[PP-F04] Mirror, Tell Me Something

[Mari 1]

Silent solitary footsteps carried a figure of flame across the cold and barren surface of the forth floor. A soft doe-eyed gaze rose from sheets of white to see the sight before her; a frozen lake in a clearing surrounded by birch trees. One the woman adored. It's where she got her familiar - a Koi fish that danced around her body. It's where she played the violin, soft lilting tunes wavering on chilly winds only to be forgotten. The crunches in the snow stopped as she entered the clearing. Could she do this?

Mari...had the option to build a house - nothing fancy, just a single roomed abode - but...did she deserve it? For so long...she had been wandering barren paths, sleeping in caves or beneath tranquil skies. It had been...years since she had slept in a bed. A luxury most enjoyed and took for granted - and one Mari was so very close to having again. But... should she? Mari was sure that Macradon would tell her she should, that she shouldn't deny herself something if she were able to achieve it. 

Mari lifted her hand to clasp over the <<Minos of Hoya>> that was hanging loosely over her neck, a opal pendant that would no doubt never be given to anyone. Did she have the strength to move past her own doubts and fears? Would it be fair for her to have a home, safe and warm - when she had taken so very much from the world? 

Crunch
   Crunch
       Crunch

Footsteps heavy with the burdens she wore carried her to the edge of the lake. Mari knelt down to run tender fingers over the mirrored surface. It was cold to the touch. "What do you think I should do?" Mari asked her reflection - a frosty and broken image stared  back at her, offering her no form of reply. "Do you think I deserve that warmth?"

'No, you don't'

A broken smile cracked her lips as she nodded. "Right...I didn't think I did either." 

Kohaku, her familiar; a large Koi fish with markings of orange and white appeared as though it had splashed out of the waters surface in a twisted and elegant dive - the fish began to swim in circles around Mari's crouched form. As though the air that surrounded her were affected with the gentle ebb and flow of a current. Mari tilted her head up at Kohaku. "That's right. I got you here, didn't I?" She asked quietly as she reached out to the fish, it swam under her palm before continuing with its pattern.

@Baldur

 

 

 

General
Level: 52 | HP: 1070  |Energy: 104

STATS
DAM: 11 | EVA 3  | MIT 43 | ACC 4 | 

 

SKILLS
Rank 5 Weapon (+5 DMG)
-Weapon Mod: Precision (+1 ACC)
Rank 5 Charge (+5 Damage -1 ACC)
Charge Mod BULL RUSH: Successful charge stuns target 1 turn
Rank 5 Light Armor (+25 MIT)
Familiar - Untrained

EQUIPPED
Name: Kusanagi | Item Type: Dagger | Tier 2
Enhancements: Bleed 2 | Damage 2
'Bleed Damage of 24 for 2 turns on a roll of 8-10'

Name: Beacon Necklace | Item Type: Pendant | Tier 2
Enhancements  +3 ACC 

Name: Infernal Shadow | Item Type: Light Armour | Tier 3
Enhancements:  +2 Eva | +1 Flame Aura
'Effect: Prevent (6 per slot * Tier) damage per slot from successful attacks against you. Successful non-critical attacks against you deal (5 per slot * Tier) unmitigated burn damage to the attacking enemy.

Edited February 3, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

The frozen lake was a place of solitude. There was a stillness that hung about the ice and trees. The solitude of the sky you only got near the edge of the floor. The mountains closing in around you as if to wall off the rest of the world. The silence of the perpetual snow fall, and the blanket of peace that seemed to coat everything. It was a refuge for Baldur. He could come here to think when he could go nowhere else. He was invincible on this floor, unless some rare, high level PvPer were to come across him here, and even then the gaijin samurai felt his odds of getting away were high. So here, among the snow and the silence, away from everything he could be at peace, with no real worries, and just think.

Where is this feeling of anger coming from? Why do you need to be right so much?

He knew he would have to confront her at the upcoming meeting. The old arguments would start again. He would dig in his heels to make a point. She would dig in her heels because she felt her decision was right, and it didn't matter what anyone else thought. Wasn't he the same though? Was he not also being contrary just to be contrary?

Crunch
   Crunch
       Crunch

The snow under his feet did not give away much noise, but it seemed a march of soldiers in the silence, muted only by the fallen snow.

Baldur was the one who guided others, but to whom did he turn when he needed a compass himself?

He came here, to this lake to think and to reflect. And to center himself once more.

Crunch
   Crunch
       Crunch

The sound pulled Baldur out of his introspection and he cast his steel blue gaze around the lake.

How long have I been here?

The cold never bothered him here.

Voices?

A woman, he thought. Should he call out? It may startle her more than he wanted to. So he did the same she did. He started walking slowly towards the voice, making sure his foot steps were loud, and he began speaking to himself.

"Almost no one ever comes out to the lake this far, unless they're seeking to get away from everything."

The words weren't meant for her, but they were what came to mind to announce his presence.

"At least, that's why I'm out here."

Pink? No... more of an... orange red? A flame hair?

Finally Baldur's eyes focused on the small form of the girl up ahead of him.

And the cursor was orange, stopping Baldur in his tracks mid step. Something flickered at the recesses of his memory. Something that said... be wary.

[Mari 1]

"Almost no one ever comes out to the lake this far, unless they're seeking to get away from everything."

The voice was low. and soft spoken - yet held the intense strength of a mountain. Mari flinched when she heard it. Normally she'd hear someone approach, but how did she...miss it? A blue doe-eyed gaze lifted from a fractured mirror of a reflection to rest upon the stranger.  "That's...generally what I do best." She said honestly, words that she began to doubt even as she said them. It was lonely, irrevocably lonely to pull away from everyone all the time. Sometimes, her chest ached - it actually felt like someone was wrenching her very heart to and fro - but for Mari, it was easier to pull away.

The man before her paused, his eyes focusing down on her. She couldn't clearly see his features but a few things stood out; the warm earthy browns of his hair; the unmistakable Japanese thematics of his attire. "Shin..sengumi?" Mari questioned. Unaware that the words had fallen from her lips.  She recognized the patterns.  The man didn't exactly look Japanese. He looked wary. Would he attack her? Would he shout at her and tell her to leave?

Mari wanted to fold in upon herself - this place...was special to her. Did this mean she would not be able to build her house here?  "T-This place is special to me. I like to come here to play my violin, it's where I got Kohaku and..."  Words trailed off, she couldn't really say much more - what else was there to say? Dreams, memories of a false relationship. The pain of being unloved and unwanted. Despite all that, it was where she found out her...friend was still alive. So yes, it was a special place to the woman. Mari said as she finally pushed herself up off the floor. She grit her teeth as her hands found their way to the hem of her shirt, grabbing a small handful each so she could tightly hold it; avoiding the shaking that shook her body. At least here; the man would assume it was due to the cold - and not to the pain nor the fear.

Mari was distracted, briefly, by her familiar Kohaku. Which made another lap around her frame, always dancing in the ebb and flow of an unseen current; the Koi was a gentle reminder of the things she wanted to achieve. Mari closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. Truth. Always the truth. That was the one thing she could always hold onto, right?

