[F23-PP] Sinking Dust

[Setsuna 0]

Weighing carefully the lesson that the swordsman had wished to teach. That cold and calculating gaze, almost keeping with it a sense of naivety. "No further has a fact been spoken. A blade is an extension of the self, an assertion of will and drawing it requires an adhere to a code. Mine, answers a cry of violence each time its drawn." Looking to the hungering blade in the dust, finding itself its own oozing mist. Having slipped so gently out of its saya, the embrace of Snowfrost still bleeding from it.

"Setsunin~to." Setsuna remarks bluntly. "Is counter to your beliefs. It is called the 'self-killing' blade. It robs you of who your humanity. It is to put oneself in harms way, deliberately to destroy your foes. There is no passion, or pride in it. Only fact, living and dead. Its an acceptance that you belong in hell." There was the most quizzical look that drew itself on Setsuna's face. Studying herself and her methods, carefully weighing her actions. Like she was rewriting her way of thinking. "If the blade is drawn, it means that death is inevitable. To live or die by the edge when its pulled from its saya."

This was her creed, but perhaps she was far too liberal when it would be drawn.

"I do not have a perspective, and I have not for nearly all my time in Aincrad. Simply black and white. The system was choosing my targets. Hidden was my first actual choice." Setsuna recalled the affair. "Mari, my second." Eyes trained on the blade, as if expecting it to pay her a reply. "And you my third." There was a weight to hers, but the weight came in sheathing it. White vapor would begin to envelop her, attempting to view their perspectives.

"It was the easiest way to decide, yanno?" Her appearance taking the shape of Mari, voice and all. Offering a twist of her figure, and with it a crude smile. Nursing the unkempt hair upon her head with a rake of her fingers.

"No way to choose, who should die. It's so fucking difficult" The tone of her voice sliding so notably to mirror that of Hidden as her look would match it. That dismissive posture, the sheer snide twist to her mouth.

"Drawing a blade is supposed to be a choice. To defend others, and protect them from harm" Again, this time it matches a cyan blue haori. Long brown hair in a tight ponytail. A katana at its side, matched with various pieces of black armor on the man. The tone a clear and concise regal sense of authority. Like a teacher.

"Yet, It wasn't. If perspectives shape the world, then I have failed. No matter how you spin it, there was a misstep. I never hesitated." Turning to the phoenix as himself, and taking a sharp inhale from a pseudo pipe. It kindles and sprays its amber orange glow upon the backdrop. A proof in her study of the knight.

The various shapes break and fall away, like snow. "As I am now, there was never a decision. They will be given a choice and a chance, before I draw the blade. But my threats will be real. Change, allow me to forgo drawing the blade that once drawn will accept nothing but blood." And as she stared at Alkor blankly not understanding, she'd add "It was the truth, I refuse to pretend otherwise. You were honest, I repaid it."

Edited July 25, 2023 by Setsuna

[Alkor 0]

"In the end, the burden falls on the individual to determine the path they will walk."

Alkor replied evenly, still making no attempt to pressure her to agree with him or change. "There is no such thing as a sword that can give life," he said. "Those who believe in the benevolence of steel are either idealists or delusional, or perhaps both. A weapon is a tool for taking life, there are no exceptions. Who a blade is turned on, or what, is ultimately a question that the swordsman alone can answer."

The sudden and paradoxical statement came as bluntly as it was sharp. 

"To take life, to spare life, both of these are decisions that you alone can make. But inform your decisions before you make them, and at the end of the day, you will sleep better knowing that you made good decisions."

It was a hard pill to swallow, seeing Setsuna wear the face of Mari. One of Alkor's greatest regrets was how that situation had played out, and only in failing miserably had he managed to succeed in setting things right. Her sociopathic insanity, born of the loss of a daughter, of an inability to cope with the world around her, and the abandonment by someone she had fallen in love with were all things he failed to empathize with. And he failed again when she came seeking his shoulder to lean on, and he refused to give it. Perhaps she found it elsewhere, or perhaps she descended deeper into darkness.

The cross was, ultimately, never Alkor's to bear. He was only one symptom of a greater illness in her life. 

