[PP F04] A Hot Meal on a Cold Floor

[Shield 0]

Shield stood on the edge of Snowfrost awaiting the arrival of his friend and fellow pillar, Mari. His arms were wrapped around his own shoulders, and he bounced his leg out of a subconscious attempt to generate heat with body movement. A heavy, knee-length coat was wrapped around him, and the long scarf he wore was wrapped multiple times around his head, covering his mouth entirely.

Jesus. If I'm the one who won out bet, then why am I being subjected to this cold nightmare?

Even as the cold, angry voice of his discomfort rang out in his head, he knew the answer. As much as he was suffering in the cold, he knew Mari was likely in far worse shape. He had been the one to nudge Mari to speak to Baldur about her feelings. It would be pretty heartless of him to turn a blind eye to the situation. Besides, he felt like he had grown pretty close to Mari. Though he knew she didn't really need protecting, he still felt protective of her. He wondered if this was what being an older brother felt like.

The wind howled and he reached up his gloved hands to pull the scarf tighter around him, trying desperately to eliminate whatever gaps that the wind was finding its way into around his neck and face. Turning his back to the blustery gusts, he scanned the white horizon for any sign of Mari's approach.

[Mari 1]

It wasn't hard to spot him; he looked like a walking blanket burrito. Mari laughed to herself. She honestly wasn't expecting him to actually agree to joining her on the fourth floor. She asked partly because she knew he hated it - and partly because it was where her favorite ramen place was. And it was run by Cordelia; so any extra business given to her was a win in Mari's eyes. Unlike Shield, Mari didn't have all those extra layers, she simply wore a white fluffy jacket over her usual orange attire. Her freckled legs were still bare - but  Mari liked the cold.

"Hey there." Mari said as she gave him a light punch to his arm. "You stick out like a sore thumb dressed like that." Mari said with a faint smile. She was glad he was here, Mari knew it wasn't...exactly fair of her to lump this sort of thing on him. She honestly had half a mind to call the whole thing off, the only reason she hadn't was that he was already there.  Mari wasn't going to make him endure the cold of the floor only to be like 'haha just kidding, calling it off'  "C'mon. Let's get you someplace warm." Mari said as she gestured for Shield to follow her before shoving her hands into the pockets of her trench coat.

Mari shoved her hands into the pockets of her jackets as they began the short trek to Cord's noodle hut; it was outside the safe zone - allowing Mari to come and go as she pleased. There was a silence that hung between the two Pillars as they walked and Mari was normally one to welcome it. Unneeded words; they were a bother. So was small talk, even so, the woman felt she needed to break that barrier.

"I just...wanted to say thanks for coming. I know how much you hate this floor."

@Shield

[Shield 0]

Shield shrugged off the thank you, clearing his throat softly. "Yes, well," he said, not quite sure how to accept the sentiment. He never tried to be rude, but he knew his manners weren't always particularly polished. "Think nothing of it."

He searched for another topic, settling back on something else Mari had said to him. "I may stick out like a sore thumb, but let's just say that it's a good thing I met you while fishing and not standing bare-legged in the snow," he snorted. "Forget what Zandra thought about you. I'd have thought you were a damn witch!" He gave a single solid 'ha' of a laugh before the sound of snow crunching under their feet once again became their background track. He followed Mari's lead, letting her steer them along the way through the snow and biting cold air.

"You mentioned that Cordelia owns the shop we're heading to, I think?" he said, peering ahead to try to catch a glimpse. "I have run into her on occasion. I believe I may have unknowingly handed her one of the most powerful weapons in Aincrad." He was unsure how to feel about it. On the one hand, helping players was always good, but at the same time, he always wished that he could save the very best of the best for those he knew and cared for. 

[Mari 1]

"Alright, but I ain't adding this to some tab of what I owe you." Mari chided. As they trekked through the snow the conversation continued, Shield joking that he'd consider her a witch - for how easily she traversed the cold. Mari glanced down at her own bare legs, then over to Shield - who was practically shuffling along like some sentient burrito - wrapped up in all his layers. Mari snorted, "I'm no witch. a B**ch maybe, but not a witch."

