[PP-F10] Black is the new Orange

[Hidden 1]

She stood on the tenth floor, staring intently at the water. A black cloaked figure, features invisible to the eye. In bright lighting, one might catch her smile or a lock of dark hair. The stature of the figure was short and slender, indicating that she was most likely a woman, or perhaps just a tall child. She was crouched, staring at the water with her mind deep in thought. An orange cursor spun dangerously over her own head. With being the current most wanted player in Aincrad, it wasn't good to hang around on floors that were populated. '14,000 col,' she thought to herself. 'That's how much the APD has over my head.' She hated the Aincrad Police Department. It was just full of players that were stuck up and used a made up title to do the things they wanted. 

Sighing, the girl would stand, looking over the Stygian River. Someday, she was going to teach them. Teach them to respect her. Whether it be out of admiration or fear, she didn't care. She was going to bring down the Laughing Coffin with Adrian, and there she would be relieved from her guilt. If they didn't she would turn on them, and she would begin to kill its members. She was tired of being wanted by every side. There were few players that wouldn't turn her in on the spot. Mars, Hikoru, Sey, and Adrian.... They were all she had. 

[Mari 1]

It had been a while since Mari had returned to the 10th floor; it was once her prison. She isolated herself, removing herself from the world as she holed herself up in a tent for countless days. A self imposed imprisonment from a world which had hated her, loathed her so much that countless players would decry her existence and attack her on sight - but...could she blame any of them? She at one point had been the most wanted Pker. To this date she held the highest kills in Aincrad - according to Macradon at least. Since she couldn't really check the Monument of Life. Children had died at her hands, be they accident or not, they had still died. 

This...was a place Mari hadn't exactly planned on returning to, but she wanted to get some crafting done - and well - she had to do that in her shop didn't she? Mari was doing a small lap of the floor, in part because she was avoiding the tent that served as her store. It had been her prison - so she wasn't looking forward to returning there any time soon.

It was during this walk; that Mari noticed a cloaked figure by the Stygian River.

'Who in their right mind would want to be anywhere near that thing?'  Mari thought to herself. The river on this floor wasn't exactly pleasant. It's waters ran a deep red - akin to blood, it even smelled like blood. But if you were to dip your hand into it, and cup it into them - it was just red tinged water...even tasting it, it was...water, well, more or less. It did have a distinct iron like after taste. It was then, Mari realized that not long ago, she was that person. The one sitting by a macabre lake - hidden away from everyone and everything.

"You know..." Mari said as she slowly approached the hooded figure.  "I wouldn't advise jumping in that place. I speak from experience - it's nasty. Course....I always did wonder what was at the bottom, never could quite make it there."

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

Her eyes remained set on the water, the constant flowing making her own reflection distorted in the ripples. Her concentration on the water made her all the more surprised when a voice was heard from behind her. She quickly spun on her feel, eyes widening in fear that she had become ambushed. With a flick of her own wrist, a dagger had slipped into her hand from its sheath inside of her sleeve. Her eyes scanned the player immediately, an orange-cursored player. One that she hadn't seen before. A moment of silence would ensue before her stance would break as the woman's words would register with her mind. Her head cocked to the left quizzically as the confusion spread across her face. "Wait. You've jumped into that water?" She almost took off her hood to show the amount of astonishment that was displayed on her face. 

A small giggle would forcibly escape through her lungs. 'So this is the kind of player that's going to finally manage to get me, huh?' She had fought off many players that had tried to capture her before, however; she had left them all alive. Turning back to the water, Hidden would ask one simple question to the orange haired girl. "So, are you here after me too? I'll tell you I don't intend to go without a fight." Her dagger still remained in her hand. Shadow's Infection was the best weapon for fighting against players so it was good that it was the one she had equipped. 

Her eyes traced the sides of the water as she listened closely for the footsteps behind her to indicate an attack. Her familiar awaited within her shadow and could also help in this fight. If the girl came to capture her, she had better be at Frontliner Strength or have more friends on the way. Was the col seriously worth risking one's life?

@Mari

[Mari 1]

Mari snorted, amused at the other's outburst. "hahah...yeh...well...when you have nothing going for you, you tend to do stupid sh*t like that." She said as she averted her gaze, tugging on her hair. Mari had done many a reckless thing during her past. That had been one of them. She wanted to reach the bottom, she wanted to see what the strange illumination was wrong.

"So, are you here after me too? I'll tell you I don't intend to go without a fight." 

