? He asked us about wishes - what do you think you'd wish for?" 

Mari tilted her hand and watched the snow fall freely away, down to land atop Alkor's head. "My first wish would be to see my daughter return to me, but I can't really have that - So I suppose I'd wish for that new hope I'm trying so hard to find. The removal of my orange crystal." Mari kept quiet about her third wish - seeing him happy.

The next words he spoke were an apology. One she wasn't expecting. "Thom...." She had so much to say to him in that moment - but Mari held her tongue. She didn't want to ruin this precious, precarious moment with him. "That's ok. I'm not going anywhere and I'm here to help you, one step at a time. Little by little let's start opening those windows to your room."

Mari pulled her gaze away from him to drift back to the expansive city below. "Whatever a full life means to you..."

Mari lifted up her hand and opened up her menu - the blue light softly illuminated her face as she shifted through her messages. Luckily, the woman didn't have to search long. "When you first asked about if anyone else was here... I couldn't really answer you properly - I have something for you though."  Mari paused and teeth pulled on her lower lip. Would this push him further away from her? No - that didn't matter right now. What mattered was reminding him of the things waiting for him back home. Mari selected the message she had received from Arc, attached to it was a photo that Arc had uploaded before Aincrad became a prison. It was Tobias and Thom. They were there with smiles on their faces- almost unheard of for Thom,- a sunset in the background and beers in hand. "I think this...is part of what a full life is to you." Mari said softly as she closed her HUD. "A reminder of the people who are still fighting for you, and will be there by your side - always." 

@Alkor

[Alkor 0]

"What I'd wish for, huh?" he asked, mind gone to far away lands. "I hope Grandma's alright," he said absently. "I'd wish she found peace and comfort despite her Dementia. There were days she woke up screaming because it was so much for her to take. Between the doses of morphine, when she was halfway lucid, she'd ramble incoherently about things that made no sense. Children we had never heard of, playing together in a place we'd never been... it was madness," he stared at his feet now, expression hardened. "Her mind had gone to other worlds, and we were left with nothing but the pieces. Now, I hope she's found something like solace. That's all I could wish for."

He looked her way again and smiled a bit. "You said you want a green cursor," he noted, "and all that's going to take is some effort and a bit of help from good people. That's what surviving in this world is all about, honestly. We can't tear each other apart and expect not to be eaten alive by Cardinal."

With a laugh, he added, "and honestly, as bad as you think you are with people, you still managed to make friends."

When he received the file and opened it, his expression changed. He stood immediately, his eyes exploded wide open. "Is he alive?" he asked quickly. "Where did you see him last?"

He stood rigid for a moment before he finally relaxed. "No, no," he shook himself off. "I can't focus on that right now." He turned to face Mari. "I need to remember that I have things that take priority, and despite knowing he is- or was- here, I can't just drop everything like that. It's not responsible."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

If only such wishes could be granted Mari thought to herself as he opened up about his grandma. "I'm sure she has." Mari said quietly. "I'm sure whenever she closes her eyes - she'll hear the gentle tunes of your fingers dancing over ivory keys - and I'm sure she's waiting to hear you play for her again and again."

Mari shook her head with a faint laugh. "Yeh - I suppose I do have friends. I have you, I have Mac - I still don't see what he sees in me, but I'm learning not to question others judgement so much. Just wait till I get riled and he cops an earful of bloody swears. Poor bloke will probably sh*t his pants." Mari said with a grin.

Alkor's expression changed to one she could not read - he jumped up. Fervent. Desperate. "You know that's the most passionate I've seen you since you've returned." Mari mused. "I wasn't really sure what reaction you'd give - but is it strange for me to say I'm glad it was that." 

Mari dislodged a small rock from the wall and flicked it into Alkors direction. It landed on the hood of his cape before rolling off his clothing and falling silently into the powdered snow on the floor. "He's alive - the last time I saw him was in my shop. We had a bit of a fight. He was convinced you were alive and declared he'd find a way to bring you back." Mari snorted. "Man - If I had the ability to...I'd message him to tell him he was right all along. He's safe. I'm sure he's probably found Corvo right now and they're drinking a pub dry trying to get drunk in a world that won't allow inebriation. Rest tonight - I owe you a quest. How about the quest be 'Dragging Corvo and Arc out of the bar'" She wasn't sure what else to say to him. She hoped her light-hearted jest bought him some comfort. Mari wanted to reach out and let her hand dance over his cheeks, thumbs massaging away the pained look in his eyes just like she had long ago. 

