[F17 - SP] Really? A Sandal? <<Challenge of Olympus>>

[Jackpot 0]

Well, he'd arrived. Though he wished he hadn't.

There was always something that had put him off about the seventeenth floor. It seemed that everyone raved about the Greek architecture, the immersive atmosphere, the Colosseum, the beautiful marble and gold that accented every nook and cranny. But Jackpot? He didn't like it. Call him a pessimist, but he saw no reason to hold the space in such high regard. They didn't even have plumbing.

Though, the reason for this trip had been too good to refuse. A visit with the gods? That was something he had to see. Whether or not there was anything in it for him, it was a once in a lifetime experience, and he'd be foolish to forego it. 

It was unusual that he found himself in such a mindset. His time was better spent doing things that produced a tangible benefit for him. This time, it was only the memories he would carry away with him.

[Jackpot 0]

Apparently, there was some sort of satyr that was supposed to spawn here and lead him to Mt. Olympia. That being said, Jackpot had been here for over and hour and hadn't seen any such creature. He was sure he'd shown up on time. He'd marked the date on his calendar, and woken up several hours early to ensure he wouldn't be late.

Wait a second.

That was the problem. He'd arrived early. A cursory glance at his HUD revealed that he was, indeed, ahead of schedule. Which was strange, because taming a mane like the head of hair he possessed was no easy feat. It must have taken him at least half an hour less than it usually would.

He conjured a vanity mirror and double checked the violet strands. No strays. It was in perfect condition. What sort of strange power had he tapped into that made such a feat possible?

[Jackpot 0]

Just as he was starting to doze off, he heard it. The telltale swish and jingle of teleportation. He opened one eye just in time to witness mass hysteria. The sudden appearance of the satyr had startled a man carrying an over sized pot. The man skittered and stumbled before finally falling over, gracelessly tossing the clay container in a vain effort to avoid breaking it. It did, of course, right in front of the gait of a horse pulling a carriage of hay. The equine creature, now spooked, broke out into a gallop, throwing its owner off of the cart as it pitched to the side. The horse jaunted through the square, throwing bushels of hay to and fro, until the cart came to a halt against a giant pillar.

One might think it ended there. That would be wrong.

The pillar fell, and struck another, which fell and struck another. The domino effect continued until six pillars had fallen, and the elements that supported the awning of a nearby shop had disappeared. It crumbled to the ground, filling the entire plaza with a miasma of dust. NPCs and players alike hacked and gagged on the airborne concoction, while Jackpot merely shook his head at the clumsy creature who had started it all.

"Smooth."

[Jackpot 0]

"Look, it ain't my fault these guys never got used to me showing up. You'd think after the third or fourth time, maybe. But here I am, hundreds of iterations later, and they never learn. It ain't eve the first time something like this has happened," came the satyr's gruff response. "Name's Fergus."

"Interesting. So what would you estimate the total property damage you've wracked up throughout your career?" Jackpot inquired as he stood.

"Seriously? You'd expect me to know something like that? Look, man, I'm just a mythical creature with a clipboard. No need to get into the nitty gritty with me." The goat man was perturbed. Annoyed. He clearly didn't like his job.

"I'm just curious," Jackpot replied with feigned innocence. "Do they bill you? Or do they bill the gods? Who pays for it all? Or does it simply restructure itself after a timer has expired and the structures are cleared for a respawn?"

[Jackpot 0]

"Kid. I don't know. I don't care. A quantum super computer processing the possibilities of twelve thousand realities at once wouldn't even come close to calculating the number of f*cks I do not give. I'm here to do a job, and what happens here is inconsequential to that." Now he was pink. No, red. A pinkish red. Frustrated, annoyed, and eager to get down to business. It was a mindset that Jackpot could appreciate, but he hadn't had his fill of fun just yet.

"Only twelve thousand realities? The helmet I'm wearing isn't even a super computer, and it's got me experiencing this castle like it's the real deal. Running nonstop for years, too. Have satyrs not cracked the technological code yet?"

"Oh. I get it. Another wise guy. I met a guy just like you once, and right now he's sitting in our zoo."

"He gave you sass, so you sent him to walk around your zoo? Doesn't sound like much of a punishment."

"No, you idiot. He's one of the exhibits."

[Jackpot 0]

Okay. Perhaps this conversation had gone a bit too far. As much fun as Jackpot was having terrorizing the goat man, he didn't want to end up caged like an animal on display for mythical creatures to throw peanuts at. He'd rather be caged like a man. In the cave that made up his shop. Why was he here again?

