[F01-PP] bygone serenity.

[NIGHT 0]

tolbana was always known for the settlement where the front had gathered before conquering the first floor's labyrinth. yet not as much was spoken about the local attraction of having multiple water fountains, even so far as to have a dock present for a small lake nearby. and, for some unknown reason, bistro was sending her out there 

bistro: to look at the docks.

night: why the docks
night: isn't f22 or 24 better

bistro: tolbana's a little out of the way, don't you think?

night: yes

bistro: :)
bistro: let me know about your findings.
bistro: i heard there's a gondola ride in town now. not sure if it goes through the city, but maybe it's something you'll be interested in.

night: not interested

bistro: suit yourself.

night lied. she was very interested for several reasons. but she hated bringing that double of hers along for the occasion (also for several reasons). surely, there would be someone suitable she could tag along with who wouldn't get the wrong idea, right?

if night's brain wasn't so fixated on the attraction that day, perhaps she would've had a better suited person (like koga) in mind. but, as she was considering all options that came to mind on her friends list, it was at the same time she'd scrolled to an's name that she'd chanced upon pandora's wares. a shop she would've disregarded... if the sign at the door didn't say it was open for the first time in a while.

so she let herself in, curious to see if the store had changed any in the time she'd been away. when night noticed that it hadn't, an unexpected sense of relief washed over her, alongside a delayed wave to the appraiser within.

"andromeda," she breathed. "are you holding up well in here? ... the clutter hasn't exactly locked you out of leaving your shop, has it...?"

because, for a moment, as night was considering why on occasion the store would be closed, she did worry if it was with all the junk present that it couldn't actually open.

"are private customers giving you trouble -- err, again? i was on my way out of town and figured, maybe, you'd like to join me in looking around tolbana for a bit. it couldn't hurt to take a walk for a moment, would it?"

(yet, despite all the thought above, the realization that, in pulling the shopkeep away from her store would inevitably shut down its operations, wouldn't occur to night until the day was over.)

| NIGHT  | Lv. 147 >> P. 114, Lv. 33  | Status: //  Notes:  //

Spoiler NIGHT | HP: 1100/1100 | EN: 148/148 | DMG: 21 | ACC: 4 | EVA: 4 | MIT: 44 | LD: 5 | BH+HB: 109 | FLN/HLY: 16 | Stealth Rating: 6 equipped oathkeeper. FLN II, HLY II regards. EVA II, HB II signet. ACC III, EVA battle-ready inventory Teleport Crystal (3) | TELEPORT imugi's inspiration. (5) | MASS HP RECOVERY skills Spoiler mod count: 5/7 STRAIGHT SWORD | RANK 5/5 focus, stamina, precision shift: aoe CLOTH ARMOR | RANK 5/5 athletics, nimble COMBAT MASTERY: DMG | RANK 3/3 SEARCHING | RANK 3+1/5 BATTLE HEALING | RANK 5/5 emergency recovery ENERGIST QUICK CHANGE CHARGE FIGHTING SPIRIT HOWL focused howl SCOUTING FAMILIAR EXTENDED MOD LIMIT extra SURVIVAL CONCENTRATION HIDING untraceable, vanish, surprise attack-t buffs Spoiler statue BIALAS | +TAUNT MOTHRA | +1 EN Recovery TANOS | +25 MIT MORETSUNA | +50 HP OROCHI | +1 LD KUMATETSU | +1 DMG consumables - - - - - - paragon Lv. 5 | Gain additional col equivalent to 15% of EXP earned in that thread. Lv. 10 | +1 LD to looting. sword arts Spoiler en cost matches multiplier unless stated otherwise. shift underlined. ST | x12 -> x15 | x20 AOE | x15 -> x18 TECH-A | x12 | STUN | 13EN TECH-B | x12 | DELAY TECH-D | x12 | SHATTER TECH-F | x8 | AOE STUN  TECH-G | x12 | BURN misc. Spoiler housing Dimensional Backpack, Item Stash | +2 Battle-Ready Inventory Slots. Well Rested | -1 EN for the first three expenditures of each combat.  Relaxed | +(5 * Tier) HP per out-of-combat post. Full energy restoration occurs after two turns out of combat. Squeaky Clean | -25% DoT damage taken from the first DoT applied to this player in a thread. Skylight: Searching | +1 Expertise to declared utility skill. Cooldown of 30 days to reassign. Multipurpose | +1 LD/Prosperity/Stealth/Detection to one post per thread. Can be applied after a roll. Filling | +1 T1 slot to a food consumed by this player in a thread. Can exceed Cook enhancement caps. Col Deposit | +5% col from loot-minimum mobs, +10% col from treasure chests. foraging | r2 | xp: 69/150 Greenhouse | +2 G.EXP, +1 CD&LD to gathering attempts. Familiar: Profession | +2 G.EXP Demeter's Cornucopia | +1 CD to gathering attempts.

