[PP-F22] Idle Chit-chat <<Training your friend>> [Freyd and Mina]

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet took a mental note of the name that had passed his lips. Elora, she'd have to remember that name. The anger was still bubbling in her heart, the frustration having gotten worse thanks to his laughter. Was she really just being stubborn for no reason..? Was that why she felt like she was dancing around in circles. Akame nuzzled her face into her cheek, a sigh escaping her throat. God, she probably sounded like a fool.

"Just... ugh. Give me a minute, I need to chew on that." She flopped backwards, landing flat on her back with a tired look of frustration plastered across her face. "One piece of advice I'll give you straight out though. Just... just be honest with the people you care about. People don't like it when you lie ad-infinitum, and not everyone's built able to accept those non-stop. Morg and I did that to each other, and it ripped us apart in the end. Don't do that to yourself, its not fun." she let out a groan, a hand going over her face again.

"now... the other piece of advice..? Would it kill you and Rai to give a genuine smile for once in your lives? Not all the time, but enough to let the people you care about know you actually enjoy their company." Violet sat up, miming a smile with her fingers, pushing up the corners of her mouth into a facsimile of a smile. "you'd be shocked at the difference it makes, you know? Try it, and see if it works for you. No lying to loved ones, and showing them that you care, got it?"

"As to what I want..? I just want to see you two taking care of yourselves, taking care of your loved ones. Think you can do that, Shadow man?"

Spoiler

Roll ID#: 215524, LD: 3 (No luck on chest, sadge :c)

Edited August 15, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

Freyd's expression sobered at her words, like a sting had been delivered without intention.  Normally, he'd have let it wash over him without so much as an afterthought.  There was that irony again.

"Mina, you seem to have misunderstood me.  When I say a liar, it's because I have to be, not because I want to be.  I lie to those I need to in order to keep others safe.  It's actually comparatively easy to cling to altruistic principles and tell yourself that you're working towards the greater good.  I have no such illusions.  This is a messed up world and getting your hands is the only way to pull people out of the much.  My admission was made to prove a point: that I've only been telling you the truth, at least in so far as I understand it to be."

Her second request was more difficult, though she'd hardly appreciate why.

"One of the hardest things for any self-professed liar to accomplish is to appear sincere.  I am doing so constantly, in fact, but you've come to the conclusion that every face I wear is false.  Congratulations.  You're mostly not wrong, except when it comes to my friends.  But, rather than provide you an explanation, why don't I just do the nice thing and give you what you've asked for?  Hmm?"

The bucket hat, shirt, shorts and other outrageous apparel vanished, instantly replaced by his more conventional garb.  Though not beaming and outlandish, she got what she'd asked for: a simple, genuine smile tempered by good conversation on a quiet sunny date.

***

Fishing ID 215597 | CD 1+1=2 | Failed
Practiced Angler: (+2 EXP, +1 CD, +1 LD when fishing)
R4 Fisher | +3 to LD when opening fishing treasure chests
No Olympic Fishing Tool

+5 Fishing EXP

 

Edited August 23, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

"Maa... you're gonna ask me for advice, and then poke fun at me for giving you my honest opinion?" she snarked, leaning her head to the side. " Altruism doesn't mean shit if nobody else is willingly going to comply with it. Buuut, I guess I can tell you something else since you're so kindly asking me what advice I'm willing to give, I'll try with a third one - Don't be afraid to rely on people. That means don't push someone away when you're hurting, and ESPECIALLY don't do that to your loved ones. If you're hurting, tell them."

Violet was fairly certain that Elora would appreciate having Freyd rely on them with his emotional wellbeing, while he focused on protecting them physically.

"As far as that goes, that's about all I've really got for you. I don't really have a good grip on how you tick, so its really all I can give." she shrugged helplessly, stretching her arms. "The smiling part, you don't really HAVE to do, its just a reccomendation-"

Violet paused, looking over at Freyd, a flash of blue having caught her eye. He was back in his usual gear, a genuine smile on his face. "Huh, you're actually taking my advice." she looked bemused, a faint smile playing around her lips. "And Excuuuuse me for not thinking you're telling the truth. Both you AND Rai told me to be cautious, and think twice about what you two were doing."

[Freyd 0]

Where is she hiding the bag of cats?  

By this point, Freyd was convinced that Mina's entire being was one entire giant sack of kitten craziness, and he was struggling to keep up with the chaos. 

Smile.  You don't actually need to smile, but should.  Except don't do it right now.  Except do it right now because you never smile enough.  WHY ARE YOU SMILING?!  Don't be sad.  The entire conversation playing out in his head seemed to be circling back on itself in a maelstrom of contradictions, but whatever.  She was happy-er, and that was good enough.  Just smile and nod, and squint real hard while shaking a red shamrock on a Tuesday, during an eclipse...  

'Because it doesn't make...' he started thinking, glaring at Montjoy who was giving him that invisible look.  'Nevermind.'

