[F11-PP] dreaming of dawn.

[NIGHT 0]

location: koga's house.
time: past curfew.

it wasn't really night's fault she'd had dinner late. not as of recent; sometimes it was due to scheduling issues, and others it was because they were getting take out. still, cooking found itself to be a staple, until it wasn't.

the sound of vegetables on the cutting board was enough to shake the woman to her wits.

she was over on invitation. topic matter unabated. and if night had decided she wasn't okay to come over without company, it wasn't as though koga would've rejected her imposition.

and yet. despite her shaking knees, she would still stand alone on her own two feet.

she had a prayer on day's lips before she left. the look of kindness, the fear of her own reflected in ocean eyes. and, almost as a token of warding, night let her pull her hair down. that drench of gold flooding behind the entity. the wrench in night's heart knowing lynn was but a memory to her.

the tie of a scrunchie, that particular eve, as the entity clutched her hand and wished her well.

this was all for her. this was to make her feel better.

on that hour, when the woman finally showed up at her friend's place, she was found quiet, minimal. she opened the door without so much as a word, and placed herself at the entrance of koga's home.

night didn't have long hair, but there was a band on her wrist that wasn't always there before.

she traced over its material with her fingers.

trying to keep calm.

| NIGHT  | Lv. 111 >> P. 79, Lv. 32  | Status: //  Notes:  //

Spoiler NIGHT | HP: 940/940 | EN: 132/132 | DMG: 21 | ACC: 3 | EVA: 3 | MIT: 44 | LM: 2 | HLY: 8 | PHASE | LD: 5 | BH: 38 | Stealth Rating: 6 equipped Orgoth's Legacy ACC, PHASE, HOLY (8) Tracksuit of Unfathomable Fashionability MIT (24), LM II Silver Crescent Necklace ACC II, EVA II battle-ready inventory // skills Spoiler mod count: 5/5 2HSS | RANK 5/5 focus, stamina, precision shift: aoe CLOTH ARMOR | RANK 5/5 athletics, nimble COMBAT MASTERY: DMG | RANK 3/3 SEARCHING | RANK 4+1/5 BATTLE HEALING | RANK 5/5 EXTENDED MOD LIMIT ENERGIST FAMILIAR: PROFESSION QUICK CHANGE extra SURVIVAL CONCENTRATION HIDING blindside, untraceable, vanish, surprise attack-t buffs Spoiler statue BIALAS | +TAUNT MOTHRA | +1 EN Recovery TANOS | +25 MIT MORETSUNA | +50 HP OROCHI | +1 LD KUMATETSU | +1 DMG consumables - - - - - - paragon Lv. 5 | Gain additional col equivalent to 15% of EXP earned in that thread. Lv. 10 | +1 LD to looting. sword arts Spoiler en cost matches multiplier unless stated otherwise. shift underlined. ST | x12 -> x15 | x20 AOE | x15 -> x18 TECH-A | x12 | STUN | 13EN TECH-B | x12 | DELAY TECH-D | x12 | SHATTER TECH-G | x12 | BURN misc. Spoiler housing Dimensional Backpack, Item Stash | +2 Battle-Ready Inventory Slots. Well Rested | -1 EN for the first three expenditures of each combat.  Relaxed | +(5 * Tier) HP per out-of-combat post. Full energy restoration occurs after two turns out of combat. Squeaky Clean | -25% DoT damage taken from the first DoT applied to this player in a thread. Skylight: Searching | +1 Expertise to declared utility skill. Cooldown of 30 days to reassign. Multipurpose | +1 LD/Prosperity/Stealth/Detection to one post per thread. Can be applied after a roll. Filling | +1 T1 slot to a food consumed by this player in a thread. Can exceed Cook enhancement caps. Col Deposit | +5% col from loot-minimum mobs, +10% col from treasure chests. gathering Greenhouse | +2 G.EXP, +1 CD&LD to gathering attempts. Familiar: Profession | +2 G.EXP Demeter's Cornucopia | +1 CD to gathering attempts.