He'll hate you.

They all do.

"I...was looking to place a small home here." Mari said quietly, her voice lacking resolve. "But..." Her gaze lifted to the empty space around the lake. "I don't know if I should. I thought no one else visited here. Even so - is it fair for someone like me to sleep in a bed?"

The lives you took, they'll never rest comfortably again, why should you?

Mari lowered her gaze, and two moments passed before she lifted them back up to the stranger. "So - are you a self appointed police force of some kind?"

@Baldur

Edited February 5, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

When the girl spoke, it hit Baldur just how... small... she was. He was maybe only a head taller than her, but her mannerisms drew her in upon herself, making her seem so much smaller than she did. For a moment, Baldur wondered if maybe she was the bait for something, but the likelihood of that was pretty remote, and bait wasn't normally orange. Instead, she seemed to answer the question he had implied with his earlier words but not asked directly.

 "T-This place is special to me. I like to come here to play my violin, it's where I got Kohaku and..."

It was then that Baldur's eye was drawn to the koi fish swimming around her. It flitted about her as if she were in the water... Baldur couldn't remember seeing a fish familiar before, but this one matched its owner almost too well. They were both coy.

"I...was looking to place a small home here... But... I don't know if I should. I thought no one else visited here. Even so - is it fair for someone like me to sleep in a bed?"

Baldur opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know what to say. Who was she? What had she done? She was orange, so she had likely killed someone unprovoked. The gaijin samurai knew better as soon as the thought came to him though. Morg was orange. Teayre was orange. Oikawa was orange. And there were others who had murdered just as surely, who were green. She seemed akin to a wounded kitten to him, hurt by her own crimes and trying to figure out where she fit within this new world.

Just like the others, and I have taken them all in. Who am I to judge? But something about her appearance did tickle his memory, and his caution did not abate.

"So - are you a self appointed police force of some kind?"

Baldur raised an eyebrow at that. It was an odd assumption to make, but then something clicked. She recognized this haori as Shinsengumi. It wasn't Shinsengumi, at least not intentionally, but it was very similar. Baldur raised his hands up as if in surrender as he took a few steps closer. Each step was slow and deliberate, as non-threatening as he could make it and his demeanor, almost like he was trying to keep that small, feral kitten from running.

"Me? No. I am Baldur. I came out here to think, because like you said... no else seems to visit here.." There was a fallen tree about half the distance between them, mostly buried under the snow. As Baldur got closer, he kept his right hand, his sword hand, in the air and dusted off the snow from a section before sitting down on it. She was trembling, he noticed once he was closer. From the cold, or from me?

If she was low level, it made sense to be terrified of finding someone else out here, so far from safety. If it was cold, that meant she just hadn't aquired either the <<Survival>> skill, or the mental trick to telling your mind that it wasn't real what it was feeling. It did take a lot of time before the snow of this floor stopped bothering him.

"I always thought the violin music was the background music for this area. Have you always played?" He didn't gesture for her to sit, or stay, or leave. He tried to let himself project welcomeness. He had no idea if he would be successful or not. When he asked if she always played, he tried to imply that always included before Aincrad.

He intentionally left her question unanswered. How should he respond? He didn't know anything about her, other than she seemed to hurt deep inside somewhere.

"I'd love to hear you play the violin sometime."

Caution was playing in the back of Baldur's mind, but he pushed it away. He was confident that no matter what happened, he could get away. This was too elaborate and remote for anyone to have set it up for him.

"What's your name?"

[Mari 1]

As she questioned his attire the man held up his arms in defeat, an amused smile tugged at her lips as she snorted. "Hah. So it is a Shinsengumi outfit." He walked around her, keeping a wide berth. His steps slow, calculated. Was he doing this for her sake, or his? Mari's amused smile faded as she watched him move around. So his name was....Baldur? That sounded only vaguely familiar - maybe Macradon mentioned he was a frontliner? Or she had heard it in passing? It wasn't enough to cause her worry. It wasn't exactly a name that struck fear into people.

Unlike my name....


"I always thought the violin music was the background music for this area. Have you always played?"

Mari stilled. Had...had he heard her? Crap. Double crap  That....was personal - he clearly heard her! There was no background music here. Of all the times she visited, not once was there a lilting tune in the background. Why had she never seen him? Did they simply just never cross each others path? Mari bit her lower lip. Her eyes shifting away from him.

"Y-yeh. Ever since a Kid, and ever since we became trapped here, well..." She gestured to the area around them. "I played here....D...Did you want?" It was hard for Mari to offer, but...people...Alkor had said that he enjoyed the music. If she let her mind drift further, to years ago she'd recall a woman named Celesmeh who also enjoyed the music- and others, long forgotten players who may or may not roam the world anymore. Rather than continue her words, for fear that her words would stutter - because Mari was feeling...embarrassed. She guessed that was what the emotion was. The skips in her erratic heartbeart, the stutter of her words and the hitch in her breath. What else could it be? Rather than continue, Mari pulled her violin out from her inventory. She shot Baldur a look that was meant to be threatening, but there was no malice behind her unwavering blue gaze.

"If you laugh I'll heft a yellow snowball at you." And she meant it. Mari turned her back on him and took several feet away from him till she was on the ice - not quite in the middle of the frozen lake, no - she had fallen in it once already and didn't want to make that same mistake.

Deep breath, count to three...and

The song was low, soft, and for Mari; it reminded her of how she would play for her grandpa - how he'd smile and pat her head. How he and her grandmother would sit close to each other and sway softly to the music. A lilting tune that spoke of happiness, but undertones of a lilting lonliness. Perhaps that stemmed from the missing accompaniment. For it was meant to be played as a duet, with rolling piano chords - but Mari played alone. Slow steps moving to the various tunes, as she shifted to and fro - her back to him - and the fish - ever swaying around her.

When it finished Mari exhaled, and it felt like she had been holding her breath that whole time. Her back was still to Baldur; she was afraid to tell him her name. Would he still be so welcoming to her? So cautious and accommodating? Would he act with vitterol, surprise, or would he not know her at all?

"My name's...Mari." She reached out, and the Koi fish danced under her hand. "And this is Kohaku."

He will hate you, he will walk away. And there is no one to blame but yourself.

"If you want me to leave now. I understand."

@Baldur

[Baldur 0]

The girl, woman, seemed to respond well to his questioning, though she seemed to turn bright red at his mentioning that he had always thought her music was the background music. It had been rare, but he did remember hearing notes on the wind from time to time. He never thought much of it, so he never sought out a source. Why would one seek out the source of atmospheric background music?

"I played here....D...Did you want?"

Baldur didn't know what to say to that. He was shocked, and merely nodded his ascent and she summoned a violin from her inventory.

"If you laugh I'll heft a yellow snowball at you." 

