[PP-F10] Mistakes of the Past

[Mari 1]

"You know you have the ability to change that right?" Mari asked him, her hand still gently running through his hair. "It's easier said than done, but opening up - talking to others. Small steps. Those small steps are all it takes yanno, even just being here like this now - that's..." She paused. "Kinda a pretty big step if ya ask me." Mari couldn't recall the last time she had even allowed herself to cry like this. To be able to unload everything she was carrying. Mari kept telling herself she hadn't had the chance to - that she didn't deserve to, and whilst she had cried quietly and briefly here and there - it was nothing like what Crozeph was going through now. "I know what that's like..." She said, this time more quietly, to herself more than to him - as Crozeph admitted he hadn't let himself grieve properly and that he wanted nothing more than to stay there with her for the time being.

Mari shifted so she could fold her legs under herself. She guided Crozeph so he could lower his head to rest in her lap if he needed; that would have been far more comfortable for the both of them. "Yeh." Mari said to his request, wishing she had more profound words to offer him. "Stay here like this as long as you need."

Mari wasn't sure she could keep that promise. How do you tell someone you never planned on making it out of the game? Mari lifted her eyes to the blackened ceiling above then slowly shut her eyes. That notion of hope, a life outside of here had become all but meaningless to Mari. If she let herself linger, she' see it as nothing more than a cruel fantasy. Nothing more than idle hopes and dreams. The day she lost her daughter was the day she lost any reason to return to the outside world. "I'll do my best to ensure no one else will take my life." That, would be the truth. If she were to stay within the confines of the game, be it through death or any other means - it'd be by her own terms. "There isn't an honour in death. If I were to so easily fall now it'd spit on the graves of those lives I took. I wanna fight for everything and everyone. I want to bring value, peace...I don't know...something into this place to make up for the so very many things I have taken..."  After that...after they reached the final boss...who knows - Mari told herself she would let herself fall in that final fight. That was a long way away. And things may change, but right now - someone needed her here.

Mari brushed strands of Crozephs hair away from his face, then opened her inventory to pull out a blood orange cape, she let it fall over him. Mari couldn't imagine it was too comfortable lying half on the ground like that, and the air within the cavernous floor had a chilly bite to it.  "As for my marker - we'll see." She whispered. "We'll see if the world thinks I deserve such a thing."  Mari didn't like the idea of just taking redemption, not without earning it. Crozeph had forgiven her, perhaps a little too easily, but he was a drop in an ocean of turbulent chaotic waters that she had caused. "For now, I hope that works for you." 

@Crozeph

[Crozeph 0]

Crozeph lowered his head as Mari guided his head to rest, for some reason he felt tired. Things like this bug Crozeph, it gets tiring for him to stay out of people's ways for their convenience, it's tiring to cry when everything is already weighing down on him, and it gets tiring to live at times but he always dismisses the idea. For now he is given the chance to rest, enough thinking of what to do, he only need to slowly let all of the things that tore inside him be free. he didn't mind the cold and damp feel of the floor, he'd rather be here than to sit and feel the heat of Floor 5. Tears still well up of Crozeph's eyes, it hasn't ended yet and the pain in his chest is still there yet subsiding. As he listened to Mari's assurance that she'll do her best not to die in vain Crozeph felt relief, he could at least hold on to that. Whatever will happen to her is something that is up to fate but Crozeph is yet to accept it. He held on to the simple thing of having his brother with him only to be taken away, he held on to what Azide would tell him and the whole guild of helping the players only to find out that he died in doing so. Now with Mari, he never thought he had the courage to ask it. Simply telling himself that he needs to join the frontlines or helping out won't cut it. He wanted, not needed, to hold on to someone. For how long as he can remember, he held onto his own sanity that fails at times. Now he held on Mari's arms, a person who he saw back then as a competent player. It was probably the reason why he was drawn to her and Azide. Competent enough to hold on to, thinking that he would never fear of losing them who is competent enough, or strong enough to live.

Crozeph bit his lip as tears pour down again while he rested on Mari's lap. "That..." Crozeph's voice grew weak "... that works for me" he told her. "I'm used to holding on to fleeting things but I guess with how I am now I was never used to losing what I held on to, I'm still crying here just thinking about it happening again" he told her. He never wanted to lose his brother but he just accepted it, no grieving, just live on and it was one of the stupid things that Crozeph tells himself. "Even if the world decided that you don't deserve it, I still think you do" he told her "my decision may just be a fragment against tens or hundreds of all who you've done wrong but it still counts" Crozeph's eyes felt heavy "I'll hold on to what you said, even if it seemed like a fleeting thing for me to hold, I wanted this and I have to be honest to myself."