"You're... really into all this stuff, aren't you? It really matters."  It had only just occurred to him how much the notion of simple sincerity meant to Mina.  "Huh.  Maybe I take it too much for granted.  I tuck my feelings away on a whim, but most people aren't like that, are they?"  Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out a pair of Freya's honey buns - his favourite special treat and delight.  "Want one?" 

Maybe the trick was just let the big things be for a bit, and allow himself to enjoy the little stuff.  Maybe, just maybe, Mina was on to something.

***

Fishing ID 215652 | CD 6+1=7 | LD 18+1=19 | +1 Material | Critical Catch!
Practiced Angler: (+2 EXP, +1 CD, +1 LD when fishing)
R4 Fisher | +3 to LD when opening fishing treasure chests
No Olympic Fishing Tool

Opening Fishing Treasure Chest | ID 215653 | LD 15+4=19

T4 Perfect Weapon 215653a
T4 Perfect Weapon 215653b
T4 Rare Weapon 215653c

+10 Fishing EXP

Edited August 23, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet smiled, pleased that Freyd was finally starting to understand her. "Not everyone enjoys it when someone just plays pretend, you know?" she said dryly, "Humans crave genuine connection, and its a little hard to connect when the other person refuses to fully engage. I like to try and put a lil' bit of effort forward, it does wonders for making people understand I'm not a robot, but an actual person." Even though she felt like a robot just going through the motions sometimes, she did at least try to keep it together enough that people could tell she half-ass cared about them. It was the least she could do when they tried to piece her back together.

Violet graciously accepted the honey bun, before pulling out a piece of Taiyaki, a wry grin on her face. "Snack time, then?" she drawled, biting into the honey bun with gusto. It tasted just as good as it looked, and she quickly finished the bun, a delighted look on her face. "Here, I brought a few of them this time. Try not to break it apart like ya did the first time we got a proper introduction, ne?"

Akame was nosing around in the sand, her eyes lighting on what was left of one of the many chests Freyd seemed to be fishing up. Violet watched her, a bemused look on her face. "At least she's starting to get the feel for what a chest is supposed to smell like. Progress, I guess?"

Post Action - Training attempt :D

Roll ID#: 215656, CD:10 (Attempt success~, 1/3 attempts succeeded)

Edited August 17, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

Freyd felt like he should be taking notes, but he was just here to fish. A mental post-it would have to cut it for the time being.

"But..." he hesitated, wondering whether the subjects of his disturbingly recurring dreams would be appropriate fodder for fish therapy, as this seemed to be the emerging purpose of their time together.  "What if you are a robot?"  There was no jest behind the question.  It was a serious ask.  Freyd almost felt a palpable effort required to keep the icon over his head from changing to another colour.  The consequences would be unfathomable.  And yet?  He had long felt detachment from the world around him, and the people in it.  Friends he'd made during his tenure in SAO had changed his perspective considerably.  In some ways, he was feeling 'human' for the first time, at least by how others seemed to define the standards.

Thank goodness for food-based distractions.  Handing over one of his own goodies, he received what was offered with thanks.  Glancing down at akame, Freyd recalled his own time being trained by Persi.  It was clear by her demeanor that he'd not been training her, but the reverse should be considered true.

"Where did you two find each other," he asked, taking interest for the first time.  "And thanks for these.  They're delicious. If you're looking for chests to familiarize her, I think I've fished up about a dozen so far.  Want to let her have a go at them?"

***

Fishing ID 215746 | CD 1+1=2 | Nuthin...
Practiced Angler: (+2 EXP, +1 CD, +1 LD when fishing)
R4 Fisher | +3 to LD when opening fishing treasure chests
No Olympic Fishing Tool

+5 Fishing EXP

 

Edited August 23, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet sighed, shaking her head at Freyd. Once again she was hitting a brick wall, and it was still just as frustrating as before. "Freyd, you're human." she said sharply, pointing her half eaten honey bun in his direction. "Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. Emotions come differently to all of us, and so do attachments. Trauma, too. Everyone copes with it differently, not a single person is the same in that regard. You're just different, and that's not something you should be ashamed of. Besides, If we were all cookie-cutter critters, reacting the same way as everyone else... then we wouldn't be very interesting at all, now would we?"

Humans came in all different shapes, different sizes... different temperaments and different minds. Not a single person functioned the same way, and it only added to the appeal. Everyone was a unique book, just begging to be read and known. Some were worn and tattered, battered and beaten down by their pasts. Some were pristine and shiny, silky black leather that brimmed with hope and excitement. Some were patterned with flowers and colors, splashing life upon the pages for everyone to see.

Humans were a story that begged to be told, one that was always worth listening to. No matter how big, no matter how small. No matter how brief, no matter how long.

"I would appreciate the chest shards for Akame, though." she said dryly, nudging one of the pieces buried in the ground. Akame was still chewing on one, a tiny growl ripping from her throat. "She seems to be getting a taste for them~"

[Freyd 0]

"Freyd, you're human.  Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise."