Alkor did not know the other faces, or had only ever seen them in passing. Their voices were unfamiliar, but their words were scathing. They echoed the bitterness and confusion of a young girl robbed of formative experience. The way he had been, and yet, far more alone. Setsuna had suffered for it, too.

"Simply remember: it is not the blade that thinks, but the hand that wields it. Yours is the right to choose. To watch, to learn, to know- and to act. Or not to act."

When she asserted that she was "simply being honest," Alkor chuckled.

"Not everyone is as built for honesty as we are, Setsuna. You'll inevitably learn that. People will cry, hearts will break, and you'll be forced to make harder choices than the ones made with a sword."

He knew that she would not comprehend his meaning, but that was fine.

All things in their time.

[Setsuna 0]

A cold and unwavered intensity even still, questioning the foundation of her beliefs. Perhaps it wasn't the method but the motive. There had been a few as of late that despite a marker, were spared. On the contrary, there were a select few that she felt inclined to end despite owning the ticker that they'd done no wrong. "The truth is a hard pill to swallow, but pretending or avoiding it succeeds nothing." she spoke to the sentiment and to this very discussion. Setsuna was always of the mind to consider and weigh her options, think impartially about information. There was no emotion in it, save for fury.

No matter how angry she was, it never controlled her. It was a weapon and fuel to a fire but nothing more.

"Such a foolish ideal. I considered the notion but it seems a fallacy. A tool does what it is designed to do. Baldur spoke earnestly of his art, and yet I do not see it." The clear observations from the dark regarding another who wielded a blade like her own. "At least you know this." worming through her clothes and seeking out the simplest of meals, an excuse for a reason to stay. A small black box to which she lifts a lid, inside nothing more then rice. Plain white rice. Like fresh driven snow, plain but adequate.

"There is no harder truth then death, and the consequences that lead to it. I have watched and spoke to, sought and mimicked others. I find most of their troubles to be surface deep, and a waste of effort." Sliding a piece of rice from a slick pair of metal chopsticks into her mouth, to silence the nagging alarm bell reminding her to eat. "Although the pain lays on the survivor, and it is through that pain one can tell the difference. That will be my decision. I cannot decide based on 'feeling' for I have long lost the ability to be merciful." offering another small chunk of rice into her mouth. Her demeanor would make this feel almost transactional, robotic. "But if they fail to show remorse, then my decision is made for me."

[Alkor 0]

"That is, ultimately, your decision Setsuna," Alkor replied as he watched her take a few mouthfuls of rice. She seemed to be struggling with the concept, reasoning through it like a logic engine. He could commiserate with that just a bit. Sometimes things that seemed completely normal or reasonable to most people felt alien to him. What he did understand, or what he had only recently started to understand, was that in life it was a person's agency that made the experience valid. Being able to make choices was the basic and most fundamental building block for freedom.

Until now, he hadn't quite felt free. He was starting to piece together why that was. And now, Setsuna was walking that same path, some thousand paces behind him- at the starting line.

"You focus so intently on the black and white of the situation you forget that the world around you exists in color. Try to consider what just happened. You made the decision- not simply to change, but to try something new. To look from a different perspective. You're no longer bound to a linear journey. Paths diverge in front of you, and you'll be able to glimpse glory or tragedy and guide yourself along the course."

His smile remained, but it was much smaller than before. "I haven't lied to you yet, and I won't start now. Life isn't guaranteed to be beautiful at all times. There are dark spots and fetid patches of mire in every journey. It may be a decision you make brings you despair, and because you made the decision, you will feel the pain."

Life was filled with pain. It was the darkness that made the light so beautiful, and so appealing. It was the calm of night that brought rest after the heat of the day. Pain and sadness made joy and comfort valid and worthwhile. But these were lessons that Setsuna need learn on her own, in her own way.

Just like Alkor was just far from a true master at the game of Life.

"Be that as it may, I want you to reflect on the words you just said. That the decision will have been made for you. I implore you not to see it that way. Consider every life that you take a burden, something heavy that you will have to carry. Even still, if you must carry it, at least let the lessons that exist at the end of that life, in the weight it adds, in the memories- let that life shape you, let the gravity of that death remind you that life is precious. Let that sobering thought keep you from getting drunk on the blood and losing yourself. Let the fact that you, and you alone have the power to decide empower you, and perhaps, even stay your hand.