"Hey...Thom..." Mari asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "We can change the subject if you want, and no matter your answer I will always be a thorn in your side but..." She forced her eyes shut and drew a shuddering breath. "You keep saying you were playing the part of Alkor - trying to make everyone around you happy." It was so hard for Mari to say these words. She felt the warmth give way to a chill pain. but she had to know. Mari couldn't keep living on what -ifs. 

"Everything between us, the gentle kisses, the caresses - the admissions of love was that you playing the part of Alkor? Was any of that Thom?"

@Alkor

[Alkor 0]

He stood for a long moment with cold air blasting him. What felt like a breeze before felt more like a biting gale. The wind never rose, the world simply stood still and his blood chilled. Not only were his friends alive, but Mari asked the question he had no idea how to handle. She said they would remain friends, and yet, she half expected- simply judging by her words. He caught himself holding his breath.

Alkor let it out, his shivers visible. "I don't know why, honestly," he spoke, his voice uneven. "After everything with Daeron, I felt like I'd done wrong by Lessa. I felt like I didn't know how to do right by anyone, so I had to do what I could to fix things. I had to be the hero for someone who needed me. So, in that moment where I had the chance- instead of doing the right thing, I did the thing I felt like someone wanted."

He knew the warmth was gone, and it wasn't coming back.

Alkor embraced the cold.

"So, yes," he bit his lip. "Alkor- I was trying so hard to give you that connection, that person who was reliable, who had emotions I couldn't understand..." Alkor... no. Thom tightened his hands to fists. He took a deep breath, and it froze in his lungs. When he exhaled, there was no relief. "I don't know what I feel," he said. "I've never known. I do know I care about my friends, and I know I want the best for all of them. I met you through the strangest circumstances, and because of events that transpired, I was thrust into an awkward situation that I should have been able to handle. But because I thought I was being kind... I ultimately did something that wasn't."

He didn't look at her this time. He half expected her to slap him for it. It stung even before she could speak. 

"I mean it when I say I want the best for you," he said quietly, "and I'm being completely honest when I say I know that's not me. You can find happiness- and you will. Just..."

He managed to force a smile. "...it's gonna take some time, I think."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

"I see." Came Mari's reply. She couldn't say anymore in that moment. If she did she was afraid she'd break. 

Every moment. 

Every time his gentle voice spoke comforting words as his lips brushed against hers. The warmth that she had so desperately clung to as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap. The yearning in his eyes, the breaths that they stole from each other...the gentle caress of silken hair. Each and every moment nothing more than a series of unraveled lies.

Nothing but empty promises and shattered dreams of love. Mari had her suspicions ever since he got back. But hearing the truth had hurt. How could someone be so thoughtless? So manipulative? In the briefest moments of rage she had the bitter thought that he was just like her ex-husband. A liar. A Manipulator. But those kinds of people...they didn't show remorse. They didn't apologize for their actions and seek to make amends. The man before her was crumbling. He wanted what was best for her? What kind of bullshit was that...? 

Her blue eyes drifted to the glassy sky above. Tears were streaming down her face, her eyes stung with the bitterness of the reality that had crashed down on her "As long as...I'm alive you'll be a part of me. Alkor. Thom. The man who preferred General Lee over Grant. A pianist who occasionally drinks Bells Two Hearted Ale with Tobias and Corvo as they join up in their group and tackle games of fantasy and lore. A man who hides in a dark room wrapped in blankets as he looks after his grandma." 

This wasn't even a breakup. It wasn't ever anything to begin with - she was just foolish enough...delusional enough to think it was anything more. To think anyone could love something as vile and empty and cold and worthless as her. Was it her fault? Had she forced this all upon a man who took years to cultivate friendships?

