[PP-F4] Transcend and Rise Above

[Mari 1]

If Mari was being brutally honest she didn't want to reach out and talk to him. Nothing against Freyd - of course. Mari was just terrible at social interactions. At best, she was seen as some sort of chastising protector. At worst, a maddened bloodthirsty murderer. Lately Mari found myself feeling more and more disconnected from those around her. Like she was just playing the part that people wanted, or needed. But...was that really so bad? Everything had become so overwhelming lately, and she was so tired. But - Mari had no right to let herself stop now.

Her lips opened in a soft exhale, her breath warming the bitter winter winds as she lifted her hand to write a message;

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To: Freyd
From: Mari
Lets meet up to discuss this Sundered issue. I want a better understanding of it. 
I'll be at XXX-XXX for the day. If you're free come to the cottage.
-Mari
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Her habit of terribly short and blunt messages was one that Mari did not plan to break. Did she appear cold in them? Probably. Did it matter? Probably not. With a flourish the HUD disappeared and Mari took a single step off of the wooden porch. Wincing slightly as she sunk into the snow - ankle deep. The cold prickled her bare feet but Mari persevered. One deep step in front of the other as she rounded the lake by her small cottage. 

On the other side - sat a few stone shrines - originally there was just the one - for Crozephs brother. Marking the place he had fallen. Now- there sat 8. Each of them littered with a thick blanket of snow. Each of them flickering with an ever glowing light. Mari began her grim daily ritual, carefully dusting the snow off of each pillar. Each representing someone that had fallen  by her blade. Evelyn. Argumail. Tom. Sugar. Spice. Toshi. Echo. Aubrey. No matter how much Mari would try, no matter how much she pushed forward and smiled - and tried to rectify things. These are people who were lost. Because of her own actions, her inability to diffuse a situation, and her rage at a world that hated her. Silently, she finished - and trudged back through the snow and into her home.

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows
----

 

 

If I can't go on and I loose my way, I will sacrifice my heart and let it fray to pieces

Edited September 5, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

Freyd had wandered extensively since the events following the Tanabata festival, he eventually returned to the Liminal Blind on floor thirteen.  Everything seemed to have changed in the aftermath of the disaster that had befallen the Lake of Reflections.  He needed time to process and refocus.  His head had been racing through options and scenarios since the moment the crater opened and the enemy revealed itself.  He hadn't figured it out in time - hadn't been fast enough.  The end result proved a better outcome than he'd expected, but matters were far from settled.  In many ways, they were growing worse.  All the noise and clutter in his mind was also getting to him.  He needed quiet, space and time to think.

Mari's fatefully timed invite arrived at just the right moment.  Offering Quip and Dingo a quick explanation that he was off to visit a friend.  The two siblings who often tended his shop exchanged quizzical looks, wondering who he could possibly mean.  Freyd didn't do the social thing, yet here he was storming off to meet someone with 'that look' on his face.  It was normally reserved for the most serious and dangerous of missions.

***

The journal to floor four was uneventful.  He knew how to avoid most of the perils, having traveled to this level many times before.  Haine and Kiluia made their home nearby, though that wasn't his destination.  He hadn't seen much of either lately, and wondered at the nature of their absence.  Perhaps they had finally settled on terms for their engagement and were busily planning their wedding?  Such relationships were beyond his comprehension, though he understood their importance to other people.  'Then why are you racing to see her?' He asked himself.  He already know the answer.  Mari reminded him of himself... his other self.  The one with all the feelings and serious anger management issued.  'I probably should have brought thicker armor.'

Reaching the appointed place, Freyd surveyed the landscape.  Snow blanketed the small cottage nestled by the lake.  It looked Mari and counter-Mari at the same time.  Approaching the door, he noticed two trails of snow-filled tracks leading out to the far side of the lake, where a group of recently cleared stone markers stood in contrast to the surrounding white.  Graves?  He pondered the sight mixed with the memory of the orange marker that hovered over her head like an angry judgement, until he realized that his hand was still holding the door knocker and waiting to strike.

She'd killed.  So what? He'd done as much, or worse, depending on your point of view.  Who knew what madness this world had inflicted upon her?  He had no such excuse for his crimes.

[Mari 1]

"Freyd..." Mari greeted him with the same smile she was used to wearing. Pleasant. Welcoming. There was no need to worry about this meeting. They were just talking, she didn't know him well enough to have a solid impression of him but she had a good enough indicator that he head a solid head on his shoulders. Mari opened her door wider to allow him to enter - stepping to the side. A wave of warmth spilled over the threshold between inside and out. "Thanks for coming."

Directly opposite the door was a small table; enough to fit two if they were to squish together, on it a layer of dust. It was clear Mari didn't use it. To the right; a roaring fireplace, there is a place to put a pot to cook food, but the hook was currently empty. The floor before the fireplace looked like it had been draped in a few different indescribable animal skins. If anyone were to look closer there'd probably be cheeto dust crunched into them from a child that she often looked after. In front of the fireplace are two chairs facing opposite each other; made from a rich red velvet, adorned in pillows. One was in disarray, the other remained pristine. There is also a small mirror on the left hand wall, round without trimming. It was covered by a sheet of material.

To the immediate left, right by the window is a small corner that looked like it didn't quite belong in the room - cobble floor fell away to a light tatami mat - and atop that sat a Kotasu table. It's surface made of a wood that had been stained a golden brown. The surrounding material, thick and plush made of blue. Atop the table sat a small ornate teapot - painted with the images of the 'Great Wave of Kanagawa' and beside it two matching cups.

Mari gestured toward the Kotatsu. "Uh, here - " She gestured toward the warm table, the feelings of unease beginning to bubble up. "I  hope this is okay, if not we can go sit at the table back there -" Mari jutted her thumb to the table behind them, against the far wall. "But I find nothing better than sharing stories over a hot cup of tea to warm the inside." Mari patted her stomach twice for emphasis.

