[SP-F1] A Cup of Tea

[Orchid 0]

‘I’m not a good person. I wish I were, but in a way, I’m glad I’m not. It’s good people who make sacrifices, it’s good people who work tirelessly for others, it’s good people who give up their lives for those around them. It’s good people who do what they think is right no matter what. It seems like a heavy burden to bear, one that I want little to do with. And yet, I find myself captivated by their light regardless.’

The girl stopped writing, tapping her chin with a finger as she looked up at the ceiling pensively. These words were probably just incoherent ramblings from a girl just as normal as anyone else, but she did feel a certain comfort from having written them. She was a bit embarrassed at the pretentiousness of it all, but they were what she truly felt. She closed up her journal and put it away in her inventory.

Taking a sip of her tea, she looked at the bustling streets through the large window of the café. The Town of Beginnings. Every day, the view from this seat was the same, but it did give her a certain sense of peace knowing that though the details may change, the street was fairly consistent. It was a constant stream. Some days it bubbled along slowly, and other days, like today, it seemed to move by at breakneck speeds.

Spoiler

Orchid | Level 1 | HP: 20/20 | EN: 20/20 | DMG: 4

Items
-Starter Healing Potion (3) (Heals 50 HP)

Equipment
-<Origin> [Tier 1] [Rare Dagger] (Enhancements: Keen 2)

Skills
[<Dagger> Skill] [Rank 1]

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Word Count: 236

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Orchid

[Orchid 0]

It had become something of a daily ritual for her, spending every morning in the comfiest chair in the cool interior of this empty, NPC-run café. By now, she knew most of the town like the back of her hand. There were spots with prettier views, prettier music, but it was this spot that she always returned to. It was simple, easy to understand, and nothing unexpected ever happened. She’d watch the world go by outside the glass, write a bit, jot a couple of thoughts down in her journal, take some sips of warm tea, and wait. Eventually, one day, they’d be able to get out. It felt like an eternity had passed since the first fateful day of the game’s launch, but the “frontliners” had been steadily clearing the way forward for all of them.

She did feel grateful that there were still those noble enough to put their lives on the line for the sake of others for no real reward. Sure, they were fighting to earn their freedom, but they were also winning freedom for all of the freeloaders like her. She didn’t have to lift a finger, didn’t have to give them anything in return, and they would carry her out of the game without a single complaint. She did feel a little bad about it, of course, she wasn’t heartless, but she also knew herself too well to pretend she was something she wasn’t.

She took another sip of tea and scrunched her face in annoyance. It had gone cold, likely due to spending so much time on all that useless thinking. She hadn’t really learned anything new about herself with that introspection, her thoughts just repeated what she already knew, and her tea was the sacrifice. With a sigh, she set down the half-empty cup and leaned against one of the armrests, staring out the window lazily.

At the very least, it rarely rained here in town. Not that it would have mattered much to her while she sat inside the café, but clear skies meant that she could watch the white puffy clouds drift along steadily. There was something nice about blue skies. Of course, there was only so much of it you could see through the window, but being able to see its wide endless expanse outside was always a little breathtaking.

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Word Count: 391

[Orchid 0]

She squirmed, trying to melt into the leather chair. Hmm. She sat up a little, tapping her fingers impatiently. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. For some reason, she was feeling a bit restless today. Normally she was quite content to sit here lost in thought about whatever she wanted, but today it didn’t feel like enough. How long had it been since they were all trapped in here? How many days had she whiled away in this chair, in this café?

Honestly, it was no real surprise that she’d eventually become bored after who knows how long. The last time she actually had a real conversation with someone was… she began counting off fingers, trying to remember. Months ago? If today was April 6th, then it was almost half a year? The answer surprised her. Really, had it actually been that long? How had she even survived that? Sure, she preferred having a few close friends over a bunch of them, but it wasn’t like she was a natural loner or anything. She did generally like talking to others. Didn’t people tend to go crazy or something with extended isolation? The side of her mouth turned up in a small smug smile. She guessed her mind was just too strong, then. Well, that and the fact that her journal probably helped a lot in keeping her sane.

She opened back up her inventory to flip through her journal. Around 287 pages full of thoughts, huh. She’d never really read back through it or anything. She typically just pulled it out, wrote whatever she felt like writing, then put it back away. She wasn’t going to read it now though, of course, it would just be a complete waste of time. What was even the point of reading it? No point in reliving the past, or whatever people said nowadays. Right? She looked at the notebook in her hands intently. Well… it wasn’t like she had anything better to do? After a few tense moments of indecisiveness, she shook her head quickly and put it away. She was getting tempted to read over her own thoughts. That was like the peak of narcissism!

She hopped out of the chair and paced around, doing some quick stretches to try to shake off her… well, whatever she was feeling. Yeah, it was probably a good time for a walk.