 

[Andromeda 0]

On the 200th-something day of her break, the merchant girl had come to the epiphany that continuing to close up shop for her, uh, training, would send her straight into a downwards slide as soon as she ran out of money to support herself and pay the shack's paltry rent (yes, it was rented). And then she would have gone through so much trouble for nothing at all. So she had spent the last few days in a flurry, polishing her appraisal tools to a shine, 'tidying' up the shop area, and taking out unique items she had identified years ago (oh god...) but never sold and stuffing them in a giveaway box.

To her, it was brilliant. Mystic Essences were worthless if she had no customers to buy them off her. She had placed the box in such a way that it was the first thing a customer would see if they walked in, and added a big sign just to be sure. Take the items and why not also take a look at the shop's actual services while you're at it?

The first day An flipped the sign back to 'OPEN', she didn't have high expectations. A few customers milled in and out. One bought stock. Another took from the giveaway box. He didn't do anything else but at least Pandora's was on his radar, now. Then, after a few hours with no activity, in walked a familiar face.

An immediately perked up.

"Hi, NIGHT!" She grinned and returned her wave. "Welcome back."

Her greeting held more enthusiasm than she would reserve for most customers, but that was a given. The merchant girl had known NIGHT for years. She laughed a little (she hoped it was a joke...) and her hand came up to scratch the back of her head. "No, no, don't worry. I know it sounds bad in the immediate context but anyway -- I did a lot of cleanup lately and there's actually so much less clutter now...!"

Perhaps to An's eyes, it was less. She inhabited this place 24/7 and she knew with laser-point precision exactly which pile of junk every single item was buried in. She would know, if an item has been slid two inches to the right, or if a tower of crates is one box shorter than before, and how many items she had deducted from the overall mass. But have you ever made a dent in a mountain? You'd know exactly where it is, but nobody else does because they don't know where to look. Only you do, and you're hecking proud of it.

She noticed, though, that NIGHT didn't have one or three sacks prepared. In fact, she soon voiced her reason for visiting, and it was a wildly different script from their previous interactions that An briefly struggled to re-navigate. "Oh, uh." The merchant girl, already used to every possible exchange that could possibly be had over her counter, blinked, and appeared almost flustered. She was being invited... out? "S-Sure! I, ah, am not that busy today."

The Epiphany nudged at the back of her head. The bad: this was the literal first day of her shop and she was dying with curiosity to find out what made NIGHT want to bring her along. Her, in specific. The good: she was smart with her savings and had a solid two months of it left.

An would have paused, as though to consider, then she nodded again, already rising to pick up her jacket from the back of her rickety chair. "Right, I haven't had a queue for a while. From... that customer. And in general. I'd be happy to join you!"

She slung her jacket around her shoulders and patted down her long skirt. The weather didn't quite warrant her cap today, so all that was left was to lock up the drawers where she kept her bills and appraisal tools, flip the sign back to 'CLOSED', then lock the front door after she followed NIGHT outside. The trading sector of the Town of Beginnings was always busy, with people of various kinds milling about on their business and hawkers among them calling out their wares, and the scraggly heap of her shop stood in the middle of all of it, beaten, but still churning along. She loved it dearly. Turning to her friend(?) for the day, An would easily fall into step beside NIGHT.

"So how are things on your end? With the, er," she struggled to recount their last conversation, had it really been a year? "The love life? And the dungeon crawling."

 

(⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

Hide contents  LEVEL 20 HP 430 | EN 58 | DMG 8 | MIT 55 | ACC 1 SKILLS: Spoiler | skills mod count: 0/5 THROWN WEAPONRY | RANK 5/5 [BASE: Proficiency] +7 DMG [ADDON: Focus] -1 minor critical and DoT threshold. [ADDON: Precision] +1 ACC [ADDON: Stamina] Reduce EN of all attacks by 2. HEAVY ARMOR | RANK 5/5 [BASE: Proficiency] +40 MIT, -5 Stealth Rating [ADDON: Iron Skin] +15 MIT, +30 HP FIGHTING SPIRIT | Passive | +1 Hate HOWL | Post Action (2 EN / 2 CD) | +2 Hate vs. up to 4 targets | expenditure Spoiler Total SP: 100 | Spent: 96 | Unspent : 4 SKILL: Thrown Weaponry (30) ADDON: Stamina (4) ADDON: Precision (2) ADDON: Focus (4) SKILL: Heavy Armor (30) ADDON: Iron Skin (6) SKILL: Fighting Spirit (10) SKILL: Howl (10)

 

Edited August 27 by Andromeda

[NIGHT 0]

as homely a welcome as ever. night looked around at the mention of an's decluttering process, but couldn't notice a difference. what changed? to be fair, if every time she came back to the shop, some crates had been shifted over or other, the player would've chalked it up to the owner's preference of arrangement. maybe, if she hadn't lived there, there'd be no way for her to tell. so she waved off her disbelief to try and give an the benefit of doubt.

