[PP-F4] Frostbite [Complete]

[Lessa 1]

He did not respond to her. After everything she did, and all the words she said, he had nothing else to say. He shut her out. Had he heard her? Had he understood the gravity of what had just happened, and the pain that she felt? Did he have any idea what was going on around him? Why would he ignore her that way?

 

She stared at him, wide-eyed. Then, "are you kidding me?" Her face was flushed, and that little smile he gave her did nothing to soothe her rattled spirit. 

 

The girl crossed her arms tightly against her chest, and looked up at the stars above. She stood there, doing her best to control herself. She bit down hard on her lower lip. Its not worth it. He doesn't care. But she couldn't help herself.

 

"How do you do it?" She snarled, not bothering to look at him. "How do you just turn off like that?" Her arms fell to her sides, and she clenched her fists. "How do you feel nothing?" Finally, she turned to look at him. Tears rimmed her reddened eyes. "Since I met you," she began slowly, her voice shaking, "you've been so distant. I thought I'd just give you space, because maybe that's all you needed. I tried to just stay out of it. I tried to just be there for you when you needed me." Her voice seemed to climb an octave. "But how can I know when you need me if you won't ever show me?"

[Guest]

When she started to tremble and speak, the false smile he had offered slipped away and slowly changed into a distinct frown. Turn off? He'd never thought of the way he responded to adversity as mechanical, but when she pointed it out, Alkor saw the truth of it immediately. It didn't change the fact that he knew no other rational response to those stressors. He was certain that she couldn't understand, because he absolutely did not feel nothing... but then, he'd never given her a means of understanding. He'd never given that much to anyone.

The truth was, being alone was all Alkor knew. It was all he had ever known. The concept of needing someone was so abstract to him, even he wouldn't know that he needed someone if he did.

It wasn't confusion that he felt, but an inexplicable inability to bridge the gap that she was shedding so much light on that he felt bare. The stars that had seemed beautiful only moments before now mocked him. "I..." He realized his voice sounded shaky, foreign, and uncertain. All of the stoicism that she'd chastised him for just seconds past had bled away, and he was without his defense. He hated that feeling. How long ago had he started to hate it?

Two deep breaths later, Alkor decided that thinking back would do nothing for either of them. They were trapped in a world where their lives were just as much at stake than any mortal danger could have been back home. "It's not like that," he stated. It was plain, albeit softer than he usually spoke, but still as composed as ever. "You read too much into it."

She saw this cool, collected swordsman with no care in this world or any other, but that was what Alkor hoped in secret that everyone saw. It was his shield, more so than any item in the game could be. He wanted to help and defend everyone, because in the real world, he wasn't accepted by anyone. He was the same, silent youth, but no one was drawn to that. He sat alone at lunch tables and in the back of classrooms, listening but never talking. When others walked by, he smiled, but no one saw him.

Inside SAO, he was Alkor. He was someone, and people noticed him. People went to him for help, and for protection, and to do battle against the odds. He was a hero, in this world, if not any other. She spoke about knowing when he needed her, but really, Alkor wondered.

When will I stop? From the first time he had met Lessa, she had been kind to him. Up to this moment, she had been nothing but kind, sweet, and caring. It was more than he had ever known, even from his own family- everyone but his loving grandmother, who was fading away while he was trapped inside this nightmarish game- and it had been a welcome change from the reality he'd known.

But he had never learned to be anyone beyond who he was. "You're safe," he said with a gentle pat on her shoulder. "That's all that matters." And to him, it was. How would he tell her anything that was going on in his mind? How could he? "I'm..."

He took another breath, then let out a ragged sigh. "I'm sorry, Lessa."

[Lessa 1]

Her body shuddered with another silent sob as he spoke. 'Its not like that?' Then what is it like? She wanted to scream back. Why did he refuse to open up to her? What had she done? When and how had she wronged him? Everyone opened up to her. Sometimes it took a day or two, but it never failed. She was a people person. She made people feel good, and that made her feel good. Helping people was Lessa's greatest strength. But she had been unable to help Alkor. She had realized that the first day they met alone, back on the second floor. She had done her best to get to him, but he hadn't budged. And every day that they met since, she had tried to make him happy. But she had failed.