Because you are a woman, Setsuna. A human being. Not a monster. Monsters justify their actions with words. Men justify their words with action."

[Setsuna 0]

Another spoonful of jasmine rice stuck in a clump on the edge of a pair of chopsticks. "Perhaps your right, Therein lies the difficulty with being blind. You lack the ability to see the world for what it truly is." The epiphany was nearly lost on her, spoken as an insightful turn of phrase. "But consider me a cynic. I doubt that anything can be so honest and true, life is never easy nor difficult. It is no different then hunting a target. There will be moments of surprise, moments where everything moves according to a plan. Its adapting that is common place, I imagine that this is no different."

A wave of white continued to billow out in droves, as Skadi continued to freeze the air around it. Creating this cloud of white mist that escaped out in all directions, wisping harmlessly across and concealing the sand below them. "Your honesty is a welcome change then what I am used to, most try to dodge the question or fail to answer mine. Perhaps I've been making decisions without considering that they were decisions. I believed that my cause was dictated entirely by the system, but it was a decision to follow that dictation. It was the most palatable and cut and dry way to approach the problem." Her gaze shifts from the blade to Alkor, finding the contrast of his eyes as hers seemed to glow his seemed to match their dimming horizon. "Every life a burden..." Dreams and nightmares confirmed such a mentality, the very same that discouraged her from sleeping.

"But I am a woman. Your logic seems disjointed." Her brain was struggling with that last part, one could see it as a joke but given the plain deadpan on her face it was hard to take it as such. Dropping another portion of rice into her gullet as she responds.

[Alkor 0]

Alkor looked at his pipe for a long moment, realizing it was empty. He could have reached for another bit of the herb, but he ultimately decided against it. It wasn't like he was getting a buzz off of it, and he'd been drawing long enough to scratch the itch. Instead, he quietly pocketed it and rested his hands in his lap.

"No point in dishonesty. It never sticks. People always figure out the truth behind the lies eventually, and it always ends making them more upset than anything else." His Grandmother had taught him all about liars and thieves. They sometimes got what they wanted, but it rarely ever stuck. And they were never happy people. His grandmother always emphasized that. The goal in life was to be happy.

Neither Setsuna nor Alkor seemed to have had their eyes on that goal, though.

"I can probably offer some insight. Its what we're taught from when we're very young. Killing people is wrong. Taking something that isn't yours is bad. The morality instilled in us by our families from childhood dictates how we act in the rest of our lives. But in this world, its not the same. We have to act without the guidance of family, and with very different rules. Kill or be killed isn't as big of an issue in civilized society. War notwithstanding, on the outside years go by and normal, rational person never considers taking life as a legitimate course of action."

He leaned forward now, stroking his chin. He was no expert, and at this point, he was reasoning through things in a very direct, no nonsense way. Far more cut and dry than things ever truly were. That was his cross to bear, though. For Alkor, the world was a literal place. Hell was built on subtlety.

"The most likely response of the psyche is to rationalize. You immediately start to think that if what you were doing was horrible, then that would make you horrible. That you didn't have a choice, that it was something that had to be done, and you just drew the short straw. And deep down, you'd start to hate yourself, all the while fabricating a false reality that would allow you to keep going, telling yourself that it's necessary, a means to an end. It's self-preservation, of a mental sort. That's what I think anyway."

He shook his head. 

"And its wrong, not that you have been doing it so much as that no one has reached out a hand to stop you from doing it to yourself. You've been alone. The adults trapped in this world with are to be held accountable for that. It's our job to give direction when young people are lost. We failed you, Setsuna. But you have a choice now, and you understand that. You can make things right with that knowledge."

And then, he blinked. She said she was a woman. Was that... it was literal- he understood literal. Was she genuinely concerned that he misgendered her, or was using a masculine term? Or was it an attempt at humor? Alkor froze, staring blankly at the girl as she poked at her rice and continued to eat. 

"...I confess, I lack the tools to gather data and give you an accurate response, but I don't believe that morality is contingent on gender. I hope that's not inconvenient."