[PP-F4] Discordant Meetings

[Mari 1]

"I- I mean..." Mari sighed. She was about to tell Shield that she kinda deserves an interrogation - but the words caught in her throat. No - that's not what he needed to hear, and that isn't what she needed to keep telling herself. "He can ask whatever he wants." Mari said as she watched Shield load up her plate. Had she been through a lot? She supposed she had. Mari watched him place various different rolls on her plate. "It's...really hard to keep retelling it." Mari admitted. "I feel...like every time I do, I find a new reason to hate myself - a new reason to question everything." Her fingers thrummed against the Kotatsu. "I keep thinking - what if I had done things differently. I know its counter productive to have those thoughts but..."

As Shield placed the plate down in front of her Mari pushed herself up and away from the Kotatsu - shifting to the window on the back wall. "You know I built this cottage here for a number of reasons. It's where-" She paused. "It's near where Tom died - and on the other side of that lake?" Mari pressed her forefinger against the glass, she knew where it was - although one wouldn't see it from the cabin. "That's where his grave his - it's a small stone shrine with an oil burning fire - you'd think it'd be extinguished due to the climate - but since this is a game....heh..." Mari pressed her forehead against the window. "Its important to be remembered." She said quietly. There were other reasons she had built the cabin there - but Toms Grave was a large factor. Mari turned away from the window, rubbing her arms.

Mari found a seat back at the kotatsu and stared down at the plate of food - she was hungry...but...she didn't feel like eating. Still Mari picked up her chopsticks and went for the fatty salmon. "You can tell him I'm ready whenever he is." Mari said to Shield before placing the piece of sushi into her mouth - meat side down on her tongue.

It practically melted in her mouth. Mari almost wished the rice wasn't there - so she could enjoy the sweet salivating taste of the fatty meat. Mari closed her eyes and let it sit in her mouth, savoring the flavour. This...was amazing. "Wow." Mari whispered under her breath/

@Beat

Edited May 10, 2020 by Mari

[Beat 0]

Beat used his spear to carve shapes into the snow surrounding Mari's house. They were nothing specific, simply something to distract him enough to be able to think clearly. The chill from the outdoors was almost negligible as Beat went though everything he had just heard. It was hard to believe how tragic her life in the game had been.

So many different people in her life also in the game, targeting her or her daughter, people asking her to kill them, potion induced murder rampages...she could be dangerous.

He could not see her as a murderous player killer, though her judgement left a lot to be desired. What happens when she is forced to make another choice like that? The idea of her having to make another choice about someone else's life did not sit well with him. The thought of her making life-impacting decisions in the middle of a boss fight was also considerably uncomfortable. She needs...something...to help her when this happens

Beat closed his eyes as he thought back to his ordeal with the player traders. Forcing captured players to fight for their lives. Trading people as property or worse. It was painful and to say Beat had not truly dealt with that ordeal was an understatement, but he knew that the one thing that had helped him get to the stability he currently had was his Shield. While not the best councilor, Shield's grounded, stubborn viewpoint had helped keep Beat from diving off of the deep end, at least so far. The time alone with my own thoughts is the hard part. 

Beat's brow furrowed as he felt a small knot form in his stomach. It was a sort of longing he didn't understand, but he somehow knew that is had to do with Mari. Emotional intelligence was something Beat was slowly understanding, but this was something new for him. He shook his head and attributed it to the trip down memory lane he was going through. He stabbed his spear into the ground as he scolded himself.

Don't need to be dragging people into that. It's in the past! Thinking about it isn't going to help...stupid

@Mari

@Shield

 

Edited May 11, 2020 by Beat

[Shield 0]

Shield kept his eye on Mari, listening to her thoughts. He let her talk herself out before picking up one last piece of maki. "You know, 'what if' are two of the cruelest words that someone can use on themselves." He turned the little disc of sushi over in his hands, noting the fine craftsmanship that went into its construction. "Grief... and regret... those are feelings that have to do with the past, but we can't apply them to the past because the past can't be changed. All we can do is apply them now, in the present, so that in the future we won't have so many of those moments."