 

Unable to reach him, Lessa had sworn to become stronger physically. She had never been a fighter back home. Her diplomatic skills had always made words her greatest weapon. But here, when it came to Alkor, they were useless. She had resorted to more straightforward tactics, training daily to make herself the partner he would want to have by his side. Yet even after they had brought down the most powerful beast she had ever seen, facing death head-on and risking everything together, he boxed her out.

 

Why does he matter so much? It was a question that she had always struggled to answer. Was it because he had been the first one she met in that awful world? Or was it something more? Lessa had met many people since entering the game, and she had forged alliances and friendships. But Alkor was the one who haunted her. Did she merely see his case as a challenge, and obsess with finally breaking down his walls? Was that all there was to it?

 

As he rest his hand on her shoulder, she shrugged it off. But there were traces of emotion in his response to her. There was something raw there. He had not opened up completely, but maybe this was his way of trying. He could do better, the blonde found herself thinking. But it at least warranted a bit of restraint on her part. "That isn't all that matters, Alkor," she replied softly. She could not bring herself to look at him, so she dropped her eyes to her boots. "It isn't enough to just survive this place, especially if it means giving up your humanity."

[Guest]

There were forces in that world no different from the real one, and when she spoke about losing humanity, she invoked one of the more primal and dangerous ones. She'd shrugged off his earnest attempt to offer even the slightest of empathetic responses, and then she went on to slap him in the face by saying he was trading in his soul to survive. It hit him then, exactly how little anyone knew about him.

"Fine," he huffed, turning away from her. He wasn't one for outbursts, or huge displays of emotional venting, or loud tantrums of any kind. Alkor had always been the quiet type who just let it go. Lessa seemed to want some sort of reaction from him, something that validated him, to her, as another human being. It was enough to make him want to scream. But he didn't. He wouldn't. There was nothing to be gained from it.

This was a world he was tired of, every day a little more. It was, much like the other world had been, one he was stuck with. The frustration was massive enough without having to play the game of friends and emotions and whatever else other people made the time for. That was what he'd always told himself, and it had never gotten any less true.

"Does someone have to show it," he asked, "for it to be real? Is that what you think?"

It was a constant struggle, his attempt to rationalize and relate to others. "Do you think that, just because I don't cry, I'm not sad? That because I won't back down, I'm not afraid?"

Alkor turned back to look at her, one eye visible from the angle he stood at. "Do you need to hit me again to believe I'm not just part of the machine?" He stared at her through his HUD, health still dangling in the yellow from their perilous encounter with the boss. "You act like I'm some kind of huge, mysterious puzzle for you to figure out, and maybe, when you're done, you'll have some sort of satisfaction."

Alkor shrugged and sighed. "And maybe you will. Maybe when you finally figure out that there is legitimately nothing special about me, it'll help you sleep at night. But you know what? I've been trying to figure out how to be a part of society and interact with others my entire life." he swiped a finger across the menu.

"I don't know how to give you a better answer than that. Good luck on the Front Lines, Lessa. You won't have a problem." He went to disband the party, but before he did, he pointed over to where the evil looking sword still stood testament to their victory in the ground. "It's a two handed sword. All yours, if you want it."

[Lessa 1]

"Alkor, stop," she commanded, her face growing hard again. For a moment, she had begun to let up. She had thought that maybe, just maybe, they could work things out. She had hoped to explain to him that being alive was not enough for her. She needed to truly live. To be with people, and to have relationships. It was those bonds that brought her strength, and gave her something to live for. She had wanted to tell him all of this, beneath the glimmering stars, and in the wake of the most terrifying battle of her life. But he was dismissing her. He was preparing to throw her away, as if she had meant nothing to him. And maybe she hadn't. Not really.