"So are we gonna do this thing, or what?" Fergus impatiently asked, tapping his hoof noisily against the marble floor.

"I suppose," Jackpot sighed. "Better late than never."

"I ain't late, pal."

Oh. Right. Jackpot had gotten there early. From the looks of it, Fergus had arrived a tad early, too. It was a good thing that Jackpot hadn't shown up exactly on time, otherwise he may have missed the grand spectacle that followed the satyr's arrival.

"I suppose you're right." Another sigh. "So, what do we need to do? Do we need to join hands and do a dance? How are we getting there?"

[Jackpot 0]

The goat man grumbled, then huffed, then turned around. A moment later, a portal snapped into existence. "Just walk through here, and it'll put you at the base of the stairs."

Stairs? Nobody had mentioned stairs.

"How, uh, how many stairs are there? I wasn't told there would be a hike."

"Whaaaat? Guy like you? Young, fit, lithe? Afraid of some stairs? You've gotta be kidding me."

"I'm not afraid. I'm just trying to gauge whether this journey is worth it, or if I should just turn back and go home now. Visiting with the gods sounds cool and all, but not if I've gotta climb a mountain to get to them."

"Well it is called Mount Olympus. Surely you knew that."

Touche, goat douche.

"You never answered my questions. How many stairs?"

"Only fifteen or so. It's not too much of a climb."

"Alright then. That doesn't sound too bad." Jackpot approached the portal, but stopped before entering. He pointed at it, then craned his head toward Fergus.

[Jackpot 0]

"Just right through here, then?"

"Yup, that's what I said."

"Does it hurt?"

"Oh my god. Portal's closing in ten seconds. Move your ass or forfeit the journey."

"But does it hurt?"

"No, it doesn't hurt."

"Phew. Thank god. That wasn't so hard, was it? You're not very good at answering questions."

Fergus merely chuckled in response. There was a very knowing grin that he wore as he leaned in closer to Jackpot, peering into the man's amber eyes before giving him a snide wink.

"Yeah. And I'm not very good at counting, either."

The satyr then placed a hand firmly on Jackpot's back and shoved him through the portal. He walked through the rift himself, and a moment later, it snapped shut, leaving behind the chaotic mess that was now the city square. The citizens there were still panicked, rushing back and forth to put out a fire that had apparently started. But that wasn't Jackpot's problem, now. He was on his way to the gods.

[Jackpot 0]

"You lied to me," Jackpot said as he gazed upon the staircase. It stretched so far into the sky that he couldn't see it beyond the clouds that circled the top. 

"Me? Nahhh. I'm just not very good at counting, like I said." Fergus began climbing the steps. "You coming, or not? The only way back to Aincrad is by completing the quest."

Jackpot grumbled as he contemplated his options, before recognizing what the satyr had just said. "'Back to Aincrad.' So, wait, we're not on Aincrad anymore?"

"That's right, buddy. Once we get to the top, if you look over yonder, you'll be able to see it floating over there. We're in a completely different zone. Here, you're among the gods and other mythical creatures. All of the mortals in this realm are relegated to Aincrad to wallow about in its filth and monsters."

"That's a bit harsh. I didn't think it was that bad."

"Can't hear ya," Fergus replied, voice distant. "Too far up the steps you'll have to catch up if you want to chat some more."

As if he'd want to "chat" with such a grouch.

[Jackpot 0]

The trip to the top was more long and arduous that Jackpot could have ever imagined. How was it that thousands of other players had already completed this quest? Had they all had to climb the steps, or was that privilege reserved only for those the satyr disliked? Perhaps he should have kept his mouth shut and silently followed Fergus through the portal. Then he may not have had to endure the gauntlet of marble steps.

But, eventually, finally, they reached the summit. Jackpot bent over and placed his hands on his knees, gasping for air as Fergus waddled past with no trouble at all. "You know what?" the goat man started. "You're kind of a wimp."

"Thank you... for noticing..." Jackpot shot back between labored breaths. "Not all of us walk a monolithic staircase every day."

"Oh, I don't do that every day. I just like making the assholes climb it. Hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.

I knew it.

[Jackpot 0]

When Jackpot didn't respond, a flash of guilt crossed Fergus' expression. "Alright, fine," he relented. "Look over there." As jackpot traced the creature's finger, he saw it. There, mingling with the stained-gold clouds that pervaded the realm, was the floating castle Aincrad in all its glory. Every struggle he'd endured, every adventure he'd gone on, every person he'd met, and every breath he'd taken since he dawned that god forsaken helmet had been there. Until now. "Pretty neat, huh? I mean, not for me. That's just a typical view for us. But for you, it might be kinda interesting."

