PP F3: What it means to be a PKer [Alkor] COMPLETE

[Mari 1]

Mari had left the group, she had to get away from them – she ah to get away from the crowds and the tears,  she wasn’t able to handle it all. How? How was it she was so willingly…so easily able to take a life? During that time, that battle – the only thing she wanted was to see him stop moving, but why ? She told herself it was to protect the others, what she saw. How Argumail had taken joy in their pain? She lost sight of what was important. Lessa….

Mari had a new found respect for Lessa, she had done what Mari wanted to do, what Mari couldn’t do – and that was to dissolve the fight without bloodshed or violence. 

Mari was alone now, amidst the prairie of the third floor. She fell to her knees, hands clasping over her chest.

“What…am I becoming?”

[Guest]

"Erratic," he said calmly, each step through the field slow, sure, purposeful. His fingers caressed the tips of the tall grass as he flicked off the search function, finally at his destination. He had left the group behind and waited for Mari, knowing now that checking on her was the right thing to do.

Between the two of them, Mari had taken her kill harder. Why would she not? The child was her daughter, her own flesh and blood, a flame from her own soul- snuffed out prematurely, a lifetime too early.

"Afraid. Confused. Alone." He stood over her now, staring up at the dying sun as it bled through gray clouds slowly peeling away from an orange, pink, and red sky. "You're everything a person who takes a life should be."

His golden eyes fell gently upon her, and he crouched down next to her. "If you weren't, if you didn't feel remorse, you'd be no better than a murderer." She had watched him lay his blade down in the midst of lethal combat, turning his back on an angered enemy. With his red name, he had put his life on the line to do exactly what she spoke of doing so many times before. To end a situation peacefully, sometimes it took a chance. Sometimes even a sacrifice. Alkor had learned from his mistakes that perhaps, that sacrifice was better than blood on his hands.

Instead of speaking any further, Alkor decided to do what he did best. He smiled softly up at the sunset and listened. Mari had pain in her heart. To heal, sometimes, you had to release that pain. No wound could be mended while it still bled.

[Mari 1]

Mari's breath caught in her throat as she heard the voice, calling her erratic. That Calm, cold voice. Alkor? What was he doing here? Mari had assumed that he had left, gone off to another floor, he had appeared before her twice - and now, this makes it the third. Mari furrowed her brows, feeling confused. Why? It didn't make sense. He continued explaining what she was feeling, afraid - confused, and alone. Mari looked up at him. his brown tendrils, peeking out from his cape were gently picked up by the breeze - his eyes, were focused on the sun. 

Alkor crouched down next to her, his words an attempt to comfort her, but really - they just confused her. "I am a murdurer Alkor...we, both are." Mari frowned, she wanted to say the right words, but she felt that she had already said the wrong thing. "I envy Lessa." Mari began. Unsure of where to begin. "She is everything...I wanted to be, used to be. Seeing her standing there - diffusing such a situation without drawing her blade..." Mari fell silent, blue eyes downcast. A silence fell between the two, Mari had just taken a life. How could she accept what she had become? How could she so willingly...so easily...

"Alkor...how....are you able to stand....so strong?" She asked turning to face his golden eyes, seemingly warm, reflecting the setting suns gaze. He seemed so...stoic , unaffected by the turmoil of it all. But Mari, she felt she knew a little better. Alkor rarely showed emotion, but when he did - it was so full and vibrant, so unabashed. "I worry..." she murmured quietly. 

[Guest]

"Lessa sees the world as she wants it to be," Alkor told Mari when she spoke about envy. "Not as it is. And perhaps that's the difference between you now; the only problem is that you hold on the the guilt the same as she would. Letting it straddle you like a workhorse and ride you until you give out beneath the weight of it."