Baldur gave a slight chuckle at the mention of throwing yellow snow, though it wasn't quite the full belly guffaw he was often known for. Baldur wore the trappings of a samurai, and held himself together with an unyielding amount of control, but his belly laugh when he could relax was western, and even then, loud and joyful. It had been a while since he had laughed like that.

He wasn't sure if he should say something, but she she began to play. Baldur let the loss for words fade from his mind, and listened to the music she played. At first, he studied her back with his steel blue eyes. He watched her nervousness melt away as she began to feel the music. She had turned away from him to play, but he could see it in her stance, in her shoulders, in her movement. The shivering faded, her shoulders did not shrivel up inside of her, and slowly Baldur relaxed and let his eyes drift closed so he could listen to the music she played for him. The warmth of the notes seemed to beautifully contrast with the cold and the falling snow. It made him feel melancholic for Christmases past. There was a sadness in her playing too, a longing that he couldn't quite pick out. But this piece, here, in this place seemed to fit perfectly.

"That was beautiful." He said finally, opening his eyes slowly and looking back up to her. He offered her a warm smile.

"My name's...Mari. And this is Kohaku... If you want me to leave now. I understand."

A torrent of emotions spun through Baldur faster than he could clamp down on his expression and return it to a neutral, friendly, controlled expression.

Mari?

He did remember that name, and suddenly a flash of memories surged through his mind. Mari was a player killer. Not just that, she was a legendary PKer, up there with Teayre. Baldur also remembered going to her shop, and she had helped him out when others wouldn't have. So much of what Baldur knew, and thought he remembered jumbled up in his head in a flash. He couldn't remember everything. He knew she had killed lots of people, her name was all over the wall of life.

But all of those memories, and those emotions clashed with the girl he saw in front of him now. Slowly, ever so slowly, Baldur began to put pieces together.

"That's why you're out here." It was as if a lightbulb went off in his mind. "That's why you come out here on your own to play. That's why you want to build a house where no one would find you. That's why you were worried I was some kind of police force..."

He was thinking out loud, and that was very unlike the gaijin samurai, who normally held everything close to the chest. He was a model of control. Always reserved, always polite, even keeled.

He put his hands to his face and let out a long breath.

"You're Mari."

He wasn't quite sure how to handle it, but his expressions had all been one of surprise, and not disgust. It was more... finding that last puzzle piece and putting it into place.

What does one say to Mari? Didn't we try to boycott her floor boss fight when we were in the Azure Brigade?

That felt like a lifetime ago for him. Perhaps it was a lifetime ago.

The samurai slowly stood up.

"Let's try this again, shall we?"

Baldur gave Mari a slight bow, his face having returned to a calm one, though with friendliness around the edges.

"I am Baldur, a member of the Frontline. Former member of the Guardians of Aincrad, former member of the Azure Brigade, long time solo player. I count among my friends Lessa, Calrex, and Macradon, Teayre, and Oikawa." Baldur righted himself.

"And I believe in this world of Aincrad, that we all have a chance at redemption."

Edited February 6, 2020 by Baldur

[Mari 1]

Mari’s heart pounded in her chest at his words; telling her how beautiful the piece was. She felt a swell of pride and relief, but it came crashing down less than seconds later. Forming a tight knot in her chest as she waited for his reaction to her name.

The warmth faded from his features; and Mari felt the chill of the air around her as her shoulders sagged. That...was fine, she couldn’t expect anything more. His expression remained neutral and that was more than she could ask. He didn’t look at her like she was trash, or a frothing monster.

Even though that is exactly what you are, a Monster.

She lowered her eyes. So much for trying to build something here. Just because Macradon believed in her, and talked through things with her...just because that one person had faith in her it didn’t mean she could just tote herself around Aincrad like nothing had happened.

Mari shifted, ready to walk away in the silence that had fallen between them, it was the most respectful thing she could think of doing. But his words stilled her. Quiet thoughtful words. “Not worried.” Mari replied quietly, “I’d not fight if you chose to take me away - or cast your own judgement on me.” Mari turned back to him and gave him a weak smile, “I lost the right to fight back long ago.” She recalled how Bahr had reacted to her, immediately drawing his blade, claiming to arrest her - only to find that Macradon wanted to help her… Mari still felt guilty for that. She felt like she somehow caused there to be a rift within the friendship. All because Macradon wanted to help her. He was putting his name on the line. His reputation and for what?

Her redemption?

Was it really fair for him to drag someone she considered her friend down like that?

Mari absently lifted her hand to tug on her hair as she watched Baldur bring his hand to his face, chest filling with a sigh. Exhaling as he repeated her name. “Yeh.” Mari felt she should have said something, but any other words failed her in that moment. She didn’t know what to say to him.

He stood up, and Mari took a cautious step back, what did try this again mean? Was he going to decry her? Challenge her to a fight? Walk away?

Of all the things that ran through Mari’s mind at that moment, none of them had been close to what happened next. He lowered his form in a sweeping bow and out of instinct Mari returned it with a small one of her own.

He gave a long title;  and confirmed her initial thoughts. He was a frontliner.  She recognized some of the names he had said. Lessa; a woman Mari admired and looked up to, but knew that Lessa probably did not look too fondly on her at all. Calrex was a strong player, Teayre and Oikawa were named Macradon had mentioned but she couldn't immediately recall.

Should..should she do the same? Mari couldn’t lie, she felt a pang of anger and frustration when he mentioned the Azure Brigade, but that was not because of him - but the Brigades actions.

A small voice, wavering with uncertainty started. “I am Mari...a…returning member to the frontline…” Her voice rose as she continued her words; they felt silly to say, but her confidence grew as she continued. “Former leader of the Cerulean Silence, Slayer of the Orochi...despite Azure Brigades attempts to force me and others to fail and die.” She added callously, she hadn’t forgiven Zel for that. How he so willingly threw everyone under the bus because he wasn’t the one calling the shots.

“Former Pink PKer, a-and I count among my friends…” She paused.

Friends.

“ My friend...is Macradon.”

Only the single name came from her. She wanted to call Alkor a friend, but feared he did not see her the same way. She had chanced to message him twice since their meeting on Christmas Eve; but her attempts at mending whatever lay between them went unanswered.  She understood why, and knew she was probably just being paranoid - but she'd give him the space he needed. It...was nice, relieving almost to know the man before her was also a friend of Macradon. It made her feel at ease - and perhaps a little happy. IT was important to her, Macradon's friends.

"And I believe in this world of Aincrad, that we all have a chance at redemption."

Mari almost fell over at his words; quite literally. She had taken a step forward and lost her footing. She slid forward, quickly writing herself. Her heart ached. It longed for comfort, for others - and with those words… Mari wished she could believe them - and say them with the same resounding conviction as the man before her. But how could she? When every step of the way she doubted herself.

She took a few steps forward; so she was closer to him now - no more than two feet between them. “I...appreciate those words Baldur.” She looked up at him and tried to place a smile on her flushed freckled face, but it was clear she was trying to put on a brave front.

“This world isn’t kind, nor forgiving. The sins of our past are forever painted upon us - but…” She tried to give him another smile. “It’s nice to think there are people like you, who believe in that sort of thing.”