With that, he stood and crossed over to the door. He swung it open, immediately squinting against the cold. Beat wasn't far. Shield cleared his throat to get his attention before motioning with his head that they were ready to continue. It was difficult in this moment to read him and know exactly how he was feeling, but 'murderous' was not a word that seemed to lend itself to his demeanor, so he decided it was best to not say anything.

I think from here they just need to sort it out. To figure out whatever it is they need to get out.

He stood aside, making enough room for Beat to pass, eager to close the door once again against the cold.

[Mari 1]

"And yet..." Mari said quietly. "I can't seem to stop asking myself those two very words - I do try but..." Mari shrugged. "Habbits are hard to break." Mari's eyes lifted to the door as she thought about Shields words. Grief and Regret. It seemed like Beat was experiencing some of that too - Her eyes lingered on the door as Shield lifted himself up and headed over to it. This...couldn't be all about her. That wasn't fair. Beat's words repeated themselves in her head.

You and I both know what that feels like.

He had taken a life before, in what capacity Mari did not know - but it seemed to plague him, bother him. How would such a thing not bother someone? How long had he kept that to himself? Left such a heavy thing for himself to bear alone?

Death is light as a feather, duty heavy as a mountain.'

Mari stood, removing herself from the Kotatsu. If Beat was anything like Shield - she knew he would hate the cold. With a flourish she had pulled a thick, royal blue blanket from her inventory. She dragged it across the ground as she headed past Shield and straight out the door, down the porch steps and toward Beat. He looked like he was digging around in the snow - hunched over. Cold. 

"Hey." Mari said, making herself known. She glanced over her shoulder at Shield and gave him a small nod of affirmation before turning back to Beat, she carefully draped the thick blanket around his shoulders before crouching down next to him. "I'm..." She paused, what should she say to him? Mari turned to glance at him. He seemed...almost at war with himself. Mari reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but paused. Her hand lingered in the air just before him. Maybe...that wouldn't be for the best. He probably didn't want her comfort. Instead, Mari pulled her hand away and shoved it into her lap. 

"You know what scares me the most?" Mari asked as she shifted her gaze to the white snowy scene before them. "I'm afraid of falling. Of Failing. I'm terrified that - I don't know..." Mari reached out to trace a small circle in the snow with her forefinger. "I don't ever. Ever want to have to take another life again. But I'm afraid. What if I'm put in that position? How will I save them? I'm afraid I won't be strong enough to save them." She said quietly.  "A wise man once told me - death is light as a feather, duty heavy as a mountain. In the heat of the moment, it seems so easy to make that decision - but in reality. It's not. It's something we must live with for the rest of our lives. If I can help it. I want to make sure no one has to live with that duty."

It was cold, and the snow was gently falling around the two - sitting close, almost close enough for their shoulders to touch but Mari was mindful of keeping her distance. She didn't want to make him nervous - to have him flinch from her touch. She closed her eyes. She didn't want to relive that again. "That's...something you need to live with too, right?"  She turned her face toward Beat. "I won't pry."  Mari knew better than anyone how painful it was to relive such a decision. "Just...you're not alone, yanno? So- Did...you want to come back inside?" She asked.

@Beat @Shield

Edited May 11, 2020 by Mari

[Beat 0]

Beat only barely registered Shield's cough and continued to stare at the snow where he had stabbed his spear down. His mind was going numb as his vision tunneled away until everything was black. He could see health bars draining and hear the screams of the slavers' victims. Not everyone he had killed had earned their death, though, if he hadn't killed them, he would have been killed himself. He had done what he needed to do to make sure every one of the slavers got what was coming to them. Right? They had earned their demise, they deserved to pay for the lives they stole. I had no choice...they had to pay and if it wasn't me, then who-

Hi

Beat suddenly heard a softer voice speak from close by and then felt something draping over his shoulders. His vision returned and he was back in the present. He felt the soft embrace of the blanket and pulled it tighter around himself. He slowly turned his head and was surprised to see a much less fragile Mari speaking to him. The girl who had been crying and having to relive her past was now comforting him. Why? She barely knows who I am...