He smiled over at her, breaking his gaze free of the sun. "Our minds aren't made for that kind of torment. Our hearts aren't made to be pierced so many times." He took a deep breath, then sighed. "In a world like this, you make your own armor, or you die cold, naked, and alone." This was a simple response to her difficult question. He placed a hand on his own chest. "I did what I had to do. When you question your convictions, they lose strength. You lose them. And without those convictions, you fall apart. My convictions are my armor." He reached out and placed his hand on her head. In a few jostling motions, Alkor ruffled her messy hair. "You just have to find your armor."

He ignored it when she called him a murderer at first, but the accusation was still there. His hand fell free of her and came to rest in his lap, closing his eyes. "You can't control what has happened," he said quietly, "but you can decide what to do from now on."

"Killing is not the answer," he iterated, knowing that she found conflict in that thought. "But sometimes, the question gives you no other options." As he turned away and held up a hand to shield his eyes from the now brilliant orange rays washing over the field, he smiled. "And the right thing does not always feel right, but that does not make it any less right."

[Mari 1]

Mari wasn't sure why Alkor was acting this way. It confused her. He seemed so cool, calm and collected. Lessa sees the world, as she wants it to be...Mari could agree to that. She wanted there to be no suffering, no violence or death. "Life...says that such a world, doesn't exist..." Mari murmured, his words made her feel sick to her stomach, and she couldn't believe she was repeating them herself. "that there are...cancers ...but..."  Mari wanted to say she didn't agree with that, but she so readily accepted those words today.  "How?" Mari asked Alkor again, voice shaking - how? He spoke like it was such an easy thing to accept. His words didn't exactly bring her a lot of comfort.

"How can you be so calm? How ca-" She found her words caught in her throat as he reached out to rustle her hair, Mari stared silently at him for those moments, confused - she tried to analyse his reasoning behind such an action, he was being kind to her. Was he watching out for her? If so, why? "Alkor...I sent you that message...but you seemed to arrive, seconds after I sent it." 
 

[Guest]

This world was a sickness of its own, and in their sick way, many players were infected by it. Some created more evil, though others sought to cure the sickness. The thing all those players had in common was that they were trapped. There was only one escape, and it was the same for all of them. That they could turn against one another and fight against that goal was astounding. However, that was the reality. It was their reality.

"There are evil people in every world," he said in response to Life's assertion of cancers. "It doesn't make killing them the best option. It also doesn't make it necessarily wrong. Morality is a strange thing. Taking a life can be evil, but if good comes of it..." Alkor left the unspoken assertion alone.

She asked, finally, the question that had probably baffled everyone in the area when he arrived to stop Kazuya's attack. She had not yet even sent the message, which he received during the motion of swinging his sword and later read. The irony was not lost on him. She had called upon him for help once more, nearly placing him in position to age another life. But that had not been what she wanted, and so, Alkor would not place that evil on her conscience. Kazuya was not dead. Alkor had stopped that meaningless death from ever happening.

His eyes fell on his feet. "After I left you outside Urbus," he explained, "I felt guilty. Like I had done you a disservice." He sighed, then glanced up. "I started checking my friends list periodically. Looking to see how you were, and if you were alright. When I noticed you had entered conflict, I rushed to see you being attacked. And maybe, if I had left Zero to his devices, the entirety of the Crimson Inquisition would be dissolved right now." He sighed. "Those deaths, however, would have done nothing to help us achieve our goal. Freedom from Aincrad."

He sighed softly. "I intervened to protect you, and to stop the madness," he said. "I don't want any more blood to be shed idly. You have the potential to do so much good. You did the same as I did. You protected other players from an unrelenting evil."

He lifted his hands for her to see. "I wanted to show you that even bloody hands can do good."

[Mari 1]

Mari listened as Alkor explained that there were evil people in every world, this world - this world was just a reflection of the real world. Mari knew that, and people were loosing themselves in this world, where death seemed to have little repercussion. Sure, you were marked as a Player Killer, but there wasn't really any form of jail or authoritative force. "It's strange..." Mari began, on one of her small tangents. "People are so quick to blame authority, like the police - but they make such a positive difference. I think....all these people, many of them are children, they are so lost and confused. Without that warmth and familiarity of society. They crumble." Mari fidgeted, feeling at an ends, she felt awful because this time - she felt she could almost move on past Argumails death, that scared her a little.

