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Don't trust atoms, they make up everything

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down

Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

they're cheaper than day rates

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys

I'm sorry but i just had to :)

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Helium walks into a bar,

The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.

The optimist sees the glass half full.

The pessimist sees the glass half empty.

The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the Gas state.

Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulphur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

A: OH SNaP!

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

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Shark said mine, but I googled some others.

Q: What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?

A: SWAG

Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?

A: Febreeze.

Q: Why did the noble gas cry?

A: Because all his friends argon.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".

Q: What do you do with a dead chemists?

A: Barium

Q: What is it called when Queen of England farts?

A: A noble gas

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