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[PP:F1] One of Those Days (Kotori)


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Zaz entered her usual place (because she liked routines), at her usual time (just about dusk), ready to order her usual dinner (BEER!). It wouldn’t get her drunk sadly, but it did get her a little bit of a head rush as well as give her something to do to kill time. She had grown accustomed to drinking at this particular establishment mainly because the beer was cheap, the bar keep was cute, and on a good night she could usually find a gentleman or two to buy her a drink. On this particular evening however, the room lacked attractive men of age so tonight she was drinking alone and paying for it all herself…

 

BUMMER!

 

Anna took an empty seat at the bar and ordered her ale. She turned about and scanned the room as she waited for her drink. The place was quite dead, not that she minded at all; she quite enjoyed the peace and quiet. But it made her wonder if something more exciting was happening someplace else. Her mug came and Anna chugged it down.

 

Her eyes wandered again and she spotted a young woman at a table with her head down looking rather worn out.  The girl was no older than her students in the real world. She supposed that’s what drew Anna’s attention to her to begin with. Normally, Anna stayed out of her students business, but this was a different place, and a different world and she couldn’t help but be a little concerned about the girl. She ordered another drink and carried it over to the table where the girl was and set the drink in her field of vision.

 

“You look like you could use one of these,†Zaz said as she plopped down at the table. 

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Kotori felt a bit downer than usual. Her daily attempts to fight a few boars had failed again, and she found herself saddened by the death of a player she had seen from afar. She could've helped, but chose instead to cower in fear as she saw a few PKers surround the poor boy and stab him to death, meanwhile him screaming. What was even worse was that she herself should've felt way worse, but she just felt a little sad. She instead decided to mope around a few inns, maybe even get some bad stuff off her mind. Kotori found herself a small tavern somewhere in the middle of town and just collapsed onto one of the many cubicles that occupied the inside of the building.

 

After a few hours of sitting there doing absolutely nothing, Kotori looked up to find a woman, a bit shorter than herself sit down and pop down a glass of water in her face. Looking to the side, she found it was nightime and she had spent almost 5 hours just thinking. She had either dazed out or was just plain daydreaming.

 

"You look like you could use one of these." The player said as she let herself sit down on the seats facing Kotori.

 

"T-thanks, but I'm not really thirsty at all." She responded, still lost in the deep darks trenches that made up her thoughts. Specifically, her passivity and insensitivity to the death of a younger boy, possibly still in grade school.

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The girl lifted her head and looked at Anna rather pitifully. From the looks of things her day just might have been way worse off than her own.

 

 â€œIt’s not water kid,†Zaz said and pushed the mug toward the girl. “It doesn’t work like it does in the real world,†She began to explain as she took a swig from her own pint, “But it’ll give you a little head change.â€

 

  In all real circumstances, the woman would never done what she just did, but they weren’t in the real world right now, and the drink would have no effect on the girl anyway. Azazel was merely supplying a device to divert the girl’s mind from whatever seemed to be troubling her.

 

  “If you want to be on your own… I understand,†she told the girl, “I just thought you might need a distraction.â€

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Kotori stared intensely at the drink, trying to decide if she should take a sip or ignore it. In an instant, she quickly drank all of the liquid down before returning her head back to the wood. At first she thought it was defective, but Kotori soon felt a fuzzy feeling at the back her of her head, and it felt kinda nice. She still didn't feel better about her actions, but she instead focused on the lady in front of her, who was still drinking from her cup. "Thanks." Kotori mumbled.
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The girl stared at her pint for awhile, and then sucked her drink down all at once.  “That’s a good girl…†Zaz said as she took another big swig of her own drink.  When she was finished the young girl set her head back down on the table and muttered her gratitude. “None necessary,†the woman replied with a shrug. It was the least she could do, really. The kid looked like she was in a pretty dark place. She sighed and looked about the mostly empty room feeling rather helpless at the moment. She was half tempted to walk away, but with the way the girl looked, she just couldn’t leave it alone.

 

“You know… it might help to talk about it. Umm… whatever is bothering you I mean,†she said trying to get the girl to open up a little. SAO had taken its toll from everyone, but the young were particularly hit hard. This was probably due to the fact that they’d never been on their own before. 