His eyes widened as he listened to her. Their experiences were not exactly the same, but they both understood what it meant to take a life. They were both haunted by their pasts. She gets it... The fear of falling, of failing and the desire to never take have to take another life. Mari's words resonated with Beat in a way he could not understand, but he could feel the darkness in his mind seem to ebb away. What is going on?

The knot in his stomach returned with increased intensity as he nodded to her offer of walking back inside. Beat felt a strange urge to offer his hand to her as he stood up, but he resisted as he gave her a small smile, "Yeah, it's freezing out here." Beat avoided Shield's eyes as he worked to collect himself, though he was visibly shaken. He took deep breaths as he removed his winter gear and hastily took his seat at the komatsu again, feeling the warmth fill his body. Another sigh of relief escaped him as he lifted his chopsticks and took a few more bites, savoring the flavor that only a well marbled piece of salmon sashimi could provide. He felt his nerves begin to settle as he waited for everyone to take their seats. I'm not alone...?

@Shield

@Mari

 

Edited May 12, 2020 by Beat

[Shield 0]

Shield sat back at the table and took a moment to properly fill up his plate this time. Before he had just been snacking and refueling. In a way, it was a show of good faith that this was a friendly gathering. Now, he was actually loading up his plate because he was hungry and because the food was good. He took the rest of the roll he had been working on as well as a few pieces of salmon. Some of them he wondered if Beat had intentionally avoided to eat them last. He didn't take all of those choice pieces, but he definitely took some of them. He did notice that his tea was low and getting to be a little cool after the pause.

"Mari," he said, holding out his mug, "would you mind warming my cup?" He gestured towards the pot. Overall, he felt like the tension in the room had evaporated, and the kotatsu was now the perfect place to gather and to settle things peacefully. He was glad that he had taken the situation with a hint of caution, but he was even more glad that now that caution seemed to have been unnecessary. While he waited for Mari to respond to his request, the took a piece of maki and stuffed it in his cheek, working on it slowly as every settled back into place. He gave Beat a glance and one to Mari as well, just to visually check that everyone was alright. Things were definitely different than they had been, which so far seemed to be a good thing.

[Mari 1]

He didn't say anything to her; at least - not with words. He thanked her by grabbing the blanket and pulling it tighter around his frame. Mari gave him a weak smile. She did this. She always did this - when things were becoming too much for her, she'd often just push it all down and focus on those around her. She felt small, frail. And if Mari stopped even for a second she was afraid that she'd crumble and break. So - she just didn't stop. Ever.  Mari didn't know Beat well enough to know what he was going through or how he was coping. But she knew herself enough to see certain traits of hers mimicked in others actions.

"Being in our own head -it's the most dangerous place to be sometimes." She knew it, she knew it all too well - being alone with her own thoughts, that's when things turned dark. That's when she began to question herself - those around her, and her worth. It was those times, where Mari wondered if the world would be better off without her, if there would be much less pain and suffering if she were to just disappear off the edge of Aincrad - a blip then poof. Nothing more.

The two sat there, side by side in near silence till Beat finally stood - offering Mari the faintest of smiles as he turned and headed inside. Mari waited. She wanted to make sure she had the strength to continue first. She took a deep breath and wiped errant strays of cold tears from her face before standing and joining the others within her own home. Mari gently shut the door behind them. Both were sitting at her Kotatsu, safe - warm - enjoying the meal before them. It was almost like the intense words of before had never happened - at least from a quick glance.

"would you mind warming my cup?"

Mari nodded and approached the table, picking up the small pot of tea that sat at the center of the table and carefully topped off Shields cup, then Beats, and finally her own. Mari rejoined them at the table. She picked up her chopstick and prodded the food upon her plate gently. There were a few slices of sashimi there - marbled and rich. Mari felt almost guilty to indulge in something so decadant.  "Thanks for this." Mari gestured to Beat as she picked up the sashimi and placed it in her mouth. She chewed quietly. Wondering what questions would come.

@Beat @Shield

[Beat 0]

No, thank you...