"What?" Mari asked, the surprise and shock evident in her tone of voice. "I don't even know who you are. Don't you think it'd be a little hypocritical for me to go after an orange player?" Mari asked, and it was true. Mari had noticed the crystal straight away - but hadn't thought too much of it. Despite her warnings to the lower leveled players, Mari was already back on the frontlines. Ready to take on most of what the world threw at her. She could handle an attack from a player, and if need be - she'd run the risk of using a Teleport crystal to escape. 

In a way, this player reminded Mari a lot of herself. Mari relaxed her stance as she crossed her arms. She shifted her weight to one side and stared at the other players back. It..was almost uncanny. Mari had said almost those same words..."You know..." Mari said quietly. "I've said quite similar to people lately - although unlike you, I probably wouldn't have been bothered to fight. I was done, with everything really. Why bother trying to help a world that wanted me dead? Why try to escape to a world where I wouldn't belong, where there was nothing waiting for me?" Of course...her outlook had changed recently, but those thoughts and doubts still constantly bubbled up, she questioned everything she did, and everyone she met. "So its strange, you kinda remind me, of well me."

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

The shock from the woman's mouth was apparent as she stated that going after another orange player would be hypocritical. Hidden would turn back to face the girl, the hooded-figure staring dead straight at the woman. "This isn't about being hypocritical. This is about the large sum of money that wrongly sits atop of my head." Hidden's voice was almost... depressed. While there was those that felt she deserved everything she had coming, she felt wrongfully accused, thrown into a overarching story and suffering the punishment that wasn't rightfully hers. 

"I've said quite similar to people lately - although unlike you, I probably wouldn't have been bothered to fight. I was done, with everything really. Why bother trying to help a world that wanted me dead? Why try to escape to a world where I wouldn't belong, where there was nothing waiting for me?"

Hidden simply frowned at the woman. What was she getting at? Just who was she? This woman was voicing the thoughts that played through her mind like a soundtrack. Hidden would reply with the only thing she told herself. "Someday, I'll make this world want me. When I get back to the real one... i'll somehow make it work." She would have Sey back in the real world, and could somehow manage to find him instead of being with her father. She wouldn't take the abuse from him once she got back. She had fought through too much to take anyone's [censored] anymore. 

Hidden took one slow step forward towards the woman. "Who are you? It isn't adding up." She sheathed her weapon after recognizing the woman's relaxed state. "You didn't come here after me...." Something was different about this girl. 'Remind me of well, me' had been what she said. "You aren't some new Quest NPC guised as a player are you?" Something about the orange haired player was too alike her own feelings. A constant nagging feeling that she shouldn't be trying to find her place in a world that didn't want her. That was almost exactly what the girl had spoke about. Her mouth remained slightly parted in her astonishment as she awaited the girl to reply. 

@Mari

Edited March 10, 2020 by Hidden

[Mari 1]

Mari opened up her HUD and casually put her boots/socks into her inventory. "I don't really care about Col - the hell am I gonna do? Waltz into the market downtown and be chased by guards?" Mari asked. She never really understood the need for Col - she had no real way of spending it. Most stores weren't exactly Pker accessible and she didn't have a stealthy skill to sneak in and out of towns yet.  She contemplated getting one after her talk with Hikoru.

Mari's approaching steps paused when she reached the rivers edge. She was being sure to keep enough distance between the two that the stranger wouldn't react adversely to her approach. A few metres distance lay between them as Mari sat herself down at the riverbank, casually dipping her legs into the water. Despite its morbid appearance, it was just that. Water. The ginger haired woman swayed her legs to and fro. Azure eyes watching as they disappeared beyond the murky depths. Damn it...her words - she really did remind Mari of herself. Mari longed to have that same thing, she was fighting...even now for that. A place where she was wanted - people who wanted to be around her - and even with friends like Macradon and Cordelia - she struggled...to accept that. To believe they were willing to stand by her side. She knew, that when push came to shove, she was like a putrid toxin to them, her presence leeching into their skin and poisoning them. 

Mari wished she had words to say to the other; but none came. What could anyone possibly say to someone in such a position? Mari was in that very same place - and yet, even so...she had no clue how to talk to the other. "The world will fight back." Mari finally said. "It'll chew you up and spit you out - then when you're at your lowest - it'll squeeze you so hard that you feel like you're suffocating...but, that just means that when you do succeed, it makes it all the better, right?" Mari asked as she shifted her gaze to the other. 

 "You aren't some new Quest NPC guised as a player are you?" 

...