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Word Count: 392

 

[Orchid 0]

She looked down at her cold tea, grimaced, then quickly gulped down the rest of it. Ugh, tea was definitely supposed to be drank warm, but no point letting it go to complete waste. She cracked her neck a couple of times, looking apprehensively at the crowd outside, but resolved herself to leave. She didn’t want to stay here any longer, lest she get caught up in looking back over her journal.

As she pushed through the door, the comforting jingle of the café’s bell was quickly lost in the roaring wave of the crowd. People crowded in on all sides, the loud sound of all their conversations drowning out any potential understanding. “Sorry, excuse me, coming through!” Her voice was lost like a drop of water in an ocean and it was probable that no one heard her, but she still felt obligated anyway as she shoved a path through the crowd.

It was a little difficult to tell where she was going, especially at her modest height. All she could see were the backs of the people around her. Regardless, she pushed on, slowly but surely, and eventually the crowd thinned enough for her to escape. As she made her way through cobblestone alleys and up secluded flights of stairs, she wondered why today seemed a little different than usual. She hadn’t really done anything unusual, and everything around her seemed pretty normal. It could be that she was just bored, but it felt like there was something more, something that she was forgetting about today.

“Ack.” Her foot got caught on the last step and she fell forward onto the top of the stairs. She stood sheepishly, glancing around her to see if anyone had noticed. Probably wasn’t a good idea to get lost in thought while she was still walking around. She brushed herself off, and looked for a bench to sit at. This was one of the other spots in town she sometimes visited, though not as comfy as the café. It was a nice little park with a small pond, from which you could watch out over a small piece of the town below. She stretched, basking in the sunlight, before sitting down on the worn seat of a wooden bench next to the pond. Orchid stared at her reflection in the water, and the girl in the pond stared back, pensively.

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Word Count: 398

Edited April 7, 2022 by Orchid

[Orchid 0]

At times, her façade slips. The veneer of relaxed coolness fractures, and the little girl inside can be seen, huddling in fear. While she was pretty good at not thinking about it, during the time those small cracks appeared in her mask, her thoughts always returned to him. Her brother.

Her leg shook. Not now, not now. This couldn’t be happening now. Couldn’t it at least wait until she was in the dark privacy of her room at the inn? She was outside, the sun was shining, the breeze was cool she was fine everything was fine-

She swallowed slowly, trying to refocus her mind on other topics. Those birds were nice? Listing out her favorite songs? No, that didn’t work, she was introduced to half of them because of him. The girl in the pond stared back at her, an indescribable pain written across her face. She was slipping, and she knew it all too well. She desperately began running through the last couple of days. April 1st- no that brought back too many memories. April 2^nd, she sat in the café. It was raining. Her tea was warm. April 3^rd, she sat in the café. She wrote something nice in her journal, something she was a little proud of, but she couldn’t remember what. April 4^th was a blur. Yesterday? She watched a cat roll around and paw at the window. Finally, today, April 6^th- oh. She gasped, before quickly covering her mouth with her hands. It was her brother’s birthday.

The walls holding back the flood of emotions finally crumbled under their own weight, and she began to cry for the first time in a long time. In spite of her illusory cool detachment from being trapped in a death-game, Haruna Akiyama wasn’t anyone special. In reality, she was a girl much like any other. Scared of the unknown, scared of loss- that’s the kind of girl she was, no matter how strong a front she put up.

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Word Count: 331

[Orchid 0]

Perhaps Haruna was being a little dramatic. She didn’t actually know if her brother were dead or not. In fact, she wasn’t even one-hundred percent certain if he were in the game. He had promised to log on and meet up with her on that fateful day, and he never broke his promises, but she couldn’t help but desperately hope that that had been the one promise he did break.

There was a very easy way for her to find out the truth, but that was the one place she had avoided with all her might her entire time here. It was better to live with the uncertainty of not knowing, rather than be forced to confront reality. If she did look, and it turned out that he did… pass away, she already knew that she wouldn’t be able to make it. Any attempt at putting up a wall, or lying to herself, would be fruitless. The only reason she could live with just waiting in that small café for eternity was the blind hope that, one day, they’d all be able to get out and she’d be able to see her brother and her parents and her friends again. If she knew for certain that that dream could never come true and her brother was gone, then she wasn’t sure if she could muster up the strength to survive another day. She wasn’t sure if she could keep waiting endlessly in that café for a future that would never come to pass.

She knew it was a hollow hope, just based on uncertainty, but she needed to live. If not for her brother, at least for the sake of their parents. It would be far too sad if they lost both of their children in this horrible mess. She shuddered when she thought of her mom sobbing at the loss of her only children, when she thought of her father having to stoically stand before two graves in a dark suit. Parents should never have to see their children die. That’s why she had to remain strong. That’s why she had to keep up the lie. So that in the end, at least she could guarantee that they didn’t lose her too.