Mari looked over at Alkor, as he answered her question. He was...keeping an eye out for her? Because he felt guilty? Mari wasn't sure what she felt, she felt....happy? Warm? She wasn't entirely sure. She felt wrong to have these sort of pleasant feelings. Especially after such a macabre act. "You didn't do me a disservice. You consoled me, you carried me." Mari gave him a small smile as he looked back up at her. "I don't know you that well, but I know you're a little like me...you don't like being touched. You feel awkward when close to people. So...." Mari scratched her cheek, trying to find the right words. "So...uh- Thank you." 

He said that their goal, their ultimate goal was freedom from Aincrad, that was true. It seemed that people were loosing sight of that, but not Alkor, Alkor continued to fight hard, he continued to do all that he could. He lifted up his hands to emphasize his words, Mari reached out, placing her palm in front of his, almost touching, but being careful not to breach that delicate gap between the two. "I may have the potential, but you, you are already doing so much good."
 

[Guest]

In the heartbeat that followed, Alkor did the unthinkable. He gently wrapped his hand around hers and smiled. "If I can do it, so can you." She'd said that she didn't like being touched particularly either, so he didn't linger in that position for too long. He let her hand go a moment later and turned his gaze skyward once more.

"Ahhh, I think I found her," he said in a soft voice, turning his eyes back to regard the pink haired girl. "What a relief. I was worried I wouldn't."

It was so easy to let yourself go in a world like this. With no one watching you and so few people to come together and tell you to stop, people who were just as fragile as the next, it was difficult to find any moral compass. Those with morals had to adhere to them and hope others followed their example.

"You're welcome, Mari." He said with a gentle laugh. "You are most certainly welcome."

It was a good feeling in his heart, knowing she had found some kind of peace with what she had done. Though the healing had just begun for her, and would likely last for some time, he felt confident that she was working in the right direction. Alkor also felt that he had helped, if only a small amount, and that made up a bit for his previous indiscretion in dealing with her and the delicate situation. "Now," he said with a warning finger, "let's help heal the rest of Aincrad, hmmm?"

[Mari 1]

Mari flinched when she felt Alkor wrap his hand around hers, it was an unexpected action, but not an unwelcome one, Mari seemed to be in a small state of shock. Her breath was stuck in her throat and she could feel her chest tighten. The pink haired girl pursed her lips, and furrowed her brows as she stared back at Alkor with wide, questioning eyes. Alkor simply stared back, with those warm, treacle eyes - before letting go and turning his gaze to the sky. Alkor seemed relaxed, and it rubbed off on her. Alkor said he had found her, Mari - not being the person to catch on quickly, was about to ask who her was, but Alkor bought his gaze back down, eyes catching Mari in their golden net, and she realized that Alkor was referring to herself. 

Alkor laughed, a soft pleasant laugh, as he told her she was welcome. Mari took a long deep breath, and leaning back she exhaled, it was difficult - and Mari by no means had managed to quell the storm of emotions that raged inside her, but she had people she could look to, Life - and Alkor. That made her feel a little better. "I don't....think I can forgive myself just yet." Mari said, her blue eyes focused on the horizon ahead. "But, I think I can slowly move forward. I have regrets - I didn't want to kill him, and I know Kazuya won't rest till he has my head. I just...won't stand idly by any more. Lessa has such a moving, graceful strength - and if I can be, just an iota of that. Then I know, I'm doing something right." 

Mari turned to Alkor- the two were sitting side by side amongst a field of tall grass - almost hidden from the outside world. They were in their own little bubble, and Mari didn't mind that. He rose a finger and made a light hearted comment about healing the rest of Aincrad. Mari reached forward, pushing his hand down. "We can't heal anyone, without first focusing on our own wounds Alkor, yours included." Mari chastised. It was the first time she had felt somewhat like herself since the passing of her daughter. If only such feelings would last.