Mari laughed, a burst of exuberant trills as she quickly covered her mouth to stifle herself. Whatever heaviness that hung in the air, disappeared with that comment. "I...ahaha...sorry..sorry...but what? An NPC? ahaha...n..no...." Mari shook her head. "No...I'm Mari. Just plain ol' Mari."

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

Mari's reply was more than enough to make her giggle. "Well, I'm glad that i'm worth more than money at least to some strangers." A few players that hunted her only cared for the reward. She was some quest with a high-reward. Other's did it in the pursuit of a false justice. 'Put down the monster!' or something of that sort. She watched as the girl traced the area around her, keeping her distance until she sat at the edge of the water. Hidden simply stared at the woman as she placed her legs into the murky water. 'She's been here way too much if she can deal the smell being on her for a while' She watched as the girl moved her legs in the water, sending ripples down the river. Shaking her head, Hidden would take a seat as well, looking out at whatever you could call a horizon on this floor. 

"The world will fight back."The girl told her "It'll chew you up and spit you out - then when you're at your lowest - it'll squeeze you so hard that you feel like you're suffocating...but, that just means that when you do succeed, it makes it all the better, right?"

Hidden looked down. She was right. From the very beginning, most players seen her as just another scrounger, looking for help. All of her life, she had fought desperately for friends. She was bullied in school for having worn-out attire, treated harshly by her father and when she finally made friends in Aincrad they had seemingly betrayed her and left her the most hated player in the game. Swallowing, Hidden would turn to speak to the woman again. 

"Which is better? To give up as to not have to bear it anymore, or endure it to find a world that is better?" It was an honest question. If this woman had gone through it before, than maybe she knew something that Hidden didn't. The woman's voice was surprisingly reassuring. There was kindness behind the sadness, and a warmth behind the darkness. Hidden couldn't help but let her own mental defenses slip as she opened herself up slowly more and more. As she asked the girl if she was an NPC, the response was almost too trill for the mood of the floor. 

"I...ahaha...sorry..sorry...but what? An NPC? ahaha...n..no.... No...I'm Mari. Just plain ol' Mari."

"Mari..." Hidden muttered. A few seconds of silence would ensue before she gave up. "Sorry, I feel like I've heard it before but I can't pinpoint where or why. Perhaps it was just in passing." She hadn't talked to many other players in the last several months, so everything was rather foggy. Taking a deep breath, Hidden would give out what smile she could form from within her hood. "In this world, I am Hidden. That's like my name... not some metaphor. The jokes do get old after sometime."

[Mari 1]

Which was better?

"That's a question from someone who can't decide if they've given up or not." Mari said quietly. "I can't really lie, and say that enduring it is any better." Mari said as she leaned back on her hands. "Because sometimes, enduring it can break us even more..." She closed her eyes and thought about it. How she tried to pick herself up again and again - only to be thrown back down into the hole she tried to claw her way out of. Friends who had betrayed her, Lowenthal, Life... those who had lied to her, it felt like every step forward she took - she was hurled twenty back. It still hurt to think about these things, but lately - she felt like her burden was a little lighter. "I think...there is no shame in giving up if something is too much..."  That pain she felt...it was a sadness, a hollowness that seeped into her like a thousand pieces of weighted, shattered glass that drove deeper and deeper into her heart with each and every beat. "But...I can say...that sometimes, you do find something to grasp onto. And things aren't as painful - and it feels like you can breathe again."

The stranger said that they had heard of Mari before, this didn't surprise the ginger haired woman. "Yeh, most have. I suppose you don't really get to see it much, but from what I hear. I still hold the highest kill count in Aincrad. I was hated. Hunted. People never asked why, nor what happened. They just saw the names. They just saw a monster."  

Right...Life had constantly reminded her of that - he told her that many of the people here were little more than a cancer. He....

"They called me debased, depraved - so much so that I was nothing more than trash."  

Fingers dipped into the hard dirt of the ground as her nails dug into it. It hurt...the scars were deep and horrible. So much so Mari's face scrunched up in an effort to stop any tears that would threaten to fall. "N-No one ever asked..." She repeated quietly. No one asked why they just saw a beast who murdered her daughter. They saw a scourge on the world. A blight. Cancer. She was the real cancer. "I had to leave - I hid myself away...I had the two largest guilds after my head. I had...I had worked so hard to unlock the floors...I was heading the meetings and...and..." Mari shook her head. "I had to leave everything behind, and not a single person missed me."