"So - you holding up okay after that battle?" Mari asked as she headed for the Kotasu, kneeling down by one side she carefully tucked her legs into it before shifting to a cross-legged position. Mari carefully picked up the teapot and poured first for her guest, then for her. 

A sweet, milky matcha tea.

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

 

Edited September 4, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

Internally Freyd's mind was processing several conflicting lines of thought simultaneously.

The first was automatically threat and tactical assessment.  It always kicked in, regardless of the situation, but the graves outside and glaring 'Eye of Sauron' over Mari's head shifted it into overdrive.  It had warned against coming here and been overridden - something to which it was completely unaccustomed.  Every disarming element of their setting sent it into apoplectic fits of paranoid delusion: Mari's casual clothes, her seeming and inexplicable interest in Freyd, the sinister comfort of her humble abode, etc.  To the first voice, these were warning signs that screamed of a setup by a cunning black widow - some wily seductress who would coerce him into voluntarily lowering his defenses before she pounce.  They should run!  

 If Mari wanted me dead, none of this pretense would alter the outcome, and she's had plenty of opportunities before now.  The first voice was silenced.

The second was his boundless curiosity, never tempered into a more adult sense of passing interest.  Like a child's, his curiosity burned with a need for answers that drove him with relentless determination.  Normally, it just fed the first voice, but this time its interests were less rational.  It felt something familiar in Mari's erratic behaviour - a rare trait that it could only ascribe to the kinship shared by two souls broken in a similar manner.  Where others saw incongruity in her behaviour, the second voice saw familiar drives struggling to achieve elusive harmony.  Why was she mothering only to push everyone away? Why did she scold for the very same actions she would then perform herself?  Why doesn't she make sense?

Sense requires recognition of patterns from critical data.  It is why we overruled the first voice.  If I can understand her, maybe I can understand myself.   The second voice was sated.

The last and meekest of the three flowed always in the background, if it contributed at all.  Freyd's emotions had always run cold, operating at diminished capacity.  Sometimes they seemed not to exist at all.  'Sociopath', the doctors had mentioned.  It wasn't that he didn't have a conscience, it just didn't operate with the same basic principles as everyone else.  Pretentious assholes.  They quoted textbooks or espoused theories, but none of them had truly hit the mark, and it wasn't all that hard to figure out.  Insular from the start, those nascent emotions had been stunted by distant parents and forced solitude that became the norm.  Eventually, they were the only comfort he knew, which bred an awkwardness that festered under the bullying tyranny of 'normalcy'.  It was the only part of him that might be considered truly human, and remained stunted and sheltered behind the constructs he had built to protect it.  Those constructs had grown fearsome beyond its ability to control - except this time.  Today was the first time the third voice had gotten its way in decades.

Cheetos. The mirror.  One worn out chair.  While other aspects of his mind absorbed and processed data, these were things that captured the essence of a child.  Something about her calls to me.

None of this was visible externally.  Freyd's control over his facade was absolute and unwavering.  Smiling politely, speaking softly, with great courtesy and just the right touch of manicured awkwardness, any indiscretions made the rest appear all that much more believable.  It was the false him, crafted and worn like a skin to keep the world unsuspecting, and ultimately non-threatening.

"You have a lovely home, Mari." He said as he replacing his boots with comfortable indoor shoes, careful not to traipse melting snow all over her floor.  The first voice had forbidden him to do away with his armor, which was fine.  He was always more comfortable in it anyway, and its appearance was more akin to dark-coloured travelling clothes than the fulsome metal worn by most.  Gently, he lowered his trademark cowl.  It wasn't needed here, and she had more than earned the right to look him in the eye. 

"Your kimono," he said, nodding rather than pointing, "isn't it the same one you wore at the Tanabata festival?  It suits you."  Freyd's style was always to favour honestly.  It made later lies more palatable, not that he expected those would be required here.  The third voice desperately wanted them not to be.

"I  hope this is okay, if not we can go sit at the table back there.  But I find nothing better than sharing stories over a hot cup of tea to warm the inside." 

"This will do just fine." He seated himself, holding up his cup as she poured and thanking her graciously.

"So - you holding up okay after that battle?"

Allowing himself a soothing sip of tea, and a grateful smile to help put her at ease.  "No better or worse than before, but thanks for asking."  He really wasn't being coy.  Freyd's moods were practically non-existent.  "I suppose that we're all meant to be like sailors about to meet the great wave."  He pointed with a single finger to the tea pot. 

"What about you?"

 

 

[Mari 1]

It suits you
    It's a rather plain kimono isn't it?
                  It doesn't stand out, but that works for you, no?


She relaxed as he did, watching Freyd ease tired and sore muscles by the kotatsu, not under - at least not what she could see. But enough. "Mmmm...." Mari didn't quite get his phrasing, even after he pointed to the teapot, connecting it to the great wave. "I suppose." It'd be rude for her to dismiss it, wouldn't it? Her gaze lingered on the teapot. Three fishing boats up against the might of an unexpected wave. Was that it? Were they all just destined to be constantly beaten down by wave after wave of unexpected bullsh*t? Mari took another sip from her own cup. Bitter - but with tones of honeyed sweetness from the milk. Remarkably similar to how sh'ed have made it at home. Mari slowly closed her eyes. That...was a pretty grim way of looking at things. It wouldn't be fair to just shove that on top of his shoulders. "They pull through, though." Mari said simply as she set her cup down. "The fishermen that is." Mari added as she gestured again to the teapot.  "They have to. They're bringing fish to a market. To their home. If not them, who? if they are swallowed up by the sudden wave- what would become of their home?

Mari shrugged. This was getting a little too introspective for her liking. "Course-" Her tone shifted to a more light-hearted one as she waved off her own words dismissively. "We're talking about a painting not real life, right?" She asked, almost as though she knew the contrasts between the two. The similarities.  Mari set her cup down and began to trace the rim of it.

"Since we're both fine and dandy - would you tell me more about your little problem?" Mari shifted, leaning forward. Placing a elbow on the table so she could rest her chin in her hand. "And i I'm being honest. I'm kinda curious about this dream you had." Mari offered him a wry grin. "It's nothing insidious or naughty, is it?"