Mari lowered her head as she attempted to wipe the streams from her face, but it was fruitless effort. "I'm...sorry I put you t-through that." Her voice was barely audible and shaken as she tried so hard to hold back the emotions that were bubbling up. "I s-should have realized s-sooner..." Her hand clasped over her fragile heart. She wanted to cry, shout out into the night - scream out all the hopeless emotions. But that...wasn't fair.

Mari pushed herself off the wall, landing on her feet just a few steps away from Alkor.

"Hey..." Mari gave him an empty smile.

I just have to keep trying to smile. Just act as though none of it happened.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

Please don't question the tears. Pretend they're not there. Ignore the cold broken pieces of me, please.

"I've never made one -hiccup- before. Isn't that silly?" Mari asked as she took a shaky step toward Alkor, collapsing into snow in front of him. Her hands trembled as they feverishly gathered snow to form a small lump. "I may never get anoth-another chance...and this is what you do at Christmas r-right?  Let's celebrate C-Christmas, Alkor."

Dear Father Wuotan - my new wish is to forget this pain. 

@Alkor

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

What else was there to say? She spoke like a child overwhelmed by things they couldn't understand. The way they tried to fix things that they knew were broken, but no idea how badly reflected in her words, her fragile and sweet spoken words. Alkor felt the scathing lash of her emotions bite into his flesh and drink deep of his blood. Even without cuts, he bled.

This was the Justice he deserved for the foolishness of his actions. He felt emptiness- the same emptiness that filled her smile and made it so sickeningly false. He only managed to see it when he forced himself to look at her. 

This wasn't how it should be. This was Christmas. This wasn't two friends treating each other well. This was two broken fools playing two discordant fiddles to two different tunes and dancing mindlessly to a masochistic rhythm. Thom wasn't having it that way.

He had done the right thing. The floodgates were open, and now, there was no turning back.

"I did wrong," he said, "but I'm going to do right. It's not too late for that. It's not too late for you, either."

She said things that he never remembered telling her. She spoke truths about him he had only ever shared with his closest of friends. Alkor felt each knife wound open in his stomach and pain blossom in his chest. 

As it should be.

"Don't rebuild on a broken foundation. Tear it all down and start properly." He reached out and took her by the shoulder, then pulled her close. He didn't kiss her. He didn't whisper lovingly about things he didn't know. He just held her to his chest. "Let it out," he managed to choke out. "Cry. Scream. Feel everything you need to. It's fine. I did wrong. It's not your fault."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

Please don't ...don't look at me like that Alkor... 

Mari shivered as Alkors voice broke through her trembling gasps of breath. He told her how it wasn't too late, for either of them. But his words hurt, they cut her far deeper than any blade - and plunged her, falling farther than jumping off the highest floors of Aincrad. Why was he saying this? It was too late for her. She'd F**ked up. So many, many  times. If only she had paid a little more attention back then...if only she wasn't so desperate for any semblance of warmth. If only she allowed herself to stay steeled away from others none of this would be happening.

With one long, lithe arm he reached out to her. Unseen muscles tensed as they clasped down hard on her her shoulder and with one swift movement she was enveloped in his embrace.

"S-stop..." Mari pleaded as she placed her hands on his chest. Even now it was achingly warm. Her frigid fingers dug into the cloth of his jacket, prying for more, the pleasant and comforting beat of his heart - signs that he was here and alive. Even now, after every painful word - every syllable had slashed at the remnants of her psyche - Mari wanted nothing more than to press her head against his chest. To close her eyes and forget anything was real. To fall into a painless, dreamless sleep.

But there was no looking back.

"Please stop..." Mari choked, begging for him to release his grip. Inside she had been shaken, and she felt as though her sanity had been taken - why was he doing this? Why? He hated this? He hated this. Did that mean he hated her? Was she really that worthless? Didn't he just say he didn't love her? Why... why do this? Wouldn't it be better to leave? She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve warmth. Or Friendship. She was nothing more than a monster....Monster...MoNstEr....MoNSteR ...MoNStER

His voice broke through the voices in her head. Soothing kind words tangled with the voices in her head - strangling the incessant whispers of bile and bitterness she had toward herself. Instructions, wishes for her to let it all out, to cry and stream.