Mari wasn't sure why she was saying so much to the other person, maybe she felt some sort of connection - or maybe it was because she saw so much of herself in the other. "so that's why..." Mari turned back to the other who had introduced themselves as Hidden. "That's why you should keep going, because you want to say 'F**k Off' to those who decried you. You wanna show you are better. You can and will do better. You're not defined by a floating crystal." 

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

The words that Mari spoke next were soft, almost a whisper. Hidden hoped that the woman wouldn't begin to become upset from reminiscing her past. Her eyes held Mari constantly in her view. Mari and her seemed to have a lot in common. Here the woman was to share her side of the experience. Had anybody been there for her at the time? Or was she constantly alone?

"That's a question from someone who can't decide if they've given up or not. "I can't really lie, and say that enduring it is any better, because sometimes, enduring it can break us even more..."

Hidden was at a loss for words. Never before had she heard the blatant truth thrown out into the air. Mari's eyes reflected the hurt that she had endured, and Hidden knew them all too well. It was the same eyes that stared back at her in the mirror. It depressed her just to think that someone else had to endure the same daily torment that she did. Being forced into hiding, unable to have anyone to lean against. She would go to Sey, but she didn't want to place the burden on him at all. 

After listening to Mari for a bit, she finally spoke again. "I have something to grasp on, but if I hold too tightly its going to break between my fingers. There is someone that I love in this world, but just being around them puts them in harms way. I've seen him trying to negotiate his way through to get me free of my bounty." 

Hidden took a heavy breath, forcing to cut off herself from her emotions or she would begin to tear up. She hadn't really talked to anyone since Hikoru that day that he helped her escape from the Laughing Coffin. She listened to the girl tell her that she supposedly had the highest kill count in the game. 

"The highest kill count huh? Even over Aereth? That's surprising. Though, I guess I never payed much attention to that board. I felt that if I stared at it too much that I would be the next on it." The girl spoke of how everybody just seen the name, and didn't question it at all.

"They never do question. They don't care. All they see is your name and the price above your head. This world is unfair in the fact that as soon as someone with a higher authority comes along, they can put you up for execution without question. The funny this is that they are using what I did as an excuse to capture me now. They were after me beforehand. They just don't want me around." 

She listened to the girl who seemed to be struggling so much. Apparently she had tried to lead the frontlines at one point but due to her status she was knocked down from her seat. Hidden would have been on the frontlines more, but after Floor 23 they were after her... and she... had lost faith in every single one of them. They were all greedy selfish cowards that had no desire to help out the rest of them... they just wanted the rewards. 

The thoughts in Hidden's heads were now bubbling to a boil, Hidden's breath becoming uneven as she forced the tears back. She didn't want to show the woman beside her how weak she was. She was supposed to be the ruthless monster that wanted to watch the world burn, right?

'And not a single person missed me' Those words resonated with Hidden. Her words were quite similar, and it scared her. Hidden's next words were a hushed whisper. "And not a single person wants me" Struggling to fight back the tears, she would wipe her eyes to ruin the forming liquid in her eyes. 

"That's why you should keep going, because you want to say 'F**k Off' to those who decried you. You wanna show you are better. You can and will do better. You're not defined by a floating crystal." 

Her emotional limit reached, a tear would slide down the side of her face. And then another. And another. Hidden looked to the girl, her eyes focused on Mari's. "Did it...  did it ever get any better? Do they accept you now like you wanted them to?" Hidden's next words were never voiced. 'Are you still forever alone and lost to the world?'

[Mari 1]

Something to grasp upon…

The words were vague, leaving Mari little to go off of. But she quickly continued. Giving more detail. A lover. Mari had nothing of the sort, and doubted that anyone would ever look at her in such a way.she had seen herself in a mirror before, for the first time in years. Pale skin and unruly hair. Dark eyes...it was a wonder how anyone could put up with her, really.

Life said you were so tarnished and debased...no one would touch you.

But...It was a relief to hear that Hidden had someone. "Is it?" Mari asked Hidden. "Have you stopped and asked him, or did you keep your distance feeling that was what's best?" Mari continued to sway her legs back and forth within the water. "Sometimes what we think is best for the other… actually hurts them. But I would be hypocritical as f**K to tell you not to do that."

All I do is push others away before they have the chance to get that close to me.

Even Macradon, someone she considered her closest, if not only friend. Mari sometimes wondered if he would be better off without her. She had already ruined his friendship with Bahr by existing.

