[E3/SP/F21]More Spiders, I Guess <<Nature's Treasure>>

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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More sustainable solutions were in order. Both for him and everyone that he helped. Encouragement was helpful, sometimes even necessary. But it did little to truly motivate. Oscar was just one man. He could not possibly fill the needs of an ever-burgeoning population. At a certain point, just as he was responsible seeking his own order, they too were responsible for improving their circumstances. It was time to step back from the forefront and help them take control for themselves. With any luck, both Oscar and those he spent so much time and energy aiding would both grow for it. He was under no delusion however. It wouldn't be easy. The first step never was. But without doing this - catalyzing his metamorphosis - he would never get anywhere. With his escaping this game being his chief goal, Oscar simply could not afford not to prioritize his own well-being. It would only get more difficult from here.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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The first step actually coincided with his current goal at the moment. The time that he was spending here, slaying meaningless spiders, was time that he wasn't feeding the homeless and orphaned. People might think him cold for it, but the charity was over. It wasn't exasperation, frustration, or feeling taken for granted that brought this decision about. It was simply time for the people of Floor One to stand on their own two feet. Oscar couldn't carry them. That didn't mean that he would turn them away, but his priorities had to change. The Labyrinth Guardian would be brought low any day now and the Raid Boss would be accessible at any moment. After meeting Baldur, he realized that as skilled as he was, that didn't make up for tactical mastery. He couldn't even predict what a 14-year-old boy would do at this point - a skill that he'd let stagnate.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Oscar never in his wildest dreams imagined that he would ever wish that he was still as streetwise as he was in his youth. He never imagined this because he knew what it took in order to develop that skill. And yet, he would need to find some way to reconcile the man he was now with what he used to be. For all of his desire to keep the people around him safe, the surest-fire way to do it would be to take a long walk off of a short cliff. If Oscar wasn't in the picture, then Tyson would have no reason to go after anyone. A relief, then, that he wasn't so self-sacrificing that he considered the idea even remotely appealing.

I like living.

A thought with such clarity had never before crossed his mind. Such an obvious statement never warranted being put into words. At least, he never considered saying it to be particularly important.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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I like living carried with it a certain finality that, up until this point, Oscar had been utterly deprived of. His mind, formerly abuzz with a chaotic storm of thoughts and concerns, began to wrap itself around the concept. As it sank into the depths of his mind like an anchor. He was as a spectator to his own actions. While he found himself on the precipice of a major psychological breakthrough, he still went through the motions of what he had come here to do. He cast his line into the water, his hook sinking into the depths as he fought with himself. As the calm descended upon his mind, he realized that he didn't need to return to who he used to be in order to combat this threat to himself and his friends. He still possessed the skills he developed from living on the streets. They had been etched into the very core of his being. It was his existence and he had the power to choose what it was and how he operated.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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His biggest fear had been by tapping into his past, he would have to live his present behind. He had made the mistake of placing the man he was now on a pedestal. As if that was the only thing he was. A product of luck, compassion, and hard work. By denying who he used to be - someone who would survive by any means necessary, he had created a schism in his mind. It was impossible for him to reconcile the good he did without acknowledging the bad that had motivated him. It called everything into question. Did he do the things he did because he was a good person or because he wanted people to think that he was good? He'd never been one to really, overtly take into consideration what other people thought of him. Was it possible, despite that, on a subconscious level he was forcing his darker side down out of a fear of what other people would think about him if they were armed with the knowledge of his past?

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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It was, after all, a bell that could not be unrung. If they knew the things that he did to survive in his youth, they may justify it. But they would still know exactly what Oscar was capable of. The things he would be willing to do when the chips were down and he was left with no choice. Did he have it in him - so many years later - to go there again? If his back was truly to the wall, what would he do? Now that he was a man, how far would he be willing to go?

"As far as is necessary. It's not just about me anymore."