They arrived at the store; a small noodle hut with an open front - Mari pushed away one of the flaps and stepped into the threshold of the store. She was instantly met with warm air, and the scents of bubbling broths. There was no sign of her friend, meaning some NPC would be attending to their needs. "Yeh. I know her. I...uh..." Mari scratched her head as she headed to a small table in the corner - furthest away from the cool breeze of the entrance. "I kinda gave her one of my event items so she could get a unique identification...a part of me does regret it - but I'm also....I guess happy? That I was of use to someone."

Mari paused to pull her own seat out from the table and sat down. Mari tapped her fingers absently against the tables surface. "A part of me thinks I should have kept it to our guild...but that's no better than the Azure Brigade, right? 'Sides...she's Baldurs student. So I know she's trustworthy enough."

@Shield

[Shield 0]

"Of course," he said, giving a subtle nod as he took his own seat. "And I don't distrust her in the least. She is perhaps not much of a talker, but then again, I don't think the two of us always are either." He glanced around, trying to subtly take stock of the place and figure out whether the menu was at the front of the restaurant or if there was one hidden somewhere on the table. "I believe you invited me here under the premise of some spicy noodles," he said, deciding it best to not draw attention to the full terms of their bet which had kicked this whole avalanche off in the first place. "Is that what you recommend, or is there something else on the menu you think I should try."

Shield rested his hands on the table, settling himself properly into the seat. Thus far, Mari had kept up a brave face. They had not broached the subject that was likely most prominent on their minds, but there would be plenty of time for that once they had settled in and when they had been given a chance to fill their stomachs a little. They were in no great hurry.

And perhaps it was haste that got her in the position she's in anyways. Also... how is it all of the times I've been around Mari, food and refreshments have been involved? Easter eggs, tea at the pillar meeting... Hell, even her potentially deadly meeting with Beat was interrupted by sushi and dessert... which I suppose was also sushi.

[Mari 1]

"True that." Mari said as Shield said neither of them were ones for talking. "If I'm being honest, I find it kinda... exhausting especially when there are so many people involved. I guess that's what they'd call an introvert. Right?" Mari said as she crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair.  Shield Mentioned the whole spicy noodle challenge. Right. They had talked about that, hadn't they. Joked  about it. 

"Mmm... I'm not really in the mood to bother with that." Mari said as she averted her eyes from him. Mari had made those jokes, that bet, when she had been in lighter spirits. That was no longer the case.  Mari wouldn't say she was upset. She was just...constantly tired. Of everything. It felt like even just doing things like eating dinner with a friend exhausted her. Maybe she was pushing herself too hard lately - she always kept pushing down her own needs, thoughts, and feelings in lieu of others. Maybe that was slowly catching up to her. 

Mari turned her eyes back to Shield and offered him a wry smile. "Instead - I'd recommend the Shoyu ramen. I always slather mine with extra chashu." 

@Shield

[Shield 0]

"Introversion can lead to quietness, though there are plenty of those who are introverts with extroverted tendencies," Shield said, agreeing in part to Mari's assessment. "I think being an introvert tends to have more to do with where you recharge your batteries. If you recharge by being alone, you're an introvert. If you recharge by being with friends, you're an extrovert." He listened to Mari's words and to eventually to her suggestion before giving a nod.

"That sounds fine to me," he said, looking around. "If you don't mind me playing the 'I'll have what she's having' card, then I don't mind going with your recommendation. Does Cordelia come to take our order, or...?" he trailed off, leaving the space open for Mari to fill in the necessary information. The shop was a welcome break from the cold, and that was more of a relief than any discomfort from difficult subject matters could overtake. However, he knew Mari was more tolerant of the cold than he. She was also likely more sensitive to the matter at hand. He left the air open and did not press any other point of conversation in the mean time.

Plenty of time for all that once we have some hot food in out stomachs.

[Mari 1]

"When she's not here a-"

"Hi!' came a cheery voice from a pale girl with blonde hair and eyes with a blue that rivaled the sea. "What would you like to order?"

Mari turned to the girl, "Two bowls of Shoyu ramen, each with extra servings of Chasu." The girl gave a polite nod - and took their drink order - whilst Mari knew she couldn't get drunk in the game, she went ahead and ordered warm Sake anyway. Maybe the taste would give her a placebo affect.  "That, when Cordelia isn't here, they just assign some NPC to the place. She must be out with Oscar." Mari said, pausing to grab the sake and two cups from the NPC - who she never cared to get the name from.