"Unless she's done anything in the past few weeks…" Mari paused, lowering her eyes. It..was a terrible thing to admit. "Then yeh...I have the most. I could make excuses...how some were mistakes, others were to save multiple lives. But no one cares. A death is a death. Murder is murder. And that's what we are, right?" Mari asked as she lifted her head back up to Hidden. "But I don't want that to define us."

 

Hidden spoke the words that reflected on Mari's life. She lived them. And it terrified her to know someone else was living them. "You know the people who were after me most? Pkers who loved the thrill of taking a life… the world is hypocritical and cruel." 

Hiddens unease did not go without notice by Mari. The hitch in her breath, the shaking pain that shattered on each warbled word...

"And not a single person wants me

Nope. Mari wasn't having that. She reached out to Hidden and grabbed her by her shaking hand, and in a swift tug had pulled the other into her lap. Mari's hands wrapped around the others tiny frame and squeezed tight. "Don't say that." Mari's words were filled with an unbridled emotion. A pain that tried to deny her own thoughts and feelings. The constant voices in her head, the doubts, the memories. Everything was concentrated into those three words. "Never say that."

Mari could feel Hidden hiccup with tears. "People still want my head." Mari whispered. It may not be what Hidden needed to hear, but Mari couldn't lie. "I'm afraid each and every day that things will crumble around me. That I'll be betrayed again. That I'll be left alone. But...it is better.

Mari tightened her hold, head burried into the thick material of Hiddens cloak. "It's hard..and lonely but it gets better."

 

 

[Hidden 1]

"Have you stopped and asked him, or did you keep your distance feeling that was what's best? Sometimes what we think is best for the other… actually hurts them. But I would be hypocritical as f**K to tell you not to do that." Hidden shook her head. She never asked him exactly what he wanted. She didn't want him involved regardless. He would give up the world, everything for her sake. She loved that he would, but she didn't want him to. She was a plague that would drain him of absolutely everything before he gave up. She had to endure this by herself so that she could have him when the dust finally settled. The cloaked figure rubbed a tear from her eyes, trying to look away from Mari. She was upsettingly emotional at the moment and didn't want the other girl to look down on her. 

A death is a death. Murder is murder. And that's what we are, right? But I don't want that to define us."

Hidden looked down blandly. "It doesn't matter what we want. A definition is nothing more than the perceived reality of others. To change a definition, you must change the view of everyone" A heavy painful sigh escaped her lungs. 'and thats damn near impossible' she thought to herself. Hidden glared at her own reflection in the water, the sight of the breaking down girl that stared back was aggravating to her. She touched her finger to the water, casting a ripple across her reflection. 

"You know the people who were after me most? Pkers who loved the thrill of taking a life… the world is hypocritical and cruel." Hidden nodded. "I have been hunted by several other orange players who just wanted the money. I also have the Laughing Coffin after me... that will change after I bring them to their knees." she would say with a rather cold tone. She hated that guild. They had captured her once, demanding the information on Aereth's whereabouts. She was then used to lure the man in. Maybe that was why he betrayed her to the APD. 

Hidden's eyes widened with surprise as Mari suddenly moved towards her, wrapping her arms around her. For a second, Hidden was terrified and fought back. She didn't want to be touched. After a second however, she was sitting in the woman's lap with Mari's head buried into her cloak. The touch... it was warm. A warmth unlike Sey's. It was familiar, but not something she had felt in several several years. 

 "People still want my head. I'm afraid each and every day that things will crumble around me. That I'll be betrayed again. That I'll be left alone. But...it is better. It's hard..and lonely but it gets better."

Hidden's eyes opened wide as she sat there for a moment in emotional shock. 'No matter what, I am stuck in this predicament?' Hidden pressed her face into Mari's shoulder, her tears being freed from her body. Slowly, her tears became more forceful until the point reached that she began to sob on Mari's shoulder. The last few months had been the hardest few that she had experienced in the game. "I-I just w-want it to be over with! I d-don't even remember where I went wrong!"

"I can't even ask for the life I used to have! Not that it was even any better. I don't know who I can trust! I've gone so far that I can only go down the path that i'm heading even further! Every s-single day that I-I try to make it up I get myself further down into this mess!"

The girl's gripped tightened on Mari as she sobbed, not letting the woman go anywhere. Pain was sprouted deep within her and it had swelled and eaten her from the inside. The only thing that had kept her going these past few months was the raw determination to find something better. She had used people and still was to finally get her way. A group of players at her disposal just as a force to throw against the Laughing Coffin in due time. Once the Laughing Coffin was gone, would they even accept her? Or would the credit go to some other hotshot frontliner and they throw her in jail or kill her after everything she had done to help? 