 

[Koga 0]

k o g a the elder wolf Spoiler notes: none Koga, Lvl 32/40 | HP: 840 | EN: 118 | DMG: 23 | EVA: 2 | MIT: 30 | ACC: 5 | LD: 3 | BRN: 56 | BLT: 32/20 | FALN: 8 | B.HEALING: 46/92 equipped battle-ready inventory T4 Demonic Katana <<Tsuki no Hikari>> [ CRSED // BRN I // BLT I // FALN I ] T4 Perfect Light Armor <<Shadow Chance Coat>> [ EVA II // REGN I ] T1 Perfect Trinket <<Kashira Cable - Wolf>> [ ACC III ] none skills Spoiler | UTILITY Searching III | +1 LD per rank. +1 to Stealth Detection per rank. | 14 SP Night Vision | Ignores any penalties from low light or darkness. Negates the bonus Stealth Rating from low light or darkness. | 3 SP | COMBAT Combat Shift: Single Target | For the following Sword Arts, +3 to multipliers and +2 to EN cost; ST-I, ST-II, ST-B. No other Shifts may be taken. | 10 SP Mastery: Damage III | Gain 1 * Tier Damage per rank | 13 SP Battle Healing V | Recover 5% (rounded down) of your maximum HP at the start of your turn | 30 SP Emergency Recovery | When non-fatal damage would leave you with 25% or less of your maximum HP, recover 10% of your maximum HP after the attack resolves. Effect cannot occur more than once per thread.  When activated if the player has lower than 10 energy remaining, simply reduce the player's energy to 0. | 6 SP EN Cost: 10 Energist | Increase Base Energy by 5 * Tier | 8 SP Charge | Perform a single attack/Sword Art with +5 base damage. Charge attacks have a -1 Accuracy debuff and cannot be affected by any auto-hit effects. | 10 SP Cooldown: 3 Posts | WEAPON Katana V | +7 DMG when equipped with a Katana | 30 SP Stamina | Reduces the energy of all Katana attacks by 2 EN | 4 SP Precision | Gain +1 ACC. | 2 SP Ferocity | +2 DMG when using Katana Sword Arts | 4 SP | ARMOR Light Armor V | +30 MIT when equipped with Light Armor, -2 Stealth | 30 SP Meticulous | +1 DMG when equipped with Light Armor | 4 SP Resolve | +1 ACC and +10 * Tier HP when equipped with Light Armor | 6 SP | EXTRAS Familiar Master: Rending | You and your familiar attack in tandem, applying Rend [7*tier unmitigatable damage] to the target that lasts for two turns. | 10 SP Cooldown: 5 Turns Survival | Increases Healing effects received from all sources by 10%. Grants immunity to all damage dealing environmental attacks/effects. | 0 SP Parry | Apply the energy cost upon proc, not activation. Reduces the final damage of the next successful attack against you by 50% (rounded down) and negates stun/paralysis effects of that attack. If hit by multiple attacks, only apply parry to the first attack against you. Parry lasts for three turns. Cooldown starts when the player activates the Skill. If the player is hit when using Parry, the cooldown is reset to 3 turns. | 10 SP 9 EN, Cooldown: 3 Turns Vengeful Riposte | A successful Parry also returns 50% (rounded down) of the raw damage that would be dealt to you back to your opponent. The reflected damage can be mitigated by the opponent. | 6 SP Cooldown: 4 Turns buffs Spoiler | PARAGON REWARDS Lv. 5 | Gain additional col equivalent to 15% of EXP earned in that thread. Lv. 10 | +1 LD to looting. | BUFFS <<Well Rested>> | -1 energy cost for the first three expenditures of each combat. <<Squeaky Clean>> | The first time you would suffer DoT damage in a thread, reduce damage taken from DoT each turn by 25% (rounded down). <<Item Stash>> | +1 Battle Ready Inventory Slot <<Relaxed>> | Increases out of combat HP regen by (5 * Tier HP) and decreases full energy regen to 2 Out of Combat Posts. <<Multipurpose>> | Gain +1 to LD, Stealth Rating, Stealth Detection, or Prosperity to one post in a thread. Can be applied after a roll.

By the time NIGHT had made it over to Koga's home, the man was already at work in the kitchen. A pot of rice cooking, the sound of sizzling meat in a pan. Vegetables in another. A salty-sweeet scent wafted up from a pot he was stirring on the stove, the distinct scent of soy sauce mixed with other things filling the air and mingling with the scent of steak. Okami sat himself near Koga, eagerly wagging his tail knowing he too would benefit from the meat being cooked.