The thought hit him like a ton of bricks. It caused him so much pause that two of the spiders he was currently entrenched in combat with managed to actually hit him. As he had feared, his baser instincts were still as strong as ever.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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He took a pause for a moment. He couldn't afford to let himself get so distracted that he let these spiders whittle his health bar down to zero. His eyes narrowed to an icy glare as he reaffirmed his grip on Tesseleth's Fury. He let fly an Explode Catapult, catching three of the four spiders in front of him. Something had stoked his rage, he realized as he carved through their ranks with his axe. He didn't remember ever letting himself get this angry in recent memory. There was something about being right at the edge of probably the biggest mental breakthrough of your life that made any distractions that much more infuriating. He absolutely hated the thought that these spiders had been so lucky that they had struck him hard enough to bring him out of his very important work on himself. As the spiders shattered, Oscar struggled to keep hold of all of it.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Like water through his fingers, he felt it all slip away. He roared in frustration as he brought Tesseleth's Fury down in a wide arc and executed the lone remaining spider. His face contorted into a scowl as kicked the remnant of the arachnid towards the nearest rock formation. The mangled spider sailed through the air and shattered against the rock. "F--king b-stard," Oscar growled. Fury still burning through his veins, Oscar collected his loot and made his way towards the next group. If he couldn't make any headway on the important stuff, he'd double down on this whole spider genocide thing. At the very least, it might give him an outlet for all of this newfound rage. Oscar often found himself surprised by the extent to which he simply did not know himself. He never fathomed that he could display this level of aggressive rage. If he were being completely honest with himself, it was preferable to being sad all of the time.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Oscar descended upon the next congregation of spiders like a beast. Instead of precise cuts, carefully aimed to hit as many creatures as possible with one swing, he waded into their midst, hacking and slashing as he did. Spiders were blasted about in all directions. Oscar provided them no quarter to adequately counterattack. One spider leaped at him, aiming one limb at his chest. Oscar wheeled around and knocked it back down to the ground with a downward punch. Other spiders, upon trying to hit him, were given a similar treatment. There was a voice in his head - an inaudible whisper - that tugged him back. He knew that he was letting things get out of hand. But he also knew that pumping the brakes would only result in more of the same sadness and anguish as he had come to be accustomed to. He very much didn't want to go back to that.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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His rage was red-hot and explosive. It billowed out from his breast and seared through his veins. He felt untouchable, unstoppable. That if he hit something hard enough, it would crumble before him.

That's stupid.

Ignoring the thought, Oscar pushed on and continued the fight. He found himself reveling in the carnage he was unleashing. As he gave his rage an outlet, it seemed only intensify the "high" he was experiencing. A feedback loop of aggression. The more aggressive he was, the more aggressive he wanted to be.

Really stupid, actually.

"SHUT UP!" Oscar's voice echoed through his immediate surroundings like a sudden gunshot. It was so forceful that it even startled himself. He was met with a sudden silence, one that made the voice in his head that much louder.

I can't believe I'm forgetting Rule One.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Rule One was the most important and very first lesson that the Major had ever said. In his youth, Oscar had been ruled by his anger, much like he was right now. It was simple. But, when the Major explained the thought behind it, it was the most powerful of the lessons. Oscar took a steadying breath and put his weapon away. The fury he had felt ebbed away, returning to the core of his being. Once there, he put a lid on it.

"Rule your anger," he whispered softly.

It was strange how all of his solution had some level of control attributed to them. The outburst he'd just had was a slipping of the mask. It made him realize that he hadn't really been following Rule One as closely as he should have been. The anger had always been there, he simply bottled it up. It was controlled only in the sense that it was never used. The whole point of ruling his anger was to put it to better use.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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And Oscar had a lot to be angry over. But ultimately, nothing got him so enraged as how profoundly he had failed Tyson. He couldn't bring himself to hate the boy over the way he reacted. After all, as far as he was concerned, Oscar had abandoned him. To say nothing of the fact that Oscar thought he was dead. It was utterly irrelevant. He had to fix this. And like that, Oscar committed himself to Tyson's game - heart and soul. The only way to get through to the kid would be to outplay him. The first parts of a plan began to formulate. Most importantly, Oscar would have to make Tyson think he was in an advantageous situation. He felt the rage burning in his breast spreading again. This time, instead of exploding outward in an instant, it was a slow burn. It merely served to fuel and motivate Oscar to figure out exactly how he was going to win.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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How can I possibly be this self-aware and still lack the ability to treat my depression?

Oscar realized as he engaged in combat once again that he had a certain level of control over himself that most people simply lacked. A good chunk of the world didn't have the ability to control their anger so with such skill. They weren't capable of meaningful introspection - at least as far as motivating themselves to actually change went. But then again, it wasn't as if depression was a mere state of mind. That would make things easier, honestly. If he were able to simply fix it by changing his outlook, he felt like it would have been done by now. There were many moving parts. First and foremost, he couldn't let it catch up with him. He was very good at denying certain facets of his nature. Why, then, couldn't he do the same with this?