"I definitely recharge it by being alone." Mari continued their earlier conversation as she poured Shield a generous cup of Sake, followed by her own. Mari gently set the bottle off to the side, so it wouldn't obstruct her view of him. "But-" She paused, eyes falling to her cup. I don't like being alone.   Rather than speak her thoughts out aloud, Mari cleared her throat. "B-But there are certain people that help recharge too." She traced the rim of her ceramic cup with an index finger idly. Mari told herself to say something, fill the silence with something, anything. She needed to change the topic.

....

Anytime now...

....Just say the first thing that comes to your head...

"So...did Beat tell you how he jumped into the void after me?"

@Shield

[Shield 0]

Shield nodded his thanks as the NPC took their order. "That honestly tracks with introversion," he said, nodding thoughtfully. "True introverts tend to have a very small, intimate group of friends who bypass the 'no people' rule of recharging."

The NPC returned with their drinks, setting Shield's requested green tea in front of him which he blew on thoughtfully as the silence passed between them. No sooner had a small swallow's worth of tea passed his lips than he spat it out again, directly in Mari's face. "He what?- You WHAT!?"

His hand was on the table as he leaned hard on it, cocking his elbow out at an angle as he tilted forward over the table. "What in the hell got into your head!? Nobody knows what happens in there! Why would you even-" He forced himself to stop, pursing his lips hard as he removed his seat. She was alive, and at the very least seemed to be unharmed. He closed his eyes and cleared his throat before barking gruffly, "Explain yourself," and passed her his napkin to mop herself up.

[Mari 1]

"H-Hey!" Mari forced her eyes shut as she was sprayed with hot liquid, her hands lifting up to uselessly defend her against the offending droplets. "D-Don't be mad at me!" She stammered. "HIM!" Mari quickly grabbed the offered napkin and wiped her face. Mari sighed into the warm cloth. Almost afraid to move it away from her face. Mari sat there, her face shoved into the napkin for a solid minute before she finally pulled it down and away. Why did she do it indeed...she couldn't tell him it was because she just...didn't really care about herself could she? That she wanted to experiment on herself, with herself, and wasn't that kind of ironic? For that was one of the very reasons she had been hated in the first place.

Mari...hadn't expected Shield to react that way. " I mean..." She sounded sheepish. The comment was meant to be light-hearted - a way to move the conversation away from the issue of her and Baldur. "I don't know...ever since I found the floor and scouted it I-" 

It sounded stupid now that she thought about it, but it was the truth. "I felt drawn to it. Sitting by it kinda...felt like it drained me and sometimes I needed that. Finally - I decided I dunno, fuck it.  At best - maybe I activate some sort of secret quest or dungeon, at worst - I see my daughter again."

Mari rubbed the back of her neck, pausing to down the glass of sake - relishing the familiar burn that lined her throat and the warmth that followed. Right...now came the harder part. How do you explain to someone that their husband literally threw themselves into a hole after you, wrapped you up in their arms and made sure you were safe? Maybe not all that at once.  "Beat being there was - coincidence. Turns out he goes there to think too. Never in my life would I expect him to jump in after me. But- we're both safe.  Really."

Edited October 3, 2020 by Mari

[Shield 0]

Shield listened. He didn't respond right away, though in particular moments he definitely had a few thoughts he wouldn't mind walloping Mari over the head with, but he bit his tongue until his head cooled. "I am very glad you are both alive," he said, keeping his tone under control. "Healthy, even. Still," he went on, picking his words carefully. "When you're in SAO, I don't think those kinds of actions can be taken so lightly. We all rely on each other," he said, taking up his tea, careful this time to keep the cup's contents in his mouth long enough to swallow. "In a sense, your life isn't entirely your own in here. Without capable players... we're all doomed."

He did not intend those words to be biting. However, he did not pull punches on what came after. "That goes doubly now that we lead a guild with up and coming players. They look to us. If we throw ourselves off the edge like that and don't come back, they lose faith in what we all believe in." He cracked these words like a whip. He knew that Mari would feel this, but he didn't want to sugar-coat it. This was not a kind game, and although he believed in kindness between players, he wasn't okay with what Mari had told him.