and when she mentioned her intended outing that day, night worried about the girl's initial reaction, that stutter and concern mixed with the pause that came afterwards. was she interrupting something? she hoped not. but the appraiser's dismissal of the customer meant that, likely, it didn't matter so much after all... right?

the player gave her friend(?) a slight bow in return, once she'd gotten her jacket. ever awkward, all night could manage was a tense, "thank you," before she started on her way out. "i'll be waiting outside."

an didn't take long to lock up shop. and night's steps were slow, away from the store's entrance, just to give her companion time to catch up.

but what she didn't expect from their conversation was --

"So how are things on your end? With the, er, the love life? And the dungeon crawling."

did she really say that? night almost jumped out of step at the shock of hearing the question. she almost forgot she did say that. why did she say that. okay, her past self wasn't wrong, but all the same, it was...

night's fingers ran up the back of her scalp. "it's... it's okay, i suppose?"

-- that wasn't a real answer. in fact, in the interim of searching for a good one, she dashed past the ever present mental obstacle of talking about her double in the first place. but then she exhaled, and the matter seemed to decompress itself with a pause.

"it's... getting better, i suppose. maybe, a lot better...?"

her fingers found gaps between themselves as she knitted them together. "the love life, i mean. i think, at some point, i could say that i'd lost myself, and then found it again. as for the dungeon..."

try as she might, night blanked out on the details pertaining to it, so she shrugged. "i'm not sure which one it was. how long ago was it since i'd mentioned it? ... i don't think it's been that long since we fought the last floor boss... was it? oh, but an..."

she did remember something else, though. something interesting? was her memory failing her, or did it simply stand out -- to her -- because of how rare it'd seemed from her own perspective?

"... did you ask me before if i had a girlfriend?"

[Andromeda 0]

Uh. Whoops.

At NIGHT's slower response, An immediately felt anxiety brewing within her. NIGHT didn't talk very fast normally, at least she could glean that from their interactions in the shop, that she seemed the type of person who considered her words before she spoke, but-- Love life. You never knew if you were stepping into a landmine with that one, so why bring it up at first opportunity with a person she barely knew outside of her shop? She had been grasping at straws for a moment, but surely the weather was more inoffensive?

It was to her great relief, then, that NIGHT's answer eventually angled into a more positive light. An nodded slowly along and inserted herself in the middle of one of NIGHT's pauses. "That's... that's sweet," she said, twisting her fingers into awkward knots beneath the coverage of her sleeves. She really did mean that, she just needed a moment. "Life in here is hard as it is, so. It's a wonderful thing to have going for you."

She didn't have any herself, but there were many other things to pursue.

An let out a small giggle. Her unfamiliarity with the frontlines, or anyone else associated with it other than NIGHT, meant that dungeons, difficult quests, floor bosses, the like, were treated with more gravitas. "Wait, which one? It's been a year, I think, so how many have you been to since...?"

"Oh, but An..."

It was so casual, tacked onto the end of a previous sentence, oh, by the way... but at this point, they had gone past the usual pleasantries and she couldn't guess at NIGHT's new direction. Her red eyes turned her companion's way.

“Did you ask me before if I had a girlfriend?”

"I-- Huh?"

She regretted it (the turning). An felt a small flush creep up her cheeks and she looked away. She had asked NIGHT about both genders but neither of them remembered every detail from a conversation about a year ago and she was taking NIGHT fully at her word for it this time. "Y-yeah. I guess...? I mean, sorry if I'm wrong!" An said hotly. "Actually, if I'm wrong, please just take it as a compliment that, say, you sometimes kind of get this vibe from people, you know? Uh. 'You', meaning me, thinking, hey, you, NIGHT, kind of look like you fit into my group. Out of pure. Impression, or something."

The group, being lesbians. Girlkissers. Like recognizing like. On the hot seat, An couldn't quite say it out loud.

"S-s-s-so... is your partner a girlfriend or a boyfriend?"

Edited September 2 by Andromeda

[NIGHT 0]

"Y-yeah. I guess...? I mean, sorry if I'm wrong!"

no, no. she wasn't wrong.

and that's exactly why it'd stayed in her mind for so long, if night had to hazard a guess at her memory only recalling one thing out of a time when she couldn't of anything else.

"Actually, if I'm wrong, please just take it as a compliment that, say, you sometimes kind of get this vibe from people, you know? Uh."

"uh."

"'You', meaning me, thinking, hey, you, NIGHT, kind of look like you fit into my group. Out of pure. Impression, or something."

there was a moment of quiet between them, night aghast behind the facade of surprise from an's outburst, too -- and she should've expected that, really. they'd known each other long enough to have anticipated a flustered response from either one of them at this point. but it was on an equal nerve that night wasn't sure how to steer the conversation from there.

she tried to squeak her way out. "wh... what group?"

and an, in her shyness, tried too. "S-s-s-so... is your partner a girlfriend or a boyfriend?"