I can't stop my tears. Please make them stop make this go away.

"Y-You can't..." Mari whimpered as she tried to pull away, but his grip remained fast and true. Were his hands trembling? Or was that her? Mari couldn't tell. She couldn't see - her vision blurred by the fountain of fears and pain. Of heartache and broken pieces. "Y...you can't stand it....right...?" Mari asked in a feeble, choking sob. "L-Let go...I can't...I can't..." She visibly shivered.

"D-Don't make me fall for you...D-Don't...let..." Her next words were broken, swallowed by the tears and whimpers that took over her body.

@Alkor

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

"Don't love me," he said sternly as she spoke her final words. "Don't fall for me because I'm offering you a shoulder to cry on. I'm making good on something I didn't do properly. I'm not here to offer you a beautiful lie, I'm here to give you something real. If you don't want that, it's fine." 

He let go of her and took a step back. "I learned my lesson," he said, "I know I can't give kisses and wipe away tears and say things that sound wonderful, but that doesn't mean I can't be supportive in other ways."

Alkor took a ragged breath and quashed his shivers. He had to face this fear down. He had to be brave. Just reaching out to shakily hug her had taken a massive effort. He was past that now. Harsh words couldn't reach him now, and the ones that already had could no longer drag him down.

"You can't run from the things you did. I can't run from the things I did. We're adults, living in a world with real repercussions. Our actions have real consequences. I hurt you. I'm sorry. You killed people- you can't bring them back, but you can change. You have a choice."

The swordsman stiffened as the words moved through him, almost of their own volition. "We all have choices to make," he said, "and not all of them will be right. Who we are is defined not only by the choices, but how we move forward from them.

Running away isn't an option for me. Not anymore. It doesn't have to be for you, either."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

"Don't love me, Don't fall for me because I'm offering you a shoulder to cry on..."

She wished she didn't. She wished this pain, and this hurt would all wash away. She wished someone would come and erase all those painful memories from her heart. But they were driven deep into its core - with every beat they coursed through her veins and the ebb and flow of her blood was a grim reminder that she had lived whilst others had died. The distance between them bought nothing but a cold chill that wrapped around her core - opening up...had been a mistake. Friends were a mistake...her whole damn life was a mistake.

Seconds of silence sat between them, but they dragged on like minutes, and hours. His words, calculated and cold - without ever meaning to... but they reminded her of everything she was trying so hard to move past. Did he not remember? 

"YOU killed too!" She snapped back. "But you got to sleep! Got to rest peacefully and wake up with a shimmering green emerald free of sin floating above your head whilst I fought and fought and fought." Mari fell forward, her palms pressing hard into the snow, sneaking beneath it. "I never wanted to...."  She shook her head and droplets of tears fell feverishly from her already soaked face. Mari shook, rattled by the words. "I should have let them kill me..you keep saying I can change. Like I wanted anything to do with any of those f**king things to begin with!" She said again, hurt and anger in her words.

"I've killed people..." Mari said as she allowed herself to sink deeper into the snow. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to live..."

More moments passed, enough for Mari's tears to dry up - her eyes stinging and red - had no more to shed. Her heart hurt, but she was already giving herself the resolution to fix that. It was easy. Just don't let anyone close. Beat this game. Go the world outside - and go through the motions till she was old and withered. "But I am alive..." Came her empty voice. "And I will live."

Her blue eyes fell to the blob of snow beneath her - she blinked back the last of her tears. Mari took a rattled breath and sat back up. Her hands shifted back to the lump of snow as she began to reform it. "I squished our snowman... help me fix it..."

@Alkor

 

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

"You think I didn't feel the weight of what I'd done?" Alkor stared hard at the woman with his needlessly harsh eyes. He had always been that way. Some things would never change. Others, had.

"The ability to take a life is not license to do so." He thrust a finger in her direction. "I knew that. I made that decision because I couldn't let anyone else be hurt by someone who had no concept of that fact. I couldn't let someone who would never agonize over the lives they had taken continue to take them. For the rest of my life I have to live knowing I ended the lives of human beings. I know that."