[Mari 1]

'We all rely on each other'

Did they though? Mari listened, feeling worse. Her heart sank. Part of her just wanted to jump into the void again. She didn't see the big deal with what she did. So what? So what if she fell and didn't come back? Mari didn't really want to be here anyway. She never expected to actually leave Aincrad...so what did it matter if she were to vanish a little earlier?

"Capable players .." Mari repeated. Were there really so few of them? Yuki and Crozeph had virtually outgrown her. Then there were others that Mari had  been keeping tabs on from afar - there was a new crop of strength forming right beneath them. "Right."  Despite that, Mari knew it was important for them to be a sort of guide to the others. As usual Shield, being ever pragmatic - was right. "I'll be fighting on the frontlines. Don't worry about that." Mari was doing her best to hold back the tremble in her voice. She wanted to cry but she couldn't. Even now. Even with Shield...Mari felt she had to keep shutting all that down. Shield was one of the very few people Mari actually considered a friend, and the thought of pissing him off enough to have him throw her to the wayside scared her. She knew he wasn't that kind of person, but the fear still weighed heavy on her shoulders.

 Instead of voicing those fears Mari put on her bravest smile. Her life wasn't her own. Her pain didn't matter. She has to be there for others. That leap was a selfish lapse in judgement. "I'll...do better." She lowered her gaze. "I don't...want people to loose faith. And - I don't know what I'd do if B-Beat hadn't come back out with me." She added with tears spotting her eyes.

Her trembling hands smoothed over the table. Beat...could have died because of her. Even when she was trying she was endangering others. "H-He's fine...right? You still go on quests together, r-right?"

 

Edited October 5, 2020 by Mari

[Shield 0]

"Beat is fine," Shield said, just the slightest hesitation in his reply. Beat still wouldn't tell him exactly what he had experienced in there, but it had left him alive, and for now at least that was close enough. He had not quite let go of being upset with Mari just yet, but there was something nagging at him. Something was off about the way Mari was responding. She was here, but he felt like part of her wasn't. Not completely. He had seen similar things in players, often times before they did something reckless. He sat in that silence for a little while, dissecting it.

"Part of you didn't want to come back out of there alive..." he said, his voice softer now. "...didn't it?"

His food sat untouched, which was not like him, but suddenly he wasn't much in the mood to eat. He knew more than maybe he had a right to know about her past, about the weight of responsibility that she had laid upon herself. Here he was laying more of it onto her. For a moment, he silently kicked himself before returning to the present.

It reminds me of when Beatbox took off after Death Adder. Just a bold, irrational action out of nowhere. Something that caught his loved ones completely off-guard.

He didn't know exactly what he expected her to say. It wasn't like him to be so probing, though he supposed that was what his relationship had always been like with Mari. First, he made her recount to him, a stranger at the time, the full account of every player she killed, and then had probed into her love life not long after that with the mess surrounding Baldur.

She's honestly probably tired of my probing...

[Mari 1]

"That's...goood." Mari said as she exhaled. "I've been worried." Mari chewed her lip, hesitant to continue to tell Shield what had happened. "For the longest time..." Mari rubbed her palm with her thumb. Looking down - she didn't want to see the angry judgement in his eyes. "Beat refused to let go of my hand - so...I thought something may have bothered him. But if it's nothing then I'll...yanno..." She shrugged with a forced laugh. "I'll pay it no mind." Mari drew in a long breath to try and calm the tremble in her voice. She reached up at brushed away the wet droplets at the corner of her eyes.

By now the food had arrived; Mari didn't really feel like eating, nor did she feel she deserved it but even so, she reached out and placed a hand on either side of the bowl. Leeching its warmth.

"Part of you didn't want to come back out of there alive..."

Mari visibly tensed, but she didn't say anything - even as he pressed further. His voice quiet. Don't talk to me with that tone, you of all people know I don't deserve it.

"Does that matter?" Mari asked matter-of-factly as she reached out for the wooden chopsticks. With a small snap Mari had broken them in half and dipped them into her broth. Mari swirled it around, watching the noodles slowly begin to follow the swirl. She felt like that, just going along with the current. Mindlessly, unable to really stop. "You don't need to worry." Mari said quietly, closing her eyes.