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

"We're talking about a painting not real life, right?"  Freyd could already tell that getting too heady would be problematic.  Mari spoke plainly.  He was only used to doing so when spouting the double-speak that was integral to his trade - be that merchant or spy master.  Blunt, honest talk might be harder for him than it sounded.

"And if I'm being honest. I'm kinda curious about this dream you had." Mari offered him a wry grin. "It's nothing insidious or naughty, is it?"

Now here was a game he could play, though it was just another chess board to him.  He'd learned how to seduce and manipulate long ago, but there was no true feeling behind it.  It was just another means to an end, and he didn't want to do that to Mari.  His instincts were telling him that she'd already been hurt that way too many times.

"Oh!  Is that the real reason why you called me here?"  He laughed it off, hoping to shed his previously formality in the process.  She had offered the easing, or so it seemed.  "How do I explain this without sounding worse than I already have?"  He removed his gloves, dismissing them to his inventory and nestled into his chair, preparing to spin a good and true yarn, at least as he recalled it.  "It was an exceptionally vivid one, albeit very strange.  Three massive god-like beings that looked like meme rejects had descended upon a mass of players in the main plaza of the Town of Beginnings.  They were Rain Minion 12, some gigantic pig-creature and an immense goblin of some kind.  They started flexing to cause injury - don't ask, it still doesn't make any sense.  Everyone else seemed to lose their minds.  You and a few others - but mostly you - tried to rally everyone into some form of coordinated attack."

He paused to take another sip and gauge her reaction, especially to the idea of her heroic leadership.  

"You noticed that I was falling into line while most others went nuts, looked me dead in the eye and told me to find after it was all over."  Freyd's brow furrowed as he got the crux of the mystery.  "Here's the catch: I have a mind like a steel trap, and rarely forget a face.  I know it was you, as surely as I you stand before me now, but we didn't actually meet until the Tanabata festival, weeks later.  I have no idea how to explain it."

Hiding the tiniest of smiles behind his cup, his delivery completely deadpan, he added one little embellishment.

"Oh, and you were naked, of course."

Spoiler

http://www.sao-rpg.com/topic/19576-the-ultimate-showdown/?do=findComment&comment=611532

Non-canon event.

 

[Mari 1]

Hook, line, and sinker...

Oh!  Is that the real reason why you called me here?"

"What!?" Her own joke backfired, the tips of her ears and her cheeks warming with the embarrassment of such an accusation. "Please." Mari chided as she lifted the cup to her face, masking her mouth behind it. "I'm not that invested in your lil' fantas-" She abruptly stopped as Freyd continued. Curiosity snapping her jaw shut - Mari remained silent as she took a long, loud sip from her cup. Furrowed eyes watching him. He was more dangerous than she thought. Mari had originally dismissed him as some sort of bumbling teenager. But the way he held himself, and the deep reverb of his voice. He was quite possibly older.

The cup slowly lowered to the table as he explained his ridiculous story. "I dunno how good I'd be at rallying others. I'm not exactly someone people really look up to." Mari said thoughtfully, ignoring the rest of the dream for now. She was doing her best to keep a stoic expression, though it was clear from her tone of voice that she found the dream nothing short of....surprising. She half expected the dream to be more malicious.  One about murder, mayhem - the usual thing that people relate to her. Mari's expression soured briefly as she thought of Zandra and her accusations toward Mari. About how Mari had apparently enjoyed killing, had killed two dozen or more people. The name Lisona constantly thrown around. But Macradon confirmed it - no such name even existed on the monument. Lies. 

Mari lifted her cup to take another sip only to splutter it as Freyd told her that 'dream her' told him to find her after it was all over. "I-what?" Mari wiped her chin with the back of her hand. "I told you to find me?"  Mari shook her head. "Of all the- look. This sounds a little odd - but I..." What was she to say? That she'd never just outright tell someone to find her? Simply for falling in line? 

"That's....definitely not what I-."

"Oh, and you were naked, of course."

Her cup clattered to the Kotatsu, its contents spilling as the cup rolled to the floor. If she wasn't red before she was now. "Who in their righti fu**ing mind would ever want to see that!" She exclaimed. 
@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

Edited September 5, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

Freyd shrugged nonchalantly.  "You asked."  He sipped his tea again, appreciating its distinct flavour.  "And people get way too hung up on anatomy.  Don't worry - you look great."  His change of tense was deliberate.  He also didn't think it prudent to push his hostess too much farther during their first real conversation and limited options for escape.

"Put yourself in my shoes: what if the whole encounter with the Spire Vanguard in the woods had been one of your own dreams, and then we'd suddenly met at the bottom  of a collapsed lake?  I get it - it's just weird.  Maybe it's just a nerve gear glitch or something.  I doubt we'll ever know."

He politely asked for another cup of tea, creating a break to change the topic.

"As to the business of the Sundered Spire..." he sighed.  "What I told you in the woods outside of Coral was all true.  I stumbled across signs of them starting on floor five, where they were using false mat nodes as player bait.  After that, I just kept finding more and more breadcrumbs: bandits forging those vanguard golems we fought on floor nine, even a flaming tiger that dropped one of their tokens, on floor... I don't recall, but it's where Vigilon fell out of the sky and landed on his face.  I'd have dismissed it as some kind of breakdown if it wasn't for the fact that others were seeing the same thing."  He summoned one of the tokens into his open palm.  This one looked like alabaster with the red tower inset of ruby and the sundering sword of jet.  

"At first, I thought they were some weird kind of event drop.  It wasn't until after the Battle of the Cratered Lake that I learned of their purpose.  They're encryption keys, used by the agents of the Spire to encode and decode important missives.  Whoever or whatever is behind this group - they're not stupid.  They know their own strengths and our weaknesses, and they move freely between floors.  If it hadn't been for whatever saved us when the lake fell, a lot of players would have died - maybe even some front liners like yourself."  Freyd still didn't think of himself as comparable in skill or worthy of standing with those who battled the very worst that Aincrad had to offer.  He hadn't proven it to himself yet, though to consider his standards unrealistic would be an understatement.