Alkor grit his teeth and stepped close to her again. "You think this god forsaken cursor changes that? You think the color of a pixelated icon inside of a game erases my actions? Wake the hell up, Amari- this is life. Actions are real. Memories don't disappear when you close your eyes, and sleepers still have nightmares."

He held his hand out to her when she'd fallen to the ground. "You can stand up now," he said, "and we can move forward. Or, you can stay there. That's up to you. "But dying won't change anything. It's not about whether or not you 'deserve to live.' It's about what you do with the time you have left.

And I'm going to do the right thing."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

It starts with the unexpected loss of something dear...the warmth that comforted and cradled disappeared. And in its place is nothing but an endless empty hole

In a way...Alkor was her light, without realizing it he had always shown her the way, but that light was gone. Replaced with empty darkness in his harsh eyes. Bitterness and anger were quick to fill his words just as they were to hers. Mari didn't flinch as he rose his voice to her - his words were true - and she deserved them for lashing out at him. She should have been good, been quiet. He spoke of how memories didn't disappear. That nightmares still plagued sleep. She wanted to emphasize with him. To tell him she too knew of the nightmares and the weight - but instead, she kept quiet. Her lips sealed shut in a thin resolute line.  Be quiet. Be good.

After all was said and done, Alkor offered her his hand. She knew the path she would take. It would just be one to isolation. In her wake would be destroyed bitter dreams. Her own heart shielded from the ebb of painful memories. Resolute. Mari knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to escape this game.

The woman reached out to Alkor and clasped his hand, the warmth seeped into her trembling fingers, but instead of love, instead of yearning - there was a dull pain. The woman was emotionally spent, she wasn't sure she could feel anymore sadness, bitterness, or hurt. No anger - and right now - that was a good thing. With his aid Mari pulled herself to her feet and let go of his hand without hesitation.

Her eyes turned from him and looked to the sun, it had almost disappeared over the horizon - bathing the entire city of Taft in a brilliant orange hue.  "Look. The suns setting." 

@Alkor

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

It was the end of a day, and the end of an age.

Alkor had spoken plainly. It had created wounds that, given time, might heal. Those same wounds, with improper handling and miscommunication, could exacerbate and Mari might devolve into something far darker than she had been before. It was her decision to make, ultimately.

Once, the first time they had met, Alkor had given the woman a warning. If she took life, he would exact justice upon her for the sakes of those who still lived. Heavy as that hung, as he looked at her mentally retreating form, he silently remembered those words.

For her own sake, if the woman ever lost herself again, he would do the right thing. He would let her die and rest peacefully before he let her live as the monster she now believed herself to be.

But those things were not set in stone.

"Sunset," he whispered ironically. "I love sunsets."

It was one thing he had said that came from the heart, all those many moons ago. Part of him had been in the act, but all good lies carry grains of truth. Still, someone who Alkor did love once told him that to lie was worse than any sin.

He was ready to live that way now. No more falseness. No more miscommunications- he would express his true, full meaning, and through the anguish, he would find himself.

He hoped Amari would find her truth, too.

"Hey," he managed to call to her. "Merry Christmas. Build your snowman," he said. "I'm going to go."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

'Heh, guess you didn't lie about some things Alkor'

"Me too. It's why I invited you here in the first place. I wanted to show you some of the most stunning and beautiful spots I had found." She tilted her head to the side, silken strands of golden, a colour that rivaled the sunset spilled over her shoulders. The curtain of hair parted to blue eyes, shimmering with tears that had been spent, raw and red from emotion. She sounded tired as she spoke, "I had so many places I wanted to show you - a hollowed out amethyst on the fourth floor - a quaint music shop on the second. A high mountain overlooking a valley of volcanoes below on the fiery floor... Here..." Her words were soft spoken. Through the cold they ignited faint embers - memories of a time where she held hope. 