 

 

so back to her initial shock.

night slumped, a hand over her mouth, the woman attempting to salvage what little of her known reputation for being cool/quiet/put together with the one other acquaintance player she already knew she did not carry that reputation with. a poor bid, and yet one she took out of habit. correcting her response with a painful blink was all she needed to swallow her pride and breathe.

right. now she remembered. it had escaped her -- precisely because she hadn't decided to maintain this facade when she did choose to spill.

"um..."

when she did recover -- because night did eventually recover, even if she had to let the silence fester and, in the interim, likely worry an about her own reaction -- she angled her sights towards an, voice low. "how about 'it's complicated', and we leave it at that...?"

catching herself missing the point yet again, just as they passed the gates out of town, night quickly added behind a cupped mouth, "but yes -- it's a girl." her hand twisted into a lone index shielding her words. "i mean, i keep it a secret, really, but..."

night's body language relaxed then, gaze back towards the road before them. "you know, since most people are from different parts of the world here... i've been told i don't need to hide it." the player winced thereafter. "but old habits die hard. i'm not sure if you -- um, your friends? -- can relate." 

the group? no, night still wasn't catching on.

"--sorry, i didn't mean to derail the conversation there. but, uh, what kind of group do you associate with...? or..."

[Andromeda 0]

"Um..."

An was seriously starting to sweat. Her mind was running a mile a minute. She suddenly remembered there was a third possibility, a very real possibility for why a binary question would make one hesitate for so long, and she internally apologized to everyone she had ever met who fit into that group. "O-or gender nonconforming?!"

"How about..."

As her companion unraveled her romantic situation to her, the anxiety gradually seeped out of An and was replaced by understanding. So it wasn't a girlfriend. It was just a girl. Were she a bit more settled, she would have started nodding sagely at this point -- the sort of thing you did upon encountering someone who was in the exact same situation as you were in before. Instead, as NIGHT made a secretive gesture, An unconsciously mirrored. She brought her tented hands up to her lips and nodded eagerly without saying a sound. NIGHT had spilled, and the secret was safe with her.

"Um. I. N-Never had to," she volunteered shyly. Her hands returned to her sides, but not before quickly flicking open her menu without looking and shifting her axe (i.e. an infinite supply of axes collapsed into a single axe) into an equipment slot as they passed out of the safe zone. She pinched the insides of her long sleeves and crumpled the ends inwards. It had been so long since she last spoke of it. Of Before. "It must have been my part of the world and, and -- the people I was with. I lived in England, and my parents... I never brought anyone home, but they knew at some point, and..." Her shoulders lifted in a shrug. That had been the extent of their reaction, too. It was strange even thinking about them, regardless of how much she wanted to return someday. After all this time, the past felt so much more unreal than the thought of living in a video game.

"Oh, but my friends...?" An gave a sheepish laugh. "I wouldn't know a lot, actually, very few people would bring it up on the counter. But I had some longer talks with another girl once and she wasn't trying to, well, hide it, either."

(At least, she had kissed An first.)

"I think there isn't a need to either, but I, ah, get that everyone has their comfort zones. So, as long as you feel safe and happy where you are, it should be fine, right?"

(An would know, given that she had abandoned her first.)

"--Sorry," NIGHT said a moment later. "I didn't mean to derail the conversation there. But, uh, what kind of group do you associate with...? Or..."

An would also know, given how she was momentarily unable to say the word despite having almost explicit confirmation that NIGHT wouldn't pass judgment anyway. They were the exact same. It was the stage focus, or the doubt that came before opening up to someone, no matter how small. "Uh, y-you know. Women who... like being with women. And kissing them." She added, her voice a barely perceptible squeak, "Lesbians."

[NIGHT 0]

so that was the case for an, coming from england -- the way that it didn't seem so out-of-the-ordinary to night really made her contemplate on how everyone's lives must've been like, to not need and even discover such a state of being different existing. night nodded as her friend talked about herself, noticing an drawing her axe; but she was more on guard about their conversation than their surroundings. enemies, she could combat with ease. personal vulnerability was a whole different ball game.

and yet, night felt as though she was even safer letting her guard down. she sighed in advance.

"I wouldn't know a lot, actually, very few people would bring it up on the counter. But I had some longer talks with another girl once and she wasn't trying to, well, hide it, either."

"no way."

"I think there isn't a need to either, but I, ah, get that everyone has their comfort zones. So, as long as you feel safe and happy where you are, it should be fine, right?"

an had a point. and night was so caught up in the euphoria of finally having an example where someone like themselves could be seen and feel safe in the company of others in aincrad, that for a second she lived in a world where her situationship wasn't exactly with a cardinal entity in the first place. so night hummed in agreement, almost excited, and then found herself questioning why she did feel that way. and then her hopes fell and left her, again.

to her own question, an's response was soft. she started stuttering again. night almost leaned in trying to pick up on what was being said, but she didn't need to hear the rest of what had been said, upon the realization that--

"Uh, y-you know. Women who... like being with women."