The sound of his door creaking open drew the man's gaze. "Hey," he greeted the woman, even-toned, none of the usual mirth present. "Make yourself comfortable." He didn't need to say it, but it was obvious that woman was going to continue standing in his doorway unless he said otherwise.

The man went back to his cooking, gently stirring the pot until it began to boil. Silent, aside from the rhythmic, bass filled popping sounds of the thick sauce. "Want something to drink?" he offered as he took the pot of sauce off the stove.

Edited February 19, 2022 by Koga

[NIGHT 0]

night strode to the dining table at his acknowledgement. wasn't sure how to make herself comfortable. instead, she took it as an order to sit down, her form folding once her arms hit the wood. the sound of food being made felt like home, and not at all, all at once.

the woman wasn't sure what to think.

she let her head rest on the table, sheltered by her arms. the scrunchie on her wrist. the scent of familiarity overtaking the delicious waft of food.

she tried to keep calm. night thought it was working.

"Want something to drink?"

"mm," was her reply. spaced out and inattentive. night's eyes were closed, remembering the soothing strokes of another time, the gentle touch on her scalp. a warmth on her belly; soothing. protective. night had nothing else she wanted to think about, she decided.

"just water." and when she wasn't loud enough, night willed herself to repeat it again.

[Koga 0]

At first there was no reply, as NIGHT made her way to his dining table, and took her seat at the table. Koga was content to allow the silence to continue, for now, but the sound of her muttering something drew his attention from the meat he was flipping once more. "Hmm?"

"just water."

Silent, Koga retrieved a glass, filled it and brought it over to the woman, setting it down gently before her, a quiet thud. The man gently placed a hand on her shoulder, what little comfort it might provide, before returning to his cooking. The rice was ready. The meat would be soon too, and the vegetables too.

The man shut off the burner, and let the rice sit before grabbing bowls, utensils, napkins. He spooned the fluffy white grains into the bowls, halfway each, checked the meat, and deciding it was ready, laid four strips of the steak across the bowl each. There was still enough for Okami, and then some. The vegetables were last, adding some color, before Koga poured the teriyaki sauce he'd made over the bowls, and bringing them over to NIGHT. The bowl in front of her. Back to the kitchen, toss some of the meat to Okami, then back to the table with the utensils and napkins. "Go ahead."

[NIGHT 0]

water.

plain and simple.

night knew it was ready for her when koga tapped her shoulder. and she drank from the glass, half awake from her stupor, a futile attempt at cleansing what she couldn't let go of.

she buried her throes in the sound of sizzling meat. watched as koga fed his familiar -- a simple sight. a boy and his hound. 

and a sting, unusual, in her neck as she waited. her palm wrapped around it, woman unnerved.

"go ahead."

"thank you."

she didn't forget her manners this time. though when offered the choice, night picked out a pair of chopsticks, wordless, her fingers fumbling with the grip of them. the right method of holding them -- what was it?

a lapse in memory that passed once she picked up a spoon. it didn't matter, once she had that support. her gaze was down on the meal, fixated, unwavering once she'd started to eat.

and barely made a noise until the bowl was finally empty.

[Koga 0]

They ate. No words shared between them, just quiet clinking of spoons against the ceramic bowls, the sound of Okami tearing hungrily at the strips of steak Koga had thrown to him, followed by the sound of him licking his chops, satisfied.

We life so simple for them all.

Koga finished his meal, and got up once NIGHT too was done, taking the bowls and cleaning them in the sink, before returning to the table and sitting down beside NIGHT. He leaned forward a little, resting his elbows on the table as he peered at the woman. "You wanna talk about what happened?" he asked quietly. It had been clear from the way the two women  had been acting during the Second Lesson that something had occurred. Something bad. Koga was still unsure about Nari, but he knew for a fact that he had never seen NIGHT like this before.