 

[Mari 1]

Again, Mari had found herself comforting another. This may have been the fourth person to collapse and cry in her lap and or arms during her time in Aincrad. Mari...wasn't sure how she felt about that. She was thankful, incredibly so that people felt vulnerable enough and trusting enough to be able to open up to her like that. In a way...it made her feel more human, and in another way she could shut her eyes real tight and pretend that warmth was her daughter. Something she'd never get back.  Was it wrong? Probably, selfish? Definitely. But if these moments were the only time she'd ever feel the warmth and comfort of another...then Mari would do all she could to help the person, and hold tight to that warmth. So...was it really that bad?

Mari reached up and slowly began to trawl her fingers down the back of Hidden's head, an act that proved to be a little difficult thanks to the hood - but Mari wasn't about to rip it off - especially since the other seemed to prefer to keep things well...Hidden "You can change that view, yanno." Mari whispered softly. "It's long..its hard...its unrewarding - but if you're sincere, if you're true to yourself and your beliefs...things can work out. Not everyone will be ok with that. People will fight it - but those people can go f**k themselves." Her words were a mix of what Baldur had told her in the past, and her own experience. Things had gotten better since Mari had decided to try and do something rather than hiding herself way. They really had..but she was so fearful of those who still hated her, who wanted her dead. Despite everything Mari struggled to truly calm down.

Hidden's shaking turned to sobs and sniffles. The tears spilling forth like water from a dam as they quickly soaked through Mari's clothes. "Go ahead and cry. Its our tears that keep us alive." Mari said in an attempt to comfort Hidden. "Be proud to cry." The constant fear and stress that people lived with in this world...it seemed tenfold for those who were marked with an orange crystal. Those whose hands were forced. In times like this, Mari wished she could break down and cry too. Crying was like a freedom that kept your soul alive. It kept you from being indifferent to suffering. It showed you were still human, empathetic - but in times like this... she couldn't think of herself, she had to think of others, and right now - Hidden needed that more than anything.

"I feel the same way yanno..." Mari said to Hidden as she talked about how every day she had tried to push herself up, only to be forced back down. "But...it sounds like you've got a clear decision to make. Do you want to continue to suffer like this? Or do you want to grasp onto something more?" Mari pulled Hidden back, just enough so that she could run her thumbs underneath Hidden's eyes, wiping the tears from her eyes. "You don't have to trust me. I wouldn't. But I've been where you are. I still am where you are some days. But..." Mari leaned forward and rested her forehead against Hidden's. "I can try and help. I can't make promises. I can't say I'll make things better because I don't know if I can. I can't say things will heal, because I don't know if they will - but. I have a home on the fourth floor.  and I know sitting under a warm Kotatsu, sipping tea- can soothe a troubled mind. That will always be open to you. I will always be open to you."

 

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

Her tears quickly began to damp Mari's clothes. The way she held Mari, the woman wouldn't be able to move much as she had grasped her clothes tightly with each hand. This had been the second time she had cried in her time in Aincrad. The first time she had been captured by the Laughing Coffin and had been crying for herself, scared for her and Sey's life. This time, she felt like she was just being sorry for herself. She was mad because of it, but wasn't going to stop. The warmth of Mari was familiar though the memory that it originated from... was distant. Though it was a memory she wouldn't ever forget. The warmth and tender care of a mother. 

"You can change that view, yanno. It's long..its hard...its unrewarding - but if you're sincere, if you're true to yourself and your beliefs...things can work out. Not everyone will be ok with that. People will fight it - but those people can go f**k themselves."

Hidden would almost whimper out her words as she spoke. "I think I just want to prove to them that they're wrong with me. I understand that I might not be the easiest to get along with... I never was good at making friends in the real world. But I'm not just some monster. I might think of myself and my well-being first, but that's just because I don't want to die. I've always lived in a state where I fend for myself or picking from the scraps of others." 

"Go ahead and cry. Its our tears that keep us alive."

Hidden wasn't sure if the woman could tell she was attempting to hold them back or where she was coming from. "It's tears that make us human. Sometimes i wish I wasn't." The human races faults were quite obvious and they tended to destroy everything in their touch. It was filled with drunks, bullies, murderers, kidnappers, rapists and many other things that were just horrifying. 