"It really is," Jackpot replied, nearly breathless. He took it all back. The climb had been worth it. There was something so incredibly humbling about standing there, looking across, and seeing his entire world all in one place. Like a seed that had yet to sprout. Tiny. Insignificant. It was the sort of sight that put things into perspective.

Was there a way to stay here, rather than go back there?

[Jackpot 0]

"Alright, that's enough lollygagging," Fergus interjected, grasping Jackpot's arm and yanking him forward. "We don't have all day to do this. Hermes wants to meet with ya, so Hermes is gonna meet with ya."

"B-but wait!"

"No 'buts.' Like I said, I gotta job to do."

"B-but Fergu-"

"What did I just say?"

"FERGUS, THERE'S NO GROUND THERE!"

Fergus stopped, then looked down. Indeed, they were at the edge of the marble platform that laid at the summit of the stairs. Nothing but thin air and clouds laid beyond. Fergus pitched his head backward with a mighty laugh, then looked to the violet-haired youth whose arm he still gripped.

"Not to worry, kiddo. Check this out."

As the satyr stepped forward, chunks of ivory floated up from the abyss below to meet with his cloven hooves. As he took another step, more marble floated to the surface, interlinking with the others and creating a makeshift path. 

[Jackpot 0]

"See? Nothing to worry about. Now stop being such a big baby and come on!" Fergus assured as he yanked Jackpot off of the ledge and into the unkown. Just as they had for Fergus, bits and pieces of a marble walkway floated up, and Jackpot found his footing. Despite the fact that things may have seemed safe, that didn't prevent the man from shivering and buckling. They were, after all, still suspended in midair, above nothing more than fluffy clouds. "What, you're still scared?"

"Sh-shut-t up a-and get us s-somewh-where solid. N-now!"

Fergus obliged, but nonetheless obliged Jackpot's request. He practically dragged the man along, through the empty plaza split by a solitary tree floating in a dish, and down one of the "streets" that connected to the square. It was one such structure that he led Jackpot inside, before finally releasing him. "We're here. Happy now?" 

Unironically, Jackpot fell to his knees and kissed the stable marble he'd found himself on. "Oh my god, I'll never take solid ground for granted ever again."

[Jackpot 0]

"Sheesh. I've helped out all sorts of pathetic gremlins over the years, but you're by far the most fearful. How have you survived this long, anyways?" the satyr inquired, raising one of its bushy brows while folding its arms. 

"Those who know fear survive," Jackpot replied breathily as he shakily rose to his feet. "It is because I know fear that I have survived the gauntlet of Aincrad thus far. It's those who reject fear and jump headlong into danger that wind up dead. I'm more careful. I take the proper steps, pursue the proper precautions, and prepare accordingly. I will never die, so long as I know fear."

"Wow. Reeeaaal inspirational there, buddy. I just have one question for ya." Fergus leaned forward, uncomfortably close to Jackpot. "What do you do when a god ain't happy with ya?"

Not happy with him. Was Hermes not happy with him?

"Have fun!"

And then Fergus shoved him inside.

[Jackpot 0]

The space was dimly lit as Jackpot fumbled forward, teeth chattering of their own accord as the anxiety of the situation crept into his every pore. What if it had been a rouse? Hermes wasn't really interested in a challenge, he wanted to kill Jackpot. And what would Jackpot be able to do against the might of a god of this realm?

Not a damn thing, that's what.

The building certainly appeared bigger on the inside than it had on the outside. It seemed to stretch on for a mile, or perhaps even longer. But which each step that Jackpot took forward, he found that it gradually became brighter. The glow from the torches that lined the walls increased in intensity the further he got, and before he knew it, he'd reached the end. 

A single table. Made of rich mahogany. An obnoxiously large chair rested beyond, which was turned away from Jackpot. 

"Sooo," a shrill voice mused. "You're Jackpot, huh? Gotta say, not at all what I was expecting. You're kinda... feeble."

[Jackpot 0]

"Yeah, well, you're a god, so." It was all that Jackpot could help to utter. But as the chair spun, and he caught a glimpse of the god's face, all of the anxiety faded away. It took everything he had not to burst into a fit of laughter.