[NIGHT 0]

animated movements. objections and opinions. all of these were lost to the silence, the two breaking fast, never once exchanging a word. it gave night time to think and consider her appearance at koga's. it was initially the free food and her friend's company. now, she wasn't so sure any more.

she was still hushed when koga came to take her bowl.

night thought back to the hammering of metal. the crack of bone on steel. the chopping of vegetables. she shuddered and pulled herself into a slightly deeper hug before her friend returned from the kitchen, almost unassuming in demeanor.

had he always looked so tall? had he always sounded this soft?

"You wanna talk about what happened?"

nosy, night had made a note. and her gaze shifted, from her friend to the surface of the table, hands wrapped around her knees on the seat. contemplating. she made the decision to speak.

"nari and i... went out for dinner. that's all."

and she was fine stopping right there. given any scenario, night would've loved to keep the details to herself. this once would be no exception to the rule.

so why did she keep talking, that blabbermouth? a pause at the end of her sentence lingered, before she cut through it, unusual. flimsy. "i mean, i didn't think it was going to be a date of some sort, so i didn't give much of it any thought, but... when i showed up, that's what she told me it was, after a while. it's a little weird for her to have said that... r-right?"

[Koga 0]

Koga's mouth pulled back and his brow dropped skeptically as he gave the woman a dissatisfied look of disbelief. A part of him wanted to sarcastically quip, 'Yeah, that's why you look like someone just killed your puppy,' but given that she really did look like someone just shot her puppy, she would be spared his acerbic words today. The looks, however, there was only so much Koga could do about.

It wasn't more than a moment though before, for the first time ever, NIGHT buckled, and began to share something with Koga. The man closed his eyes and let out a short exhale. She really was oblivious wasn't she? And that was coming from him. "Would you have rather her not tell you?" Koga asked. "If she hadn't she might've thought you were interested in her by the end...if...whatever happened didn't." Although at the moment, that seemed like it was the better ending between the two. He doubted she'd look as devastated as she currently did were that their 'date's' outcome. More likely, she'd just have been frazzled, and possibly forlorn. But not devastated.

[NIGHT 0]

"..."

"she's free to think whatever she wants," night stated, pouting, hugging her knees tighter. her eyes were glued to the table, voice almost muffled. "it's not like i'm entirely against it or anything, but it's not like i'm totally for it either. it's not like i know her well enough to make a good decision or anything, so i figured if we just spent some time together, we could figure out what kind of people we are and go from there. that's what i thought."

she paused, blinking twice. lingering. "that's what i thought..."

her head sunk deeper, the woman practically curling herself up in a ball. retreating to darkness. her throat was strained, tone whiny. night didn't want to be seen, in that moment.

"and i mean it's not like it's not normal to not connect with the people you're getting to know for the first time either, right? people are so different, so it has to happen sometimes, and it's not like its either of our faults if we're not compatible as people are we? i mean, we don't need to see each other again if she doesn't like me as a person either, right?"

an observable shaking. the chair she was sitting on was beginning to clatter, softly.

[Koga 0]

The woman just retreated further into the shell she'd created for herself, arms tight around her legs, compacting herself into a ball as if she could turn herself to stone through the process. "You're right, its completely normal for people to not always mesh or connect at first," he agreed with her. It wasn't like he was any good at it. It wasn't like he'd forged any strong bonds in however many years of being in Aincrad, not really. NIGHT might be the only exception, but others? He hardly saw any of the people he called friends. That was no fault of their's.

The chair had begun to clatter, chittering like a mouse or a rat as NIGHT shook, her whole body vibrating. Koga turned in his seat and reached out tentatively. He wished there was more that he could do for NIGHT, more than just a comforting hand and an ear to listen to her. But that was all he could offer, so the man gently squeezed her shoulder, leaving it there for the moment.

"NIGHT. I know this is...off-topic but...what's the situation with DAY? Aren't you two together?" the man asked. The way NIGHT had been acting around Nari up until now, the fact that she had said she wasn't exactly opposed to the idea of dating the woman, he'd been under the impression that she and DAY had already entered in a relationship of sorts. It wasn't a necessity, but it was an answer to a question he'd been searching for for long enough.

[NIGHT 0]

"huh...?"

it was the only salvation from her fixation.

and it was like the scrunchie on her wrist wasn't even there.

night raised her head, almost calming down at the mention of her other. like the mere essence of the construct could make a nonbeliever turn to the lord. like she were to see the sight of a rising sun.