@Baldur

Edited February 6, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

“I...appreciate those words Baldur... This world isn’t kind, nor forgiving. The sins of our past are forever painted upon us - but… It’s nice to think there are people like you, who believe in that sort of thing.”

Baldur felt a little bit of... relief? reassurance? When Mari said she counted Macradon among her friends. Macradon was a strange bird, but if he considered her friend and let her walk as an orange player, then he saw something in her as well. There was a pain inside of Mari that called to Baldur, and what seemed to the gaijin samurai, a need for redemption. And if nothing else, Baldur was a sucker for redemption.

"Mari-chan. A wise man once told me, 'Death is light as a feather, duty heavy as a mountain.'" He tried to give her an encouraging smile, but it was tinged with sadness as well.

"Redemption isn't easy, nor should it be. The path is long, and hard, and unrewarding. But if you are sincere, then it is possible." Baldur's tone had taken on a bit more strength to it, rather than the soft, friendly tone, he was conveying something hard to someone who had a fight ahead of them.

"You have taken lives, but in Aincrad, there are still many more to be saved. If you seclude yourself, if you hide, then you are helping no one. But if you risk your life, if you fight, for those who can't, and we save more than we lost, then you have turned your life that you were ready to throw away into the purpose of redemption. That is what the frontline can do. You'll have to take the leers, and the jeers, and stigma of being orange, but that suffering, pushing through it, and doing what is right going forward is what will make people believe in you. The harder the road, the greater the redemption."

Baldur tried to force a more compassionate smile on his face and reached up to place his right hand on the side of Mari's arm, just below the shoulder and gave her a very soft, reassuring squeeze.

"Tell me, what would honor the lives lost, and the lives yet to be lost more. To seclude yourself, and avoid contact with the world, or push onwards, do better, and fight to save more lives?"

He was hard on her, because he felt that her self-loathing required he be hard on her for it to sink in. But he she seemed a wounded bird, and Baldur's instinct was to help her and be kind to her. It seemed that was in rare stock in her life these days.

"You deserve to sleep in a bed, not because you earned it, but because you're going to. And you need to be in your best form to do that. If you throw your life away, you're not helping anyone. The longer you fight on the front, the better you do, the more honor you bring not just to yourself, but to the memories of those we've left behind."

Now the smile was honest, soft, and gentle in earnest. His once steel blue eyes had softened to gentle ocean waves. He thought back to Teayre, collapsed in a heap on the floor before him, weeping and handing him her sword. Baldur knew he couldn't fix everyone, but he also knew you couldn't start until they were ready to take the first step. This was that moment for Mari in his eyes. Did she want to be saved?

[Mari 1]

There was a moment of silence between the two. Baldur's eyes lowered to meet hers as his lips parted to tell her some saying that was meant to make her feel better. It didn't. But the forlorn smile he wore somehow did. He told her the path was long and hard. But she knew that, she was experiencing it firsthand.

Mari wanted to tell him she was sincere, that everything from her past had been a mistake; that a lot of the death had been...unfortunate happenstance. But what was the use of telling him? What was the use of explaining each and every death - not one person had understood. Even as she sat down with NIGHT and Ceres...both women still seemed unsure, apprehensive.

Mari wanted to pull her eyes away from him as Baldur continued to speak but she found herself lost - locked in those swaying sapphire orbs. Her hands reached up to clutch at her chest, balling the material of her shirt between small fists. She...had secluded herself. She had hidden away. For so long now she had been so irrevocably lonely, and even now - when she was finally reaching out to others she found that seeping desolation incredibly hard to shake. "You know..." Mari finally said as she lowered her gaze to the ground. 

"All...I wanted was to help others...but somewhere along the way..." She trailed off as she kicked at the snow. "I know...taking a life to save others is wrong - I acted rashly. There could have been other ways...maybe if I tried talking more...maybe if I were more resolute I could have saved everyone." Her grip around the ball of clothing on her chest tightened. She felt heavy. An ache that thrummed with each word they spoke. It was screaming at her to walk away because she, of all people didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve those eyes. She didn't deserve the calm waters of his words. Mari went to take a step back, her voice shaking with a pain that began to break through her normally cold and aloof demeanor. That maybe it'd be better for everyone, if I wasn't here as a walking reminder of that death that -" Her words froze when she felt a wave of warmth from her shoulder. 

Mari's head snapped back to Baldur, he wore a sympathetic smile and his eyes...smiled with him. In a soft gentleness that Mari couldn't even begin to fathom or understand, especially since the expression was directed at her. He asked her a question and Mari opened her mouth to answer it, but found no words. There was a pause, perhaps he was waiting for an answer - instead...he continued.

She deserved those things...?

Could Mari believe that?

A small, timid step forward, followed by another as she reached out, each shaking hand gripping the sides of his haori. A tightness fueled by desperation coiled her hands around the material. "I-I want to do better." She mumbled, her voice wavering. "I want to m-make sure no more names appear on that monument."

Mari looked back at Baldur, her eyes pools of an unfathomable sorrow, a yearning and desire to prove herself. To atone for everything she had done, but a resounding fear that she would never be good enough. "If-If I can stop just one more death...even at the cost of myself I would. So many people here...they have homes, families hopes and dreams...and I want...I want to make sure they live to see them fulfilled." Mari didn't really have any of that. Not anymore. So...if she could throw herself into the line of fire to help another? She would. 

Her head lowered, ginger hair tickling his chest.  That's right...she didn't really have much out there anymore, did she? Mari...had people within Aincrad she could chance to call friends. People like Alkor and Macradon - but out there? It was a different story. A few minutes passed before she spoke again, "Gods... that sounds corny..." She said in a tired voice. Whatever gusto she had previously, waned. Mari was attempting to return to the safety of her detached demeanor.  Mari carefully, reluctantly let go of his clothing. She took a step back to allow some distance between them, some breathing space. She blinked - feeling a wetness on her cheeks.

Had she been crying?
Crap.

Mari quickly wiped the traces of tears from her face and gave Baldur a waned smile. "T-Thanks." She felt embarrassed. Rarely, if ever, did Mari allow herself to show her vulnerability. And just now, she somehow, inadvertently...done so. What should she say to him now? Mari wasn't good with words, she wasn't even half as eloquent as Baldur was. The length of silence was growing, and so too was Mari's wish to say something. Anything.

"S-so..." She reached out to her Koi Fish, now dancing around the both of them. Kohaku glided beneath her palm, then back around to do so again before returning to its silent dance.  "You say you come here to get away from everything." She said quietly. He had helped her more than he probably knew, maybe this was her chance to shift the focus. She didn't deserve such doting attention. Should she ask if he was okay? Was that too much. Instead of asking, Mari fell silent again.

@Baldur

Edited February 9, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

Mari, still feeling so small and timid, stepped forward to grab onto Baldur's haori. Her hands trembled as she did so, but there was a strength under that timidity as she gripped his coat.