Something inside Beat felt grateful to Mari, though the reason for this feeling eluded him. Beat was pleased to see that everyone had enjoyed his cooking and he couldn't help but give Mari a small nod and a smile as she indulged her appetite. Beat's trip down memory had certainly shaken him, but his nerves were now more or less settled and he looked across the table at the woman who had gone through a similar, but at the same time, very different tragedy. "So, it's pretty clear to me that you don't have the heart of a killer. I understand why Shield was able to vouch for you." Beat said warmly. He figured that his statement was somewhat obvious, but he wanted to clear the air given Shield's comments from before. 

We're through the hard part now, I hope. 

"So, the past is behind us, but what still worries me is the future. I guess the real question is: How much of your past is not yet buried?" He said calmly, but with a hint of concern. Tragedy rarely struck the same individual so many times  with such intensity and Beat almost felt selfish thinking about himself during all of this. "Do you think the front lines will ever have to deal with anyone coming after you?"

@Shield

@Mari

Edited May 13, 2020 by Beat

[Shield 0]

Shield gave a brief nod of thanks and took a sip to help wash down the piece of maki in his mouth, the smooth flavor of the tea complementing the richness of the roll very nicely. Perhaps there was something to be said for their food pairing so nicely, but he chalked it up to Mari being an excellent host and Beat being an excellent cook. He continued working his way through his mouthful as the questions began.

They were certainly not softballs. They were sensible, they didn't seem to be overstepping the boundaries of the meeting - though when the intent of the meeting is to ask probing questions, that wasn't necessarily saying much. Still, Beat was right to at least have these questions on his mind. After all, it wouldn't only be the front lines who would need to deal with that situation, it would also be the guild that he and Mari were forming along with their friends. Shield swallowed his bite and went next for the salmon. He preferred not to start with salmon, which was why he had gone first for the maki. It was best to save the best food for last. For now, that was his role in the conversation - enjoying the food and listening.

[Mari 1]

"B-but they shouldn't be burried!" Mari blurted out. She inwardly flinched - things seemed to have been going well, and here she was, quite possibly unraveling all of that. "These are things I need to deal with. I need to take care of. Those names on that monument shouldn't be buried or forgotten...I wanna...I wanna carry them with me. Always." Mari placed the chopsticks down on the table in front of her. "I can't bury nor forget what I have done. Nor should I. I'm working...on trying to do better, to make up for things - and to ensure that no one has to make decisions like I had...but...." Mari wasn't sure if what she was saying was right - but it was what she felt, and believed. So with a trembling breath Mari continued. "I do believe that...people are beginning to see that now. It seems those who hate me, are the minority."  As much as Mari disagreed with that, she had met far more people who wanted to work with her, help her, or understand her than those who wanted her dead.

Beat asked her about the frontlines and Mari felt that same twist within her chest. It was a hard question, but it was also one that had to be answered.

"I don't know." Mari admitted. "I don't know if someone will come after me again - I know the Azure Brigade wanted me dead, but the man who spearheaded it is no longer alive." She shut her eyes. "I know many within the front lines, and most are okay with my presence - but...if someone comes after me...especially in the heat of a boss battle..." Mari shifted uncomfortably. She didn't like the idea of fights among players breaking out in such a place.

"I'd have to take that burden too. I'd carry it.  If I could, I'd draw it away from the frontlines. And if the outcome is my death then all I'd ever ask of anyone is to look after them." Mari paused. Realizing that both Shield and Beat would have no idea what she was talking about. A small trembling hand found its way to her hair, curling a finger round and round ginger locks. "The people, their graves. The lives I took - I just...I want someone to remember them. I don't want them to be forgotten." She mumbled. That was all she wanted from her death, to not have those lives she had taken be forgotten. Not have them be another statistic. Mari didn't even care too much about the prospect of her death. It wasn't like there was anything waiting for her outside this place. Mari wasn't suicidal by any means - but she also wasn't planning on leaving Aincrad - she'd fight up until the very last boss if she had to - but she - did she deserve anything outside of this digital prison?