Freyd's silence was his only response, his face remaining blank though his jaw was visibly set and locked.  She isn't hearing me, and doesn't seem able to.  Eyes drifting to Montjoy's blurry outline rippling on the water's surface, the sun had drifted with time to sit at their backs.  His disappointment was buried and left for dead beneath the waves.  Mina needed to be right in this.  Therapists always needed to be right and convince their patients of their version of the truth.  It was a battle he'd fought so many times, and learned to overcome by allowing the other side to believe that they had won. 

'She wants to help you, and in so doing help herself.'  Montjoy's words resonated with wisdom.  He spoke seldomly these days, but no less poignantly.  An audible sigh and voice tinted with a hint of that very same trauma Mina had only just mentioned.

"Please don't presume to tell me what I am.  I should know it better than you, shouldn't I?  But I will give you this: I want to be more human, for her, and also for the rest of you.  The other path only leads to..."  Blue eyes gazed upon eternal hunger and nothingness wrapped around his hands.

"Let me see if I can also find something to help our little friend here." 

Regrettably, his hook came up empty.

***

Fishing ID 215874 | CD 2+1=3 | Nuthin...
Practiced Angler: (+2 EXP, +1 CD, +1 LD when fishing)
R4 Fisher | +3 to LD when opening fishing treasure chests
No Olympic Fishing Tool

+5 Fishing EXP

Edited August 23, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet hummed in agreement. "That's very fair, you would know yourself the best." she replied, "I'm just trying to run through some possible disorders that could be making you feel that way, but the more likely ones are super rare, even if you do show the proper markers for them. I'm not going to tell you that what you're feeling is wrong, since that's kind of rude... but I will, instead, kindly suggest that you seek out a few therapists once we actually make it out of this shitty game, ya dig?" she could think of two types of disorders that could cause it, one of which you were born with, the other being one that was caused by severe trauma.

Autism spectrum disorder came in a number of varieties, each ranging in their intensities. Despite the endless ways it could manifest, there were several trademark behaviors that seemed to be most common. Emotional detachment, Impulsive and hyperactive behavior, unusual dietary habits, stimming... the list could go on for hours. However, the biggest flags for it often occurred during childhood, manifesting in behavioral, social, and developmental delays. It wasn't something that anyone, let alone someone in a video game and without access to medical records, could diagnose without knowing someone's medical write-up.

Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder, however... that was something that she'd unfortunately gotten very familiar with, very fast. It was often spurred on by extreme stress, or rather severe trauma, with symptoms varying between patients. The biggest common denominator, however, was the feeling of being a 'spectator' in one's own body, or not feeling human. Her brother had described the symptoms as someone suffering from the sensation that they were constantly dreaming, or living in imagination. She'd seen a few people actively showing symptoms here, and Violet couldn't help but mentally curse out Kayaba for the way he'd designed the system.

for someone who was so obsessed with having people enjoy his shitty world, he sure didn't think about the poor people who were starting to break down.

Violet gently squeezed Freyd's shoulder, a faint smile on her face. "Chin up, buddy. Like I said earlier, don't force it." she chided, "Everyone heals at different paces, and reacts in different ways. But different is not bad, ok?" she dug her foot into the muddy sand, before nudging a crab out of what was left of one of the chests, and tapping it, sending the little guy into her inventory.

Post Action - Searching for mats... | Roll ID#: 215932, LD :18 (Success!) (Collection total: 4 Mats)

Edited August 19, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

"I'm just trying to run through some possible disorders that could be making you feel that way."

"Sure," he added, feigning interest for Mina's sake but ticking the fully anticipated mental box.  Medical professionals followed their own predictable pattern: everything had to have a medical explanation.  Most experts in any given field fell into the same trap.  Acupuncturists just needed to find the right place to poke.  Mechanics had to find the worn gear, bad wiring or low fluid.  Doctors were just the worst. The poor lad is just confused,' they might say.  Maybe just a few more pills will help?  It always ended the same way.  They had their box and stuck to it.  Was he just doing the same?  It didn't feel like that was the case, which was what troubled him most.  The inexplicable made too much sense to ignore.

"What do you think it might be, doc?  What's the diagnosis?"  Freyd grinned playfully while re-casting his line.  Ever the diligent fisherman.  How else did one gather great tales?  And he had gathered so very many.  The trade had taught him how to hook more than fodder for Aincrad's economy, especially when paired with his grandfather's insights.  It had just taken a while for him to fully appreciate and distill.  Freyd felt hollow saying the words, though he'd placed just the right oomph behind them to strike the correct note of interest.  Trying to tell her had failed, over and over again, so he would play the game on her field.  I'm sorry, Mina.  Even Montjoy seemed saddened, alone in his darkness.

"Everyone heals at different paces, and reacts in different ways. But different is not bad, ok?"

"Fair point," he genuinely agreed, maintaining his upbeat façade.  "And I appreciate your persistence and effort.  You care a lot, don't you Mina?  Thank you for that, for everyone's sake.  I can't help but wonder, though, how you would analyze your own situation?  Who watches the watcher, so to speak, and what do they find?"