"I-I want to do better. I want to m-make sure no more names appear on that monument." Her voice was just as timid, but as she spoke, Baldur could feel the heat returning to her words. Mari once had had a great fire inside of her, but the past years had not been kind. Deep inside of her, however, there seemed to be a ember of that fire, left to be stoked and fanned to life once again. She looked up to him, her large blue eyes barely containing her emotions of sorrow and of strength. For a moment it seemed to him as if she pulled herself out, and really saw him for the first time in that moment.

 "If-If I can stop just one more death...even at the cost of myself I would. So many people here...they have homes, families hopes and dreams...and I want...I want to make sure they live to see them fulfilled."

But then she slipped back into despair, resting her head lightly against his chest. It took a moment for the tears to sink through the thick fabric of his kimono, and for Baldur to realize that she was crying on him. He gave the top of her head a sad little smile, his compassion for her flooding his heart as he barely kept it in check. He let her be for a moment, just crying onto him, as if he were afraid to move and shatter the fragile peace that let her emotions purge themselves and hopefully grant her some small catharsis. 

Eventually, she slowly let go of him, and took a small step backwards, though they were still close enough that he could feel the warmth of her breath. As she wiped the tears from her eyes and thank him.

"S-so... You say you come here to get away from everything." There was no question, but he knew what she was after, she wanted to change the topic. Baldur flushed slightly, as the subject turn back to him and his thoughts.

"Yes, the calm of the snow and ice, and the peace of the violin background music.." Baldur said with a smile as he turned perpendicular to her, looking back out over the lake, "..always helps me think things through. It lets me... get lost in my mind, without all of the distractions that normally fill my day."

That was, and was not, a lie. Baldur didn't run his shop anymore. He didn't help Lessa teach math to the kids of Aincrad anymore. He had only just returned to doing anything of value with his life again after being wracked with guilt over what had happened. The only thing that had filled his days was being lost in his mind. He had come here to get out, to change the scenery, and to get lost in his memories instead of his mind. But he had also hoped to begin moving on.. or at least moving forward.

Tyger. Lessa. The Front.

The three occupied his thoughts heavily as of late.

How do I find the way forward? How do I find what is the right step to take?

It may be a preoccupation for others, and he didn't approach every decision with the same level of consideration, but how to move forward the right way was something that concerned Baldur greatly. Aincrad was his Musha Shugyo, and he meant to constantly reforge his heart to be made of better and better steel.

"I thought about building a home on this floor for a very long time as well, but... it's time for me to move forward. To press on. So I've chosen to go to the top, or at least as close to it as you can find a pleasant view. I'll build mine on the 24th floor. It reminds me a little of home..."

He looked over his shoulder at Mari, trying to deflect things off of him and back onto her again, "Have you chosen the spot?"

[Mari 1]

the peace of the violin background music....
                             ...... always helps me think things through

 

 If Mari wasn't emotionally charged or embarrassed before, those strong and calm words had definitely ignited said feelings now. Her music helped him? Just how often had he come here? How often had they barely crossed paths. Silence. There was silence around them. Mari cleared her throat. "I'm...glad my violin music helps you." She could feel a heat in her damp cheeks as she chanced to look back at him. He was so sincere in his actions and words. She wasn't sure if he knew of the weight they held. Pink lips turned up into a half smile as she caught his gaze. She forgot... how nice it felt to have someone just genuinely enjoy her music. "I'll have to play it more often since it helps you so."

Mari reached out and dusted a pile of light snow from his shoulders. It was the least she could do. "I need to find something like that for me." She said softly. "I have so much going on in my head." Mari took a step back and turned away from him. "It's like...every time I try to take a step forward I'm dragged two steps back by these unrelenting and suffocating voices." Mari turned away from him. "Doubt eats away at me. I don't sleep well because I keep hearing the voices of past friends that I've lost. Screeching sounds telling me I deserve to stay behind. Alone in a cave on the tenth floor. But...I'm trying."

Mari looked back over her shoulder at Baldur. "I...don't know what plagues you...and we don't really know each other well.  But I can be there for you. I'll play you songs whilst you uh..." She glanced down at his attire then back to him. "Drink deep from a cup of tea or somethin' like that."  Mari wanted to end the olive branch on a nice, meaningful note. But it came out as awkawrd as her words failed her.

"Have you chosen the spot?"

"I have."

Mari opened up her HUD; she was only getting a single roomed home, but there were so many options to go through. She had picked out most of what she wanted already; it was just the finishing touches on the outside of the home. She took a few steps back, stopping when she bumped into Baldur. "Ah. Sorry." She quickly apologized as she hit submit.

Before their eyes a cabin materialized. It was unlike other grandiose houses on other floors; Mari had heard rumours of players having entire mansions. But this? It was simple...homely. A cottage that sat on the edge of the lake before them. Nestled neatly into the surrounding forest. "I had everything planned out...I just... was afraid to finalize it." Mari turned to give Baldur a cheeky grin. "I think you may like the inside." She said. If his outfit said anything about his tastes. Mari had fallen in love with Japanese culture, and if it weren't for her manipulative ex husband she would have moved there. She started to walk toward her home...home...her heart beat hard and fast against her chest as her nerves began to get the best of her. Maybe...after all this is over; she may just do that. Go love in Tochiko, or Nabari.

As if you deserve such a thing. You'll rot in a prison.

Her eyes fell for a brief moment. Maybe.... she didn't deserve to live there. To do such things. Her stead stopped at her front door. Maybe...this wasn't such a good idea after all.

 

@Baldur

[Baldur 0]

Baldur laughed lightly when she said she would play for him while he Drank deep from a cup of tea or something....

It wasn't that he didn't do that already, but that she had made the comment based on what she knew of him and his appearance and that that was how he worked out issues in his mind amused him greatly. Baldur did remember sitting in a small tea house with Shield, talking about how they were going to transform the frontlines. Bring everyone together, outfit everyone, and make sure everyone showed up with the buffs they needed. It had been a good time for Baldur. It had also been a long time for Baldur since he had done that.

Then Mari revealed what she had in mind for Baldur and the scene of it took his breath away.

He had had everything planned out as well. Huge. Grandiose! So many rooms, the architecture just so, the aesthetic just so.

Yet here was more than she wanted. More than she felt she deserved. A small one room cabinet in the middle of nowhere on the fourth floor, where she had found some measure of inner peace, away from her demons of the cave.

It made Baldur feel spiritually cheap. All she wanted was a bed, a roof, and freedom from her demons.

"I... I would love to see the inside."

Something about what he said seemed to have left her feeling down. Was that not the right thing to say? Should I have complimented the building or something more?

He followed her up onto the little stoop just outside the front door as the snow slowly began to cover the roof, giving it that same, somber, peaceful purity that Baldur loved about this floor. The blue hues of the trim tied the home in perfectly with the blues and whites and greys that dominated this floor. For a moment, it seemed to Baldur that this was one of this Kinkade paintings that made everyone feel like Christmas was here again, and you just wanted to snuggle up by the fire with some hot chocolate and admire the beauty of the world around them.