(and in turn,)

"... whatever gave you that impression...?"

(the devil would've turned on its heel to leave at such a lost cause.)

but night was serious in her expression towards koga. soft, tarnished and broken, but not humorous. no tricks, no jests. the player rubbed at the corner of her eyes, gathering dust, her eyes adjusting to the wash of warm light in the room. "she's just staying with me," she reasoned, and there was almost a trace of disappointment in her words. "a house mate. just because she's pretty--" (and a living memory) "--doesn't mean..."

her voice trailed off after that. emptiness in the silence, the woman still confused at the suggestion. her fingers played with the front locks of her hair. "and she's cardinal driven," night added; as though the phrase had meant anything to her. "a temporary existence. it'd be weird and disrespectful... to both of us, if either one of us were to take it seriously. and then..."

what eyes were once shot awake only fell back to worry and regret, words locked away behind half-open lips. one problem only turned into another, at koga's mention, and it was visible across night's image. she nearly curled up again after a moment, her forehead set onto her knees.

"... maybe meeting new people really was a mistake, koga..."

[Koga 0]

The mention of DAY seemed to bring some life back to NIGHT, if only a little. In truth, it was like she'd gone from dead to simply on death's door. A marginal improvement, but an improvement, nonetheless. She rubbed her eyes as she spoke, the most movement he'd seen from her since she'd eaten. Twirled her hair. Some life was better than none, Koga supposed.

Her answer only spawned another question in Koga's mind though. Did she want something more, regardless of whether or not it seemed strange. Did that matter? But...her final statement, it brought an end to any words Koga would have been able to summon, any queries he wanted to ask.

The man felt his teeth clench, the muscles of his jaw become taut. She already knew how he felt about new people. That to him, and perhaps to her too, they were just more threats. Vulnerabilities. Chances to be fatally wounded. Abandoned. And barring that, the sources of injuries so painful and crippling, it would only mean long, difficult recoveries.

But that didn't make meeting others a mistake.

Koga sighed, knowing that his own reservations, his fears, did not change the truth of what bringing new people into their lives meant. "No, NIGHT. It wasn't," he whispered to her. "It might not always work out but...think about all the things we've gained from meeting others. Memories. Laughter, joy." Koga felt his heart jump into his throat as his next words made their way to the tip of his tongue. "Love, even," fleeting, though it may be.

Even if they hurt now, those memories with Noct, they were still precious to him. Those, and all the friends he'd made since entering Aincrad. Those of Venus and Masamune too. They were important to him, more so than any possession he had, and though he spurned that which turned his joy to bitter ash, he would not trade those ashes for anything in the world.

"NIGHT, we can't hide away from the world, lock the doors and throw away the key. We did that once. I wouldn't have met you if we hadn't decided to leave our rooms, our safety, when we did. Would you rather go back and never meet all the people we did? Noct, Yukiro, Nora, Lonzo, would you really forget them, and stay in your room until the game's cleared?"

Strangely, Koga found he didn't know what she would answer. He thought, at first, when the question came to his mind but...now he wasn't so sure.

[NIGHT 0]

reticent. night's eyelids were lowering by the minute; stoic, upset. when koga threw back his question, she could only consider the idea lightly. "in that dinky old room?" she hated it in there. her hair rubbed at her skin when she shook her head. "i wouldn't even want to go back just for a visit."

she was quiet, still, for the better half of a moment. then, with a shift, she let her temple rest on her knee. a sideward glance towards her surroundings. "you know," night started again, her gaze drifting between different blobs of colours in her blurry vision, "she's completely different from how she presented herself before. nari, i mean. like..."