So many people relied on her, she carried them - all of them. Their problems and doubts, their worries - the trusted her with that weight - so she'd continue to carry it. She'd be selfish not to, to just disappear.

"As you say, my life isn't my own. I have my fellow guild members...my friends..." She stabbed her chopstick into a slice of Chasu. "I can't go anywhere, even if I wanted to - not till everyone else is safely out of here. I'm not going to be so reckless as to throw it away like that right now." And when that happened maybe she'd get her peace then. But no, not yet. No matter how tempting that was.

@Shield

[Shield 0]

She answered my question with a question. If I was wrong she would have just said so.

Shield gave a subtle nod, acknowledging the answer that she had avoided giving directly but would be understood. "Look," he said, using the pause after to search for words. "What I said." He couldn't back down from those words. They were true. However, he knew that they on their own would create a slanted view of things. "Those were words spoken as a guild leader - and colleague. It is true. We belong to our guild in ways that the other members just don't. They do rely on us. However..." He paused, folding his hands over his still untouched chopsticks which lay on the table. "That is not the only connection we share though. As a friend, I would say unequivocally that yes, that does matter."

His eyes were on his food, not on Mari. He didn't quite know how to bring himself to look at her after he had pressed so deeply into matters that weren't exactly his business. "You are someone who matters to me," he said, returning her simple, matter-of-fact tone. "If you were gone, it wouldn't just be the practical matters of the guild that would struggle. I, personally, would struggle with not having you around." There was a lot of intimacy in the words he offered, and it made him want to squirm just from being so unfamiliar with such things between friends. Beat and he never really talked about feelings or emotional connections. He was so unused to this. Still, he kept his composure. "I... haven't had anyone actually close to me die yet in here," he said, letting out a long breath to try to settle his discomfort. "It would be difficult to handle if you were the first. I would-" he paused, his mouth freezing for a moment around the thoughts and feelings at hand, so he changed tack and searched for someone else to put them on. "Beat. He would be sad if you were gone. As would... our other friends." He did not want to name Baldur so soon after he had turned  her down. She hadn't said that he had, but if things were otherwise, he had a feeling she would be glowing a little more and jumping into mysterious voids a little less.

Edited October 17, 2020 by Shield

[Mari 1]

"You know...." Mari began quietly. It was rare that people noticed that behavior in her, even rarer that they acknowledged it. The only other person in the entirety of Aincrad who noticed that maybe, just maybe - there could be something underling beneath her thin veneer - something pained and troubled was Oikawa - and he had all but disappeared. She had paused in her words, absently pushing the piece of meat around in her bowl. It felt like, looked like what was raging inside her.

A messy incoherent storm. Thunderous voices in her head screaming at her that she didn't belong - she couldn't possibly. Her heart pained as though drowning in ice water - pouring from an unrelenting sky. Still. Mari stood. She stood as tall as she could, and would always tell everyone 'I'm Okay'  But in reality. She wasn't. Mari was far, far, far from okay.

"You don't need to take back those words. You're right." She had lost the tremble in her words, but that had been replaced with perhaps, something worse. The empty tone surged with every breath, a solemn acceptance of someone who knew they didn't want to be there anymore. And who knew that now, others knew too. Someone who was so tired. So very tired. Of giving so much of themselves out - that they almost had nothing left to give. 

"Too many people rely on me." Mari reiterated as she dropped her chopstick and watched it begin to sink beneath the uneaten broth. Her hands disappeared beneath the table and sat in her lap. "I...." Mari couldn't look at Shield, and she struggled to say the next words. "I've thought about it. Many times. How easy it would be - a silent fall, a rush of wind then..." She held up a hand and splayed it out in a mock explosion. "Poof - blinked out of existence."

She turned her head away, "Heh. A part of me doesn't even care how it'd affect others...why cant I..." Her hand fell against the table and clenched into a fist. "Why can't I be selfish...just once? Just once, let Mari matter. And not the guild. Not the players. No-one else. Just...Mari..."  She sighed and wiped her eyes with her hand. "S-Sorry. This isn't....this isn't what I intended."