Vanity Tag: @Vigilon

[Mari 1]

It took a few moments for Mari to recollect herself, she quietly picked up the cup and although it was an act in futility - for the spilled drink would soon disappear Mari pulled a handkerchief from her inventory and wiped the wooden surface clean. Her brows furrowed. The hell was his game? Mari invited him here for a friendly chat. He didn't have to chide her like that - Mari was joking. But did he have to keep making such hurtful quips? The Kimono suited her. She looked great. "Tch.." What a rort. Such dumb flattery wouldn't work on her. Mari was wise enough to know those words held little truth. 

"You asked-"

Asshole

He even had the audacity to ask her to refill his cup. As though the pot weren't within his own damn reach. Mari clenched her jaw. She wanted to push him out and away from her home. Sure, she started it, but she should have known better. Or maybe, she simply underestimated him. Mari really didn't want reminders about herself. Mari drew in a sharp breath through her nose and held it there a moment. There was nothing to gain from being angry at him. She was the one at fault. She chided him, she goaded him and he reciprocated unexpectedly. Mari pushed her feelings down.

Mari carefully poured him another tea; her face blank as she listened to him. "I'd say its unusual for NPCs to bait players like that but-" Mari paused, leaning back and away from Freyd. "It's not the first time I've heard of such things. I once..." Mari paused. Not sure if she was willing to share the information with a near stranger, especially one like Freyd. Mari shifted her gaze away. Right...she had entered a cave before with Life - he had lead her there fully aware of the insidious design of the place. How it created a ghostly visage of her daughter - had it screeching at her. Calling Mari a monster. Wanting her to die. Then there was the calming the soul quest. That was where her former best friend had also tried to kill her.

"There are places....and quests..." Mari started quietly. "That are there to play on our insecurities - to push us to our emotional limits. I don't think its a mistake, glitch, nor an accident. Right from the start-" Mari shifted her eyes back to Freyd.  "This place - it's nothing more than a playground for a madman to test the limits of the human psyche, don't you think?" Credit where it was due; despite her earlier frustrations and flustered misshap, Mari was quick to recover - perhaps not so much recover but mask it. So used to pushing things down to her being able to focus and forget her own needs became second nature to the woman.  If someone where to walk in on the two now, it was clear that the one who held command of the room was Mari. Sharp blue eyes trapped Freyd in their gaze - soft lips pressed into a stoic line. Back straight and shoulders back. Tensed. Ready to strike if she so deemed it.

Freyd pulled out a strange token and Mari reached out to pluck it from his hand in a single fluid motion. "mmm..." Mari turned it over and over between thumb and fingers. "Vigilon? Brattly little kid with a dragon? Yeh. I know him. Needs to get a better grip on himself and his familiar. But - something you said bothers me.  Encryption keys? Encoding and Decoding? I ain't really tech savvy but isn't that kinda impossible? A place like Aincrad..." Mari paused as she carelessly tossed the trinket back onto the table.

"I Can believe everything else....But -You tellin' me some angsty hero or anti-hero wanna-be teenagers or whatever can actively get access to millions of lines of code-" Mari paused and corrected herself, "Contentiously updating million lines of code and just....boop. Something onto it or outta it?" Mari scoffed. "That. I don't believe. Unless..." Mari shifted her body forward. Leaning her arms on the table so she could further encroach into his space. 

"You're implyin' that this is all the work of NPCs?"

Mari ignored the line where she could have died, she was well beyond caring for that right now. "And if it were - then perhaps we, the players are right in the middle of warring lines of data? Hmm?"

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

He watched her anger rise and simmer, nearly to a boil, before she swallowed it back down again.  Mari was his opposite in many ways - she took the emotional route by default where he ignored it completely.  Freyd had been connecting these dots for weeks, and even his cold, calculating mind had been awed by the magnitude of it, and the potential consequences.  Mari needed time, and a bit of space, to do the same.

"This place - it's nothing more than a playground for a madman to test the limits of the human psyche, don't you think?"

"That is precisely what I think, and have thought since the moment Kayaba gave use his little red-sky rant in the Town of Beginnings."  The was absolutely no doubt in his voice.  "The technical capacity for any of this to happen isn't really a factor.  I'm not completely a techie either, but I know enough to be sure that the Cardinal system processes orders of magnitude more data on a daily basis than this sort of effort would ever require.  No, my greatest fear is that Cardinal may be involved, acting as an independent agent."  He let that sink in for a moment.

"Think about it: everyone is so focused on Kayaba and his made schemes, but they ignore the mechanism of the jail - in fact, the jailor itself.  Look at the level of detail in this room."  He ran his finger along the smooth edge of the table, felt the warmth of the tea in his hand and watched steam slowly rise from the liquid sloshing in meticulous degree within it.  The house creaked beneath the wind gusts and snow continued to fall, filling footprints no one was watching.  "Cardinal churns out enough data for ten thousand of us to receive myriad sources of input, plus everything else that none of us are even there to perceive.   And, it's been doing it for years.  If evolution is a matter of constant iteration, Cardinal has been given ample opportunity to evaluate and learn. "

He paused, gathering his own thoughts and searching for memories.

"Calming the Soul and Let the be Light were two formative quests in my own past.  But I'm also keenly aware that they expose our hearts to the system... no... that they reveal how much of our hearts the system already knows.  Cardinal has all the data it needs before the quest even begins."  He placed his cup and saucer back down on the table.

"As to whether this is a civil war, or just some nascent faction..." he sighed.  "Hell, it could just as easily be another unannounced event meant to be revealed in an unorthodox manner, though the mob memory-retention is a complicating added touch."  Freyd shook his head, staring at the covered mirror again, as if it represented their current circumstance.  Would people even want to know the truth, if they had the option?