 

He had begun to make sense to her, for a moment there. He spoke of showing his feelings, and whether or not one truly had to put on a show to prove they were authentic. All of her life, the answer to this question had been yes. Lessa had grown up in a small town. Everyone knew everyone. There was no need to hide anything when living among friends. If you trusted someone, and cared for them, you did not keep things hidden. This included your emotions. So for Alkor to shut her out after she explicitly asked him to be more transparent had been a slap in the face, and an insult to everything Lessa had ever known.

 

But as he had replied to her outburst, she had begun to see that perhaps he came from an entirely different world than she did. Of course, she was not naive enough to believe every place was like small-town Michigan, but she had not planned for someone as closed off as this. Maybe he truly did have a reason, and it had nothing to do with her. Would she be able to make him talk about it? Or did she really need him to at all? Wasn't that what caused this whole argument?

 

Everything came to a screeching halt when he turned his back on her. After everything that we have been through, her mind thundered, you think you can simply walk away from me? The anger washed back over her. Though she would still reason with him if he agreed to do so, she would not allow him to toss her aside like garbage. I have more self respect than that.

 

"For the love of God," she growled through gritted teeth, "do not walk away from me."

[Guest]

Alkor stopped and let out a long breath. He didn't turn to face her, instead taking the moment he had to cool down and let his choler drop a bit. He knew that when something made him visibly angry, it was hard for him to cool back down and be reasonable. When she commanded him to stop, and not to walk away, his initial desire was to get in her face about it. That would solve nothing. The same way he and his mother often fought, the youth Diving in SAO knew that he wouldn't profit from a screaming match. Not with his mother, not with Lessa, not with anyone.

He turned slowly after his heart rate dropped back down to normal, and he regarded her quietly with an even stare. It wasn't a very good conversation, but it was more than Alkor usually had. "Alright," he called, "but for Christ's sake, have something better to tell me than how useless I am, or how dangerous that was."

It was an unfortunate realization early on in that battle that they had bitten off more than they could chew. Fortunately, however, they had survived. Beyond that, Alkor was not worried about talking about anything that dealt with SAO. Except, perhaps, for the quest he'd just gotten. Any sort of mythology was fascinating, and with the Cardinal system, Alkor had found a chain that would let him explore the vast depths of a history in an immersion that he couldn't have gotten in the real world.

Lessa, however, seemed hung up on this concept of him "opening up," and it didn't sit well with him. As he sauntered back over toward her, he chewed on how he might respond if it came up again. Instead of waiting, he put his cards on the table. "I'm not the kind of person who just... talks about things. Or shows them." His eyes went wide of her and back up to the still raging meteor shower. It would probably stop when they left the area. "I don't mind having you around, but I'm at a loss for how to talk to you half the time. I come from a family where the few words we do say are loud, angry, and hateful. You learn to appreciate the quiet."

There. He'd said all he could about it.

[Lessa 1]

When it became clear that Alkor was not going to leave, Lessa promised herself she would not speak, or react at all, until he was finished speaking. She would let him say all he had to say, and she would do her best to take everything to heart. She would not go on yelling at him like this if she did not have to.

 

By now, the adrenaline from their fight with Orochi had long passed, and though she was still fired up from her discussion with Alkor, exhaustion was beginning to seep it. A long day of material gathering had morphed into a long night of battling. She took a deep breath through her nose, and let it out slowly the same way. He was not going to leave her. Not yet, anyway. She would listen to what he had to say, and hopefully, come to some sort of agreement. She absolutely could not leave things like this.

 

She winced when Alkor mentioned that he 'liked having her along,' because it was phrased so poorly. But she could tell from his tone and body language that he meant nothing by it. In fact, maybe he had meant it as some sort of compliment, in his own twisted way. Quickly shoving that thought aside, she reminded herself to remain calm and open minded. He was taking the time to reason with her, and she could tell that that took a lot for him to do. Though she was still not happy with the way he had behaved, she realized that she had made her share of mistakes under the stars that night as well.

 

The younger of the pair nodded slightly. "Thank you," she replied softly, though she did not elaborate. She assumed he knew what she meant by it. Clearly, it had been difficult for him to share even that much, and she truly was grateful for the effort. "I am sorry for pushing you," she admitted, finally. "It wasn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortable. I just normally help people by encouraging them to open up and..." her voice trailed. And what? It didn't work on you? She shook her head, remaining silent.