@Beat @Shield
 

[Beat 0]

Beat's eyes widened as Mari seemed to take great exception to his words. Perhaps buried was the wrong word? He was somewhat aware of how awkward or inappropriate he could be in social situations, having done very little of it outside of a video game, so the feeling that he had said something wrong came over him. Still, he listened as she spoke since she was indeed addressing his concern. As she finished, Beat leaned forward, looking into her eyes, "Buried isn't the same as forgotten. We can't forget our pasts, but we can try to make sure we learn from them and that they never come back to haunt us." 

Trust me. I'd love to forget...

As he thought about the second part of her answer, feelings that had come up while he had been outside began to simmer again, but this time, he pushed them down as he spoke, "I don't know that you need to carry that burden alone." Beat's jaw set as his fist clenched under the table, "Anyone that comes after another player on the front lines will deal with me." He leaned back a bit and relaxed for a moment before continuing, "To be honest, I don't have anything outside of this game, but the things other people are fighting to get back to matter. What are you fighting for?"

@Shield

@Mari

Edited May 13, 2020 by Beat

[Shield 0]

Shield leaned forward a little as the intensity of the conversation rose. The fingers of both his hands knit together and he leaned on his elbows. He didn't have a say in this portion of the conversation. Aside from mobs and field bosses, he had not ended anything in SAO, and particularly not a human life. His words would not be as meaningful as what they might be able to offer each other. Cautiously, he took a piece of nigiri and silently popped it into his mouth, chewing silently as the two bantered back and forth. 

At Beat's sentiments, he settled back into his chair once again, taking his tea and sipping at the warm, mellow liquid as quietly as he could. Not too long ago, he felt like he was out of the woods, but it seemed there was still a lot of intense discussion yet to be had. The oddity of this moment was not lost on him. Two complete strangers having to discuss with one another the very worst things they had ever done and try to make peace with each other, when in a lot of ways the question of whether they had made peace with themselves did not have a simple answer.

[Mari 1]

At Beats words, Mari realized her faux paux - she got a little...over zealous in his wording. She mumbled, cheeks red with embarrassment - emotions were here and she felt tightly wound - so much so that she felt she would snap with the slightest pull and everything holding her together would come crashing down. "S-Sorry. I got a little..." She shifted her gaze away. "I Guess you'd know how it is." She mumbled. Admitting you were wrong, and apologizing. It was hard - especially for Mari. Who felt she never really had the right words to say. "I mean. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." She finally added. Hoping that would suffice. 

Mari turned to Shield, he was quiet - did he not have something to say? Did he feel left out? Mari knew he said he was here as a mediator of sorts, and that for the most part the conversation was for both her and Beat - but even so...the concern she had for him was evident on her scrunched, freckled features. Mari hoped he was okay, but right now - wasn't the time to address or ask that. She turned her bloodshot blue eyes back to Beat. 

"I think...no matter how hard we try, how high we climb - things can and will always haunt us. But I think -" Mari paused as she gave Shield a small nod. "I think, that's when we can turn to those around us to help lean on." She gestured to Beat and Shield. "You're not alone." She reiterated her point from earlier. Mari's hands lowered to the table, as she fiddled with her own fingers, unsure if she should say the next words or not. He was a near stranger to her - Mari didn't really know Beat. But...she knew what it was like. Trying to carry everything on your own. Not being able to talk to others - out of fear of putting the burden on them. "Y-You..." Her voice was small, nervous - and try as she might she couldn't quite match his gaze. Almost afraid of what she'd see reflected in it. "You can talk to me too, if you need." She added.

No one deserves to be alone

Mari turned to look into Beat's eyes when he spoke words she didn't expect - her eyes widened when he said she shouldn't carry it alone. But she had. Even with the Pillars - even with her opening up to people like Macradon, Shield, and Baldur - she'd been carrying so much of it all on her own. She shut her eyes tight, feeling the sting of tears. Why? Why did she keep crumbling like this? Please don't say that so sincerely, like you mean it. I can't handle that. 

"Y-You can't say that!" Mari said as her tiny shaking hands curled into fists. "Your Husband is sitting right next to you."  Mari knew they were married in title only, simply for the boost in benefit. But - still, didn't that mean something? "You're his rival, right?" Mari asked as she lifted watery eyes to Beat. "You have that. You can't let that end in this game. You can't end in this game." She shifted her eyes back down.