"You also like the night sky, right?" Mari asked. Her question genuine, she had recalled him say such things. But was no longer sure if any of it held truth. "If you do like that, you should stay." She extended an arm and pointed to a place just to the left of where they stood. "There - you can see a flurry of purple, a nebula. It's...nice to watch. In that place it looks like the stars are truly alight, dancing and twinkling among each other..."

She lowered her arm and stared at the man who she wanted to love with her entire being, but knew she could not. The man she loved was a lie, an illusion created by the lonely man named Thom.  He was keeping his distance now. Mari couldn't blame him. She was doing the same right? Distancing herself from him. A thing she should have done long ago.  "I'm...feeling a little numb right now... but.. I told you... I want to find my hope, my redemption." Mari gave him a weary smile. "Give your friend some credit, Alkor." The emotion faded as she turned her eyes away from him to sit back on the sky. "A star filled sky is my second favorite colour."

"I won't force you to stay anymore." A gust of wind picked up, blasting the two with a flurry of cold air and snow - but Mari stood steadfast in the onslaught of sudden chill. Hurt blue eyes focused skyward. She wasn't lying. She would find her hope and her redemption. She would do it alone if she had to. She had survived by herself for the past few years - what were another few on top of that? The ice that chilled her face was nothing compared to the one she was wanting to steel her heart beneath.

@Alkor

Edited December 24, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

Alkor listened to her for a short time as she unloaded her emotions. There were things hidden in her words he could not quite grasp, but if the things she said were taken at face value, he understood well enough. The night sky was beautiful, and in some way cathartic. Several nights he remembered staring and getting lost in the stars himself. But they did not bring him comfort as they did her.

His gaze lingered there after her words. There was self awareness there, and he was relieved to hear it. "You're not alone," he said at last. "You hurt now, but that fades with time. You have people who will help if you let them. Don't forget that. It's easy to fall into the trap of despair."

He knew that all too well.

Alkor rested his hand on the hilt of his sword. "It's cold out here," he added, "you should find someplace warm to rest up."

@Mari

[Mari 1]

Mari tugged on the fur lined hood of the thick plush coat she had been wearing. Whilst parts of it were sodden wet with snow, she wasn't cold. Mari pulled the hood up over her head. "There. Warm." Came her response. Mari didn't want to leave here yet. Even if everything hadn't transpired - she'd be steadfast in her will to stay. Mari had spent most of her time curled up cold and alone on the 10th floor. She spent any other waking moments traversing the fourth floor. This? This beautiful scene below and above her? The woman wasn't about to leave just because he wanted them to be separate. 

"There aren't many warm places for someone like me." Mari mused. "So something like this I am used to. I'd rather stand here and watch the festivities roll into Christmas Day than on the floor of my Alchemic Tent buried deep within the 10th floor." She had spent enough time wallowing in isolation there to last her a lifetime. Mari may wish to steel herself away from others, but that did not mean she would easily hide herself away again.

Mari took several steps away from Alkor till she stood at the edge of a large slope - a grassy hill now covered in snow that lead down toward Taft. Instead of taking another step and taking a nasty tumble Mari kicked loose pillows of white snow, shoveling it over the edge with her foot before sitting down on the space she had made. 

"Maybe one day, maybe soon - I'll be able to rest warm in a bed - but that unfortunately cannot be tonight. Sometimes wishes aren't that easy to grant. We have to work toward them."

@Alkor

 

Edited December 23, 2019 by Mari

[Alkor 0]

She pulled up her hood and headed for the edge of a high outcropping. She looked over the snow and continued to speak, and as she came close to the edge, he stood on his toes. As the woman kicked snow over the side, he relaxed onto the balls of his feet and shook his head. "You certainly don't have to go anywhere, and I'm not going to tell you otherwise. But, I do have things that I need to figure out and I need to get to them. If you need me, please don't hesitate to message, Amari." 

Alkor headed slowly back toward Taft. 'Maybe someday soon,' she said. Perhaps she was mocking him, perhaps she was serious. The swordsman never knew what drove people to say or do the things they did. He genuinely hoped she could recover from this and be better than ever before.

For him, though, he had taken a step forward. From here, Alkor could only grow. 

He hoped that he would become someone he could be proud of.

Edited December 23, 2019 by Alkor