What will happen next if after this they part ways? will Crozeph hear that some PKer with an orange hair died in the hands of another player with the same mark? die in the hands of a floor boss like Azide as they try to help free them all? Crozeph didn't know but for now he he held on to the warmth, which he might never have again.

@Mari

[Mari 1]

Mari gently continued to brush Crozeph's hair away. "I'm too stubborn to be fleeting." Mari said quietly. As he lay there Mari opened up her HUD - and sent him a friend request. "I have a home on the fourth floor, if you ever need to rest it's open to you." Mari closed her eyes, thinking of Baldur- and how he had always listened to her music. "Just follow the sounds of a gentle violin - or of a trail of angry swear words. Both would lead to me." She managed to joke. Jokes... a defense mechanism she'd started recently, awkward irrelevant jokes, usually in the form of puns or cringy wordplay.  In any case - it seemed to work. Her gentle ministrations had began to ease the tension and pain from his shoulders.  

It was strange, in a way - Crozeph had been far stronger than her. He'd manage to break down, and open up the moment he had something to cling onto. He was able to grieve - he was able to put his faith into someone, even if that someone had been the cause of that grief. A part of Mari envied that - she wished she had the ability to let those walls crumble down, but she had yet to find that someone she could curl into. She had yet to find something to cling to so desperately as she leeched their warmth. Mari knew just how lonely and painful that was. How it felt like someone was gripping your heart and twisting it in twain. It's why she was so adamant on helping others. If she could be that person. If she could be that warmth, she'd throw every part of herself away. She'd give it all - she'd be that comfort. That strength.

Mari drew in a deep breath. It worked for Hikoru...so maybe, just maybe... "Words...are born into air..." The song was slow, and needed no musical accompaniment. In this moment it was only Mari and Crozeph, her voice echoing ever so slightly within the desolate and cavernous floor.  It was something she had sung to her daughter the last few nights she had custody of her. He was so tired. She could see it in how his shoulders sag, in the darkness beneath his eyes, and feel it in the knots of his hair. She didn't say it, but sang it.

'I'm here, and not going anywhere anytime soon.

@Crozeph

[Crozeph 0]

Crozeph has stopped his tears, resting on her lap must've been a different feeling from sleeping on the floor in his shop as he tries to figure things out on where to start. Mari's words grew more faint as each minutes passes "I'm tired? that's unusual" he thought. He heard Mari's words about her home on floor 4. "Thank you Mari, for this, for listening, and for the hug" Crozeph eyes grew heavier "I'm sorry if I tried to injure your wrist, not that I have the stren..." Crozeph dozed off for a few seconds. He wanted to thank her for being there just as his resilience to all the pain in his heart was taken from him. Mari offered a warmth that Crozeph long for yet he kept on denying to himself, a contradictory that he is yet to erase. He managed to have someone to hold on to, for how long he didn't care as long as he can he will. What if he loses that someone again? Crozeph didn't entertain such thoughts, He lived by being out of everyone's field of vision. A convenience to some but not for him yet he accepted it, it was the only way he could think of. Now he gets a chance to be selfish for once, asking something he never had the courage to ask "please stay for a moment" he uttered calmly and his eyes more drooping than before.

As his eyes grew weaker his ears however picked up something so pleasant, a soothing voice. There was no instrument yet it sounded complete. It has been a long while, a very long while since he heard a song. He sang to himself at times as he sat alone in his shop or when he wandered around the floor but this one its sound added the warmth that Crozeph felt "just for once, let me feel this and remember it"  he thought. As the voice echoed, the pain in his chest completely vanished and his hand clutching his yukata weakened and fell on the ground. It was time for him to rest, not just physically but in everything that he has put to so much for the sake of who cherishes. Some of them died while some are far from him and beyond reach. A new one just beside him and it matters as much as his desire to protect what little he have. a friend request appeared before Crozeph but he was already sleepy and as he tried to reach out to accept, the song had already taken its effect and soon Crozeph closed his eyes and probably the most peaceful sleep he'll ever have in a while. Before the last of his consciousness drifts away, Crozeph uttered words he wasn't able to tell her the last time they met.

"Thank you, guild leader"

@Mari

Edited April 15, 2020 by Crozeph

[Mari 1]

REWARDS

All players receive 
200 Col
2 SP (Thread + Bonus)