Tick, tick, tick, the reel spins slowly and steadily.

"Ah, here we go."  A tug and reach pulled yet another chest from the water, quickly emptied of its contents and set aside for Akame's benefit.  He watched curiously to see how the mob pet would react.

***

Fishing ID 215933 | CD 4+1=5 | LD 20+1=21 | +1 Material | Critical Catch!
Practiced Angler: (+2 EXP, +1 CD, +1 LD when fishing)
R4 Fisher | +3 to LD when opening fishing treasure chests
No Olympic Fishing Tool

Opening Fishing Treasure Chest | ID 215934 | LD 9+4=13

T4 Perfect Armor/Shield 215934a
T4 Rare Armor/Shield 215934b

+10 Fishing EXP

Edited August 23, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet frowned, looking closer at Freyd. it really was hard to tell what he was thinking at any given moment, and it was honestly making her worried to even try to continue this train of thought. The detached way he'd responded earlier was starting to feel more like a quiet plea for her to stop talking about it. God, this was part of what she hated when she'd been called in to do psych evaluations. There was nothing that she could say or do to make it feel like she wasn't trying to categorize someone into a box, and leave it there. Granted, that was why she was there most of the time... but here, she was just trying to understand how people were feeling and responding to the trauma and stress of this game. If Kayaba couldn't have the foresight to do so, then god damnit she was going to do her best to help as many people as she could reach.

but for now, she still had to understand what was going on around her.

"I can give you a list of symptoms to go through, and some basic medical questions..." she mused, a thoughtful look replacing the frown. "But I can't, and won't force you to look through something that I get the feeling you're only really doing to appease me. I'll only hand you those lists if you genuinely want to rule out the presence of a mental disorder. Considering what I used to do as a living..." violet polished off the last bit of her honey bun, watching as Akame started chewing on the more recent chest fragments freyd had conjured up.

"As for myself, though? Thats easy. I'd wager at minimum that I have C-PTSD, with something else lurking around the edges." she shrugged, before flopping over in the sand. "I can't look at myself in a mirror without feeling sick to my stomach, I keep feeling phantom pain from the side of my face that has all the scars. Can't sleep worth a damn, keep waking up screaming, and I think my ability to calmly deal with a confrontation has diminished significantly. It's all the little things that point to it, and its hard to miss once you piece them together, and you get a big ass sign saying 'Hey, this bitch has Trauma!', y'know?"

"Oh, and before I forget." she pointed a finger at Freyd, smiling sadly. "It's Violet. My name is Violet, you've more than earned the right to call me that. You, Rai, and all of the other people I care about have earned that."

-

Roll ID#: 216541, CD: 5 (Training Attempt Failed)

Edited August 22, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

"Let's just agree on having different perspectives on people and their perspectives on life and living.  That would probably be for the best and allow us both to move forward."  Realistically, both were just too stubborn to allow the other to define their worldviews, their own being too dominant and necessary for their sense of identity.  Mina would not be Mina without looking at people the way she did; nor would Freyd.

Listening as she described her own personality issues, it was hard to find anything off point, though something did catch his attention.

"Sounds like things are getting worse for you, not better.  Would it be fair to guess that your efforts to have people find peace in simple living is a bit of proxy projection?  You can't find peace in yourself, so you're looking to help others find it in theirs?"  He was about to use 'impose' instead of 'help', but stopped himself at the last minute.  The current exchange meant actual progress, for them both.  No sense in wrecking the moment for the sake of a bit of superfluous snark.

"Actually, if that's true, it explains a lot about this whole conversation.  It also begs the question: why do you need others to be 'happy' in order to find happiness yourself?"

Reaching out a black gloves hand, Freyd realized that he'd just sacrificed another catch by releasing his reel.  So be it.  This matters more.

"They used to call me Takeshi.  Nice to meet you, Violet."

***

Fishing ID 215959 | CD 2+1=3 | Nuthin...
Practiced Angler: (+2 EXP, +1 CD, +1 LD when fishing)
R4 Fisher | +3 to LD when opening fishing treasure chests
No Olympic Fishing Tool

+5 Fishing EXP

Edited August 23, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

"Sounds like things are getting worse for you, not better.  Would it be fair to guess that your efforts to have people find peace in simple living is a bit of proxy projection?  You can't find peace in yourself, so you're looking to help others find it in theirs?"

Violet felt oddly cold at Freyd's comment in regards to getting worse, her mind numbing itself. "I would prefer you not assume about my reasonings for asking you to try and live a normal life." she said quietly, her voice sounding somewhat hollow. "I'm trying to respect your own, so please extend that same courtesy to me, Freyd. If you had a problem with it, you could have voiced that instead of trying to humor me so i'd shut up." her mouth felt oddly dry, a strange feeling taking hold. It was like she was hearing static, a soft buzzing muffling her hearing as she struggled to keep her focus on Freyd as he continued to speak. The thought that someone believed that her work was exclusively for her own benefit stung much more than she thought it would, forcing her to remain silent.