"I ...don't have anything outside of this place. I lost the one thing I did have. I'm fighting to get everyone else out of here." Mari said quietly. "I'm fighting so those who still have families, hopes, goals, and dreams can all live them. I'm fighting so people like you - and like Cordelia, Shield - Baldur...so everyone can get out of this digital prison." Her answer probably seemed like the generic response, wasn't that what everyone was fighting for? Mari wasn't sure - even as she said those words she knew that's what she wanted. But, what else?  "I'm fighting...to make up for everything. I don't want to die till I've saved more lives than I've taken." She added.

@Beat @Shield

[Beat 0]

What do you mean I can talk to you? Beat was somewhat taken aback by her words, though he was certainly not offended. Such an offer had never been made to him, ever. Shield was a solid companion and someone Beat certainly considered a friend, but he was a terrible therapist, not that Beat had ever asked him to be. He quickly looked down and focused on a piece of sushi that he threw into his mouth to give him something else to focus on as he worked to hide his lack of composure.

How would I talk to someone who doesn't know me? That's just crazy...right?

Beat savored the flavor of his cooking as his gaze returned to Mari, her next words making it far easier to relax again. He nearly choked on his food as he laughed for the first time that day. He struggled to swallow his food before he spoke through continued laughter, "Shield is my husband, but we don't even live on the same floor!" he slowly managed to stop himself from making light of her sentiment, though the grin on his remained, "In-game bonuses aside, Shield is my friend, yes, but we've been rivals forever! Plus, he has something he cares about dearly in the real world." He glanced to Shield briefly, "I have some ideas as to what it is and I can't say I have anything close to that waiting for me out there." His eyes returned to her and his smile remained, though his expression was much softer now, "but if you truly have nothing outside of this game," Beat then leaned forward and placed his hands on the table in front of him, "Then find something to live for."

@Shield

@Mari

Edited May 15, 2020 by Beat

[Shield 0]

Shield rolled his eyes at the mention of the - technical - marital status of Beat and himself. While she corrected herself for the actual meaning behind her words and Beat set the record straight properly, he still felt the need to share his thoughts. "And although Beat was the only one I really knew from before SAO, he's not the only one I'm close to now. There's someone-" he stopped himself and redirected back to the actual topic. "And what do you mean, you don't have anything in the real world waiting for you?" This question carried a slight scolding tone to it and he leaned on the elbow closer to Mari to crowd in on her a little. "This game is our real life until we can get out of it, and the stuff we're doing and the people around us are real. Do you think the connections you're making are just going to evaporate as soon as we beat the game?"

Shield scoffed, shoving another piece of the maki in his mouth. "If day zero is the day that we get out of here, then on day one, we're all gonna fly to the same spot to have a big damn party to celebrate." He took a sip of tea, using it to help choke his mouthful down so as not to lose momentum. "And what about all of the little lowbies that have been following you around? You think they're gonna stop looking up to you just because we win? Your guild mates, do you think we're just gonna wave goodbye and that's it? Good game?" Shield dropped a word that he didn't use very often, "- that! Shared trauma is one of the most effective bonding agents when it comes to human connection! We're all gonna have big group therapy sessions and be rehabilitated together to figure out how to live in a world that's been leaving us slowly behind." He sat back in his chair, his brows still furrowed, arms crossed over his chest with his elbows propped on the table.

"And don't you dare start crying over this sappy garbage I'm spewing right now, or we're not gonna be friends anymore," he said, cracking the slightest bit of a knowing smirk and pointing a large finger in her face. "We're not here to sniffle and sing 'kumbaya' together, so suck it up and answer the man's damn questions." His pointing hand swung across the table and slapped Beat's chest with its back before folding together with his other arm once again.