"You are someone who matters to me-" 

Mari drew in a breath. Her body turning rigid. Shield. Of all people. Mr. 'I don't Wanna deal with emotional shit' Mari forced her eyes shut. Afraid that if she left them open the burning in her eyes would turn to tears. "Y-You shouldn't say that though."  The tremble was back. "The world will keep spinning....players will keep on fighting..." She wrapped her arms around herself to stop the trembling. The Nausea - and the sinking feeling. "I'd be a ghost of a memory and it'd be b-better because all I do is hurt everything around me." She lowered her head, pressing it against the table. "I feel like I'm suffocating, and there's no one to pull me up."

She shook her head, apologizing again. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry Shield. I'm just...I'm tired... I keep giving so much of myself to everyone and I just..." She hiccuped. "I'll be f-fine in a minute...." A lie. "We can go back to joking around."

@Shield

[Shield 0]

Shield shook his head, still not making eye contact with Mari. "I'm rubbish at jokes anyway," he said, pushing some of the unkept hair out of his face. "I know what it's like to be overworked in this game," he said, sighing heavily as he continued to study his untouched food. "When the twenty first floor was first unlocked, I spent so many days and weeks up there just grinding and grinding for loot. I barely saw my own home, let alone my bed." He let those words stand for themselves for a moment.

"You want me to not say that? You would have me be dishonest then?" he gave a little dry chuckle. "I didn't ask you to be a part of Jacob's Ladder as a joke. Nor did I do so on a whim. I and others thought of you independently from one another. Like it or not, you've made yourself quite a few friends in here." In part, he knew this message wouldn't be heard.

She even said herself that part of her didn't care what others wanted, which after the pressure she's described, I don't doubt.

"You dying won't solve anything," he finally said, matter of factly as he picked up his chopsticks and snapped them apart. "I know you must carry remorse for everything that's happened around you. That said, you dying won't 'avenge' anyone. It won't make any of them feel any better. It won't even be real justice." His voice was still gruff, but not angry. If anything, it carried a hint of sadness. "All it would do would be guarantee you that things won't get better."

He forked up some noodles with his chopsticks and shoveled them into his mouth, using the distraction to put together a thought that he was not entirely sure would hit right, but he felt like this was one of those messages that was going to be that way regardless. He swallowed. "What you have now is an opportunity to make your life a life worth living, and you're on the way there. You're pushing to free people from imprisonment and you are doing so by organizing and building players up. You're helping to make them more than they are. That's not nothing." He took another bite, this time taking his time and actually tasting the food. "The way I see it, a person can either get busy living or get busy dying. Doing one while thinking about the other just means you're not going to be doing a great job of either."

[Mari 1]

"S'okay." Mari said quietly when Shield said he was bad at jokes. "I think I've got enough puns locked away in my brain to last anyone a lifetime, ahahah..." Her laugh fell flat, it felt forced and sounded...wrong.

Shield told Mari how he too felt overworked, it was during a time she was away from everyone, from the world - selfishly isolating herself from everyone in a feeble attempt to preserve her own life. Maybe things would have been different if she hadn't. Maybe she would have been the one who died at a boss fight and no Zelrius. Maybe the Azure Brigade would still be around and they'd be far higher in the floors. 

"I know I've....made friends. In part that's one of the few reasons I'm still around." Mari reached out and picked up her chopsticks, which had been resting against the rim of her bowl, still impaled upon a piece of meat. "A part of me doesn't feel right leaving them here - it's why I told myself I'd wait till the last floor before I did anything."  Mari fell quiet, choosing not to voice that it had been harder to abide  by that lately, that she still had no intention of leaving Aincrad. 

"My dying wouldn't avenge anyone - Yeh..." Mari tilted her head to the side, giving a small snort. "I know that, it's not for justice, or vengeance, it's not some sort of...retribution...it's just..." Mari closed her eyes. "A way to finally stop everything."
 

Mari guessed that Shield was probably growing tired of the conversation, he wasn't the most apt when it came to....emotionally charged talks in the first place. In a weird and unexpected way, Beat was the better of the two for that. Mari listened to his words. She knew that wasn't nothing...she knew she was doing a modicrum of good for others, but it was so draining and the pressure unrelenting. Mari had to force her eyes shut to stop any semblance of tears from trickling down her face. 