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Of course, that was only the tip of the iceberg. The first line of defense. Making it as difficult as possible for it to emerge from the deepest recesses of his mind was only the beginning. He couldn't simply bottle it all up and pretend that everything was fine and that it didn't exist. If he did that, then it was altogether too likely that he would find himself in a far worse position than he would otherwise find himself in. It was at this point that Oscar realized that his own self-awareness did provide him with the foundation he needed to create certain plans that would be executed in response to certain outcomes. Not allowing it purchase in his mind was the first of those things. But, invariably, it would find a way to claw itself to the forefront of his mind. He fired off a half-hearted Explode Catapult. There was no denying at this point that he was distracted. But, at the very least, he was still managing to make the grind work.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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While being stuck in his own head resulted in him not fighting at his highest capacity, there was a certain element of fear that he no longer had when it came to fighting these creatures. He doubted that there was any reality in which they could concievably kill him. Between his Mitigation and his passive regeneration abilities, Oscar was nigh-unkillable by any ordinary mob. It created a situation in which he was forced inward and made to address the many, many cracks in his psyche that he had allowed to form over the past twenty-odd years. It wasn't a cohesive thing. Where he had been considering what to do about Tyson, how far he would be willing to go to win, he was now onto his underlying depression. No one issue seemed to be getting decisively resolved, but progress was being made on all of them. He half-expected everything to just fall into place at some point.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Of course, the professional in him knew that such a feat would be impossible. Mental change, much like the physical, required hard work, dedication, and incremental progress. But by being afforded the opportunity to think so long and hard on so many different issues, those same issues were moved closer and closer towards healthy. The needle was shifting, the flow had completely changed. He even found himself becoming more and more capable of splitting his focus. For the first time since this introspection began, Oscar was consciously aware of him actually initiating combat with another group of spiders. He waded in and began slicing and dicing, cleaving through their ranks. After his initial strike, Oscar danced in between their counterattacks. They missed him by a mile. It seemed that he was becoming more focused the more he fought. As he put his issues to bed, his efficacy increased in proportion. It was amazing how much damage a mental block could do.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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For once, Oscar was able to conclude a round of combat without missing one of his enemies. Such an occurrence had become something of a rarity at this point. As the spiders shattered and left behind those glimmering loot spots Oscar let out a sigh of relief and busied himself with collecting everything. He took a moment to take stock of where he was at right now, surprised when he noticed the sheer volume of Col and Materials he had managed to claim for himself. He still had something of a ways to go before he had finished grinding up all of the eggs he needed. But he had definitely made some headway. Maybe one million Col wasn't out of his reach now? That would be quite the achievement if he managed to make it happen. In any case, it was time to wait out his energy restoration. He'd just have to wait for the next realization to wash over him and occupy him for the new few ~~posts~~ minutes.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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Where was I? Oscar thought as he cast his line out into the lake. He waited for a moment, hoping for inspiration to come. It had washed over him so freely previously. Yet, now that he was resolved to put in the work, the threads that he had latched onto were nowhere to be found. Oscar sighed and shook his head as he felt a tug on his line. With a firm tug, his catch was pulled from the depths. Six eggs, four materials. Not bad. He swiped his right hand and conjured his menu. He scrolled through the seemingly endless lists until he found the item he was looking for. In the air before him, a bottle of dark-colored liquid manifested. He flicked the cap off of the bottle with his thumb and took a long drink from the bottle. The bubbly liquid passed over his lips and down his throat. He slowly pulled the bottle away from his lips and clicked his tongue. Warren was right, I nailed that one.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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One of Oscar's pastimes recently had been doing his utmost to recreate popular American sodas through taste alone. So far, he'd only succeeded in creating one. As he polished off his drink, he cast his line back into the lake. It was damn refreshing. It was also quite nostalgic. Reminded him of the good ol' days. By that, of course, he meant the times when he didn't have a NerveGear strapped to his head and was lying - presumably - in a hospital somewhere.

They aren't going to come back.

That was a sobering thought. Though, not exactly false either. Even if he made it out of here, nothing would ever be the same. Everyone was an idealized version of themselves here. A blank slate with infinite potential. The sky was, literally, the limit within the confines of this world. Could he ever really go back to the real world after this? The more he settled in, the more he overlooked the obvious differences between this real and virtual. As that happened, he found himself more at home here than he had ever been in the real world.

Oscar · April 16, 2020

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He felt a little guilty at that realization. All the work everyone in his life had put in to help him and he was perfectly willing to throw it all away to stay here in this world. Early warning signs of addiction, I suppose. Oscar had never been one for video games. It was the type of hobby that was cultivated in one's youth. It rather necessitated the presence of parents, a house, and generally normal childhood things most people took for granted. Because he never had any of those things and spent his formative years fighting for survival on the streets, he never had much of an interest in them. Tyson, on the other hand, loved them. If only to keep him out of her hair, he mother bought him whatever secondhand system would keep him distracted. It was Tyson that suggested that they originally play this game together. Oscar hadn't been certain about it, but after Tyson had saved up the money from working his part-time job, there was no way he could deny the child's excitement.

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[E3/SP/F21]More Spiders, I Guess <<Nature's Treasure>>

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