[Mari 1]

A small smile crept upon Mari's features when she heard Beat laugh, it was nice to hear. It felt like a small burst of relief in a tension filled moment - it broke the thick melancholy in the air and breathed fresh life into the room. "That's much nicer to see." Mari commented as she reached out with her chopsticks to snag one of the last pieces of salmon sashimi - she wanted it on her plate, at least -before it all disappeared. "Smiling suits you." Mari added as she decided to place the sashimi straight into her mouth. Lest someone else eat it. Mari took those few precious moments to savour the taste  as it melted in her mouth, causing her to salivate. Her eyes lifted to regard Beat - they were similar in a lot of ways - both felt they didn't have anything to return to. Both struggled to reach out and talk to others. Both seemed to be harboring so much more than they let on.

Mari knew what was waiting for Shield in the real world; he had kids of his own - Mari wasn't sure if Beat knew or not - so chose to keep that knowledge to herself. Shield had told her she was one of the very few people who knew. Her gaze drifted over to Shield as he shoved another piece of Maki into his mouth.

"Beat." Mari said, with a strong emphasis on his name as her gaze shifted back to him. "If you truly have nothing outside of this game...then why not find something to live for?" She added, knowing exactly what she had done. She had thrown his own words back at his face. Mari calmly picked up her tea and pretended to sip from it - she didn't actually want to - that'd ruin the flavour of the sashimi.

It was then that Shield spoke up; talking more than he had in quite some time.

"Do you think the connections you're making are just going to evaporate as soon as we beat the game?"

Yeh, I do. But That didn't matter now, did it?

"You know..." Mari began. "I already think we're all in the same facility - it'd be easier to monitor us all in the one place right?  For all I know, you're right next to me in that real world, strapped to a machine somewhere." Mari snorted. " Your hair may even be as long as mine, if not longer." Mari wasn't sure why Shield was so focused on her - when Beat had said the exact same thing as she - but Mari knew she was most definitely the most emotional out of all three of them. Perhaps she had been too open lately, let down too many of her defenses? It was a little scary in a way.  Shield pointed a finger in her face, telling her not to cry - and to answer Beats questions. She huffed.


"I've been answering them the whole time you butt!" Mari mumbled as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Maybe you'd have caught onto that if you weren't so busy eating everything." Her words didn't hold any bite to them, she wasn't mad at him - Mari just...she did wish she could agree with him.

"Seeing everyone out there? That sounds nice though." Mari began as she turned her eyes to the ceiling. "I still have to wonder though, if they'll imprison me or not. I get that things in here are different. But I've taken lives. No amount of redemption will ever change that. It's something I'll always carry, but...I suppose Shields right - what other questions do you have?"

@Beat @Shield

[Beat 0]

Beat blushed as she commented on his smile, though he wasn't sure why. He had taken plenty of compliments before from players, so he was unsure why this time would be any different. He couldn't help but begin to wonder why she had never had allies and friends before now. I guess we're both victims of our past. Beat was pleased with how easy it was to talk to Mari, which was something he really only did with Shield up until now. The knot in his stomach reminded him of its presence, though Beat figured it was still empathy for Mari's situation.

Beat's brow furrowed as she returned his words to him. His initial emotion was one of frustration, but it quickly turned to something a little more solemn. Like it's that easy. We're both alone, stupid. Beat felt a small pang of guilt at the callousness of that thought as he spoke, "You and I both know that isn't easy," Beat gave her a big smile, "but I hate losing, so I'll figure it out somehow." Liar It was false bravado, but Beat covered it with another chuckle as he grabbed another piece of sushi, noticing just how much had been eaten.  

Shield's words had surprised him and he couldn't help but be amused by the bit of bickering between them before the subject turned to the outside world again. It was interesting to think about where they were in the real world. It was unlikely that he was still in his room at his home given the lack of medical care that would be there. "I wonder how the law will apply given the situation, but I suppose staying in the moment is the best thing to do." It was working pretty well too " We can't really confront the real world until we get out of here right?"

Beat thought for a moment at her last question. Even he was aware of how battered his defenses were after all of this and he could only assume that she was ready to stop digging through her past. He gave her a small smile and shook his head, "No, you're not a killer and that's what I wanted to be sure of today, so I don't, but I think it's only fair if you get to ask me questions if you want."