She vividly remembered her lessons from Padmé, how the older woman had described that their job was ultimately to their detriment. They were going to hear shit that would ruin their mental health, that they were going to see things that could scare the hell out of hardened criminals. Their job had always been figure out what the potential medical reasons for someone's behavior were, and try to fix what they could. If they had to piece each other back together with what was left, then so be it.

for the health of other people, they would sacrifice anything.

"If anything, my actions come at my own detriment." she said quietly, looking at the watery expanse in front of them with an empty look in her eyes. "Psychology isn't something that the faint of heart should go into. I've seen and heard things that would break the average person, you know..? People like me, in the force... we were kind of expendable. Replaceable within a matter of days, with a constant stream of rookies hopelessly optimistic about their career choices." She remembered the day that the other shoe had dropped, and that what she was doing was not something that she could keep her heart whole and expect to survive.

She could still remember screaming her head off when her brother had almost died, because she'd fucked up her job.

"So no, I don't do this to make me happy, Takeshi." she curled in on herself, completely ignoring his proffered hand. "When you get to a certain level of being mentally screwed up... Happiness tends to be sold out on the mental market. It's fleeting at best, coming in flashes. I'm so used to experiencing the negative stuff that I keep forgetting what the good things feel like. I'm what they call a 'Stepford Smiler', on the off chance you haven't figured that out yet. Its why I 'bounce' from feeling to feeling, never seeming to stay one way for more than a minute." her words finally bled dry of the emotion she'd had before, the feelings locking themselves up tightly to try and shield her from the oddly blinding pain. Even though she barely knew all that much about the boy in front of her, it hurt immensely.

"Don't insult me by assuming that I find joy in listening to peoples trauma, to hearing people Suffer. Even Raidou hasn't stooped low enough to imply that to my face."

[Freyd 0]

Something flashed across Freyd's face, akin to the ripples they'd been watching on the water.  His eyes winced and brow dipped in either pain or anger.  It was difficult to be sure which.  Features frozen in place, the sound of a mirror breaking somewhere in the distance distracted, giving his shadow time to rise.  Like the malevolent dark that swallowed Aincrad whole during a not so distant raid, a veil of black spread from Freyd's shadow to engulf the rest of his form.  There was a kinship to watching a gemini transform, for those rare few who had ever witnessed the act.  Yet here was something more.  Whatever spark connects a player to their digital avatar in the game, his touched something vile while in contact with a possessed Orgoth during that raid.  Some might say his soul had splintered.  Others who knew him would argue that Freyd was already like that beforehand.  Whatever the case, as the ink receded, their positions were reversed.  Sitting on the stump at Mina's side was a young man, wearing simple slacks and a blue-grey Henley, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  Stark, angular features with a slightly predatory mien framed eyes coloured to match his shirt, or perhaps it was vice versa.  Thin, metallic wire-frame glasses hinted at something familiar and intelligent behind the face, all of it set below a mop of unruly black hair that matched Freyd's in style.

"Oh dear," he said, looking back at his own shadow's silhouette to find it better matching the Whisper than it had a moment ago.  "I guess this means that things are not going so well."  Looking out to find his own arm still outstretched, he let it slowly drop back onto his leg, wiping away something invisible on his hand; perhaps a memory?

"You'll have to forgive Freyd, if you can?  He's a bit of a novice when it comes to being people.  And there's only so much I can do to guide him from his memories.  So many link back to trauma, as you've likely already surmised.  Unfortunate, and also a hindrance to your own needs and efforts, I suspect."  Pressing his glasses to his face in an all-too-familiar manner, he continued.  "My name is Montjoy, or at least it's what he calls me when he deigns to converse.  We don't speak as much as we used to.  I had hoped it was because Elora had caused a surge of humanity within him.  Perhaps I was wrong?"  Sympathetic disappointment was clear on the man's face.  Despite the initial stance of his emergence, he seemed quite calm and gentle, speaking softly and in measured breaths.  There was actually something quite soothing and disarming about him - more easily relatable than Freyd ever was.  

"We are both Takeshi, or he was a source to both of us.  It's complicated, I'm afraid, and would likely take more time to explain than we will have available to us.  If I'm here, I can only assume that your discussion hasn't been going all that well.  Funny thing about shadows: we hear a lot, but cannot usually speak.  I've heard the entire exchange."  Sighing softly, he glanced sideways at himself?  Persi, who'd been silently playing in the shallows, slunk back to the shore and hopped onto the altered image's lap, nuzzling and nestling in for comfort.  Mina had never seen her show any such obvious affection for Freyd, whom she often treated more like her personal minion.  The narrow slit of her eyes and bare belly suggested a far different relation with... whoever or whatever this was.

"I'm curious, Mina.  Why do you believe that he is attacking or insulting you?  I've known Freyd a very long time, and he's been more candid and sincere with you here than ever and with anyone, save a small handful of exceptions.  He's honestly been trying to help, yet feels like you've been throwing it all back in his face over imagined slights.  Sadly, he's not very good at explaining his feelings - at all.  But the message of your intentions is unclear.  What is it you seek?  Every time he's tried to accommodate, he feels like it's been twisted and thrown back in his face.  Rightly or wrongly, that is his perception.  He cares, in his own way, or would have left here long ago. So, I must ask: is there anything that I can do to help him hear you any better?"