[Mari 1]

His laugh, despite being light was rolling and deep. It echoed in the emptiness around them It somehow put Mari at ease. Her shoulders were no longer tense as they fell and she exhaled.  "Now, before you judge...keep in mind I can't really afford much and uh...my style is a little..." She frowned. What was it? "Mismatched." She said with a small nod as if affirming her choice of words. "When I Get some more Col behind me I will remodel but for now...I think this works."

Her hand still lingered on the door; her heart pounding in her chest. All she had to do was open it, right? So why was that so hard? Her grip tightened lest she show her trivial fear. She could hear him behind her, his steady steps crunching in the snow before tapping against the wood of the porch. She could feel his presence behind her. His words barely audible above the pounding of her heart in her ears. She could have sworn him standing there...made the floor a little less cold, but that may just be because his frame was blocking the wind.

With the confidence of Baldur behind her, wanting to see the interior and with a final breath Mari twisted the knob and pushed the door open. The two were hit with a wave of warm air.

The inside was more or less what one would expect from a snowy cabin in the words. Wooden walls and stone floors. Mari could only afford the one room, and she opted for a living room. Directly opposite them was a small table; enough to fit two if they were to squish together - a place for her to eat.  To the right; a roaring fireplace, there was a place to put a pot to cook food, but the hook was currently empty. The floor before the fireplace looked like it had been draped in a few different indescribable animal skins. In front of the fireplace were two chairs facing opposite each other; made from a rich red velvet, adorned in pillows.  There was also a small mirror on the left hand wall, round without trimming.

To their immediate left, right by the window was a small corner that looked like it didn't quite belong in the room - cobble floor fell away to a light tatami mat - and atop that sat a Kotasu table. It's surface made of a wood that had been stained a golden brown. The surrounding material, thick and plush made of black. Atop the table sat a small ornate teapot - painted with the images of the 'Great Wave of Kanagawa' and beside around it four matching cups. Mari gestured to the corner. "Look." She said with a small smile. "It's almost as though it's made for you."

It wasn't though. It was made for her.  Mari stepped into the house; leaving the door open for Baldur to come in behind her. Mari's fingertips brushed the surface of the table. "I had one of these when I was teaching in Japan. I missed it...so I thought, what could be more perfect?" She asked as her blue eyes shifted up to Baldur. "On a floor where winter is eternal, what could be more perfect than resting under this, watching the snow fall over a crystallized lake?"  Mari couldn't really think of anything better, for this - this was more than enough for her. Simple, cozy...small. 

Did she really, truly deserve this?

Mari wasn't sure...

She stepped further into the cabin. It was sparsely decorated, aside from the small mirror and rugs on the floor - there was nothing of note. Mari scratched her cheek. It felt like it would have been more....but she couldn't afford anything else. PKer's had to pay a hefty tax on anything to do with homes - but that was a price she was all too willing to pay. "Aha... still no bed yet I guess. But that's what the Kotatsu is for." Mari tried to joke as she slowly walked along the perimeter of the house. Her house. "It's small... and there isn't much here - but I like it." Mari said softly.

The ginger haired woman turned on her heel so she could face Baldur, she didn't want to ask him what he thought - it was an odd mix of things to be sure, instead... "Did you want a hot drink? All I have is Sencha tea - I uh...don't really get the luxury of food or things like that normally." Mari offered Baldur a genuine, warm smile - small and unsure, but in that brief moment, she was okay with how things were.


@Baldur

Edited February 28, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

Baldur admired the warm, cozy interior of the home Mari had chosen. The warm light of the fire causing light to play over the warm wood colors she had chosen. The whole thing felt isolated, but not in a self-imposed exile way, but in a more intimate way. She then directed his attention over to the Kotatsu, and offered some team to him. Baldur walked over and sat down, lifting up the blanket to cover his legs up to the knees, his haori spilling out around him in an arc.

"That sounds wonderful, though I don't have a house warming gift for you." His eyes slowly moved about the small cabin, soaking up the details. "What kind of Sencha do you have?" Baldur paused for a moment, then realization seemed to catch up with him, as if the hamster in his head had to wake up and get running again. "Oh, right, we're in Aincrad. There's only one kind." He gave Mari a sheepish smile, a slight color coming to his cheeks at the slip. Baldur, more than almost anyone he knew, was a denizen of this world. Aincrad was natural to him, seeming more home than home was. The outside world belong to Jason; Aincrad belonged to Baldur.

"Did you go to Japan to teach English?" Normally talking about the outside world, or rather asking questions about life outside, was considered rude and over-reaching, but she had offered up that nugget to the conversation so he considered it fair game.

How long has it been since you even thought about the outside world?

There would be a time for that, but there were always more pressing matters here to attend to, and its own world of interpersonal relationships to navigate. Aincrad had its own politics, as Mari also knew well, having dealt with the Azure Brigade. Baldur pulled his gaze from where he had been looking out the window at the frozen lake and returned it to his host.

"I think you've found a wonderful spot here for a home. I hope it gives you some measure of peace and healing."

[Mari 1]

"Honestly, having someone convince me to go through with this is more of a housewarming gift than I could ever expect, really." Mari offered Baldur. She watched as he sat down. Lines of pure chestnut hair framed an angled face as it cascaded down his back. Sheets of blue and white splayed out around him like a silken halo. He looked equally at home and out of place resting by the kotatsu. He was picturesque, as though he belonged there.  But for Mari, having someone who radiated such warmth in her home, felt a little out of place. She never really expected to go through with accepting the cottage; let alone inviting anyone there.

Mari hesitated for a brief moment before joining him, sitting on the opposite side of the low table. She had yet to cover her bare legs with the thick material that would promise her warmth and comfort. Mari instead ran her fingers along the edge of the table again, still in awe that this was hers . She could come here at any time. Not be worried about being arrested by guards or players. No one coming for her head. Just... peaceful, quiet, solitude. 

She blinked as she noticed his hands resting on the table. Oh that's right. He was here. 

"Ah yeh. For all the wonders of this game… you think it'd offer you a broader tea selection." Mari opened her HUD and pulled out the small pot of tea she had. Unlike the ornate one in the centre of the table this was plain, white. Mari

"Purity...tranquility...and harmony." Mari quietly said as she reached for the two rounded cups in the middle of the table. "I loved how much meaning and preparation went into tea ceremonies. Unfortunately I can't really offer you the same hospitality. I lack several components.". Mari poured for him first, then herself - her cup only filled halfway before the dull pot shattered in her hands. Something she would never get used to. Things just exploding out of existence.

Mari picked up the full cup and gently passed it to Baldur before sitting back down.

"I did. For just under two years. It was tiring… being constantly shifted from school to school and the hours are vastly different to what I was used to. But I loved every moment of it. My plan was to return one day, once I had studied the language a little more. But things didn't really turn out that way." 

Mari paused. Wasnt this normally where she'd ask him a question? Would that be considered rude? 

"What about you?"