@Mari

@Shield

Edited May 16, 2020 by Beat

[Shield 0]

For the moment, Beat's concerns seemed to have been addressed. Shield nodded and took a last drink of his tea, draining the glass. He set it back down, not entirely certain whether they would stay long enough for him to need a refill, but at least open to the idea. For now, he stood and strode over to the window, giving his legs a chance to do something besides sit. He had warmed up enough now that being close to the cold pane was no longer unpleasant to him. He sighed, watching the little drifting particles of snow fall lazily past the window. It was a nice, calming sight.

I don't mind watching it, but boy am I glad not to be out in it at the moment.

He shivered a little just thinking about it. The ideas that Mari had mentioned, of everyone being together in whatever facility they were in, it was comforting, at least in part. The more he thought about it, the more he became aware of the fact that his body was not his own. It was a very good simulation, at least of the body he used to have. Now, though, he was like atrophied, weak, likely not even able to stand and support his own weight properly. He shivered again, this time for very different reasons. As if trying to leave those thoughts behind, he ambled back over to the table, leaning against the wall nearby to listen to the conversation.

[Mari 1]

"It isn't easy, but it's not exactly impossible, right?"  Mari wished she could believe her own words. She bit her tongue when Beat offered her a brave smile. It didn't reach his eyes, his eyes...those eyes. They reflected a hidden pain. Denial. He didn't believe it either, did he? Were they both just doomed to wake up alone? Drecepit bags of skin and bones barely able to hold up their own weight? Did Beat have the same thoughts as her? Did he plan to just...never return to that world? Mari picked up her cup of tea, this time - actually drinking from it.

"I'm sure you will, it wouldn't do any of us any good to think otherwise, no?" Mari asked with a raised eyebrow. IT was all she said on the matter, all she alluded to the fact that there may just be something more. Beat said that he was done with his questions and Mari felt a wave of relief wash over her. Thank f**k for that. But -now the offer was there for her to ak things. Mari did have questions, but she felt like she did not have the right to ask them right now.

"Actually. Yeh. I have two questions. Would you mind if I sent you a friend request?" Mari asked, it wasn't very often that she'd send them - and often Mari would struggle with wanting to accept received ones. A friendlist seemed so formal, so final. Having people on there again felt almost surreal to her. So when she asked Beat, it meant more than he'd probably ever know or understand. "And I'd like to go on a quest with you at some point." Mari coughed to clear her throat, averting her gaze from his, that had been difficult to ask too. "Not that this hasn't been...amicable - but I just feel that...It'd be nice to get to know you in a setting that was a little less tension filled, yanno?" What was she saying? Weren't quests tension filled? would he even want to?

Mari forced an awkward laugh. "A-although-" She began, lifting a hand to scratch the back of her head. "I can't give you buffs like your doting, beaded husband. But I can hold my own fairly well in battle - at least I'd like to think." Mari blinked, was it rude not to invite Shield along? "I mean - Shield!" Mari exclaimed, turning her blue eyes to his. "You're more than welcome to come too, of course."

@Shield @Beat

[Beat 0]

Beat gave another smile as she fed him the words he wanted to hear, doing his best to not look like he had a feeling that she was doing the same thing he was. It was odd to be able to read someone though he imagined he couldn't be spot on. Pain knows pain I guess. It made Beat wonder how much she knew about him after all. Was he that transparent? Was it that obvious to everyone all the time that there was more going on in his head? He was beginning to regret saying that he was out of questions.

Maybe I don't like being the one answering questions. This could be bad... 

He found maintaining his smile much easier as she asked her questions, a wave of relief and gratitude washing over him for the turn of mood and tension. He felt a rush of excitement as he replied, "Is that all?" His hand once again danced in the air as he opened his interface and sent her a friend invite, "Of course. I think we can find some to do without my doting husband's buffs." Beat gave his betrothed a cheesy grin and bat his eyes for a moment before returning his gaze to Mari, "It would be good to see what you can do. I don't normally run around with other dps, so it should be fun!" He looked back to Shield lovingly, batting his eyes once again, "Unwess you want to come pwotect witlle ol' me."

 

@Shield

@Mari