-- yeah, that.

"eh?"

she'd stopped, almost hopping backwards, in the same way she was used to doing in an aggravated fight against a quest boss. the revelation was new to her -- wait, how did she not pick up on it in the first place? granted, maybe the idea of being able to read others for being 'of the same' was not in her repertoire, and yet...

"you too?"

if an were to turn towards night now, the latter couldn't have been able to shake off her own look of surprise. so she defaulted her usual move: cover it up with her hand instead.

"s-sorry, i didn't know..."

then again, it likely wasn't something an was broadcasting to others (on purpose?) either. night skipped back to her side in a jiffy, trying to shrug off the embarassment -- but only because part of her felt guilty, feeling like she should've been (one of) the first to know.

they walked, and it was after night finally summoned the courage to pull her hands away from her mouth and lock them together (so she would know she wouldn't be able to hide herself again) that she spoke up once more. "um, i didn't think i was that easy a person to read. i mean, maybe i didn't grow up with too many of them -- err, us? -- around? so like maybe i don't have the skill for it... or something."

"i mean, singapore's a conservative place. incredibly sterile... oh, that's where i'm from, by the way -- so like it's not really something i, nor anyone, would really initiate on. especially not in public. um..."

night thought back on what she knew about an for a bit. granted, it wasn't a whole lot -- she was tall, pretty, and what taste in her fashion sense seemingly clean, prim and proper was likely supported by her height. she seemed to be cooped in her shop a lot. there might've been a sign to advertise helping players to work on quests together. and she was, for a lack of a better word, the same brand of anxious that night normally... or maybe used to, put off.

the player then tilted her head, and paused to consider how best to spring the question.

"... i mean, i'm assuming you know, then, who else might fit into 'our group'," she tried, "so, um... how do you tell? is... there something about them exactly...?"

then night considered her line of thinking again. "well, you don't have to name names, either, but... how many are you aware of exactly? -- asking for a friend."

(the friend was night. and, if she was being completely honest, it would've been nice to have a list of names to be wary for... just in case anyone ever hunted her down for her crimes against leading a girl on and then ghosting her thereafter. the usual.)

[Andromeda 0]

NIGHT was surprised. An was surprised by NIGHT's surprise.

They both just stared at each other wide-eyed until NIGHT hid herself behind her hand ("S-sorry, I didn't know...") and An found sudden interest in the beautiful/plain scenery of Floor 1 that she had seen thousands of times by now. Ah, it truly never gets old.

"D-do I not look like I am...?" An asked meekly, her face heated. She hadn't ever tried to hide it. But to say that she was 'broadcasting' it was inaccurate. An simply went about her life secure in that part of her identity, which, barring a number of months three years ago, unfortunately meant quietly crushing on pretty women who will never love her back. She liked women; she didn't know how to pick them.

Perhaps in NIGHT's eyes, then, coming from a society with stricter norms, she leaned heavily on the 'safer' assumptions unless something came by that proved otherwise. Or more likely she did not assume at all. An would understand, despite the freedom she was given. On a structural level, there were 'defaults.'

"That's, uh. Hrm."

How does one explain a sense? It was not as though she had looked NIGHT over, mentally cataloging everything that she saw, to conclude with 95% certainty that, oh, this was a lesbian. The thought had just occurred to her in the same moment that she had asked that fatal question. "For me, it's... not an exact thing. Different reasons for different people." This time, it was An speaking slowly. She had the sense that NIGHT was trying to learn from her, and given what she now knew they shared, she didn't want to leave her hanging with a simple 'I don't know.'

"A-and it's also not always certain! Because everyone has their own unique way of expressing themselves, there's no one-size-fits-all answer unless it's them telling you directly what they like. The, um, only other girl I know about in here -- I had no clue and she had to tell me. But I was more or less able to suss out my college friends back at home from the way they talked to other girls. And how they talked about men, too," An added with a small laugh.

"In your case though... Uh. Please don't be mad..."

And she focused even harder on the ground in front of her, bringing up her mental image of NIGHT (because she was terrified to see how the real one would look back at her, as she was passing judgment). Now she was doing the cataloging, one year after the fact. "It was -- the tracksuits? Then the posture that you take when you stand." In the years that they knew each other, NIGHT had done a lot of standing around as An ran the numbers on her sacks of unidentifieds. "And your voice. It's on the lower side, but I'd call you more... steady than soft, I think...?"

(At this point, she was going to think An was hitting on her or something. Thankfully, An was perfectly mentally sane and she was not into women who were already taken.)

"Not to say that everyone who has those three traits are lesbians. But I thought back then, that it fit with your overall image and the other smaller impressions I'd gathered of you."

She thought back to NIGHT's questioning, and what it seemed to imply. She had a burning question of her own. "Are there... other people in your circle who fit into 'our group'?"