"... hey, did you know? she somehow got her hands on an estate."

though her voice somehow had life restored to them, her eyes betrayed her interest in the matter -- she tore them from the world and had them locked upon her fingers, as night listed out things from memory. recollection. "it was very surprising to see," she mentioned. "like she had the entire exterior of the house furnished before the insides. like she didn't have enough funds to complete it yet. and that really makes me wonder where she got the money from. even between you and i..." she paused to remember, though felt urgency in an addition to her words, "... it's not much for me to pry into, i suppose, but it makes you wonder where a newbie got the money. doesn't it?"

her sights continued to drift, the woman tilting her head. "then there was the diner, and she took me to a noodle place. to get burgers and fries. isn't that a little strange? i mean, you'd think to go to a specialty store for their signature items, but it's not like she couldn't have ordered anything else off the menu. and... she looked like she didn't have enough to pay off the bill, either. and also, i think she went there often. like, the menu. it was like she already knew her order before she even looked at it."

two mindless blinks into blank space. night turned to koga, almost air-headedly, adding onto her points. "and you know? she kept trying to steal my food. or something. it just felt a little strange -- like... like i felt like i was getting shoved into a role i didn't want to play. -- if that's the best way i could put it."

[Koga 0]

Well, at least she was talking more freely now. Even if she wasn't really looking at him anymore. NIGHT was right to ask some of the questions she was. The sudden estate. The lack of funds following the purchase. Her behavior in general. None of it made sense. It had taken Koga years to purchase his own humble home, and yet here was Nari, already with a whole estate.

"I didn't know about the estate, no," the man answered her before letting the woman continue on with her story. He did want to know though. Where had the money come from. Her rapid increase in levels. All of it. She couldn't have been doing it alone, someone surely had a hand in helping her rise through the ranks.

The date seemed to make no sense as well. It seemed force. And as NIGHT had put it, like she was meant to fill a role instead. "Was that what upset you?" Koga questioned. It seemed reasonable. But, it didn't seem like the thing to cause this level of distress in the woman.

[NIGHT 0]

"no."

then night thought over it, eyes downcast. "... not exactly. i mean..."

her form slid back over her knees as the woman hugged them again. a groan, as she considered. narrowed eyes towards a washed out room. "it's... it's as off-putting as it is in any other scenario, i think. like, being forced into a role like that. i mean, it doesn't make me comfortable, since that isn't really me. but i mean..."

another grumble, and her temple rubbed against her legs once more. uncertainty. what of the dinner did she have the right to say?

"nari has a lot of issues," she decided, after a moment of mulling it over. and even with the lack of detail, night still felt perplexed about sharing it. the discussion behind someone else's back didn't seem right. "like... everyone has baggage of some kind. and i figured it was kind of like that, when we were out together. i mean, i did give her my word and all about getting through it by her side or something. it's not fun to see someone like yourself go through something of the same kind of stuff, do you know what i mean? --and it's not like i'm trying to save someone, or something like that. i just don't think someone should be going through something like that alone. that's all."

at some point, night's head did begin to start hurting. mouth dry. she didn't know how long she'd been talking for, nor did it occur to her how unusual her penchant for speech happened to be. matters close to the heart? shelve it away; that was her plan. but as she reached out for her glass of water, the first thought on her mind was considering what else to say.

like getting her thoughts straight, after they'd been left to tangle and ball into a mess.

"as i was saying," night continued, the back of her head resting against her chair, "after the date, she sort of walked me back to her place."

her eyes searched the floor first, as the player thought about the implications of having brought it up.

"and--" an index scratched at the corner of her jawline, night's eyes widening enough to catch light for the first time in the eve, "i wasn't... there for anything like that. like, it was just the house. really. because i still couldn't believe what kind of estate a new player would've been able to get, knowing absolutely nothing about her. i figured... it would be another way to get to know nari, you know? so... when she let me inside... she locked the door, and made us refreshments, and then i asked her about... something she'd been rambling on about. because... it was weird."

the hand that reached for the water went to her forehead. night rubbed it gently, trying to soothe her state of mind. hazy, that memory; most likely subconscious than an implicit forgetfulness.

"she... was talking about some guy that spoke to her about something. a gardener, or whatever. she meant to say she met the leader of firm anima." and her expression soured at the thought the said figure, his red coat coming into mind. "and she said he persuaded her to tank, or whatever. but the way she gave me her reason..."

her hand dropped. her body shifted backwards into her seat.

"i don't know. it just... it just didn't seem sound."

"so i told her about it. and she... couldn't let go of her issues, while she was at it."

"a-and then..."

shaking. not as violent as before, but night couldn't keep her bottom lip stable. uncertainty, again, and a need for water if she still had it.