[Guest]

He held up a warding hand and shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said. He figured she expected some sort of apology from him, but he'd already offered those to her. Alkor felt no urge to further apologize for being himself. Lessa had gotten along with him well enough for this long without needing to pry into his thoughts, so he knew that she could survive without him elaborating on them now. All he had the urge to voice was aggressive, and that wouldn't help either of them.

"Let me get you back to the city," he said, dismissing any further conversation on the matter. There had been enough stress to go around for one day already. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her back.

He led her over to the sword, which was hers by rights. She'd have to get an appraisal on it before she could equip it, but it held the same shape and look as the weapon Orochi had wielded against them. Once the blade was in her inventory, he pointed toward the safe path back to the city. "You know," he said, "I intended to go that fight alone. So... I'm glad you came with me," he told her without meeting her eyes.

[Lessa 1]

The golden haired girl stood there for a moment, watching Alkor, and saying nothing. The meteors continued to swirl overhead, and though it was one of the most incredible sights she had ever seen, it was all but forgotten. Everything bit of her attention was focused on her partner. She allowed him to steer her toward the sword, which she collected without a sound. Even when Alkor stopped speaking, she remained silent, as if waiting for him to say something further.

 

Finally, she sighed. "Alright," she agreed, dipping her head slightly. The conversation did not feel over to her, but the last thing she was going to do was push Alkor for more information. She had already seen how poorly that went over. And she truly did want the best for him, even if it meant making changes to her own line of thinking. If he wanted to keep everything hidden from her, she would do her best to respect that, regardless of how difficult it was for her. Lessa supposed that, at the very least, she owed that to him.

 

But more than that, she did not want to scare him off. She had come so close to doing so only moments ago, and though it had angered her, it had terrified her as well. She found herself depending on him. And regardless of whether or not he returned the sentiment, Alkor was her best friend in this world. Lessa realized that she still had to sort out her feelings for him, and if that meant being more understanding of his privacy, that was what she would do.

 

"I'm glad I was here too," she added softly, stooping down to pick up Hell Rose from where it lay in the snow. She had thrown it down in anger not too long ago, but now she hardly had the energy to feel anything. The fight had left her.

[Guest]

When there were no more words, a fragile peace slipped into the void between them, and Alkor opened his map up once again. The route they had taken to get to this area had been the long one, but there was a safer means of getting back to town. Once he had the general direction pegged, he closed out the menu and began to lead Lessa in the direction of safety and rest.

In his hand, the item that had dropped rippled with immense power, and he wondered at the quest that had been added to his queue. There were no limits or restrictions, just a cryptic set of instructions on where to go and how to trigger the event. Most notably, the story that scrolled through the log caught his eye.

It would be a very interesting experience. "Storm god," he said aloud, eyes set on the orb. It undoubtedly referred to the god Susanoo, but Alkor was uncertain of the significance. Was he holding some game manufactured, distilled manifestation of that god? It hardly made sense that way. Perhaps a fragment of his power, then. Alkor just shrugged. The meaning behind it would be revealed with time.

"Do you have a room for the night?" He asked thoughtfully. "I can pay for one for you, if you'd like."

[Lessa 1]

The snow crunched beneath her boot with each step. It filled the silence between them, and she found herself concentrating entirely on the sound. Whether it was her exhaustion to blame, or her desire to think about anything but the young man beside her, it was difficult to tell. But as they left the Star Glades, and emerged into the general floor four area, she found that it was growing difficult to keep her eyes open. The events of the past few hours hit like an oncoming train, and the thought of a bed to lay down in was incredibly appealing.

 

It was Alkor's voice that snapped her out of the trance the silence had put her in. "Huh?" She whispered, unsure of what it had been that he said. He seemed preoccupied anyway, so perhaps she had not meant to say it to her at all. Storm god? Her mind turned the phrase over and over, but no recognition bells went off.

 

Then, he asked her if she had somewhere to stay. "You don't have to pay for me," came her reply. She shook her head, blonde waves framing her flushed cheeks. The wind that they had escaped from in Star Glades was beginning to lick at her bare skin again. "You have your own to worry about."