[Mari 1]

"At first I thought you were a kid." Mari said, perhaps a little too honestly. She had been watching him since she had calmed down. His eyes, again with that almost crimson gleam to them flitted about her room every so often. His gaze lingered on random objects. The windowsill, the fireplace - the covered mirror. As though he was drinking in every little detail. As though it all had some secret waiting to be revealed. Mari had to admit, it was a little interesting to watch his process.

"Not just your words, but your actions. It's...how do I put it..." Mari drank from the cup to give herself time to find the right words. How would one describe the  Freyd in front of her? The first thought was arrogant asshole - but Mari had to remember he was just matching her, tit for tat. "Mature, I guess." It wasn't the word Mari wanted to use, but she didn't want to let too much silence linger between her words.

"It wouldn't surprise me." Mari said quietly as she shifted blue eyes down to the half full cup. Mari absently swirled it. "Cardinal probably has a number of AI to help run itself. It's sorta something out of a sci-fi movie or isekai anime. Except..." Mari lowered her cup and ran her hand over the smooth finish of the table, twitching at the slightly sticky residue leftover from the spilled tea earlier. It was all so real. "This is reality." Mari hated to say it. She kept thinking she'd wake up and that her husband wasn't an two timing asshole, her daughter would be alive - and she'd be on her way home from her business trip.  But each and every day was a grim reminder that those times were long gone.

"The fight against Skalaugh the Reaver got me thinking... data never really just disappears. Heck - we saw proof of it. Simple mobs remembering all the times we killed them. Rallying under the banner of some kinda crystal...crystal..." Mari paused and rolled her hand trying to find the right word. "Crystal behemoth!" She said with a slap down on the table. "Ah- Sorry. " She was perhaps a little too exuberant with that outburst. 

Mari's eyes followed Freyd's fingers as they shifted across the table. "I haven't done calming the soul yet." Let there be Light was a different story, that was the one with the lost child. Mari swallowed, closing her eyes and lightly shaking the memory from her head. The NPC child was...uncanny. A little too much like the 'perfect child' it unnerved Mari. "But - I agree with everything else. Those things are strapped to our slowly rotting carcasses out the-" Mari bit her tongue. That wasn't pleasant was it? She was getting too comfortable.

"I mean- those machines are strapped to our heads. Powerful enough to cook our brains - who knows what else its doing. How capable...." Mari stopped. Guilt. She felt guilt. "How...capable it is of affecting us - changing our emotions...just think. All it could have taken - is a single angry alchemist to create potions that could enrage you. Create great sadness, or addictive euphoria." Mari unfurled her legs from beneath her, letting them slink further beneath the kotatsu. She lifted up neatly manicured fingers as they danced upon invisible piano keys in the air. "Concoctions that make us loose our minds."

"But..."

Somewhere between all those explanations - her tone shifted. Calm, calculating. Unnerving. The way she spoke of such things. Her hand slowly lowered to place upon the table. Ice eyes staring at Freyd with a dangerous clarity. "Such things are no longer possible. The very system itself ruling such things too dangerous. Too chaotic. Yet here it is, that very system..." Mari lifted her eyes to the ceiling.

"Creating that same chaos. "

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

[Freyd 0]

"Old soul."  It wasn't clear by his tone or inflection whether Freyd was offering or insisting on an alternative response to her assertion.  Maybe it was just his explanation.  His eyes were fixated on the mirror as he spoke.  "I don't think I've every truly been a child - not a normal one, by any honest definition.  It makes it strangely fitting that I find myself at the centre of a shit-storm about immortal mobs.  I'm not ancient, but I might as well be compared to most of the other players in this game.  Too many of them are barely more than kids."

Leaning forward, Freyd placed his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on a hammock of intertwined fingers.  "Honestly, Mari, I don't really know what to make of most of this.  I get input and just try to figure it out.  I do the best I can with it, even if it means having to play a fool or be a callous jerk to keep people alive.  My ego is either shatter-proof or non-existent, by this point.  I guess it all depends on your perspective."  His eyes had shifted back to her before she realized that he'd been studying her reaction as her agitation grew during her description of the mind-altering substances.  There were recognizable signs of addiction in her expression that could be disturbing.  Whatever... everyone has flaws.  He filed it away for later consideration, in case it ever became relevant.  Now came the moment of truth.

"I'm going to take a chance here, and lay some cards on the table.  I play whatever games are required to survive.  I will lie, distract, obfuscate, manipulate, cheat and act like a right bastard, all from the shadows, if it brings Cardinal down and gets as many of us out of here as possible.  Every bit of information I collect gives us another edge against the system.  Each item I can get identified in my shop is another tool to put in the hands of people to help win this fight."  He closed his eyes and took a breath.  This much direct and open honesty was exhausting and went completely against years of maintaining carefully crafted illusions, but she hard already started to guess, and he needed people he could trust.  He also felt, or hoped, that some of it would resonate within her.

"I'm not a knight in shining armor, a martyr, or a hero, Mari.  I'm not special and don't want to be.  I'm the janitor, or that techie friend you know who gets called whenever your device fails, or the handyman you call when the plumbing brakes.  It's my chosen role to sweep aside the crap and get the dots connected whenever things have to happen, and it's usually easier to do that when no one is watching or knows what I'm up to.  If it helps us get out of here, then I will live with myself and whatever I had to do to get there."  

Freyd fell slowly backward into his chair, sitting there limp like something had just sucked the life out him.  His eyes were closed, careworn creases visible at their edges.  Fatigue was clear upon his face.  Even his hair seemed to have stopped getting in the way, and it never cooperated.  He hadn't really believed that he could say the words, nor truly fathom why he revealed himself so openly to this woman.  They hardly knew each other, and he still considered her unstable - a significant risk factor.  He raised his arms up, palms open, as if to say 'there it is'.  His palms and long, slender fingers were pointing back at her. 

Slowly, his eyes re-opened, his face remaining neutral.  It was up to her to decide where she wanted this to go.