[Guest]

Everyone has regrets, he was going to say, but she beat him to the punch. He felt her hand deflating his enthusiasm and let out a soft laugh once again. "Look who's starting to act like their old self," he mused.

Hearing her speak those words brought forth a sense of comfort to Alkor. Rational thinking was a sign of a right mind. Perhaps not as right as it could have been, but still a step in the right direction. He let his right hand trace some of the grass that encircled them, then let it come to rest on the dirt below.

Her hand had stayed on his, remarkably, for longer than he usually allowed without saying anything. They sat there in silence watching the sun set, and as the last vestiges of light started to disappear beneath the floor's edge, Alkor closed his eyes.

"Which wounds are you referring to?" He asked finally, glancing over at her and wondering what she was getting at. His pain in dealing with the killings had been surprisingly minimal, and somehow remained that way in spite of the sinking feeling that came and went so fast, he seldom noticed it. It had to have been something else she was talking about.

Placing both hands now in his lap- slipping the left out from under her touch- Alkor let himself fall backward, sinking into the embrace of the tall grass. The stars twinkled into existence far above, and Alkor lazily stared up at them, thinking about different legends and stories that could have gone into their programming.

[Mari 1]

"Eh?" Mari asked, "Didn't realize you knew my old self that well, Alkor." Mari joked, she felt heavy, but she had cried- she had cried and shouted till she couldn't do those things any more, now there wasn't much left for her to do except grab those pieces and push them back together. Another silence fell between the two, but Mari didn't mind those silences, they helped her keep her head and emotions in check, they helped give her the time she needed to process everything that had happened. Alkor had nestled himself into the grass, the sun had set and stars began to dot the night sky. The sound of crickets began to start up  in the surrounding area, and the whole sentiment reminded Mari of a lazy summers night. Mari closed her eyes with a soft sigh.

Except it wasn't.

When she had closed her eyes, she saw numerous things, she saw Kazuya screaming and crying - calling her a monster. She saw Argumail fall lifelessly to the floor, she saw her daughter, crying and alone.  Mari opened her eyes, it was anything but a lazy summers day. These were her burdens and she'd have to learn to deal with them. "I should speak to Life after this...." Mari murmured, she had killed his leader, he had a right to know. "Moartea too..." 

"Which wounds are you referring to?"

 

 

"mmm?" Mari glanced over and down at him, Alkor was laying peacefully in the grass - amber eyes curiously staring up at her for an answer, bangs of dishevelled chestnut hair lay in a curtain over his eyes. "I guess..." Mari began as she leaned forward, quickly brushing the hair away from his gaze. "It's difficult to say. We all have our wounds, our demons...not literal of course... You have this....demeanour, and - call me crazy but it just seems like that's how you choose to deal with what's around you. If I didn't do the exact same thing myself...I would never pick it." 
 

[Guest]

The sky danced far above, and he watched it calmly as Mari stroked the hair out of his face. When she spoke, his eyes flicked toward her for an instant, considering. Alkor felt the blades of grass singing a silent song across his fingertips. "I guess," he muttered, "I don't know anyone all that well."

She had been so open for a long while now, with the situation involving her daughter and ex husband, up to this instant where she was talking about her way of dealing with things. It didn't strike him as the worst way to cope. It was how he always had.

Silence fell between them more than once, and Alkor couldn't help but thinking it was nice. Most people were put off by that lack of communication- but the truth was, at least to Alkor, that the verbal communication was stifling- far less so than things left unsaid. The wounds she spoke of were things far older than Sword Art Online, and the external scars had all but faded.

He doubted sincerely that those wounds might ever heal.