"i guess she got mad... s-so i just left afterwards."

night didn't have to think too hard to remember the pain in her abdomen, her hand reaching around to grab it as subtly as she could. the clashing of metal. rage forgotten as nari had left her side. her other hand grappled with the spot she'd been shoved upon, thumb rubbing over skin gently.

an unstable gaze. night was falling back into slumber.

[Koga 0]

Koga picked up NIGHT's glass after she'd set it back down, and moved to the kitchen to refill it as she continued to speak. There was a lot to process now. To think about, and the movement helped, if only by placebo.

NIGHT wasn't foolish enough to 'try to save someone' as she put it, fix them. They were both old enough, had seen enough that the world didn't really work like that. And that people couldn't change from the outside in. They had to want it themselves. The best either could do was just be there to help them and guide them, should they want and require it. But was that the case with Nari? NIGHT seemed to feel it was so.

She went on to explain that she went back with Nari to her place, news Koga nearly balked at as he set the glass of water back down before her, but repressed the reaction as best he could. 'She locked the doors?' Strange...honestly a little serial killer-esque, if you asked Koga but that didn't seem to be the important part. No, what was important was the conversation NIGHT and Nari had, the little information that was shared.

Koga made a strange face as he sat back down, a little more relaxed now that NIGHT seemed more willing to open up. He draped an arm over the back of his chair, and crossed a leg over his knee as he looked past her, mouth drawn in a thin line, brows furrowed. A moment's pause and his eyes flicked back to NIGHT's. "Sorry, but, NIGHT, what exactly makes you think you have a right to judge her reasoning?"

[NIGHT 0]

"you can't be serious."

that was the first thing the woman had wanted to utter. and night woke up, slowly, before all at once, when she'd finally managed to find the words she'd been seeking for. "it wasn't a very good reason," she tried to justify, but the more those words echoed, left static in air, the more her protesting tone sounded like a childish whine than an answer.

so she turned her head. wrapped her arms around her knees once again. searched the far wall for the words to say.

then she spoke.

"before you came back," night started, slow, her index and thumb looped around the wrist of her other hand, "i was training to get ready for the floor raids, wasn't i? i'm not sure if you know or have seen her, and i'm not sure if i told you about this yet, but there was someone else i was training with. zajcica -- or, yuki, for short."

she closed her eyes.

"even when i didn't press her for answers, she gave me the same reasoning. for becoming a tank, i mean. she told me that if it were to save someone else that wasn't her, she'd give up her life, with that final act of saviorhood being enough. 'i don't want to see anyone else get hurt as long as i can move', she'd tell me. and she swore up and down to my face that she wasn't suicidal. wasn't so ready to die."

an unsteady sigh, and night lowered her head, temple on her knee. heavy cheeks, eyes going slack, an observation of the floor. she could still remember yuki's fluffy coat soaked damp with swamp water once they trudged home from a fight with a snake. the snacks her friend would bring, stored in the freezer, desserts that night had only recently been managed to devour to completion.

whatever happened to yuki after the fight against shadow?

"it wasn't fair." night admitted. her voice was in a whisper, before she realized the weakness of her volume. "everyone else who was gathering for the fight put pressures of the world too much for her to bear. even as we struggled to get her gear into shape, we had the more experienced players giving their opinion that yuki shouldn't be part of the front to tank; shield, her mentor, and baldur both."

when night paused, she fumbled with her fingers, lifting her head and releasing her skin from numbness.

"they weren't wrong to be worried. better yet was the help they extended trying to better her gear even before the fight would begin."

"but we're all only human. there were cracks that started to show on her psyche."

she stopped fidgeting. she thought about deep-fried ice cream and of sakura blossom petals. she thought about love lost and love found, of the first time she met crow and had to lecture her friends both about coming prepared to the fourth knowing the dangers of frost. she thought about the horsemen they had to defeat, the corruption spreading on the thirteenth. she thought about every single time yuki start to weep.

night was silent for a while.

"it's not easy. not easy to continue teetering on the edge of life and death, knowing when the guillotine is going to swing your way, but not knowing if you'll survive it." for a moment, she pulled out her fingers and looked at them, wondering if she should've counted the quests where she locked her friend in danger. the discussions afterwards. the wailing. 

then, she retracted that hand in favour of slumping her form.