[Mari 1]

"I wasn't asking your actual age, no need to be so mysterious about it, Freyd." Mari said as she absently tapped the wooden surface. Her hands were always doing something, fidgeting, restless. A stark contrast to his neat and composed form. 

 "Too many of them are barely more than kids."

Mari laughed quietly to herself. "We are in a game. I'd imagine the target demographic is the recluse teen. Really." Mari sighed softly as she shut her eyes. "Though with you I'd say mayhaps moody adult? Jeez...I don't know what this world expects. I keep seeing younger and younger kids here and at first. It unnerves me, terrifies me. I ask why the f**k  are they here - but - we gotta remember. They were just playing a game. We all were." 

But things change.

Honestly, Mari, I don't really know what to make of most of this. 

There. It seemed like his perfectly stoic demeanor had cracked. He sounded tired. Fatigued. And who could blame him, just days -weeks ago he was chasing rumours and now it had suddenly become all too real. As he leaned back, telling her all he was willing to do Mari silently stood and shifted to the unused chair by the fire. She hefted the plushest, fluffiest, white blanket off of it and dragged it over to the Kotatsu. "I'm too tired for that. All that lying, cheating, manipulating. I Thought that was once the right thing to do. Why bother being close to people when they die or leave but..." Mari paused. It just made the world hate her. He would say that he didn't care - but no one could bear the weight of all that hatred and come out unscathed. No one.

"It's stupid to shoulder that all on your own though." Mari said quietly as she draped the heavy blanket over his back, tufts of white tickling his cheeks. Mari smoothed it out over his back and let her hands linger on his shoulders. "The reason I bought you here wasn't to intimidate you. But to offer you my help. I say what I say not to scare you but to give you the reality of my transgressions." Mari leaned over Freyd to pick up the intricately designed teapot. So she could fill his half empty cup. Steam rose as liquid sloshed , breaking an otherwise still silence.

"I ain't good with words. I can't offer you much profound advice, nor can I talk as though I were plucked from some sort of play or movie...where everything just falls into line. If anything..." Mari finally shifted away from him. Socked feet padding away from him - no longer encroaching on his personal space. Mari knew how much people hated it when she did that, when she was close. But for those brief moments it looked almost like he needed it. "I'm more likely to fumble them. To say something messed up." She had done so, countless times in the past. "I'm human, after all." She added with a tired, wry smile.

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

Edited September 6, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

"Sorry," he chuckled mildly as she started to wander the room, "mystery is an occupational hazard - and I'm twenty five, or I was.  I'm not even sure what time means in here."  That smallest recess of his mind was screaming for him to tell her his real name - to actually make a human connection.  But it was overruled.  The third voice had achieved more than its share already, and his nature would not be so casually undone.

"I know they're kids.  That wasn't my point, though you had it right about maturity.  Some choose to be children, others have been denied the chance to grow into more.  We're fortunate that so many actually have solid heads on their shoulders."  There was no point in naming anyone specific.  She'd fill in her own blanks, or blow up at him if he gave voice to opinions that differed from her own.  It would be counterproductive.

"I'm too tired for that. All that lying, cheating, manipulating. I Thought that was once the right thing to do but... It's stupid to shoulder that all on your own though."  The feel of the blanket being draped across his shoulders caught him completely off guard.  His head perked up immediately, but his mind clamped down on the rest of his reflexes before he did something stupid to ruin the moment.  His eyes were wide with awe.  In all the scenarios and outcomes he had plotted in his machine mind, such an action never occurred as a possibility.  How could it?  He'd shut himself off from these types of gestures and feelings so long ago.

"The reason I bought you here wasn't to intimidate you. But to offer you my help. I say what I say not to scare you but to give you the reality of my transgressions."

For once, he was at a loss for words.  His head and red-strewn eyes followed as she refilled his cup, listening intently as she peeled back the curtain on her intentions and some insecurities.

"I'm human, after all."

His mouth opened and shut twice before he finally managed to make it work properly.  All the fancy, formal language floating through his head felt hollow and inappropriate.  He needed to say something different - something that was and wasn't him at the same time.

"Takeshi," he finally blurted out.  "My name is Takeshi, and I need your help..."  His eyes scanned around as if desperately searching for some purchase.  The first two voices raged inside his head.  BETRAYAL!  Barely above a whisper, shaking his head as the words spilled out, his brow furrowed as it sought to shut his mouth by frowning, he added his plea just as his frantic eyes found hers again.

"...because I'm not sure if I'm human anymore."

[Mari 1]

"hmmmm... That means you are...err... Were at least a year younger than me. Gosh I don't know how old I am now. 28? 30? The flow of time is so messed up here." Mari had no real care if he knew her age it was not like she was trying to hide it. If anything, she was surprised to hear how close they were. Although, the more she spoke to him the more she could see it.

Mari watched quietly as Freyd open and closed his mouth, struggling to comprehend the simple action. It must have been painful for him, especially if such a small act caused such a vast reaction. It was almost as if he completely shut down, and for a moment Mari I was worried that she had done something wrong. Took things too far again. As she closed her eyes she couldn't help but recall life's voice echoing in the recesses of her mind.

Her former friend calling her cancer, a blight on the world. The words that rang most loud. 'You deserve to suffer.'

Mari had offered to reach out to him but hesitated. Her touch caused this in the first place. She was sure he didn't need her anywhere near him right now. Mari lowered her gaze to the table. Blue eyes tracing the patterns in the woodwork. she pulled her hand away from him and hit them beneath the table. Mari chewed on her cheek as she debated on a what to say next. What could she say? What could she do to make this better?

Takeshi, My name is Takeshi, and I need your help..."

Mari's head shot up at those pleading words. Again she felt the pain of guilt tear at her from inside. Clawing at her and telling her that she was selfish, all she was doing was sitting here fretting about herself when there was someone before her who was calling out for anyone to help him. And somehow, for some reason, that someone was her.

"Takeshi..." Mari spoke his name n a long drawn out whisper. It was hard to pick the tone of a voice, but it was clear they were traces of concern upon her words. 