Edited August 20, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet watched Freyd shiver, his appearance shifting slightly to match a slightly different person. the other person that was staring her down seemed to be... just another facet of the man she'd met. "It's... nice to meet you, Montjoy." she said quietly, her voice still detached and distant. "s'okay, i guess... I know he's not really doing it on purpose." there wasn't really anything that she had to say to this part of Freyd, he was just... another piece of him. Just another part that she wasn't understanding.

Violet looked up at him, frowning. "Do... do you have a grudge against doctors..?" she asked, tilting her head as she looked closer at Freyd, or rather, montjoy. "He didn't seem very happy about my questions, and the way he responded earlier... he was way too eager to change the conversation. If I upset either of you, I'm sorry... I just wanted to help, that's all." she quietly curled in on herself again, hanging her head. She just felt... drained, now. Drained and tired. The sharp bitter ache from earlier had returned in full swing, her hands going to her head, gripping her hair.

"He just... struck a nerve, with what he said. About me doing what I do for my own benefit." she whispered, her voice cracking a bit. "I just... I'm breaking myself into pieces, just so I can try to fix other people... its not for my benefit, and it never can be. Mental illness is hungry, and it eats away everything in its path if you let it rot, and I've let it eat me raw." she let out a quiet laugh, her grip tightening almost to a painful level. that ache had gotten stronger, more potent.

and it hurt.

"I'm just... trying to piece together something, anything that I can use to piece together the type of person he is. I pry, and when he reacts even slightly negatively, i'd back off. I can't understand what just isn't there, and he won't give me anything to understand. Emotions suck, and I'm learning that both of us suck at understanding them. Since you don't seem to suck at it, can you kindly give me something that I can actually fucking understand before I go insane?!"

Roll ID#: 216542, CD:9 (Training Attempt success! 2/3 attempts succeeded!)

Edited August 22, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

"Do... do you have a grudge against doctors..?"

"Me?  Certainly not.  But I have the luxury of not having to worry about such things anymore.  Freyd... and Takeshi... to the extent that they are the same..." He sighed, trying his best not to add any more to the confusion she was likely already feeling. 

"Let me put it this way.  Takeshi was a very insular, unsociable boy and a natural target for the bullies that surround everyone in their early teens.  Your earlier diagnoses were not far off.  However anyone chooses to categorize it, Takeshi was a seriously detached child.  There were many reasons: perfectionist parents with their own disorders, constantly being dragged about the world for the sake of their careers, no roots or connections to help ground him, etc, etc.  He never truly learned what his feelings meant or how to govern them.  One particularly adamant bully pushed his luck too far.  Takeshi snapped, by which I mean he beat the boy so badly that he'd never walk again.  It took multiple grown adults to pry his fingers off the other boy's neck, and it was sheer luck that spared his life at all.  Things spiraled downward from there."

Lacing his fingers together, resting his elbows against his knees, Montjoy made sure he was facing her fully and clearly giving her his full attention.  Freyd's body language had deliberately conveyed avoidance, by comparison.  Montjoy's voice carried none of the Whisper's edge or banter.  His was serene and sublime by comparison, like some sort of stifled avatar of hope.

"Sociopath, psychopath, prone to paranoid delusions, schizophrenic... he's been called them all.  Influence and exile kept him out of jail, just barely, but also caused him to retreat deeper into his own mind.  Were he to answer your question, the response would likely be 'yes.' Doctors treated him very poorly.  He's none of those things, Mina, but the threats compelled him to build countless walls around his battered core identity in desperation to protect what little sense of self remained.  Being trapped in here only aggravated all the other underlying problems.  It took a year for him to convince himself just to step beyond the Town of Beginnings.  It took several more, and the heartfelt efforts of many good and caring people like yourself to keep him from falling off the edge of a very steep and high cliff."

Watching her curl into her own tight bundle, Montjoy grieved for her in silence, though his expression betrayed his sorrow for her plight.  Recounting his tale in this manner felt like some sort of nightmarish bedtime story, but it seemed to offer what she wanted to know.

"It's just not in him to give you what you seek as plainly as you would like.  He's tried, and keeps trying, but only one person has managed to connect with him on that level, and it took more than you can fathom to build that trust.  Plainly put: he just doesn't know how.  Rebuilding himself in here trapped him within the confines of a system that now defines everything that he is.  If I am his conscience and humanity, his lived experience constructed another, stronger and more dominant influence - one that enabled him to survive at any cost.  It kept him alive through Kayaba's decree and aftermath, but it also nearly broke him to later pull away from its control and restore some semblance of balance in himself, and its more fragile than anyone realizes.  That cold and calculating machine is always there; his own inner Cardinal, waiting to resume its position at his helm.  It's the thing that you are truly fighting against, Mina - that we all are.  It's also the reason why you will never crack the Whisper open overnight.  Even that name is a revelation.  People think it's some sort of cryptic edgelord persona.  Sadly not.  All that remains of him is that Whisper in Shadows, terrified to call out into darkness lest its own defenses turn it into the monster they were meant to prevent - the one that nearly throttled another boy to death.  He can't let you in without risking unravelling the cobbled Frankenstein personality that now makes Freyd who he is, and he's terrified of how easily that other self would hurt anyone who got in its way."

