OC Reviews

[Pepper 0]

Review me, Mr. Keith?

[Guest]

Next up, Ariel.

 

"Kayla is the single daughter of Eugeo and Eveline D'Sole, her mother is Japanese and her father originally from Italy, but he lived in Japan most of his life. He came to Japan when he was young during a fencing tournament, upon seeing the beauty of the Japanese swordsmanship, he decided to move there and adopt the local style. He meet his wife during such a tournament and they fell in love at the first sight.
Shortly after Kayla was born, when she was able to wield a wooden sword, her father started training her the basics of swordsmanship, after a few years of basic training Kayla was faced with a choice, train in the art of fencing or Kenjutsu, she enjoyed both but had a natural affinity towards fencing, so she decided to follow in her fathers steps.
With time she started attending tournaments. At the first one she ranked very low, but after some time and even harder training she started winning a few and ranked higher in others. In time she started making a living out of it.
She loved to play video games that involved swordplay in her spare time between training sessions.The VR MMORPG "Sword Art Online" was on her 'MUST PLAY AT LAUNCH' list"

 

So far, the character seems great. Growing up she was a kid that liked to play with swords. I personally remember pretending to be Link from the Legend of Zelda, running around my back yard and screaming like Link while swinging a stick. Every kid likes to pretend their a swordsman. So right off the bat, this does make your character a little relatable to the reader. What's more so, I like the fact that she grew up using swords. Swinging sticks was her thing. That way, it makes a lot of sense on why she would be so gosh darn amped to get Sword Art Online. This just works together so well! Brownie points to you! Its nice to see a character who isn't completely crazed with video games in general, and actually has a different reason for getting the game. I see WAY too many OCs who just say, "He and/or she was a hardcore gamer who was MLG pro and won every game ever, and was totally destined to be a Sword Art master! Yolo!" This is good because it's fresh and new, and already makes your character more entertaining on account of seeing how a non-gamer acts in the ultimate gamer challenge. Though, my only problem here, is I wish we were given more reason as to why her dad thought it was really important for her to learn how to use swords. 

 

"Kayla Ariel D'Sole, her name can be interpreted as "Crowned Lion by the Sun God",because of that and the fact that she has a ferocious fighting style, she would earn the nickname "Crowned Lion".

She is very proud of her sword skill(in-game and in real life), a little shy, likes to train, to read, and enjoys walking around aimlessly, she doesn't come from a rich family, but a modest one, she could be quite a straightforward person, often angering people as a result.
Because of her training she had minimum human contact, and that sometimes bothered her, but not too much. She was used to chatting in-game with others, but it would prove more difficult to do that in VR than the classical type-in chat.
When she heard about a VRMMO named "Sword Art Online", she wanted to see if her real-life sword skills would reflect in the game, but she found out, after a few hours of gameplay, that she couldn't log out of the game, and must clear the game to return to real life.
Now she tries to emulate her real-life sword style into the game, which is easier said than done, but she has found sword skills in the system, belonging to the rapier weapon, that resembled her real-life training to some degree.
Now she aspires to become a "Clearer", to this purpose she wants to be spent almost all her time fighting, aiming to reach the "Front Lines", the last floors available and help clear the game."

 

Waha! Character goals! Yes! When a character has a goal they really want to achieve, this makes them that much more likable. It helps the reader really get into their shoes, and want them to reach that goal. Though, being a front liner is what every other player ever wants to do. But I will not really count that against the character, since SAO horribly limits what Players can really do besides that. Mostly all else there is are just shop keepers and Maverick/ Maverick Hunters. Beyond that, not a whole lot more. However, despite how much of a fuss everyone makes, becoming a frontliner is... Easy. Like... Really easy. And if Ariel DOES reach this goal, then we lose something. That's why Kirito was so darn boring, and not any more special than every other player in SAO. His goal was the exact same thing as theirs. So we can't really like the bland character when they get it. How do you think a show like One Piece got so popular? BECAUSE THEY HAVE YET TO REACH THEIR GOAL! We want people to stay in the never-ending adventure of trying to achieve their dream. It makes us want to see more of how they change and develop to reach it. And with Ariel, maybe she could aim for bigger things. Like, becoming the highest level front-liner, or being the best sword user. 

 

Since her personality was pretty compacted into that area, I'll sum it up in the next tidbit here on flaws and virtues. 

 

Her personality is great. She's strong-willed, and determined to reach her goals. It's fun and new, and a character like this is always fun to read.

 

Also.

 

Fear of cats.

 

'Nuff said.

 

Final Verdict:

 

A nice OC. Sweet n' simple.

 

​It's not groundbreaking, or innovative. But, it's a huge step up from many OCs as of late. She definitely above average, and was a joy to review. Everything works well, and it does go a little beyond the norm in some aspects. Why didn't the canon have more characters like this? Anyway, well done.

[Rolland 0]

What bout me next?

[Piers 0]

I'm feeling you Keith... not literally just... just take a look at my journal please. >.>