"Its never stopped me before," he grunted under his breath. It was surreal, the way she came so close to touching his face without ever setting off some trigger in his mind. Since that fight with Lessa- fight? Something. Since then, he had been more understanding and far less quick to push people away. Alkor had begun to accept that he wasn't just part of a game anymore, and that these other people were more as well. All struggling to survive and forge real friendships. Trying to build armor to keep themselves alive.

"It goes deeper than just... healing, I think." He nodded slowly and his eyes slid shut. "But I think you know that. It's not something that someone just decides to do, or that SAO caused."

He wouldn't let himself talk about those times, before the game, before he was someone. Before Alkor, he had been nothing, and no one had so much as seen him. He had a face now, and people who cared- if only remotely. Understanding? No, not of that. Not of the person behind the mask.

"As Alkor, those things aren't entirely relevant anymore. I've got more important problems than the ones in a world left behind." He brought his hand up and covered his face with it, blotting out the twinkling stars. From between two fingers, he spied infinity. "I have to focus my efforts here. I have to help people here."

[Mari 1]

"Can we really say we know anyone though?"  Mari asked, "I am looking at Alkor, but Alkor isn't you....or....you're not...Alkor..."  Mari trailed off, she knew what she was trying to say, but it was coming out wrong. "I don't even know Mari that well..." She murmured; glancing away. Mari had denounced her name, her real name, Amari - Amari was a loving mother who wouldn't dare to dream of hurting anyone, let alone killing them. So how could she ever call herself that name? How could she ever return to that life. 

Mari threw herself down into the grass beside Alkor, wrinkling her nose as the blades of grass brushed against her face. Alkor went on to say that it would go deeper than healing, that it wasn't just SAO - of course, many issues had nothing to do with the game, but that game, Aincrad. That was their lives now, many had adapted, others had accepted their fates. Many, had wanted to throw themselves off the world, and done so. Mari contemplated it, right after the incident with her daughter but Life helped her pull through. 

Mari furrowed her brows; she was not normally one to let people get so close to her, yet she was laying down in an open field with Alkor, she'd share long conversations with Moartea, and trusted Life with, well, her life. It was strange, how things had worked out. Mari was a turbulent ball of emotions right now, but there were small moments of peace, and Alkor...even with his guarded persona - his dark aura and troubled gaze. he bought that peace.

Mari turned her head toward Alkor, he had his hand covering his face - and stated that those problems were no longer relevant. Mari wasn't going to pry; "Not now, but one day. They will be." She turned her gaze back toward the sky. "I think you are already helping people. I see so few people focused on the front lines - and I admire that strength and determination you have." Mari laughed lightly, "Even if it's all you seem to think about. Who can blame you?"

[Guest]

He watched her settle down quietly in her chaotic mindset, listening to her go on for a moment about not being Alkor, and her not knowing who she was. Alkor huffed out a small sigh, not entirely sure what to say; the ways to comfort a tortured soul were surprisingly limited, and even more so to someone with as little life experience as the young man beside Mari. "Yeah," he muttered, "even the people you thought you knew surprise you, sometimes."

His thoughts trailed back to friends he'd had, once, in another world- another life. People who had come and gone, though he'd remained virtually the same. Was that why they'd left? Because they were ever changing, lives so filled with turmoil? Alkor could never understand that about people, how they lost so much of themselves or threw so much to the wind so quickly, and with so little provocation.

As Mari complimented his tenacity, Alkor focused his gaze on the small woman next to him, wondering what she meant by "all he seemed to focus on." He frowned. "Is there anything else but that?" He asked, completely serious. "Sure, this is our life, for now; but there's another life, a life that- before Sword Art Online- was all we had. Isn't getting back to that our real priority? Aren't the friends we make here just people trapped in the same prison, with the same goal? Hell- we may never see some of the people we meet again once we leave," he said, brutal reality channeled through every word, "not that it wouldn't be nice to see everyone again, safe, on the other side..."