Reaching forward, Montjoy placed a soft, warm hand on her shoulder.  

"The good news is that I wouldn't be here if he didn't want your help, and didn't want to help you in return.  Maybe this conversation is his answer?  I don't really know.  But it's a start, isn't it?"

Edited August 20, 2023 by Freyd

[tricolor_mina 0]

Violet felt a surge of fury suddenly rise up in her heart at Montjoy's words. Psychotic? Sociopathic? Neither of those came to mind when she peered at the boy in front of her, not even when Freyd was the pilot. "Doctors like that are the reason they even keep people like me on call." she hissed, her hands dropping from her head as she looked up at him, eyes burning red-hot with fury. "Psychologists, first and foremost, are supposed to help their patients. Not exacerbate the problems by being self-righteous dickheads, and pretending there's smoke and flame when there isn't anything there at all. I HATE doctors like that."

that distaste made so much more sense now... she'd hate doctors too if they treated her like that.

"When I look at him, I see someone that is more likely to be suffering from a mild to moderate case of Autism (ASD) or a case of Depersonal-Derealization Disorder (DDD), just going based off of the emotional detachment issue you described to me. But i'd never diagnose it directly, because I'd need a full medical write up!" her words, while angry, had no fire directed at Montjoy or Freyd... they were directed at the people who had tried to 'help' him. "You have to have multiple doctors sign off on these kinds of disorders, there's a reason we have to train for literal years to figure out these kinds of disorders! Those doctors failed you so bad that you're quite literally starting to manifest multiple other disorders, and it isn't fair to either of you!"

She could hear hear her father (well, not really hear 'him', more or less hear his vocamodule) talking to both herself and Akane, explaining how slippery a slope psychology was. It wasn't something that could ever be explained by one thing, it was always a numerad of different factors that could affect how one would behave. It wasn't possible to diagnose a psychological disorder just exclusively based off of one particular flag, even if that was the most common one. You had to actively rule out every last one of those disorders, piece by piece, and with gentle prodding from the doctor in question.

and they always stopped when the patient became uncomfortable, no matter how close you felt to getting the answer or the key. The doctor was NOT the priority, that priority always fell to the patient. It was like that with every medical profession, honestly, but only a few doctors these days seemed to actively follow that rule. That oh-so-wonderful oath that they had to swear.

one that they'd all had to break by now...

But none of that mattered right now, what mattered was trying to fix what those assholes broke with their careless behavior.

"I'm not asking you to open up overnight, that would just be cruel." she said firmly, before shuffling forward, and wrapping them in a tight hug. "I'm just asking that you give me a chance, let me try to help where those bastards failed you. Both of you physically cannot hurt ME worse than I've already been hurt. I'm just scared that he's going to hurt himself. So, take your time, and BOTH of you come to me when you're ready. I'll wait until you're comfortable, and if, at any time, either of you'd like to stop, I'll drop it, and we can do something else instead."

Edited August 20, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

"Thank you, Mina, for your understanding and professional discretion.  I'm sure you can appreciate that Freyd keeps this information confidential for a reason.  Give him time.  Trust that he has faith in you by having faith in him, and Raidou by extension.  Neither would have helped you get raid ready if they didn't think you were ready.  That means psychologically, as well as physically."  With tender care beyond anything that Freyd could ever have delivered, Montjoy wrapped his arms around her to return her hug.  It was as if warmth and serenity blanketed her anguish without judgment; a simple welcoming acceptance permeating down to her soul.  

"Keep talking to him, Violet, but take care not to make him feel like he is under the microscope or you risk getting more of the same.  Likewise, share with him what you are feeling and find common ground in shared pain.  He's good with secrets, as you well know."  Running fingers through her hair in a way that reinforced the reality and importance of the moment, Montjoy let it all linger a few moments longer.

"My time is up.  I have to go now.  Remember this, and the two of you will work through your troubles together.  Build friendship upon sorrow.  Pull each other out of darkness in solitude.  I have faith in you both."

Freyd's fishing reel bobbed and splashed in the water, something poking at the hook without quite catching, and probably for the best.  Mina felt his shoulders tense and head twitch with uncertainty.

"Uh... why are we hugging?"

[tricolor_mina 0]

♫

Violet kept clinging to montjoy, her shoulders shaking a bit. She felt like she had finally reached a decent understanding with Freyd... or rather, Montjoy, and she didn't want that moment to pass. The bitter ache was dulling, the painful burning underneath the frost had finally faded away, leaving nothing but a soft warmth.