@Baldur

 

Edited March 7, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

Baldur tossed Mari a playful, rueful grin.

"Lacking? Why, you mean you couldn't have prepared a tea ceremony in a home you just clicked into existence not even a minute ago?" His oceanic blue eyes twinkled with mischief in the firelight, before subsiding as he took the cup of tea and raised it to his lips, taking a loud sip, and then sigh of contentment as the hot liquid 'warmed' the inside of his digital body. Real or fake, the sensation was mimicked almost perfect, and Baldur discovered that while in his meat suit, he typically had to wait a long time for his tea to cool down to a temperature he wouldn't burn his tongue, here in Aincrad, no such problem existed. He had missed out on a whole world of hot beverage because he needed his luke warm in the real world.

"The tea is wonderful, thank you."

He took another sip as Mari spoke about her time teaching in Japan. Baldur thought back to his own history. Moving to Japan for work alongside Tyger. The struggle to improve his spoken language, and the even more difficult struggle to become literate in a field which demanded it. Thankfully, the company which had brought him here was western, so he could do his job in peace, but as soon as he left his desk, the world of Kanji and hiragana surrounded him.

"I had always wanted to go and teach English in Japan right after college, but my parents talked me out of it. They felt that putting my career on hold would be detrimental to my future. It was probably the worst advice I ever took." he gave a slight, amused smile before the cup masked it.

As the samurai lounged there, he seemed to meld into the place. He was a garden stone, foreign to its surroundings, but once left in its new place, and covered in moss, seemed to be indistinguishable from that natural world that now surrounded it. There was something about the gaijin that just seemed to say he was so solidly present that it seemed he always existed there.

"It's a shame your music isn't the background music of this floor. I can just imagine you here, lounging by the fire to the violin. It sounds very relaxing, but I suppose you create your own. I had thought, for a long time, about trying to pick up an instrument in Aincrad. I am completely incapable in the real world, but it is not as much of a barrier here. I had always thought about becoming an alchemist as well, but at the time, the frontlines needed a merchant, the only one who could supply them at the time. And so, that is what I became... now I've got a bit of a sunk cost in it."

He turned his gentle azure eyes over to Mari.

"If I may ask... why now? What finally gave you the push to come out here and put down your house?"

[Mari 1]

Mari grinned at Baldur from behind her cup, replying in a chipper and mischievous tone, "Such high demands of my guest. I'll be sure to make sure they're fulfilled next time, so I won't leaf you disappointed." She paused to drink deep of the tea. Sencha was by no means her favourite, she liked the slightly bitter flavours that came with green tea. Sencha...hot sencha though...it had a way of refreshing you. Drinking it and shutting your eyes…it reminded her of resting in a peaceful garden. The steam like a hot spring, warming her from the inside out as pleasant goosebumps bubbles upon her fair skin.

"The tea is wonderful, thank you."

Her eyes slowly opened, still wearing her content smile as she heard his words. She went to speak "You're…" there was a pause as Mari saw him there, serene and peaceful. Baldur looked a lot more relaxed than he did before. His face passive and tone honeyed, oozing with the warmth of a summer day. His eyes looked upon her with a bright twinkle in their brilliant midnight gaze and the stars themselves would have been jealous at the sight.

Then, his haori opened slightly from the comfortable position he sat in. Her eyes fell to his bare shoulders as they traced the curvature of his clavicles. Mari swallowed. "You're Welcome." She quickly said as she took another large mouthful of tea. Damn...them bones.

Mari shifted her gaze to the window as she listened to the man speak. Talking about a world outside of dragons and NPCs, away from crystals dancing over their heads and things shattering before their eyes in dizzying arrays of coloured data. It was...nice. It felt normal. To be able to sit here underneath the warmth of a Kotasu, drinking a hot yet refreshing tea with another. It was grounding. "I miss this..." She whispered more to herself than to the man in front of her. Questing with Macradon had been nice , but in this moment...it felt like she wasn't on Aincrad - it felt like she wasn't a wanted criminal. It just felt like she was catching up with an old friend.

"I just did what I wanted. My mother didn't really mind. She trusted my judgement. She just wanted me to do what made me happy. She was always great about that sort of thing, as long as I was happy and doing well it didn't matter. I think...the only thing she really didn't like was my ex husband - I shoulda trusted her judgement on that one."

If she were around she'd hate what you've become

Mari lowered her eyes a moment. "You should go." She said to Baldur as she felt calm enough to look at him again, she shifted her gaze back to meet his. "To Japan I mean." She offered him a small grin as she held her cup with both hands. "I may even see you there after we get out of this place."

LIke you'd ever do such a thing. No one is waiting for you. There is nothing out there for you.

Despite her attempts to keep a positive outlook, the voices in her head...the doubt, the fear - they were still a constant. Her tea was almost empty now, she had only half a cup of it - wanting Baldur to have the full cup to himself, but it did not stop her spluttering and choking on the little remnants of tea left as she heard his words.

"It's a shame your music isn't the background music of this floor. I can just imagine you here, lounging by the fire to the violin."

 Mari fumbled, almost dropping her cup. "Ahaha...well...if you visit again I'll play for you if you want."What the hell was she saying? She rarely played for anyone. It made her feel embarrassed... vulnerable when people watched her, if she was lost in some sonnet she was more likely to be stabbed. Mari placed the empty cup carefully back down on the table. "If you could choose. What would you play?"

So...he was a Merchant? "I started this game as a performer before…*cough* before everything happened. Then I  was an alchemist. Now I kinda just craft for me..if I see someone who needs the potions or what have you..I'll give it to them, it's never too late to change yanno.."

The conversation fell silent for a moment before Baldur asked her about her house. "Oh…" her gaze felll to the kotatsu as she began to run her hands along its smooth surface.  "Probably Macradon… he keeps telling me I'm not all the horrible things I was called in the past. I wish I could believe him but...heh I guess that's a long process. Then I guess." Mari paused as she lifted her eyes to meet his. It may be strange telling this to someone who may as well be a sstranger to her. "You as well." And it was true, without his final words and reassurance as a push - Mari wouldn't be sitting here now.

Their eyes locked for a moment, then another. Before Mari shifted her eyes to the window. "Im so tired of running… if people come for me let them.. I just wanted some semblance of normalcy in this place."

@Baldur

Edited March 18, 2020 by Mari

[Baldur 0]

"If I could choose any instrument, hmm...? Well, in the other world, I had always wanted to learn how to play the guitar, or the piano. I tried taking lessons with the flute, but I was told to give up by my music teacher." He gave a chuckle at the ancient memory. Some might consider it cruel to tell a child to give up, but to him it had been more a mercy. Baldur did not have the patience or talent for the flute.

"However, since in here my musical aptitude would be based on stats, and not on my ability, I guess I would say...' He considered a long moment, playing with the rim of his cup.

"The shakuhachi."He glanced up at Mari, a bit of embarrassment on his face, "There's just something about the sound of it that speaks to my soul. Something about the sounds it makes that resonate with me." He flicked something non-existent off of a fingernail after he examined it, as if he couldn't maintain eye contact. He picked up his cup of tea and took another sip to fill the awkwardness he felt in the moment.