Everything screamed at her to stop as Mari reached out with a tentative and unsure hand. The table was small enough for her to easily grasp his own with hers.

"If anything, today has shown me you're just as human as anyone." She squeezed his hand tighter. The warmth from her soft palm leaking into his cold fingers. "Thanks for trusting me with your name."

Edited September 6, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

"If anything, today has shown me you're just as human as anyone." She squeezed his hand tighter. The warmth from her soft palm leaking into his cold fingers. "Thanks for trusting me with your name."

He coughed a laugh, as if breathing had suddenly stopped being automatic for him.  It took him a second to keep from choking.  Should that even be possible?  He looked up at her holding his hand.  Normally he would recoil, but his instincts were offline.  Instead, he gently returned the grip, with gratitude.

"Ugh... every part of me doesn't want to talk about any of this.  I've been bottling it off for so long.  So many people have tried to claw their way inside my messed up head for so long, and here I am spilling the contents all over your coffee table.  This doesn't seem fair to you.  I'm sure you have enough shit to deal with without me doing this."  He clenched his teeth, as if something inside him was trying to re-assert control.  Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, momentarily, he relaxed again.

"Let's do this right.  You should go first.  You mentioned that you wanted to clear the air about... 'transgressions' I think you called them."  He hesitated to mention it, but took a chance.  "I saw the stones outside," he added softly.  "And I'm guess the orange mark over your head gets you plenty of grief.  Why don't you say what you wanted to say, first.  I promise, it won't be repeated."  He still held her hand, sensing that it was safe to do so, and that Mari might need the very proximity he so often deliberately avoided. "Please.  I think I need to hear it before I can speak about my own... 'transgressions'."

Whatever his faults, at least he was already a good listener.

[Mari 1]

Freyd coughed -  and Mari's immediate thought was that he was uncomfortable, but then there was an awkward laugh that was - kinda sweet. It was the way he laughed. Most would consider a loud exclamation of noises laughter, but this? The small way his shoulders shook, like they were finally released from a heavy weight - and the tiny quirks of his mouth as it tried to curve upwards before he reigned them in. Ever so cautious of how he presented himself to the world.

"Then don't." Mari said as though it was the simplest answer in the world. "If you're uncomfortable with things then-" Mari gestured calmly to the door. "You are free to leave any time, but I'd be amiss if I didn't say that I kinda think ya need it. But I'm no maytr. I'd barely consider myself a nice person." Mari pulled her hand away and let it sit back into the folds of her Yukata within her lap. Why was it always her? People like Yuki, Hidden, Macradon...Oikawa They all had their burdens - and all had come to her in their time of need. Now Freyd, or she supposed Takashi was here. What was it about her that allowed people to do this? Mari kept a stoic face as her hands curled into her yukata, clutching the material tightly. Shoulders stiffening. "It's plenty fair."  If people were coming to her, regardless the reason - Mari would do her best to help them. No matter how tired she was. How lonely. She'd push through with a freckled smile. She'd rid them all of the monsters inside their heads. Mari had already fallen, there was no need for others to follow suit.

"I don't hide what I've done. The monument standing tall within the Town of Beginnings makes that impossible. Freyd..." Mari drew a deep breath. "I'm a murderer. A mass murderer. Those graves are reminders to myself, and to others that those people - they are human beings, much like you, and I took them. I took things I could never give back. I've experimented on the human psyche - and I've pushed people to do terrible things." Mari shook her head. "All I can do now, is make sure I don't fall back to that. To let the memories of those people live on through me and through bringing everyone else out of here. Nothing more, nothing less."

Mari straightened her back and pushed her hair back away from her face, offering Freyd a grin. "You're really no bother. I'm the one who offered to help. So- Takashi. What can Jacobs Ladder do to help you?"

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

Edited September 6, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

He listened silently as she laid bare and plain the summary of her sins, without the details.  She never said why she had killed.  It struck him as an odd omission, but he chose not to push.  She hadn't squared the pain with herself, though she put on a brave front.  She seemed to be all about putting up brave fronts, but who took care of Mari, other than Mari?  Was there anyone?  It seemed as if her antics and prickly demeanor had pushed others away.

"Maybe we can help each other," he offered, though he meant Mari and Freyd, not Jacob's Ladder.  He knew virtually nothing of her guild and most of leads had dried up.  This needed to be a more personal exchange.  "When I was nine years old, I was already already well along the path of the quiet, introverted kid.  Too smart for my own good, and too awkward to know how to deal with other people, let alone myself.  Circumstances compelled me to live inside my head, where I dug a nice deep hole and buried anything and everything that ever made me feel anything.  By the time I reached twelve, the seed I'd buried had festered into something dark.  I didn't even know it was there until some stupid kid in my class pushed me over the edge."  Freyd took a sip of his tea, the memories coming flooding back into his mind.  "I lost it, and let that darkness out.  It scared the crap out out of everybody, including my parents.  Paralyzed the little shit from the neck down."

There was no emotion in his voice, at all.  He might as well have been reading from the phone book, or his grocery shopping list.

"I can't judge you for whatever you did, Mari.  My own hands are no less clean, and weren't forced by some madman's death game.  Somehow, I just got lucky enough not to have my deeds branded in the air above my head, but I'd deserve it if they were.  I've kept that darkness locked up tight ever since, fearing what could happen if it ever got out."

He switched gears again, trying to get back to the business at hand.

"Defeating my Gemini was the very first quest I ever completed in this bloody game.  It helped me hide who and what I am.  I guess whatever we are in here absorbed some of the code from that quest as part of the reward.  Jump ahead to the recent battle with Skalaugh.  Things were pretty grim and intense down there, and I tapped involuntarily into that same darkness again.  It was worse than the previous time." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, glancing down as if expecting to see blood, or black ichor, or both.