Sitting before him was one of the scrawniest men he'd ever laid eyes on. Black, circular glasses rested upon the bridge of a gigantic nose that protruded from Hermes' visage. Thin hair was slicked back, also black to match the glasses. His lips were thin and sickly, and the stick-thin neck that ran down to his over sized suit (which wasn't even close to fitting properly) wrapped the whole image of ineptitude together. He'd never expected a "god" to look quite like this. Was he trying to look intimidating?

"What? Never seen a god before?" Again with that high pitched, whiny voice. It was almost mouse-like, which seemed to match the rest of his semblance. "Wait, don't answer. Of course you haven't. We are pretty rare, after all." Clearly, he didn't know how Jackpot truly viewed him.

[Jackpot 0]

"Just... Just tell me what you want, man."

"I want you..." Hermes paused dramatically as he opened a drawer and reached into it. From the drawer he produced a single, worn out sandal, which he plopped onto the desk with every bit as much enthusiasm as he uttered the remainder of the sentence. "to sell me this sandal."

Jackpot merely blinked. "Really? A sandal? Not even, like, a pair of sandals?"

"Nope. Just the one."

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I never kid, kid. Unless it's stand-up night. Then I'll have the whole of Mount Olympus howling."

Laughing at his appearance and demeanor rather than jokes, surely.

"That's impossible."

"What, stand-up? Nah, it's actually pretty easy once you get into the groove."

"No - I meant, selling you this sandal."

"I beg to differ. I can think of at least ten different uses for it, just off the top of my head. I could sell it. Why can't you?"

Jackpot didn't even want to dignify the statement with a response.

"But I am a gracious god. I will allow you three different pitches. Should you fail to convince me within those three, you will be escorted from Mount Olympus empty handed."

[Jackpot 0]

"So should I just... start?"

"Yeah."

"Right now?"

"Did I stutter?"

"N-no..."

"Go on, then."

What a bizarre request. Jackpot's mind stuttered as the gears gradually turned, trying to formulate a legitimate use for a single sandal. He was drawing a blank, but he had to say something.

"Uh, er... Introducing... Theeee Spare Sandal!" Hermes remained seated, his expression unchanging. He wasn't amused. "Have you ever been out and about with your friends, doing a pub crawl, when one of your sandals goes missing? Fashion choices aside, it's sure to be a frustrating endeavor. Not only will your steps be uneven, but your foot may get dirty. Or worse! You could step on some broken glass. With the Spare Sandal, all of these worries melt away. Never again will you be caught off guard with a sewer grate devours your footwear."

"What happens if the sandal you lose doesn't belong to the same foot as this one?"

"That! Is... an excellent question."

"I'm not convinced. No deal."

[Jackpot 0]

No luck with that angle. But it had given Jackpot a new idea to try out.

"Alright, you caught me. It's not really meant to replace the sandal you lose. It's just meant to replace a sandal in general. As you know, fashion trends are perpetually oscillating, and news on the market is that a mismatched shoe trend is about to make waves in the scene. Before long, everywhere you look, people will be wearing mismatched shoes. It's a status symbol. Those who are wealthy enough to afford multiple pairs of shoes simply to mix and match on a daily basis will be recognized as the top of the proverbial fashion food chain. It will be people who wear regular pairs of shoes that will be ostracized. By reducing the purchase of a shoe to a single sandal, we've cut down on production costs, which means a reduced cost for the consumer. Buy now, and you can be ahead of the fashion game!"

"Wow. Really put some thought into that one. Show me these people with mismatched shoes. Certainly, you'd have some sort of promotional material to go along with such bold claims."

"Well, I mean... It's not like I knew I was going to be selling a shoe today."

"Not convinced. Next pitch."

[Jackpot 0]

Jackpot was running out of options. He had only one remaining pitch to solidify his victory over the challenge, and that last pitch had wrung his creative pores dry. It wasn't until he heard a buzzing that he began to formulate a new plan.

"Is that a fly?"

"Yeah, it's been buzzing around in here for days. Driving me crazy. Don't worry, I don't blame you for getting distracted by it. I won't dock points or anything. Even as a god, I've been having a lot of trouble concentrating as its made these chambers its fly zone."

Jackpot peered around, looking for the source of the noise. Eventually, he found it. A single fly, flippantly performing loop-de-loops and drunken flight maneuvers through the air. His eyes continued to trace its movements until it landed on the desk between Hermes and Jackpot. In a single, swift motion, Jackpot slammed the sandal down on the insect, obliterating it in the blink of an eye. He then tossed the sandal onto the desk in front of a stunned Hermes.

"Flyswatter."

At first, Hermes seemed dumbfounded. Then, the edges of his impossibly thin lips curled upward into a crooked smile. 

"Sold."