"I still may do that some day. My shop is closed for the time being. I mostly just buy items for myself to use, or to give to friends when we have need for a raid or a quest.

"I once heard someone play 'Smooth Criminal' on a Shakuhachi, I know it's hard to imagine," He said with a light hearted laugh, "But it might actually be my favorite version. It is a shame that traditional Japanese music is a dying art."

Then Mari seemed to sink back within herself. It was like watching the ebb and flow of a fire. Sometimes she burned brightly and twinkled, and sometimes she fell back down to smoldering embers, awaiting fresh kindling and a breath of life.

"Death is light as a feather, duty heavy as a mountain." Baldur quoted once more.

"If you give up, you are not doing honor to the lives you have taken. Repentance, true repentance is not an easy journey. I think that's why so many people give up, or never try in the first place. You shouldn't run either. You need to move forward. Always forward. When someone challenges you because of your past, then you tell them what you're trying to do now. No one will be able to argue with you if you are trying to atone, and are doing so by risking your life for others. Self Sacrifice is the path to redemption, but you still need to look after yourself first, because if you die, or give away everything to the point you have nothing to work with... the number of people you can help is 0."

[Mari 1]

"Shakuhachi!?" Mari exclaimed, a little louder and with more enthusiasm than she intended. Mari covered her mouth then laughed, embarrassed at her outburst. Her cheeks reddened - this man was so clearly refined and here she was reacting on emotion alone. "Oh my gosh. That's...that's so...amazing!" Mari clasped her hands together in excitement. "I"d love to hear you play something like that. You know, Its different to the flute - I mean...so you could learn it here, then give it a go outside too." Mari offered, trying to reign herself in, he probably wasn't the type to appreciate such enthusiasm.

"Sorry...sorry... I just...it's such a calming instrument, yanno? And I Don't think I've met anyone who even knows what it is, let alone be willing to play it." Mari said as she tugged on her hair, turning her eyes away from him. Gods, he probably thought she was uncouth and childish. Mari had done so well to reign in her emotions lately - always hiding them away. So why now? Mari bit her lower lip. She should say something about it, right? "Uhm..." She turned her eyes back to him - noticing he wasn't looking her way either. Mari reached out and gave his arm an awkward squeeze. "I think...its really nice to pursue something that speaks to your soul. It's one of the reasons I picked up the violin." Mari realized her hand was still sitting on his arm and quickly pulled it away. "It's never too late to pick up new skills...and who cares if you suck, as long as it makes you happy." Mari added as she fiddled with her empty cup. She wished she could offer him a refill, but she didn't have anything else. She didn't even have any food. 'Some host I am'

Death is light as a feather, duty heavy as a mountain.
 

Mari offered Baldur a small smile. "I'm not really planning on giving up anytime soon." She lowered her eyes to her empty cup. "I really appreciate your insight. I've tried in the past, but failed with constant adversity. It's...difficult when people see your crystal, and the names on the monument - but they don't ask why, they don't ask how it came to be that way. I get its a touchy subject - " She spun the cup around in her hands. "But no one has really asked. They just see a monster." She shut her eyes. Right...that's all anyone ever saw, even her best friends back then, even Alkor probably saw her as some sort of inhuman beast. "All I can do for now, is do what I'm doing now, slow steps - dealing with things as they come. I have something now that I didn't have back then. I have a friend who I think I can trust."

Mari gently shook her head. "Mmnn.. sorry, sorry... Your cup is empty right?" She asked as she shifted out from under the Kotatsu,  so she could lean over Baldur's shoulder. "I don't really have anything else to offer you right now. A drawback of my status, food and drink are a rare commodity." Mari reached out to take his empty cup. "But uh -if there is anything I can offer you. Let me know. It's the least I can do for you."

 

@Baldur

[Baldur 0]

Baldur smiled as Mari stumbled over trying to offer him further hospitality, instead he silently watched her refill his up, and then picked it up to sip on it slowly and contentedly.

"I'm sure you're already familiar with Kintsukuroi, where the Japanese repair broken things, notably pottery, with gold. They believe everything has a kami, even a rice bowl, or a tea cup. The journey it goes on creates the beauty, and so when they repair it with gold, it becomes even more beautiful, and even more valuable. In the west, we very much dispose of things that are broken, or worn down. But beauty isn't in the perfection, it's in the imperfection. Martial art belts, supposedly, came from the old monk monasteries. When you arrived, you were given new clothes, and a white belt. Over time, sweat, dirt, and blood would stain the belt, slowly darkening it in color until all that came together and made the belt black. You were never to wash the belt itself, because that represented your progress though life. Where as a western belief would be to wash it, or replace it, the aesthetic is to appreciate, not that something is broken, but that it has had a journey, it has a story to tell."

Baldur, seemingly lost in thought, was staring deeply into his tea cup, swirling it slightly so as to not spill any.

"When I was young, I once thought I had to be this pure, stainless white knight in shining armor. Being untempted by sin, and without blemish was the path to be truly noble and godly. I didn't just reject temptation, I staunchly avoided it. As such, I had a very rigid sense of right and wrong, and people ether fell into the camp like me who made good choices, or were tainted by their bad choices. I didn't realize at that age what kind of privilege I had, that I was never exposed to those hardships. When I finally went to college, I was exposed to to many new peoples, not even necessarily different ethnicity, but people who might have been like me, but were born to different parents. I thought my experience was normal, but I came to find out having two loving parents could be something of an exception. I knew a brilliant girl, who was fantastic in every way, be told by her family that a girl going to college was a waste of money, and she should hurry up and get married and start having kids."

Baldur shook his head with lingering disgust, but still seemed to be lost in memories of the past.

"Then I took a philosophy class, and I learned this parable of the shopkeeper. It solidified all the things that had been churning in the back of my mind, trying to make sense of the world. Kant, he suggested, believed that the internal struggle, the motivation, defined a part of morality. But he suggested two scenarios that weighted on my heart and stuck with me. The short version is something like this. There are two shopkeepers. One does the right thing, because he believes in doing the right thing, and it makes him feel good, and he is able to. The other does the right thing, even when he doesn't want to, even though he hates it, and even though it'll cause him hardships. Only one of them is doing something morally praiseworthy. It is easy to be good, and do good, when times are good. But when the chips are down, when the situation is bad, when there's no reward, no praise for virtue signaling. The people who do right when no one is watching. That's what's good. That's whats worthwhile.

You have that opportunity before you. Do good with no thought of reward. Even though its hard. Even though its painful. You may still get some good out of it, and it may lighten the burden to have friends... and I hope that's the case. But when you are tested. That's when you discover your true character. Your true motivation. That is when we can use gold on the cracks in our life and show them off with pride."

He suddenly flashed a lopsided smile at some memory.

"And I had realized then I had gone through my life, thinking I was good, but having never been put to the test."

He took a sip of his tea.