Alkor stopped himself, shaking his head. "I guess... I'm not one to talk. Before I was ever Alkor, I didn't have much of a life." His eyes narrowed to gentle slits, and he watched the moon crawl across the sky. "I feel like... there are so many people here who, unlike me, have something to look forward to when they get back. Maybe, if I help just enough- if I make enough of a difference here, in this world- maybe someone will remember me, and I'll be someone on the outside. Maybe..." he laughed.

"Maybe."

[Mari 1]

Alkor muttered something about how even the people one thought they knew, often surprised them. "Speaking from experience there, eh?" Mari asked lightly, before her tone lowered. "I think. It's a good thing, it's exciting - it's a part of friendship, of knowing someone. Sometimes...people grow and they change - you learn more about them...other times they don't, but what's so bad about either of those things?" Mari asked herself, she was trying to rationalize her behaivour with her words - she felt as though she had changed too much, and that if she returned to reality - those who did know her, would walk away. How long had they been in this game? Would anyone be waiting for her? Mari furrowed her brows. No...She knew no one was waiting, she wasn't close to her sisters, her father was deceased and her mother was travelling the world. They were moving forward and she was lying in a hospital bed somewhere with a machine strapped over her head.

Alkor asked if there was anything else other than levelling, than fighting, clearing floors and escaping. "Yes." She sat up shifting so her form hovered over Alkor, tiny arms either side of his waist, hands planted firmly on the grassy ground. She was close, very close. The proximity probably made him feel uncomfortable, Mari felt a tad unnerved herself. She searched his amber eyes for some sort of answer to a question she didn't know she had. The wind picked up her short hair, and it danced across his pale cheeks. Still, Mari did not move.

Alkor.

He was such a mystery to her. Mari wouldn't have even given him a second thought if it weren't for Life and his foolish antics, yet here she was - finding comfort in him. His presence alone calmed her nerves and those brilliant golden eyes, did he know what power they held? Mari's gaze was intense, her eyes burning with a ferocity of emotions. Pain, doubt, tenderness, affection. Mari could not say for sure what this man did to her - frankly, it was too soon to tell. Did she have feelings for him? Maybe, but she couldn't do much with it. Not now, it was clear he wasn't interested in such frivolities; and she was a mess. Finally after a long silence, Mari continued her sentence, her voice a hushed whisper. "There is more, Alkor." Mari gave a slight grin. "Maybe, if you open your eyes wide enough. You'll see that. So what if I don't see you again? Or Life. Or Anyone. But so what?" Mari's voice hardened. "I don't care if I don't see anyone again." 

She pulled away, if she remained there she had a feeling he'd just end up pushing her off, and walking away and Mari didn't want that. "I don't care, because - I've met them. They'll be people I remember. You included. The Alkor here, is just another facet of the Alkor out there - another side to the same coin." She laughed lightly, "Maybe one day I will bug you enough to see that, maybe not, but that's what makes things interesting." 

Mari nestled back into the grass, on her back staring up at the sky. One hand under her head the other resting casually on her stomach. "I am somewhat selfish, the only thing I had waiting for me....well, I guess I took that away. So I've been less inclined to devote my life here to battling, to fighting. I forget, that others have families and homes - that right now, they probably have people waiting beside their bed. Mourning their absence."

 

Mari fell silent for a few moments. "I wonder what that's like."
 

[Guest]

"But you do care, don't you?" He asked quietly, blazing pools of liquid gold seething up and scouring for any trace of unguarded sentiment. She was over him and pulled away, but he caught her like a hawk who had seen a mouse from afar. When she fell, he rose up. "I know what you're trying to do. I do that. Don't do it."

"We make mistakes, but you'll always be you." He didn't go as far as she had, to erupt with emotions, to bar his escape. Instead, Alkor deigned to allow her a glimpse of freedom, and if she had the resolve, a chance to make it her own. He knew, somehow, she was chained. Sitting back on his hands and staring toward those celestial bodies that sprawled themselves out for all the pathetic voyeurs who would clamber outside at night just to steal a peek, Alkor let out a small laugh. "I guess... I suppose, I mean, I can see where you're coming from. There are people in the here and now. But do they care?"