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Word Count: 373

Edited April 9, 2022 by Orchid

[Orchid 0]

It took a while before the tears subsided enough for her thoughts to be anything more than a blubbering mess. She avoided looking at her reflection. She already knew what she would see, looking back at her. At least there had been no one around to see her. She slowly rubbed at her eyes as her mind shook off the emotional haze and returned to a subdued clarity. Today was his birthday, huh. She should… she should be doing something for it. Even if she tried not to think about her brother, it wasn’t like she was trying to forget him. If she actually forgot about him… that would be too depressing to consider.

Despite her best efforts, her brain poked back at her. Say she managed to stick to her plan, they all got out of here, and it turned out he didn’t make it. She would be sad, heartbroken, yes. But how long would those feelings of grief last? Would she still be consumed by them ten years down the line? Surely not, they would have at least subsided a little. What if… what if she were actually happy at that point in time? What if she had moved on? That was what society considered a healthy resolution, a happy ending. But… what about the feelings left behind?

She was reminded of a story a teacher had told her, back in high school. When her teacher was young, he was driving with his sister when they were involved in a horrible crash. His sister didn’t make it out alive. He said his overwhelming thought at the time was “I wish I had died with her.” But time passed, as it inevitably did, and eventually he was happily married with two daughters, one of whom he named after her. Wasn’t that a little sad? It wasn’t healthy otherwise, and it definitely would’ve been much worse if he decided to actually join his sister in death, but still… there was something sad about the fact that time healed all wounds. People moved on, but that meant they left something behind. Something visceral was lost in the sands of time, something hard to describe, but it was forgotten nonetheless. Once this was all over, the same would probably happen to all the survivors of this horrible game, including herself.

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Word Count: 388

[Orchid 0]

The girl let out a deep breath, one she hadn’t been aware she was holding, and leaned back in the bench, looking up at the sky. It really didn’t seem as nice as she’d convinced herself it was before. There was a catharsis which came from letting out tears, and now that the moment had passed, she could think more rationally.

It actually was a point she hadn’t considered before. But, was there really anything she could do about it? Once they got out, she would either have to move on, or crumble under the weight of the past. In either case, her brother was dead. Moving on was sad, yes, but it was the better alternative between the two. And really, the whole source of the problem came about only if her brother died. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t have to eventually leave him behind in the past.

Another train of thought came to mind. Was her current disposition all just an attempt to soften the blow, make it easier to move on if the worst did come to pass? By avoiding the truth, she wasn’t really being strong, she was just trying to avoid her weakness. Which did have merit, so that her parents wouldn’t lose both of them, but… was it really fair to her brother? She was already actively trying to not think about him- the bridge from that to forgetting was uncomfortably short. Didn’t he deserve to have someone looking for him, making sure he was okay? She grimaced. If she were in his shoes, and knew his sister was actively trying to avoid any thought of him… she wouldn’t blame herself, necessarily, but it would be dishearteningly crushing.

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Word Count: 284

 

[Orchid 0]

If she were to be brutally honest with herself, a lot of it could really be to write off any sense of guilt as well. If it turned out he did die at some point, as long as she kept staying away from knowing the truth, she could always comfort herself with the fact that she couldn’t have done anything about it. That was selfish, and honestly, a little horrible. She scrunched her face in distaste at what she’d become. She could hide behind airs of nobility, of serving some greater purpose, but she knew better than anyone what she truly felt. It was all blustering bravado to hide her cowardice. She didn’t want to confront the truth, because she didn’t want to pop the false bubble of her own “happiness”. It was okay to be afraid, but to have carried on like she had, pretending that life was all cheery and relaxing as she languished away in a café- that was repulsive. Plus, what if he were still alive?

Orchid felt a little sick to her stomach. She was debating over this and that with herself, while her brother could very well be out there, alive and well. She’d been wallowing in self-pity, caught up in some nonsensical struggle within herself, crying tears over some false idea of a potential future. Maybe he was dead, maybe he wasn’t, that wasn’t the issue- it was like, agh. Orchid grit her teeth, holding in a scream of self-loathing and frustration. It would be okay for her to cry if she found out he really did die, but to cry when she didn’t even know? It was such a hollow and selfish act, and- and she couldn’t find the words and that was so frustrating-!

The girl took a deep breath. Clearly, she was in a volatile emotional state. She couldn’t help but chuckle a little, a painful bitter laugh. She hadn’t felt this disturbed in, well, ever she supposed. She really thought she was better than this. The words she wrote in her journal came back to her sharply. ‘I’m not a good person.’ While she had written them with a bit of prideful arrogance, they now returned with every bit of self-hatred they deserved. When did she become this pathetic? Living every second denying reality, patting her back with illusions? Her breaths came hoarsely, before she was overcome in a small coughing fit. She guessed she always had been weak. Haruna felt like curling up in a ball and crying again at what a mess she’d become.

Her voice shook as she softly whispered to herself. “I wish I’d never played this stupid game.” The virtual sun shone down callously, silent in the face of her request.

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Word Count: 457