As Mari began to speak, Hidden's sobs would silence as she listened. Even after Mari finished there was silence. The only sound Hidden could hear was Mari's heartbeat, their breathing, and the water next to them. After several minutes of passing, Hidden would sit upright, detaching herself from the ginger-haired player. Making a heavy-hearted decision, Hidden pulled back her hood. As her face came into view, her most prominent features was here face that was a ghostly pale in color and vivid violet eyes that stared intently into Mari's bright blue eyes. "Th-that sounds really nice. However, suffering is what I am used to. The suffering will end once I have met my goal so its something I must stay on the path too. I fear that if I go with you, I will stop and hide away from myself and my problems. If I fail and there isn't anywhere else to go I will come. I hope you understand that would make you even more of a criminal by association." 

Hidden would embrace Mari once more, bringing her into a tender hug to taste the warmth once more. "You know..." Her next words came out as a whisper. 

"You would make a great mother"

[Mari 1]

"You're not a monster."

Mari felt like the trembling form in her arms needed to hear those words more than anything right now; she had been there, she had broken down and lashed out at everyone around her because she always had people calling her a monster. Inhumane, and in a way - her actions did very much deem her as such on the surface - those people didn't know her, all they saw was an ever growing tally of death. "You shouldn't wish you weren't human, human beings are very...faulty."  That wasn't a very good word to use but Mari had never been good with them, saying the first things that entered her head often lead her into strife. "But humans have created wondrous and beautiful things, and we experience such highs along with those lows."

Hidden had mentioned something about Mari being a good mother... she missed her daughter....she missed her irrevocably so. "Ahh..." What was she to say to that? Her heart dropped. It was a ache that was grueling and unrelenting. A painful shard, a reminder of what she had - and would never have again. "Yeh, I get that a lot." Mari said softly to Hidden as she reached out and pushed strands of ebony hair behind Hidden's ear. Her voice soft and unwavering, never once betraying the ache set deep within the core of her being. Mari's hand came to rest atop the back of Hidden's head.

"Stay here as long as you need, I don't mind."

Mari frowned when Hidden denied her offer. Not because she was denied, but from the words that stemmed from a girl that was so beaten and torn that she honestly believed she deserved no better. "Now, now." Mari said - her tone turning stern. "That's a load of bullsh*t and you know it. You're crying because the world is being too much right now - and you're saying that you're just gonna waltz back down that path because it's convenient for you? I don't buy it." Mari reached out and placed her palms on either side of Hidden's face, cupping her tear soaked cheeks. "Everything about you right now screams and fights against that - I'm already a criminal, I very much doubt anyone is going to bat an eye if I help you. If they do f**k them. Hidden..." Mari sighed as the stern tone melted away from her voice. "You're ...delusional if you think your suffering will end after you've met some goal - it only ends by taking those steps forward and finding help. IT doesn't have to be from me, or your partner - but you cannot do this alone...don't shut yourself away like that." 

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

(Sorry for the short post)

"Human beings create somethings yes, but they cause more pain and suffering to themselves and others than any other species." The conversation at this point had become almost off topic. She was thankful for Mari supporting her emotionally, but it scared her how easily Mari opened up her emotions. It had been similar to opening a can. She had shut herself off from the world, only leaving a few paths through her mental defenses and it terrified her how easily Mari had found one. This woman forged her way through to her true self, the scared little girl behind the cloak. 

"You're ...delusional if you think your suffering will end after you've met some goal - it only ends by taking those steps forward and finding help. IT doesn't have to be from me, or your partner - but you cannot do this alone...don't shut yourself away like that." 

Hidden closed her eyes and shook her head. She was immediately retracting for those words. She didn't want to believe them. There was no way that they could be true. "Did you ever attempt to redeem yourself? Finding help can't be the way to do it. A few friends don't get you accepted again by the majority of the world. Once, I just wanted the world to respect me. Now I want them to acknowledge me as a person. I've done everything alone til now, how do you know that way is wrong if its the only thing you ever did? Didn't you say that you shut yourself away here?" 

[Mari 1]

"Yeh. They do." Mari agreed to Hiddens initial statement. "But that's the curse of being self aware - just as much good can come from humans, but we are so busy focusing on the bad. I know, I kinda do the same. It's really hard to focus on the positive things."


Hidden asked if Mari had attempted to redeem herself, Mari nodded. "Yeh..." Her words were quiet, and contemplative. She sighed as she shut her eyes; "A few times in the past, but it never ended well - now, it's...kinda working. I'm begining to understand why. There is one big difference between back then and now."  Mari reached out to Hidden and pushed bangs of black hair away from her cherub-like face. "Now, I have those few friends -and I know it doesn't seem like it now. I know because I've been where you are. I've had those same thoughts. But those few friends do make a difference. It's like a ripple effect."