[Guest]

"It's fine," Alkor replied, shutting down the venue for argument. "You ended up fighting a boss, and it was my fault. We'll call it even." He walked ahead of Lessa just a bit, and through the blustery gale, he made out the shape and lights of the central city.

"Almost there," he said. "Can you make it? You look like you're about to pass out." It was more of a statement of fact than a question of worry; Alkor wanted to be sure that she wouldn't get stuck in the frigid wastes. If worse came to worse, he'd carry her the rest of the way. He just wanted to save her the embarrassment.

There was a decent hotel not far from the entrance to the town. If they just made it that far, they'd be able to get a welcome break without having to wait especially long.

[Lessa 1]

Lessa opened her mouth to argue, but all that came out was a sigh. She simply could not argue with him further. She was tired, but even more than that, she did not want to continue challenging him. Though she was certain he did not know it, Alkor washer closest friend in that world. And arguing with him at every turn would not be the least bit beneficial. She would allow him to pay for her room if that was what it took.

 

"Don't worry about me," she replied, attempting to be lighthearted, and giving a dismissive flick of her wrist. Though the yawn that followed betrayed her. "Really," she continued after she closed her mouth again, "I'll be fine. Thank you though."

 

The pair trudged along, and it seemed like an eternity before they were finally bathed in the lights of the city. But when they did, Lessa did not keep from giving an audible sigh of relief. They had reached the safe zone. They would not die that night.

[Guest]

Alkor paid for the room and led Lessa up a flight of stairs. After finding the door and leading her inside, Alkor gestured toward the bed. "Get some sleep," he told her, "I'll go get another room, and I'll see you... When I see you, I guess."

Once the party disbanded, once he left the room, he wouldn't be able to get in again. Of course, he had yet to open the menu or walk toward the door. Instead, he watched Lessa to make sure she didn't fall over from exhaustion.

He pulled back his hood, revealing the youthful face of the swordsman she had met on the first floor. Underneath his gruff exterior and the layers he had donned with experience and level, he was still the same player. It was odd that way, Sword Art Online.

Alkor, unlike Lessa, didn't unequip items when he was inside the safe zone. Instead, he was always armed, always ready to defend himself. Alkor liked to be prepared. Anything less felt unsafe.

[Lessa 1]

"Alkor, wait!" Her own voice startled her, and it was as if she was listening to someone else say it. Why are you calling him back? What more do you have to say to him? She dropped onto the edge of the bed. By that point, she had already unequipped her armor. She wore nothing more than her plain cloth clothing, and though she had more appropriate sleep clothes in her inventory, it seemed inappropriate to switch into them just then.

The sight of the young man with his hood off had a strange impact on her. It was not as if she had never seen his face. She had seen his face plenty of times. But at that moment, in that room, Alkor seemed like a different person to her. Was it vulnerability? Probably not, as he had not stopped to remove his equipment. It was something else. As he stood there, looking back at her, she felt the way she had in the second floor meadow. It was an irrational urge to just be near someone. They didn't have to talk. They didn't have to do anything. She just wanted him close to her.

"Would you mind hanging around, just for a moment?"

[Guest]

He thought about her request for a moment, then turned back toward her and walked slowly. Once he got to the bed, he sat down on its edge and looked up at her. "Sure," he said softly, folding his hands in his lap.

Maybe Lessa just didn't want to be alone. Alkor totally understood that. In this game, where you entered alone and were trapped far away from everything you knew, it was easy to slip back into that loneliness. Though he rarely admitted it, he knew that loneliness all too well.

He remembered the nights with his grandmother, where they prayed together before sleeping. Alone at night in SAO, he would always say a quiet prayer that God watch over his grandmother, and that she might forgive him for leaving her alone. Now, looking up at Lessa, Alkor found himself thinking back to those prayers. He hated letting anyone down.

"What's up?" He asked.