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Kotori contemplated telling the strange women. Nothing would change if she told her, the boy wouldn't come magically come back to life and she wouldn't suddenly feel better. Still. Kotori had nothing better to do. In the end, she decided to say what was on her mind. "I s-saw a boy a few years younger than me basically murdered by a group of older players. He was basically screaming for somebody to help and I just stood there doing nothing. I could've saved him, but I was too scared." She said while she looked at the player. Even now, Kotori was still being haunted by the event.

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Anna’s suspicions were confirmed by the girl’s words; another young player had died, this time it was at the hands of others and this particular girl saw it all. Instead of coming to the rescue, the girl said she hid, and now she felt terrible about her choice.

 

“What could you have done though?†Anna raised an eyebrow. She leaned in toward the girl and rested her chin on her hands. “I mean you’re just a kid. I have my doubts that you could take on an entire group of player killers on your own. You’re mad at yourself now because you didn’t do a brave thing, but if you had done the brave thing, you’d have only ended up dead yourself. What good would being dead do you? Don’t you have people at home waiting for you? Don’t you think they’d be unhappy if you ended up dying in here? Despite what you think… you did the right thing.  This game isn’t a game anymore and while we should all help each other, at the end of the day, we all need to protect our own selves too.â€

 

She looked around the room again and flashed a sign at the barkeep that she was going to need two more drinks. “Self preservation isn’t a flaw, it is only natural…†Despite her words being a tad harsh, she knew deep down she was right. 

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"Even then, if I end up dead, that kid could've a chance to survive and go have a normal life. I don't have anyone waiting back home, save for my dad, but he's never home and I barely even see. Right now I can see him on a business trip while I lay in the hospital wasting away. If I get out of here, I probably am going to continue to have a miserable life. At least then I would've done something productive with my life instead of hiding in the safe zones and not fighting at all." She answered. It wasn't right for her to live and have somebody who so desperately wanted to live, dying on the spot. Kotori couldn't just get over the fact that someone died in front of her, someone who was a living person, someone who had a life of their own. It wasn't right.

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Seeing pain written so clearly written across the girl’s face broke Anna’s heart. Without a thought, the woman jumped to her feet, circled around the table and enclosed the girl in her arms and hugged her tightly. Zaz could tolerate many things, and care about even less of them, but the one thing she simply could not abide by was the hurt and suffering of young people.

 

“I’m sorry,†was all that Anna could get out.

 

More than anyone else, the woman understood the girl’s pain. Zaz’s parents hated each other and when they divorced, she was shuffled between them for most of her childhood. Both her parents were alcoholics; but they dealt with her differently. Her father was physically and emotionally abusive, and her mother never dealt with her at all. It was far easier to deal with neglect over abuse, but none of it was at all good, and shaped the woman as who she was today. Zaz was a broken thing with no clue as to how to fix it.

 

Anna saw herself being mirrored in the child in front of her. The girl felt no love in her world, and she didn’t deserve that. She pet the girl’s head and signed deeply. If she were a more whole person she could do or say something that could help the girl, but she wasn’t. Instead, more than anything right now, all Anna could do was to give the girl a hug. Maybe some of her warmth would reach her.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Kotori slightly smiled, her hug was very comforting in fact. It just made her feel somewhat better inside and that her past didn't matter. It was going to be just all right and nobody was going to hurt her. "Thank you." she answered, a bit happier than she was almost a few minutes before. Of course, she still felt very guilty for not helping out a fellow person, especially when her help could have prevented their death. Kotori decided not to dwell on the past, what was done had been done and there was nothing she could possibly do that would change that. Of course she could mope around and sink deeper into the well of depression, but there was really no point in doing that any longer. Kotori remembered that she had never actually introduced herself. "Uh.. I forgot to say. My name's Kotori, your's is?"

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Zaz let the girl go and pat her on the head before sitting back down. It wasn’t often that Anna felt anything for anyone, but this especially sad little girl happened to touch a nerve with the woman at this very particular moment. Her moods and whims changed by the minute so who was to say how long that would actually be.

 

“You’re welcome.†Zaz said as she took up her mug, “If you’re that concerned about others, then train. It’s the only way to grow stronger in a place like this. But be smart about it, go out with a party, there are many who would be willing to help. It’ll be a long road and a lot of work, but if you don’t want to see another kid die in front of you again you’ll put for the effort.†And with that Zaz took another swig of beer.

 

The young girl introduced herself as Kotori and wanted Anna’s name as well. “ It’s Azazel. My name is Azazel.†

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