"After that business at the Cratered Lake, I went hunting in the woods that surround Coral on floor 22.  There were plenty of stragglers still in the area from the Sundered Spire's original surface assault.  Something... happened.  I'm really not sure how to explain it, but it felt like that darkness found a way to unlock its own cage.  It literally clawed it way out of me."  He shivered slightly as a wave of nausea swept over him.  When he resumed speaking, his voice was distant and his eyes glassy.  

"When I looked up at it, the thing had taken my shape, like the Gemini, but its eyes were like those twisted mobs that serve the Spire.  And, ever since, I just keep feeling... empty.  It's as if I've been walking around like some sort of spent and discarded husk."

Standing slowly, he walked over and stood deliberately in front of the covered mirror, staring at it while interposing himself between the wall and main source of light by Mari's side.  It was only then that she noticed: he cast no shadow at all. 

 

[Mari 1]

"Maybe we can help each other,"

"Of course!" Mari began as she placed her hands back on the table and around her small teacup. "Jacobs Ladder is-" Her words and zealousness fizzled out as Freyd continued. It seemed his definition of help, and hers - were two different things. Mari listened to his story silently. She couldn't exactly relate - she was never a social  butterfly, but she had never gone so far down as he had - at least - not in her youth.

She knew what it was like though. Isolation. Suffocating in a prison of your own design. "No matter how hard we try..." Mari began quietly as her blue eyes fluttered downward. She delicately traced her thumbs over the rim of her cup. "We can never truly push everything down. At some point - we'll crack, and explode at those around us." Mari spoke with the weight of experience. How many people had she snapped at? How many people had she hurt? 

Never again...

 Mari was a little curious at the ease Freyd had spoken about the incident - did he recoil back into his shell again? It seemed likely. The guy barely managed to understand the concept of someone simply draping a blanket over him. There were so many tatters and tears that scarred him deep. Things that Mari couldn't imagine nor fathom. Furthermore - it was a curiosity in and of itself that he had broached this with her of all people. Doesn't he realize I'm like a poison?

"I'd not care if you did judge me." Mari said with more strength to her tone of voice as she lifted her eyes to met the melting warmth of his own. "I'm...not sure why you're telling me all this but- my offer stands. I guess you feel I can help you in some way with it all. So if you ever need - just let me know." Mari managed a small grin as she pointed at herself. "If anything, I'm a pretty resilient punching bag."

Keep smiling. Be the person he needs.

"I haven't done the Gemini quest-" Mari said as Freyd recalled his experience with distaste. "I know I should but -  It just doesn't appeal to me right now. Everyone I talk to has such terribly negative experiences with it. Why should I bother to put myself through the same?" Mari leaned forward - over the table to press the tip of her index finger against his nose. The action intended to draw him away from his own darkness. Be it out of recoil or shock. It was subtle, but his tone seemed to drop half an octave. His body seemed to tense, but it may just be a trick of the dimming light outside. "What you're sayin' just cements the fact that I shouldn't bother."

"Don't beat yourself up though - you drew on those emotions, yeh? You focused them against a towering enemy. Sounds like you got some control right?" Mari mused as she leaned back. Mari gave Freyd a questioning glance as he stared at the back of his hand - but didn't voice anything. Sometimes, curiosity was best left alone.

"You're kinda an idiot though." Mari added as she picked up her cup and downed the rest of its contents. Pausing for effect. "You had so many people offering you aid yet you gallivant off into the woods on your own? When you already figured that the game is targeting the psyche." Mari stood abruptly. She felt like he had said enough. She wanted to know more but this was so clearly bothering him.

"So you're empty cause some gross ass thing crawled outta you? I'd be relieved. That crap ain't in you anymore. It's Like..." Mari paused then gave Freyd a cheesy grin. "It's like throwing up after a bad meal, or taking a really good sh*t. You'll feel better."

Mari shifted so she stood  by his side You're empty because you're used to that weight. So we got two options the way I see it. We can go fight this thing and shove it back down your gullet although I have no idea why anyone would want that. OR - we can fill that emptiness with something else. I dunno what, I ain't one for crazy ass speeches - thats Yuki's thing."

@Freyd - The Whisper in Shadows

Edited September 6, 2020 by Mari

[Freyd 0]

"You're kinda an idiot though. You had so many people offering you aid yet you gallivant off into the woods on your own? When you already figured that the game is targeting the psyche."

"Oh, I am definitely an idiot," he agreed, a rueful smile coming back to his face, and light rekindling in his eyes.  "The same special kind that takes on the world's problems while neglecting their own."  It was a deliberate, grazing shot, tit-for-tat with hers.  She had a punchy, playful personality, but used it mostly to conceal her feelings.  There were more than enough clues around between the details of her home and their conversations to put that together.  Where others might find that edge grating, Freyd actually found it refreshing.

"But my idiocy occasionally serves other uses," he added, speaking softly and sincerely.  "First, it confirmed my belief that you're one of the few people I've met in here who has the nerve to handle this place.  We've both been through a lot of shit, in different ways, and people like us need to be able to lean on each other when things go pear-shaped.  Second, I think you go out of your way to try and do right by people, and give them what they need, even if it's not what they want.  And I do think you care, no matter how loudly or physically you protest that you don't."  He pulled the blanket off, holding it like some piece of irrefutable evidence.  "I think you've also been hurt so many times that you can't trust anyone anymore."  He took a chance and placed the same blanket over her shoulders as she stood next to him, pulling it snug around her shoulders.  His eyes locked with hers, set with the same fiery determination she had seen in the woods outside of Coral.  "Lastly, if some barfed-up version of me starts acting extra stupid, you'll now have some insight to go on to determine whether or not it's actually me, and can do what needs to be done if it isn't.  I came here because you offered  to discuss the 'Sundered' issue.  This is the real version.  I don't know the rest of the Tarot, and most in Firm Anima wouldn't understand."

Reaching over, he flicked the cloth off the mirror, revealing their reflected faces staring back at them.

"We both need to choose who we're going to be, and let our pasts fall away." 

The light fabric of the drapery that he had knocked off landed on both of their feet with the fading weight of a dissipating cloud.