[Lessa 1]

She hoped that her shock was not plain on her face when Alkor agreed so quickly. Lessa had assumed he would make an excuse to leave, or demand to know why she wanted him to stay. But he did neither. Instead, he took a seat on the bed beside her. As the bed shifted slightly under his weight, she thought that there was one thing she had always said about Alkor. He is full of surprises.

"Nothing really," she confessed, pulling her legs under her. She turned a bit on the bed so that she was facing him, and she leaned her back up against the headboard. She looked down at her hands, unsure of what else to say. Might as well go with the truth, a voice inside her suggested. You've already come this far. He's sitting on the edge of your bed, just looking at you. He's waiting for you to say something. Now would be the time.

"I just don't really want to be alone." She had said it, and she couldn't take it back. "I've been alone a lot since I came here. And, well, I," her voice faltered, "I just don't really want you to leave right now."

Realizing what she had just told him, she gave a short, uncomfortable laugh. "Pathetic, huh?"

[Guest]

He let out a huff, eyes sliding shut. "Nah," he said, "sounds about right. This isn't a world where it feels good to be alone all the time. Even as a solo player, there are some things that just can't be faced by yourself." It was dangerous, at times, to be alone in Aincrad. Not just physically, but emotionally too. Players committed suicide or went insane because of it. People lost touch with reality and became threats to others. Even Alkor had to admit, some of the social interaction became necessary after a certain point.

"I'd probably have died if you hadn't pushed me to let you come along today," he admitted. It was a grim admission, and she would probably not have expected it. Alkor was confident in his abilities, but a boss fight like that would not have ended well at his relatively low level. And he knew that. "I let myself get carried away thinking I could shoulder it all on my own. That I was unkillable. That's what every player wants to think."

One day, perhaps, when he got to a high enough level, and all his skills were at their peak, then perhaps he would attain that godhood he'd alluded to. Maybe then, he'd be strong enough to protect all of the players trapped in this death game. "I learned my lesson," he added, much softer. "I'll just have to get stronger."

This marked the most he'd ever said to Lessa in a single conversation, though he hadn't thought about that. Instead, he broke eye contact and glanced at the far wall. "That's my path," he stated simply. "I'm going to protect everyone. With my life, if it comes to that. I hope not, obviously."

[Lessa 1]

His words shocked her. "Really?" The young woman asked, lifting her gaze from her lap to the boy's face. "I mean, you're really glad that I was there?" She felt her cheeks grow warm, but she would not continue to freak out over the issue. She already knew that this confession was difficult for Alkor to make, and she would be wise to simply accept the compliment.

"If it is any consolation," she continued, giving him a small smile, "you truly are the strongest player that I have ever met." In terms of level or statistics, this was not true. She knew other, higher-level players. But to Lessa, numbers did not always accurately represent a person's strength. Alkor had a determination and inner-strength unlike anyone she had ever met. And though she did not mean to stir up emotions from their early argument, she felt it needed to be said. "I really believed that you weren't afraid of anything."

The young player plucked a pillow from beside her on the bed, and wrapped her arms around it, cuddling it to her chest. As she did so, she said, "you and I feel the same way when it comes to protecting people. All I want to do is take care of those who cannot take care of themselves. I've always been that way, and SAO is just giving me another opportunity to do it." Then, she spoke a bit more hurriedly, as if growing unsure of herself. "That's why I want to make this guild! To bring players who want to protect others together. There is no guild like that right now, but there needs to be. And I know that you're not really a guild person, but, uh, it would mean a lot to me if you would consider joining mine."

[Guest]

Alkor's face set in a soft smile after she finished speaking, both eyes knitting shut. "I'll think about it," he said. That was all he could give her, for the moment; later, he might be able to say more on the matter. She might have been delusional when she asked, so it might end up that she was saying things she would later wish she hadn't.

He reached up and placed a hand on the top of her head and ruffled her hair. "Get some sleep," he told her gently. When he and his sister had been very young, they'd had a relationship sort of like that. As they grew, though, he practically became an only child. There was no hint of familial mannerism in the friendly act.

Alkor rose slowly and headed for the door, bowing his head and stifling a yawn. He hated to admit it, but he was starting to get tired, too.