"Guess I won't be doing a great job of either then, huh?" Mari tried to joke as she finally placed the meat into her mouth. Chewing slowly Mari swallowed. She knew she'd have to keep fighting. She knew she wouldn't be able to have any relief till the 99th floor - All she had to do was wait till then.

"Can...you please not tell anyone else about this?" Mari chanced asking.  "I'd...rather not bother anyone."


@Shield

[Shield 0]

Shield was torn. He was stuck between his left and right brain. He focused on the food. He knew that he couldn't logic this situation into a solution. Her motivations weren't based in logic. A debate wouldn't fix it, despite his instincts telling him that's what he wanted to do. Instead, he decided to make a different kind of appeal. "I don't know how this will resonate," he began. It was an odd kind of point to make. "There is a bridge in the United States. It's become infamous as a popular place to commit suicide, - in fact it's been the most popular for a long time," he went on, his eyes still on his food. "I mean, you know me. The statistician, right? Why not bring statistics into this messy topic?" He lifted his bowl, tipping it and draining some of the contents through his lips and setting it back down. "They estimate that the fatality rate of the jump is between ninety eight and ninety nine percent. It's a long fall, and when you hit water at terminal velocity, it's actually harder than hitting solid ground. See, water is liquid and will move aside for solids, but the speed at which it moves is technically slower, so when the impact is so fast, the water can't displace quickly enough. You might as well be hitting concrete."

He stirred the contents of the bowl, picking out a few morsels with his chopsticks to chew on. "In any case... I'm not worried about the ninety nine percent. I'm worried about the one percent." With a few more motions of his jaw, he finished chewing and swallowed down his mouthful. "Of those few who survived, ninety percent - ninety - said that as soon as they let go of the railing, they knew they had made a mistake and wanted to live. See, that's the story we don't hear. We always hear about the part where someone was in pain and just needed a way out. We think of that as the tragedy. But... to me, the real tragedy is knowing that statistic... that as many as nine in every ten suicide victims... may have changed their mind once it was too late." He lifted his bowl again and took another drink of the hot liquid.

He knew he was talking too much. He knew this probably wouldn't be the thing that changed her mind. However, he wasn't looking for an immediate change of heart.

All I need is to plant a seed. I know she feels like she's beyond help. But there's a lot of time for that seed to grow between now and floor 100...

[Mari 1]

Statistics...huh.
           I don't care if I'm another Statistic.

 

Mari went back to twirling her chopsticks in the broth, watching the thin noodles circle around her chopsticks. She listened as Shield began to talk, Mari hadn't heard of the bridge - but she wasn't American. She knew about terminal velocity, and how hard still water was when hit - but that didn't come into play here. There'd be no gruesome splatter, hell, there wouldn't be any pain. She didn't interrupt him though. It was strange, and to others - it'd seem cold and uncaring to spout facts like this, but Mari knew where Shield was coming from. She knew he was trying, and that emotions weren't really his forte- from her conversations with Beat, and her previous ones with Shield. Mari got the impression he was a very pragmatic and no nonsense man. She couldn't help but faintly smile at his clunky way of trying to help her. It showed he really cared. This was probably very difficult territory for him to navigate.

"I get what you're saying."

Shield was trying to tell her that in that split second  before she bliped out of existence, she may regret her choice. But Mari didn't fell that regret in the void. She only felt the fear of someone else loosing their life, after knowing that Beat had jumped in after her - that was the same fear, and uncertainty that she had just placed on Shield. "I didn't mean for the discussion to turn this way."  I didn't want anyone to find out.  Mari said.  "I was just hoping to get a bit of the tension away with the whole situation between Baldur and myself but-" Mari set her chopsticks down.

"But I promise you Shield. I won't let any of that get in the way anymore. The guild, the players - they all come first. And I just....want to thank you, I know this isn't easy for you to talk about - and I uhm..hadn't exactly planned on letting anyone know, or talking about it tonight." Mari offered Shield a brave smile.  "And who knows, things may change between now and floor 100. In the meantime..." She looked over at his empty bowl.

"LEt's...talk about something else, or uh wrap this up so you can get going."

@Shield