Oske 0 Posted February 8, 2014 #1 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Spires of rock dotted the grassy plains, and the sound of water could be heard more clearly as one drew further away from the starting city. Pools of water glittered under the sun, held in structures that blossomed out over a vast canyon, suspended in a manner normally impossible by known physics. Such was the norm in a game. A young looking woman, possibly a teenager, stood with a dress wrapped around her thin body. She stood in a straight stance, her ginger hair flowing in the wind like water. She held a silvery short sword in her right hand, gripping it lightly as a flower. It wasn't like the needed to keep her grip--she was programmed to never drop her sword. "Hello there, perhaps you would like to duel with me?" A question mark hung above the NPC's head, along with a duel request that appeared in front of her. She smiled and said nothing beyond that, it was all she was programmed to say until her duel request was accepted. Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 8, 2014 #2 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Rage woke up in a new day of Aincrad, except, a little incident happened last night, Rage barely had any sleep or rather no sleep at all due to the unfortunate message that Aria had sent him, "I can't do anything now.. she's gone.. and I can't change that any more.. both of them are gone.." Rage leaned on a wall in floor 1, sighing he saw a NPC having a question mark on her head.. she was also wielding a sword.. Rage mumbled to himself "A duel perhaps..? Or a quest for a party..? Hmm.. I need to get my mind off the two of those girls.. it's not like they'll come back.." he sighed to himself and walked towards the NPC that had a question mark on top of her head, with a sword in her hand. As soon as Rage was going to ask if the NPC needed help, that's how he used to start every other quest. The NPC said to Rage "Hello there, perhaps you would like to duel with me?" Rage waited until she finished her sentence then he replied in his normal tone but a bit more softer, he replied "Yes, I would like to duel with you young lady" he tried to smile at the NPC and managed to do so, but he was really consumed by the two girls he loves.. A life without risks is a life half lived Rageagumon Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 9, 2014 Author #3 Share Posted February 9, 2014 "Greetings, player Rageagumon." The NPC dipped her head, drawing her sword and holding it at the ready. "My name is Pepper. I will be dueling you today." She only said what she was programmed to say--it was all she knew. "You may have the first move." With that, she raised her sword to hold it in front of her face, ready to block a hit. The sword glinted in the sunlight, sending a flare of brightness at Rage's face. --- OOC: The Good: Adding a story to your post really brings out the emotion and character of Rage, while also elongating the post. A one liner would've been not so great, but you really pushed your limits! Suggestion 1: When a character is about to speak, put a comma before hand.... he replied, "Yes, I would like to duel with you young lady." Punctuation is important. Suggestion 2: Make sure you remain in the same perspective and time during your post. For example, everything in your post is past tense (as it should be). Notice how you said, "consumed by the two girls he loves..." It's better to remain in past tense: "consumed by the two girls he loved..." Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 10, 2014 #4 Share Posted February 10, 2014 "U-uh greetings..." dammit, I was in thought before speaking to her.. Rage had said to himself after greeting the lady back, not so long after, she told Rage her name, Rage said to the lady "Pepper huh.. that's a pretty name.. so you'll be dueling me today.. Guess I could use a fight... " he had said with a joyful/elegant smile. I should use this chance to take my mind off of things.. Pepper readied her sword and had told Rage "You may have the first move." Rage unsheathed his black sword which he named The Black Lust his best and first sword so far, constructed with his heart and his master's heart, he would carry this sword wherever he went, a memory of one of the girls he loved and still does, Oske. With that, Rage replied to Pepper's statement "Thank you" Rage finally took his stance with his sword, The Black Lust in his right hand, he clenched the hilt and dashed towards Pepper, he decided to take a different approach, while in mid-dash, Rage did an ultra-dash making him faster than light, he stepped behind Pepper, held the sword to her cheek then gave a small cut, he dashed back towards his normal place before he went in to attack and said "Sorry Pepper, I messed you up a little bit." OOC: Reply to 1: Thanks Oske Reply to 2: Yes, I will try to improve my punctuation. Reply to 3: I couldn't say "loves" instead of "loved" because I still do love them.. well not both, just 1 now I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 10, 2014 Author #5 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Pepper paused to process, then charged forward. She held her sword by her side, but suddenly missed as she went to slice. In fact, she slipped on the wet spot of grass and fell. She quickly righted herself, lifting her sword to protect her face. "Good move," she murmured. "Too bad I blundered--I would've cut you for sure." 9/10 --- OOC: Great descriptions again. It adds story, and the story is great. You really have character. Suggestion 1: Again, punctuation. Add periods at the ends of sentences--it's important. Suggestion 2: Pay attention to your die roll. You rolled an eight, which is considered a critical hit and should've unlocked a sword skill rather than just cutting Pepper's cheek. Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 11, 2014 #6 Share Posted February 11, 2014 As Rage was stepping back after cutting her cheek, Pepper took a little time to process and dashed for me, lucky for me, she slipped so I was in luck, it could have been a severe cut. Rage went in to slash Pepper's left hip, as he tried to do so, his sword felt heavy for a moment, he also nearly fell down on the floor, Rage quickly dashed towards the nearby NPC stall that was near him, regaining his stance and trying to remove his fatigue. OOC: Reply to 1: Thanks, I try my best, couldn't care about leveling or doing stuff atm.. too much work to do ^^' Reply to 2: Alright, i'll practise my punctuation Reply to 3: Yes, I know I could have done a critical strike, but winning or losing this match doesn't really matter to me, I have my reasons ^^ A life without risks is a life half lived Rageagumon Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 11, 2014 Author #7 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Pepper suddenly dashed forward, her amber eyes narrow. She slashed hard down with her sword and broke the virtual skin of the player named Rage. It was a critical hit. She grinned, swinging her sword downwards to slash again at his collar bone. She was about to hit him again, if he didn't block, that is. 8/10 --- OOC: The Good: Expanding the response--perfect. (sorry if I'm repeating but it's true!) That's a skill that even someone such as myself might need to work on. Suggestion 1: NPC stall? I never mentioned an NPC stall. If you're having trouble with the scenery, just re-read what I originally wrote in the first post to make sure you know your surroundings. Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 11, 2014 #8 Share Posted February 11, 2014 As Rage regained his stance, his fatigue wore off, Pepper had instantly dashed at Rage, giving him no time to block, she had managed to hit a critical hit on Rage's skin, but he blocked the last attack. Rage dashed to his far left, trying to process what he should do next, "Pepper, that's some nice swordsmanship you have there.. but i'm afraid it's not good enough!" Rage announced to Pepper as he went in to strike her shoulder, while Rage was thrusting his sword towards Pepper's right-side shoulder, he missed, Rage quickly changed stance and made a blocking defensive position. "Tch... I missed.." OOC: Reply to 1: hahaha thank you very much Oske ^^ and I must say, you're very good at this ^^ Reply to 2: Ah sorry ^^' I didn't really know what environment we were in, my bad hahaha ^^' Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 12, 2014 Author #9 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Pepper easily knocked Rage's sword up with an swipe from underneath, then jabbed her sword into his chest twice. She then jumped back, holding her shimmering sword before her own face and protecting herself. However, just as she had parried Rage's block, hers could be easily parried as well... if her opponent didn't blunder, that is. --- OOC: Suggestion 1: "As Rage regained his stance, his fatigue wore off, Pepper had instantly dashed at Rage, giving him no time to block, she had managed to hit a critical hit on Rage's skin, but he blocked the last attack." ...this is a bit of a run on sentence. Try using semicolons and periods to break it up a little bit. Suggestion 2: Make sure you keep track of your HP at the bottom of your post. You have 35 HP, but after the last critical hit (and this one) that leaves you with 31/35. Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 12, 2014 #10 Share Posted February 12, 2014 OOC: These damn dies... As Pepper parried Rage's sword away, he could barely hold on to it, but Pepper did manage to get the two slashes to my chest, Rage took his left hand and clenched on the wound "Splendid swordsmanship but I don't feel like losing today.. Although... those were piercing slashes.." he praised Pepper, he then started dashing around Pepper, making her confused, sort of like a clone, Rage stopped due to the wounds on his chest, Rage then quickly tried to slash Pepper's back but missed, he dashed back as fast as he could and held his sword to his front, clenching it tightly so it doesn't get parried like before, "I must keep my guard up.." he said to himself OOC: Reply to 1: Ah, alright i'll try ^^ Reply to 2: Oh sorry, forgot about the health thing ^^' A life without risks is a life half lived Rageagumon HP: 31/35 Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 13, 2014 Author #11 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Pepper spun around in a tornado formation, slashing toward Rage. However, she only nicked his cheek as she did so. She made some sort of a growling sound, jumping back and raising her sword, ready to strike again. 8/10 Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 13, 2014 #12 Share Posted February 13, 2014 As Rage had dashed back to his normal formation, Pepper tried to use a different approach to deal damage to me, a tornado style, It wasn't her normal slash and go back tactic, Rage tried to do a different approach as well, he did a barrel roll to his right and just got hit on the cheek, he then slashed Pepper's hip leaving a big gash. HP: 30/35 A life without risks is a life half lived Rageagumon Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 14, 2014 Author #13 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Pepper swung her sword again, but as she was slashed in the side she stumbled and fell so badly that she slashed her own arm open, leaving a faint red virtual cut. The message of "CONGRATULATIONS! WINNER: RAGEAGUMON" appeared above their head. "Looks like you won," Pepper said, slowly standing up as her wounds healed themselves. 4/10 --- OOC: Suggestion 1: Again, remember the HP counter. It's really important. Link to post Share on other sites
Rage 0 Posted February 14, 2014 #14 Share Posted February 14, 2014 As I finished off Pepper with my critical slash, Pepper went for her final blow but she had tumbled down and missed, at that moment the winner notification had appeared above the both of us, "Yeah.. it seems I won.." "Although it was a good fight Miss Pepper" Rage smiled at Pepper giving her a hand to get up OOC: Reply to 1: Aaah crap I keep forgetting.. o.e A life without risks is a life half lived Rageagumon Link to post Share on other sites
Oske 0 Posted February 14, 2014 Author #15 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Pepper smiled one last time at him, then returned to her stance as an NPC, waiting for a quest acceptance. --- OOC: The Good: You really don't do one liners! It's great having an expanded, descriptive response. 1. Be aware of your surroundings. Make sure you thoroughly read others' posts to make sure you know you're doing the right thing in yours. 2. Keep an eye on the dice. You gotta make sure you're not godmodding, everybody hates that and will throw you in a pit of doom for doing it. Just be careful. (This roleplay is complete. Please refer to the quest log and give Nevina a link to this thread when you claim your prize to prove that it is complete.) Link to post Share on other sites
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