"I will... thank you, Montjoy."

She could hear the line reeling, spinning out of control in Freyd's grip. She could feel him tense up in her grip, wiggling a bit. "Uh... why are we hugging?" his words were confused, something that didn't exactly surprise Violet. After all, it was like someone else was piloting that body of his for just a moment.

A soft laugh bubbled in her throat, her grip tightening for just a moment. "Shush, let me enjoy this for just a little bit longer." she said softly, closing her eyes as she buried her face in his shoulder. "Just... for what its worth... I'm sorry, ok..? I didn't mean to snap at you like that, its just... the 'why' behind my actions, that's a very raw subject for me. I don't think I've told anyone the proper reason, and I don't plan to for a while."

Violet finally pulled away from Freyd, leaning forward. If he looked at her close enough, he'd notice a key difference from before. her eyes felt... flat, for a lack of a better term. the 'fire' behind the scarlet having faded completely, leaving a pair of dull red stones in its place. her smile was still there, and it was still very much genuine... it just seemed to be lacking that same warmth. "For what its worth, though..?" she said softly, her tone gentle "You're the first person other than my brother and Rosa that's seen me like this. Right now... I don't have the energy to re-kindle the warmth that I usually convey."

Violet pulled her mask down over her face, and, with a few taps from her menu, she'd drawn out her cloak, the deep wine-colored fabric covering her. "That happiness you see... its probably the most beautiful lie I can tell." she slid the cloak that he'd laid atop her body back to him. "I've perfected it, almost. If it weren't for people like you and Rai, nobody would even be able to tell. Heh... I don't think I've ever been more desperate for nosy bastards in my life..."

Akame was lurking a few feet away, gnawing on more chest fragments, letting out a tinny growl as one of them shattered into polygons.

Roll ID#:216289, CD: 7 (Training Success! 3/3 attempts succeeded~)

Edited August 22, 2023 by tricolor_mina

[Freyd 0]

Completely out of his element and wondering whether he'd just been drugged or blacked out, Freyd was utterly confused by whatever was happening.

A soft laugh bubbled in her throat, her grip tightening for just a moment. "Shush, let me enjoy this for just a little bit longer." 

Eyes suddenly wide as saucers with a chill sprinting through his spine, Freyd instantly felt Elora's memory shooting daggers at him through his hippocampus.  It was a good sign: realizing that she might misinterpret their current disposition and think the worst of him.  Even better: that he cared that she cared.  While he might foster such ambitions for the sake of a clandestine mission, Freyd was strangely clueless when it came to notions of romance for their own sake.  Emotions had long been a tool to compartmentalize and imitate for convenience.  He could emulate but never truly understood.  It was as if he'd just downloaded a people program and gotten really good at pretending.

And yet... she felt warm, and hard.  Mina had built herself into a respectable fighting machine, and her figure showed the results.  It had changed in recent months, as she came into the power the he and Rai had helped her achieve.  But her burden obviously kept taking its toll.  Pain had burrowed so deep into her being that he wondered whether Mina... Violet... was held together by it, even as it sought to tear her apart.  The dichotomy was something he could understand and relate to. 

"Just... for what its worth... I'm sorry, ok..? I didn't mean to snap at you like that, its just... the 'why' behind my actions, that's a very raw subject for me. I don't think I've told anyone the proper reason, and I don't plan to for a while."

"I... appreciate that.  Thank you." An unexpected kindness lingered in his voice, spoken softly and oddly sympathetic.  Maybe something of Montjoy was still with him after all?

When she finally pulled away, he saw the dullness in her eyes.  It was the same look he'd given Elora in the swamp behind his monastery home, right before his avatar had physically fractured into a thousand pieces.  She had pulled him back together with Montjoy's help.  Could he offer the same to Mina?  Would she even accept it?

"For what its worth, though, you're the first person other than my brother and Rosa that's seen me like this. Right now... I don't have the energy to re-kindle the warmth that I usually convey."

"Maybe we see each other plainly enough that those illusions are no longer necessary, at least when it's just us."  His mouth spoke the words, but Freyd wasn't sure of their source.  These were entirely uncharted waters.  What was too little?  Too much?  How could he tell what she needed?  "I guess I should apologize too.  You've only been trying to help.  I'm not very good at accepting that sort of thing."

"That happiness you see... its probably the most beautiful lie I can tell." she slid the cloak that he'd laid atop her body back to him. "I've perfected it, almost. If it weren't for people like you and Rai, nobody would even be able to tell. Heh... I don't think I've ever been more desperate for nosy bastards in my life..."

On instinct alone, Freyd's hand reached out to take hers as she moved to place the mask upon her face.  There was no force, only gently urging not to shy away again.

"Don't.  Not here.  This place is safe, Violet.  This place is open and free of secrets."  A flash restored his fishing wear, the same ridiculous suit she'd found him wearing when she first approached.  It was a token gesture to illustrate the point.  "Here, we can just sit and talk about anything we want.  Maybe we should start with something simple?  Why don't you tell me something about Akame."