Mari reached out with her other hand and cupped Hidden's face with the palm of her hands, letting the warmth from them leak into her pale skin.  "That's how I know. Because doing things alone, shutting yourself away... no one will be able to acknowledge you. It's scary, f**king terrifying but if you can find just one or two people to open up to, and to help you - that is what makes the difference."

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

"Its hard to see the good through the bad. That's probably just because I have a rather poor overlook of everything."

Mari began to mention how the main difference between now and back then was that she had a few people she could lean on and it made all the difference. "You're starting to sound like an anime, the power of friendship and all that conquer all," she giggled. The woman cupped her hands around her face, the warmth flooding into her face from Mari's gentle touch. She mentioned it was terrifying to be all alone in any world. She withdrew from the girl's hands walking a few steps away before. With a lighter mood, she would point at the orange-haired player with a smile and say, "Well, I guess that makes you Friend A. Now Friend A... whats the difference between you and every other player around? How does a friend help another out?" She hadn't had many legitimate friends before that she hadn't intended to leave or fake ones that just hung around her in the real world. She had been the quiet one in the friend group to complete the roles for the small group. They never talked to her much, they didn't help console through her home problems. 

[Mari 1]

"Well. Yeh." Mari said as she leaned back on her hands. "When life keeps throwing crap at you, it's only natural to focus on the negative." Hidden was.... a bit of a tough nut to crack, but then again - so was Mari. She literally had to have Macradon cram jolly cooperation and friendship down her throat on a near consistent basis before anything stuck. "I'm not sure on anime - but the whole friendship power and magic thing reminds me of that pony show my daughter used to watch." Mari said with a wry smile. She used to hate those terribly catchy songs. Not so much for the songs themselves - they weren't too bad, but it was the way they got stuck inside your head. Also the repetitive nature of them. Now...Mari would do anything to hear her daughter laughing at them again. Mari's eyes fell at the thought. That...kinda hurt.

But there were more pressing matters right now. Now, Hidden was laughing, an almost girlish giggle that Mari was happy to hear. Since she had to take a guess that Hidden didn't really laugh too often. "A friend helps..." Mari began as she pushed herself up off the ground, quickly dusting herself off. "By simply being there for the other - not blindly mind you. If you're gonna rush into something stupid or delve into a self hating spiral I'll have to either slap or pull you out of it. But at the end of the day, I'll still be there."

@Hidden

[Hidden 1]

"My little Pony? It has been years since I have heard of the show. I didn't get to watch a lot of shows, but I did manage to read like half of the books in my school library by the time that I came to Aincrad" the story behind that was she had absolutely nothing else to do other than read. Hidden's smile faded as she dawned on the countless hours reading in the dark. 'I've never thought of the opposite. Mari lost her daughter and I lost my mother. I wonder... I wonder what she would say...'

Mari's next words were lost in the wind and muffled by the sounds of the questions that rattled in Hidden's head. Friendship was far less important to her than the question that had haunted her for years and years. The answer to her question would settle every moment of self-torment she ever had about her mother. 

Hidden spoke, but her voice was faint. It was almost a whisper and with each word Hilda became more and more terrified of the answer. "Hey Mari? I'm sorry to bother you with this question. But... if you were caring for your daughter... say picking her up from daycare. And you died on the way t-to p-pick her up...." There was a long pause before the end of the question. "W-would you blame your daughter? Would you hate her for it? Would you-" Hidden broke off. she couldn't muster any more words. She was not even able to bring anymore tears to her eyes. 

[Mari 1]

Hidden didn't really respond to Mari's words, beyond a vague recollection of reading books based on the TV show; Mari didn't even know there were books - she was sure that Evelyn would have begged her for every single one if she had known too - but Evelyn was a little too young to be demanding books. Hiddens thoughts traveled elsewhere, and based on her words...it was not a very sound nor safe place.

"Hidden..." Mari began. "I don't think anyone would ever blame their daughter for that." Was that what happened to her? Her mother died? So Hidden was just blaming herself this whole time?  Mari reached out and placed her hands on Hiddens shoulders. "Hey-" She gently began. "Look at me." Mari paused waiting for Hidden's eyes to reach hers. "No mother - ever would blame their child for such an accident. Your mother doesn't hate you. Nor would she blame you. She'd want you to live. She'd want you to smile. You know that, right?" Her hands fell down to wrap around Hidden, pulling her into a light embrace.

"You're not alone."

@Hidden