[NIGHT 0]

if night was any less embarassed and caught up with their subject matter at hand, she would’ve started taking notes. and, in the event she actually did take the time to go over her notes had she taken them down, she would’ve found them to be absolutely useless.

this wasn’t due to the fault of an, bless her heart for explaining. night simply didn’t know how better to understand the concept, this 'sense' or 'read' that her friend was beginning to explain. 'different strokes for different folks' — she got it. 'you would be likely to know if they came to you to tell you' — she got that down too. but at the moment an talked about her college friends and their comments towards men differing... she clammed up.

wait. that was a thing? did night do that, too…?

there was also the personality shift — er, tone change? when talking to other women? and night was frantic. so many tells and she couldn’t read any of them. in fact, she wondered if anyone else she actually knew had presented themselves at all in a similar fashion — both in real life and in the game. night couldn’t come up with a good answer.

"In your case though... Uh. Please don't be mad..."

to be honest, night couldn’t be. she might’ve spiraled a bit, but that was faultless behaviour to anyone else beyond herself. instead, she nodded, as though to prove that she understood (she didn’t). “i think i’m more impressed than anything,” was her own brand of reassurance, matched with the twirl of a lock of hair for good fidgeting measure.

and then came an’s personal observations, so night was schooled even further.

the gays… wore tracksuits(?). there was a distinct way she stood that might’ve signalled ‘lesbian here. please give way’(???). the tone of her own voice mattered(?????).

— look. in all honesty, once the initial wave of confusion had passed through night, there came a subtle, yet unmistakable appreciation at the recognition. it gave a good reason beyond being nervous for night to play with her hair: she was seen, and heard, even if it was in a way she didn’t expect. she was present. she made an impression, and it stuck. and night’s gaze drifted towards the edge of tolbana (oh right they had to get there) almost engulfed in a joy of being read for her own traits.

she could get used to this. she made a mental note to get better at doing this for others. in fact, she’d almost had the idea that an, being this observant about others, was, in a strange way, trying to hit on her (?). 

... but maybe, after everything else she’d been through, paired with the observations that seemed genuine and sincere... night, for once, took comfort in the ease of letting it slide.

she was so happy, she thought she might almost cry.

night kept it together though, acknowledging an’s words with a hum of agreement. “thank you,” she added, after a pause in their conversation. “i think that made sense. i learned a lot today.”

(she didn’t, in the way she’d originally intended in asking her question. but also, in a strange way, she did, about what came after hearing the answer.)

then came a query shot her way that night wished she hadn’t had heard. what small smile she had once allowed herself to reveal snapped quickly into one almost of fear.

oh, weren’t they reaching tolbana soon? haha, wouldn’t it be easier to start thinking about that instead—?

“ —yes.”

night remained tightlipped, wrestling with her response to the scenario. she looked as though she'd freshly tasted a lemon. but to shell up after all of what an had offered her? how could she be so rude to refuse giving her friend a proper answer?

she chewed on her cheek while trying to decide. she hadn’t even told koga — her dear friend koga, who’d gone backwards and sideways to remain by her side through aincrad’s tribulations. she was so close to talking about it too, the other day. why hadn’t she said anything? and now, to think, night herself would tell a stranger her secrets?

… but that was the heart of the matter, surely? unrelated as an was to the issue, she would be distant enough not to judge night as harshly for doing what she did do. koga was familiar with nari, and so he would’ve given her flak where it hurt the most if she did tell him (even if she trusted him enough to know that he mightn’t). but an was devoid of that knowledge.

she was more familiar with knowledge just as important too, however.

“um…”

she was waffling. night hated being this torn and uneasy. she felt herself cover her own mouth again, lost in thought. 

if she told the truth, she’d give an the opportunity to judge her, and night had only just come out for certain to said acquaintance-to-be-friend. and to tell her she was maybe bad news as a sapphic, to form a reputation of becoming a serial dater? a romantic player? she knew the tales of the frontlines weren’t great, but to tarnish them even further through social drama alone…?

they’d walked into tolbana at this point. night had to stop to consider how best to proceed. in the end, she simply leaned against one of the shorter walls, almost a blockade, and turned to an, inviting her to rest in the same way.

see, if she didn’t give an answer, she wasn’t going to be able to help bistro in her current state of mind (which was her whole plan). 

but, more importantly, she wasn’t going to be able to live with herself if she couldn’t tell koga. and trying to tell an, even as a first pass of the conversation, was at least a step forward towards telling koga.

so she took a breath and found out where to start.

“you remember how i told you about my — er, love life — right? i stumbled across a few beginners and met her on accident… a friend and i were supposed to be helping them out on the first lessons. but, maybe i got ahead of myself and caught her flirting, and maybe i responded too— and one thing lead to another…”

night hesitated. it wasn’t that she couldn’t bring herself to look at an. rather, it was in trying to remember what did happen, because she chose not to think about them for so long.