It was such a harsh question, and yet, with all of the strife that tore up and strangled every player from day to day, it was perhaps the most brutally honest of all. "People killing people, or holding their emotions hostage, people bent on finishing the game, even people wrapped up in believing this is going to be their new world- do they care about anyone else?"

Her words had struck a cord in him, and he kept his glance focused, far away. "Grandmom," he whispered, tears threatening at the corners of his gaze. "If I don't see her again..." Alkor shook his head, releasing flecks of teardrops that had taken hold and scattering them. "No, I know that pain. The only person who might even be sitting next to my bed in that hospital is an old woman who can't even take care of herself. I don't think she can leave the house to be there."

Alkor sighed. "I've been gone so long that she's probably forgotten me, with her dementia as bad as it is."

"Before I came to this world, I wanted to be free from the other one." The irony could not possibly have been lost on Mari. "And only now, trapped here, did I realize that I had so many things to be thankful for."

He dared, for an instant, to place a hand on the girl's cheek. "Someone, somewhere, no matter what you think, is waiting for you. In spite of the mistakes you've made in here and the experiences you've gained, the strengths and weaknesses you've learned about and adapted to- you're still you."

[Mari 1]

"You do what?" Mari asked in a scrutinizing tone. "Push people away? Put on a cold front?" He stared at her with pools of blazing amber - but Mari matched it, challenging his gaze with one of her own. "Don't do it? What if I do Alkor? What if I feel that's what I am best at?" She let the question linger as he nestled back down next to her; stating that she'd always be herself. Mari wished she could believe his words, but she simply couldn't she was at a loss; and she felt she was loosing grip on herself

"They don't care." Mari replied truthfully, honestly - her lack of tact still getting the best of her. "We look out for ourselves, and only ourselves. Even when we help others - one cannot ever claim to be selfless - for every action we take, every thought, every murmur, every breath, its for ourselves, and only ourselves. Is it selfish? Yes. Is it wrong? No." She turned her face to him - "It doesn't mean we don't or are incapable of caring for each other - I just think - that it's foolish to think we do anything, for anyone other than ourselves."  

Mari fell silent when Alkor whispered something about his grandmom. His face looked pained. Mari was unsure what to feel or say, Alkor didn't seem like the type to let his guard down and mention something so....personal, around anyone. He shook his head and Mari could have sworn she noticed tears - she wouldn't bring attention to it, rather - Mari was going to pretend she didn't see them, "Is it corny to say - she may have forgotten you, but I am sure she misses your presence?" Mari asked, rolling over so her body was facing his. She propped her head up with one hand and used the other to crush the grass that stood between them, "To further that; an old, over-used saying goes well here. We don't know what we truly have till we loose it."

Mari flinched when she felt Alkor's hand press against her cheek - she wasn't expecting it. Mari pressed her hand against his - holding it fast to her skin. His callused palm held so much warmth. "I wish I could believe that." She murmured. "and I wish I could say it doesn't bother me." She gave his hand a squeeze before she allowed him to pull away. Her gaze drifted back to the sky. 

"Twilight. It's my favourite colour. " Mari started, shifting the subject to a less personal one, partly for his sake, and partly because she didn't want to think about the things her mind began to wander to.

 

 

 

Twilight, unaware of the troubles it both consumes and conceals. The golden arch of the sun disappearing beyond the horizon - the soft pink medley of a once blue sky. The deep yellow and amber, trying its hardest to keep the earth warm before the cold still of night." 

Mari grinned, "Most assume my favourite colour is pink."


 

[Guest]

"Stop people from trying to help me," he replied evenly, "because I'm afraid of what might happen if I trust them." He let her gaze go gently matched, but not challenged- challenged implied that he wanted to argue about something. Alkor wanted only to console her. "But its lonely living that way. And when you're hurting, it's not good to be alone."