"so that mental state," night breathed, "all it takes is a lapse in judgement before it would result in someone's death. most likely theirs."

her eyes wouldn't meet koga's, boring into his clothes.

"if i object, it has to be more than that. because it's not fair the tank doesn't take care of themselves while the rest of the world watches and waits for them to drop. and when they do, what of their friends? their family?" night seethed for a moment, trying to recall the quote she gave her friend. a clenched fist. nails digging into skin, agitated red, the color of --

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important. You become responsible forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose."

-- and she breathed, in its mention, that sigh a long, frustrated exhale.

"it's not fair to the ones they leave behind that they're gone." her sights finally locked onto koga's, fuming, in recollection of that distant memory. the mention of yukiro. of tala, and nora, and lonzo, and the wolf before her. "you and i should know this well enough. if not to protect myself, then it had to be protecting nari-- nari, and whoever she may turn to for an eternal bond with in the future."

night let go of her injured hand.

"... that's all."

[Koga 0]

What more was there to do but listen with rapt attention. Listen to what parts of NIGHT she rarely spoke of, of what she'd done in his long absence.

It was difficult for the man to admit that he knew painfully little about the person who he claimed to be his closest friend. How much she knew in comparison. In truth, if it wasn't for the familiarity they shared, one might have considered them strangers, perhaps acquaintances at best. The truth was that Koga knew the woman best by name and name alone.

Koga shook his head when the woman wondered if she'd mentioned Yuki before. Though she shared the name of another friend they shared, this was the first time he'd heard mention of this particular figure in NIGHT's life. A long-time friend, and a close one too, by the sound of it.

But it gave credence to the person that NIGHT had become since they'd first met. Provided some small window through which Koga could peer. And it made sense to him. The promise she'd asked him to make when they'd gone up to the Ninth. To look to others for help when he needed it. At the time, it had just sounded like the concern of a friend. But...maybe, in truth it was also a way to shield herself from further pain.

The man sharply exhaled as NIGHT finished explaining her reasons. Reasons Koga couldn't fault her for. They were the same ones he'd apologized to her for when he'd first returned. Reasons he now found himself struggling to abide by. Good reasons.

"God, sometimes you're too caring for your own good, NIGHT," the man chided as he shifted in his seat, dropping his leg back to the floor. "I can't disagree with you though...I just...I don't think its something Nari understands right now. Or maybe she just didn't get it then, I dunno." The man sighed, paused. "Are you gonna try and talk with her again? Smooth things over? Maybe explain things a little more thoroughly this time?"

[NIGHT 0]

caring was such a specific word.

responsibility might've been a better one.

she watched as koga unraveled himself from his stance, relaxing only just once he contemplated on how nari might've interpreted her words. part of her wanted to try and recall what she'd said that night; was her reasoning then too complicated to bear?

"Are you gonna try and talk with her again?"

another part won her over -- the refusal. because for what she could've begun to recall from memory, nothing could replace the striking and violent cries past nari's disappearance, the fading shards of light that flittered towards the ceiling, only to pitter off into obscurity partway through. her nails only clawed at her arms, her hands, where the woman's grip had been.

eyes of a monster.

night's lips started to shake again.

"no," she whispered. her frame was trying to still. "i... i don't want to. not... not for now, at least." and though she devised a middle ground for the opportunity, night only snuck in closer to herself. tighter -- a shell, protective.

[Koga 0]

Koga sighed and ran a hand through his hair, strands falling out of place as opposed to sitting where they should, when he heard NIGHT's answer. For some reason he'd expected her to say she would at least try. She was always so...fearless. But not this time.

Where had the woman he'd come to know gone? Was there a way to find her and help bring her back?

"I won't tell you what to do, NIGHT, but I will say it might be a good idea...It could help you both. Help you guys understand each other. Others."

Perhaps it was a little bit of a request on Koga's behalf as well. Maybe she already understood, maybe she didn't but Koga understood Nari's position as much as NIGHT's. To have no purpose, to need one so desperately you'd make it your own death.

That was a special kind of hell that too many people knew, and too few understood.