“we had a fight. she might’ve tried to kill me. she might’ve also tried to keep me her homebody after we made up.” night felt her hands fidgeting, but ignored the habit in search of honesty. “it wasn’t great for me. i wasn’t great for her either. i had an obligation elsewhere that i needed to attend to, almost constantly, and couldn’t exactly find a good way to bring it up, so i, er…” 

more fidgeting. night’s mind was running on empty. she played a little with her sleeves then. the cool air from being in tolbana crept up her skin, helping her to think.

“i left. i… left without saying a word. i surfaced one day just to see her at the boss meeting, and have her confront me about not saying a word when i left.” 

night chewed on her lip, wide-eyed. it struck her how awful she’d sounded like, saying this to a stranger, after repeating the events that had happened to herself inside her head for so long. she only gathered herself to face an after that. 

“um… yeah… i let her go after that. but i guess it’s as you said, really — if she hadn’t told me outwardly, i don’t think i would’ve figured it out on my own, either.” night shrugged afterwards. “i suppose i’m not exactly cut out for dating women — as much as i’d thought i was…” 

“ah,” she added afterwards, after a pause to tuck her hair behind her ear. “but here’s hoping you fare better than i do.” then, she gave an a wry smile. “it’s hard dealing with people sometimes, i guess...”
 

[Andromeda 0]

"Yeah...! Uh, no problem."

Yesss!

For once, An was relieved at the pause in the conversation. She didn't think it over too much. NIGHT took her analysis well and she felt that the topic could be brought to a close right there, only somewhat awkwardly. It wasn't unpleasant overall and she felt that she had learned a lot about NIGHT herself, so much in the course of a single conversation if she were to compare it to years of idle shop talk, but she could have accepted that. After bouncing in and out of 'avert disaster' mode for most of their travel, she was simply glad for a little break. Who knew a simple walk could turn so stressful?

Then, of course, the question.

“--Yes.”

An nodded, sheepish. "Oh, okay. I thought... you didn't." If only for the fact that her new friend(?) was apparently unaware of how to tell 'like' apart from the rest.

"Um..."

Uh-oh.

NIGHT's expression had soured. At least An knew at this moment that it wasn't directed at her because even her mind failed to latch onto any indiscretion she could possibly have committed within the last minute. She kept quiet as the other visibly worked through her thoughts, and together, they passed through the boundaries of Tolbana. Resting against the walls, both of their gazes turned somewhere adjacent of their companion's, NIGHT began her story.

"You remember how I told you about my -- er, love life -- right?"

"Mhm. One year ago." She worried the fabric inside her jacket's sleeves.

An hadn't expected NIGHT to share. She hoped she hadn't sounded like she was pushing her to, but given that the question that preceded it all had posed her a simple dichotomy and An herself had safely evaded explaining her own situation throughout their entire talk so far, she had the impression that NIGHT was... venting, almost? That the thoughts had simmered in her mind and now she simply needed to let them escape, and who better to share it with than someone who saw women the same way? So, anxiously feeling out her role in this, she listened.

If she had a penny for every time a woman picked up a romantic partner through the [First Few Lessons] quests, she would have two, which wasn't a lot, but it was weird that it happened twice. Was it the mentor-student dynamic? Were the bottom sapphics of Aincrad just into that?

No, what was this about NIGHT's ex almost killing her before they dated?

At that point, An was thoroughly lost. She didn't know if she should point it out. NIGHT was struggling through her story enough as it was. She rubbed a duct tape over that gap in her understanding -- perhaps frontliners and frontliner-wannabes had the hots for danger in some way -- and, to a mix of relief and regret, she found herself back on common ground at the conclusion. NIGHT had left her.

So had An. (For all of their mutual anxieties, they were standing across a person who could understand.) Her crimson eyes dropped to her shoes, internally debating what to say. What were her honest thoughts and what did her friend need to hear?

"...Dating is scary," she started, hesitant. "And complicated. Er, I don't know if we do relationships the same way, but to me, it's like -- letting someone into my life? And my heart. Um, where no one -- or very few people -- have ever been before. Loving her wholeheartedly, too, and expecting it in return. It's fulfilling but it's... terrifying and there's nothing worse than the feeling that you've picked the wrong person."

So: in complete honesty,
"I'd still be really mad if I was on the receiving end of that. If I... placed that kind of trust in someone. But, I can't entirely fault anyone for how they feel when a relationship goes south.

"Because it's not like I did well on my own, either."

(Are we really doing this? -- But she opened her heart to you, didn't she? Even a friendship is a mutual give-and-take.)

"I, ah, kept talking about this friend of mine. The truth is, I actually dated her, too. She initiated, like I said. I already loved her before that. The weeks following were great, but..." Her eyes raised, coming to a rest somewhere to NIGHT's side. She crossed her arms, digging the fingers of her right hand into the thick fabric of her jacket. "I kept asking her -- kept asking so much of her -- and she kept giving. It tired her out, I noticed at some point, but somehow everything that she had was never just enough. So. After all that, it was me who broke it off with her, anyway."