He sighed a bit at the cynical assertion she'd made, about the selfish nature of people, and even of love. It reminded him of something his grandmother had made him read many times in his life, though he wouldn't repeat it now to Mari. He doubted it would offer her any solace. Instead, he thought about those words and as his thumb stroked her cheek, he replied hoarsely, throat raw from sobs he had been swallowing.

"The sunsets back home," he replied. "I always say black is my favorite, and maybe it is my favorite to wear, but those sunsets..." he let out a ragged sigh and chuckled, "pinks, oranges, golds, yellows, blues, grays... it's like some divine artist etched in pastel on a canvas every evening for eternity, then left them scattered across the time line for us to enjoy, and inevitably forget." He laughed aloud. "Before I got trapped here, I would take pictures of them every day."

His gaze fell to the floor. "And maybe," he muttered, "it benefits me in the end, wanting to save everyone," he replied, "but I was raised that if you can help someone, you should help them. Because it's the right thing to do."

The awkward silence that followed was short, because he took the moment to pull away so that Mari could orient herself again. He knew it made her uncomfortable, too. "And perhaps the most beautiful color of all, in those sunsets, was the deep blue of night that eventually swallowed all the others, signifying a peaceful inevitability."

Sitting there in a field surrounded only by grass and stars, Alkor smiled and met her gaze again. "I hope that you can find yourself again," he said honestly, "because I know your daughter wouldn't want you to be sad." Then he closed his eyes and winced, bracing against a smack that might follow. "And I certainly don't want you to be."

[Mari 1]

"Twilight...sunsets...guess we have the same favourite colours eh?" Mari asked with a somewhat amused grin, feeling glad she could share that one small thing with him. Even if it seemed trivial. "So Black, is Alkors favourite colour - but sunsets, those are your favourite colours." It was strange, how he was opening up to her - in a small way, Mari wanted to stop it. It confused her, she felt happy to be hearing those things. She felt guilty that she was feeling happy the same day she had killed someone. She was afraid of what this happiness meant. It was frustrating, and it reminded her of why she chose to hold everyone at an arms length. She was happy around Alkor, his presence truly soothed her, but  she couldn't grasp at why.

 

Mari crookedly smiled. "I'm afraid too Alkor." â€‹It sounded as though he spoke from experience, was he hurting somehow? Did his loneliness and isolated nature bother him? Mari wondered if he had anyone to talk to - like she was talking to him now. Would it be rude to ask, why was Mari even questioning that? What did she care if it was rude or not? She never cared before. "Are you speaking from experience?" Mari asked softly.

 

Mari leaned over him once more, noticing him wince - did he think she'd strike him? Mari contemplated it - just to be snide, but she figured she had something that would better suit for any act of revenge against Alkor. Leaning down Mari lightly pressed her lips against her cheek, repeating the same words he said to her once before. "It wasn't bad, and who knows, maybe I will find myself again." She paused, giving him another small grin, as she on purposefully mimicked his speaking mannerisms from earlier.


"Just Maybe."


 

[Guest]

The words caught in his throat and threatened to choke him between every breath. "Y-yeah," he managed to mutter, unsure of how he'd managed the admission. "A whole lot of experience."

Fear wasn't something most people associated with Alkor. Quiet, reserved, aloof, driven- but never afraid. It wasn't something he showed, so the fact that she heard any of this made her one of the few people on Aincrad to glimpse the player behind the name. His eyes, liquid gold, flicked away from her before she could spy any hint of weakness he might have exposed.

Then, she kissed him. His gaze rushed back to her, warmth in his face threatening to expose his thoughts. "I think you will," he told her in a soft voice, "never give up on yourself. Everyone else might fall short, but you'll always have you."

Reaching a hand out and placing it in her hair, he jostled it about affectionately. "And when you do, I'll be there to tell you good job."

Alkor winked.