Not because she, wonderful, foolish girl that she was, would have kept trying. Would have damned them into a spiral if she could prove that she could stay.

An had just wanted to claw the awfulness out of herself whenever she saw her.

"We're still friends. And in some way, I'm glad that's how my feelings ended, but sometimes, it still kind of...

"Hurts."

Gently, she pushed off the wall. She didn't start walking, but it was her silent plea that that was the extent of it. No names -- she wouldn't saddle her with NIGHT's recognition at some point in the future. And once all the words had left her, she felt lighter in some strange way. She had never shared it with anyone and perhaps, like NIGHT, she needed it out of her system too. On the other hand, though, there was an odd pressure building at the back of her throat. Biting her lip, An looked about their surroundings. Right, NIGHT took her on a walk but why did they have to go all the way out to Tolbana...?

"I think, at least with these experiences behind us, we could do better on the next one. Er, you already are, I hope?" An concluded, smiling faintly. "So... can you tell me what we're doing here?"

[NIGHT 0]

she had expected an to have packed up and ran off by now. but, at the end of it all, an was still standing by night's side, holding their conversation. entirely unlike what she'd expected — judgement and disdain, right from the get-go. well, that made any piece of consolation or advice was worth listening to, right?

so night listened intently, eyes to the ground ahead of an. her hands overlapped, thumb running over the back of the other. an bore her feelings, her heart out, even if piecing together her sentence in front of an embodied convict was just as scary as actually dating. complicated too was their subject matter — night had wanted to chime in with a curt but wistful, 'i'll say' when it came to committing to the wrong partner.

but she had to brace herself for the harsh review afterwards. her throat had tightened, guilt crawling down her back. because night knew she deserved that sort of judgement; had thought about it in turn, even when she didn't want to. she knew, and expected, that she was going to receive its passage eventually.

she just didn't expect an to chime in with a reflection of her own.

night said nothing. her gaze had been raised, honest and surprised, when an told her about a friend. and she considered an's perspective, too, sights following a line from the player to the fields they'd just walked through. an never came off as the needy type of person to her, a mere stranger slash acquaintance. and to think about this friend, being asked to offer more of herself day after day...

night had her head bowed.

(even if the thought never crossed her mind, subconsciously, they might've known just by crunching their perspectives together: what happened with an and night on their own separate relationships would've run the same course if they gave each other a shot. the logical conclusion upon calculation would have been simple: it would be best they stayed strangers, maybe friends.)

"We're still friends."

night imagined she was still friends with nari. she fumbled with her tracksuit. doubt filled her mouth.

"And in some way, I'm glad that's how my feelings ended, but sometimes, it still kind of...

"Hurts."

then an shifted away.

night wasn't sure how else to feel, nor respond, with something blocking her words from coming through. but she gave herself a moment, because there was a solace to be found, in the way that an had also shared of her own tale. and the sigh that left night seemed to expunge the regret that lingered in consideration of the one she herself had told.

she ignored that gnawing feeling to ruminate further. they could've spent all day having a pity party otherwise.

"it hurts," night agreed softly, leaning forward. her own steps away from the blockade spoke of an alienation — foreign, yet not entirely unstable nor unpleasant. as though she had never expected to experience life with that weight lifted off her back to begin with. "it... still hurts, but we carry on."

she nodded when an came to the same conclusion. shot back a bashful, wobbly grin when her current situationship was mentioned. "i suppose so." because in truth, if it wasn't for her, night wouldn't have even started talking to an, wouldn't have dreamed of talking to koga about it in the first place. so she had to hand it to day, half-proud, even if she was reluctant.

a gift from cardinal; her lucky star.

"So... can you tell me what we're doing here?"

night wasn't sure why, but she found that she needed to stifle a laugh as she pulled up her receipts. "right." bistro's orders — her gaze lingered on the construct's entry in her contacts for just a beat longer. "i'm here on behalf of a broker who's a little too lazy to skip out of town for a moment. she said we should look around tolbana to see if any estates are up for sale. she might've said something about a guild hall, but i've never heard of plans for establishing one from her. maybe a client?"

so she shrugged as she closed her menus, and then gestured over to the waterfront. not that night ever did remember tolbana having a river that cut through the city, nor around it. maybe it came with one of the more recent updates? but the lake that it sat beside wound round part of the circumference of the town. the boats that were available were empty, save for an npc to tend to would-be passengers.

night looked to an with a nod. "i was told to investigate that, too. at the very least, it'll give us a survey around the edge of town while we save up our energy to run through the heart of it and take down any plot listings." she started walking, evening out her pace to match an's. "— i mean, i doubt that there might be any left, but a job's a job, and she still wants me to try. and... i figured, if it's not for that, then at the very least i'll get to enjoy a boat ride." night shot an a small smile. "one that would be better with company."

they got to the docks. night made her payment, quick and simple, picking out a white gondola that featured a tall bow. she placed a hand on it, and gestured to an of the seats within. "after you."